discovery of a father (3).docx

Discovery of a Father 对父亲的新认识You hear it said that fathers want their sons to be what they feel they cannot themselves be, but I tell you it also works the other way. 你应该听过，父亲们总希望他们的儿子成长为他们自己所不能成为的人，但我要告诉你，这句话反过来也一样。A boy wants something very special from his father. 男孩们也希望他们的父亲是独一无二的。I know that as a small boy I wanted my father to be a proud, silent, dignified man.我知道这个道理，因为当我还是个小男孩时，我希望我的父亲是个骄傲，冷静，高贵的人。When I was with other boys and he passed along the street, I wanted to feel a flow of pride. 我希望当我和其它男孩在街上玩耍时，父亲从旁边经过，我会感到骄傲。There he is. That is my father. “那就是我的父亲。”But he wasnt such a one. 但他不是这样的人。He couldnt be.他也成不了这样的人。It seemed to me then that he was always showing off.我觉得他总爱炫耀。 Lets say someone in our town had got up a show. 让我们来说说那次有人在我们镇上举办表演活动的事。They were always doing it.经常有这样的活动。 The druggist would be in it, the shoe-store clerk, the horse doctor, and a lot of women and girls. 药剂师、鞋店店员、兽医以及许多女人和少女都会参与其中。My father would manage to get the chief comedy part.我父亲总是想办法出演主要的喜剧角色。 It was, lets say, a Civil War play and he was a comic Irish soldier.比方说，他会在一部描述内战的表演里出演一个滑稽的爱尔兰士兵。 He had to do the most absurd things. 他不得不去做那些最可笑的事。They thought he was funny, I thought he was terrible. 他们觉得他很搞笑，而我觉得他太糟糕了。I didnt see how mother could stand it.我不知道母亲怎么忍受得了。 She even laughed with the others.她甚至还和其他人一起大笑。Or there was a parade. 如果有游行活动。Hed be in that, too, right at the front of it, as Grand Marshal or something, on a white horse hired from a livery stable.他也会参与其中，就在最前面，骑着一匹从车马出租所租来的白马扮演大元帅什么的。I remember once when he had done something ridiculous, and right out on Main Street, too, I was with some other boys and they were laughing and shouting at him and he was shouting back and having as good a time as they were. 我记得，有一次他在主街道做了一些可笑的事，而我和小伙伴们当时就在那里，他们嘲笑我父亲，并对他大喊大叫，他也对他们大喊大叫，玩得很开心。I ran down an alley back of some stores and, there in the Presbyterian Church sheds, I had a good long cry.我跑过商店后面的一条小巷子，在长老会教堂里哭了很久。Or I would be in bed at night and father would come home and bring some men with him. 有时候，晚上我已经睡了，而父亲带着几个人回家。He was a man who was never alone. 他是一个从不孤单的人。Before he went broke, running a harness shop, there were always a lot of men loafing in the shop.在他破产之前，他经营着一家马具店，常常有许多男人在店里游荡。 He went broke, of course, because he gave too much credit. 然后他破产了，这是肯定的，因为他放了太多贷款给别人。He couldnt refuse it, and I thought he was a fool.他不懂得拒绝，我觉得他是个傻瓜。Thered be men I didnt think would want to be fooling around with him.出乎我意料的是，竟然有人愿意同我的父亲虚度光阴。 There might even be the superintendent of our school and a quiet man who ran the hardware store. 其中甚至包括我们学校的负责人以及一个很安静的五金店店主。Once I remember there was a white-haired man who was a cashier of the bank. 我还记得有一个是满头白发的银行出纳员。It was a wonder to me theyd want to be seen with such a windbag.我很惊讶，他们竟然和我父亲这种满嘴空话的人来往。 I know now what it was that attracted them. 我现在知道吸引他们的是什么了。It was because life in our town was at times pretty dull and he livened it up.我们镇上的生活太过无聊，而他使生活生动起来。He could tell stories.他会讲故事。 He made them laugh.让他们欢笑。If they didnt come to our house theyd go off, say at night, to where there was a grassy place by a creek.如果他们没来我家，那就是去外面了，比如晚上会去溪边一个长满杂草的地方。Theyd cook food there and drink beer and sit about listening to his stories.他们在那做饭，喝啤酒，散坐着听他讲故事。He was always telling stories about himself.他总是讲跟他自己有关的故事。Hed say this or that wonderful thing had happened to him.他总说那些发生在他身上的精彩离奇的事情。 It might be something that made him look like a fool.即使有些事情让人觉得他像个傻瓜。 He didnt care.他也不在乎。If an Irishman came to our house, right away father would say he was Irish. 如果有爱尔兰人来我家，我父亲就会说他也是爱尔兰人。Hed tell what county in Ireland he was born in. 他会说他出生在爱尔兰的哪个郡。Hed tell things that happened there when he was a boy.讲当他还是个小男孩儿时，那儿发生过什么事情。 Hed make it seem so real that, if I hadnt known he was born in southern Ohio, Id have believed him myself.他讲得跟真的一样，如果我不是知道他出生在俄亥俄州南部，连我都会相信他。If it was a Scotsman, a German or a Swede, the same thing happened.如果来的是苏格兰人，德国人或者瑞士人，同样的事情也会发生。Hed be anything the other man was.对方来自哪里，他就来自哪里。I think they all knew he was lying, but they seemed to like him just the same.我想他们都知道他在说谎，但他们依然喜欢他。A lot of fathers stories were about the Civil War.他讲的大多数故事都跟内战有关。To hear him tell it hed been in about every battle. 听他所讲，他几乎参加了每一场战役。Hed known Grant, Sherman, Sheridan and I dont know how many others. 他认识格兰特，谢尔曼，谢里登，我不知道他还认识多少人。Hed been particularly intimate with General Grant so that when Grant went East to take charge of all the armies, he took father along.他和格兰特将军非常亲密，所以，当格兰特统领大军向东进发时，也带上了我父亲。I was an orderly at headquarters and Sim Grant said to me, Irve, he said, Im going to take you along with me. “我当时在总部当勤务兵，然后格兰特对我说，欧文，我打算带上你一起走。”It seems he and Grant used to slip off sometimes and have a quiet drink together.好像说，他和格兰特有时会偷溜出去喝酒。Hed tell about the day Lee surrendered and how, when the great moment came, they couldnt find Grant.他曾讲过，当李投降时，伟大的时刻到来了，但他们却找不到格兰特。You know, my father said,“你知道的，”我父亲说， about the Generals memoirs.在将军的回忆录里。 Youve read of how he had a headache and how, when he got word that Lee was ready to call it quits, he was suddenly and miraculously cured.你应该看过说他有头疼的毛病，然后，当他得知李即将投降的消息时，他的病突然奇迹般的康复了。Huh, said father.“哼”父亲说 He was in the woods with me. “他当时正跟我在树林里呢。”I was there with my back against a tree. 当时我背靠着一棵树。I had got hold of a bottle of pretty good stuff.“我拿到了一瓶好酒。”They were looking for Grant.他们到处寻找着格兰特。 He had got off his horse and come into the woods.他下了马，走到树林里来。 He found me. He was covered with mud.“他找到我时，全身都是污泥。I had the bottle in my hand. Whatd I care? 有酒在手，我还管那么多干嘛呢？The war was over.战争结束了。 I knew we had them licked.我知道我们战胜他们了。My father said that he was the one who told Grant about Lee.我父亲说，李投降的消息，正是他告诉格兰特的。 An orderly riding by had told him, because the orderly knew how thick he was with Grant.一个传令兵骑马遇到他，并告诉他这个消息，因为这个传令兵知道他和格兰特关系密切。 Grant was embarrassed.格兰特感到不安。But, Irve, look at me. 但是，欧文，你看看我。Im all covered with mud, he said to father.我浑身是泥。他对我父亲说。And then, my father said, he and Grant decided to have a drink together. 然后，我父亲说，他和格兰特决定一起喝酒。They took a couple of shots and then, because he didnt want Grant to show up drunk before Lee, he smashed the bottle against the tree.他们只喝了几杯，他就把酒瓶从树上摔了个粉碎，因为他不想让格兰特醉醺醺地出现在衣冠整洁的李面前。Thats just the kind of thing hed tell. 他总说这类事情。Of course the men knew he was lying, but they seemed to like it just the same.当然，人们知道他在说谎，但他们似乎还是喜欢听。When we were broke, down and out, do you think he ever brought anything home? Not he.当我们破产了，贫困潦倒时，你觉得他会带什么东西回家吗？不，没有。 If there wasnt anything to eat in the house, hed go off visiting around at farmhouses. 如果家里没有任何东西可以吃了，他就会出去拜访那些农户。They all wanted him. 他们都很欢迎他。Sometimes hed stay away for weeks, 有时，他会一连离开好几个星期，mother working to keep us fed,而母亲努力工作养活我们， and then home hed come bringing, lets say, a ham.当他回家时，他会带回点东西，比如，一根火腿。Hed got it from some farmer friend. 他从一些农民朋友那里拿来的。Hed slap it on the table in the kitchen. 他把它拍在厨房的桌子上，You bet Im going to see that my kids have something to eat,没错，我将看到我的孩子有东西吃。 hed say, and mother would just stand smiling at him.母亲只是站着，对他微笑”Shed never say a word about all the weeks hed been away, not leaving us a cent for food.她从不对他一分钱都不留下，就离家几周有一句怨言。 Once I heard her speaking to a woman in our street. 有次我听到她和我们街上的一个女人聊天。Maybe the woman had dared to sympathize with her.或许是那个女人有些同情她。 Oh, she said, its all right. Life is never dull when my man is about.“哦”她说，“没关系的，我男人在的时候，生活就不再无聊。”But often I was filled with bitterness, and sometimes I wished he wasnt my father. 但我总觉得我的生活充满了痛苦，我希望他不是我的父亲。Id even invent another man as my father. 我甚至虚构了另一个男人作为我的父亲。To protect my mother Id make up stories of a secret marriage that for some strange reason never got known. 为了保护我的母亲，我编造了一个因为某些特殊原因而不为人知的秘密婚姻故事。As though some man, say, the president of a railroad company or maybe a Congressman, had married my mother, thinking his wife was dead and then it turned out she wasnt.类似某个男人，比如某个丧偶的铁路公司总经理或者国会议员，曾经和我母亲结婚，但婚后他的前妻又出现了。So they had to hush it up but I got born just the same. 所以他们不得不把这件事遮掩起来，但我还是被生下来了。I wasnt really the son of my father.我不是我父亲的亲生儿子。 Somewhere in the world there was a very dignified man who was really my father.在世界的某个角落，有一个尊贵的男人才是我的亲生父亲。And then there came a certain night.然后，在某个夜晚。 Hed been off somewhere for two or three weeks. 他去了某个地方两三周后回来。He found me alone in the house, reading by the kitchen table.他发现只有我一个人在家，正在厨房的小桌旁看书。It had been raining and he was very wet.天下着雨，他身上湿透了。 He sat and looked at me for a long time,他坐着看了我好长时间， not saying a word. 一语不发。I was startled, for there was on his face the saddest look I had ever seen. 他的脸上有一种我从未见过的悲伤表情，我被吓到了。He sat for a time, his clothes dripping.他坐了一会儿，衣服一直在滴水。 Then he got up.然后他站了起来。Come on with me, he said. “跟我来，”他对我说。I got up and went with him out of the house. 我起身跟他出了房子。 I was filled with wonder but I wasnt afraid.我感到惊讶，但并不害怕。We went along a dirt road that led down into a valley, about a mile out of town, where there was a pond. 我们沿着一条泥路，走下溪谷，那里大约在小镇的一英里外，还有一个池塘。We walked in silence.我们路上没说话。 The man who was always talking had stopped his talking.那个说话说个不停的男人停止了说话。I didnt know what was up and had the queer feeling that I was with a stranger.我不知道这是怎么了，只是有一种奇怪的感觉，觉得自己正跟着一个陌生人。The pond was quite large.那个池塘挺大的。 It was still raining hard and there were flashes of lightning followed by thunder. 雨依然很大，还电闪雷鸣。We were on a grassy bank at the ponds edge when my father spoke, and in the darkness and rain his voice sounded strange.我父亲说话的时候，我们正走在池塘边长满草的堤坝上，在雨夜中，他的声音变得很奇怪。Take off your clothes, he said. “把衣服脱掉。”他说。 Still filled with wonder, I began to undress.尽管觉得惊讶，我还是开始脱衣服。 There was a flash of lightning and I saw that he was already naked.一道闪电闪过，我看到他已经把衣服脱光了。Naked, we went into the pond.我们赤裸着进入池塘。 Taking my hand he pulled me in.他拉着我的手带我下去。 It may be that I was too frightened, too full of a feeling of strangeness, to speak.可能是因为太害怕，我觉得特别奇怪以至于说不出话来。 Before that night my father had never seemed to pay any attention to me.在那一晚之前，我父亲从未关注过我。I did not swim very well, but he put my hand on his shoulder and struck out into the darkness.我不太会游泳，但他把我的手搭在他的肩上，拍打着水面，进入黑暗中。He was a man with big shoulders, a powerful swimmer. 他是一个有着宽厚肩膀的游泳健将。In the darkness I could feel the movement of his muscles.在黑暗中，我可以感受到他肌肉的起伏。 We swam to the far edge of the pond and then back to where we had left our clothes.我们游到池塘的另一边，然后返回我们放衣服的地方。 The rain continued and the wind blew.依然风雨交加。Sometimes there would be a flash of lightning and I could see his face clearly.有时候闪电闪过，我能清楚地看到他的脸。It was as it was earlier, in the kitchen, a face filled with sadness.就像早些时候在厨房时那样，他的脸充满悲伤。There would be the momentary glimpse of his face and then again the darkness, the wind, and the rain. 我只在刹那间瞥到他的脸，然后又是无尽的黑暗，风雨交加。In me there was a feeling I had never known before.我有一种从未有过的感觉。It was a feeling of closeness. 这是一种亲密的感觉。It was something strange.一种陌生的感觉。It was as though there were only we two in the world.好像世界上只剩我们两个人。It was as though I had been jerked suddenly out of my world of the schoolboy, out of a world in which I was ashamed of my father.