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一、A Working Community5、None of us, mind you, was born into these communities. Nor did we move into them, U-Hauling our possessions along with us. None has papers to prove we are card-carrying members of one such group or another. Yet it seems that more and more of us are identified by work these days, rather than by street.值得一提的是,我们没有谁一出生就属于这些社区,也不是后来我们搬了进来。这些身份是我们随身携带的,没有人可以拿出文件证明我们是这个或那个群体的会员卡持有者。然而,不知不觉中人们的身份更倾向于各自所从事的工作,而不是像以往一样由家庭住址来界定。6、In the past, most Americans live in neighborhoods. We were members of precincts or parishes or school districts. My dictionary still defines community, first of all in geographic terms, as “a body of people who live in one place.”过去大多数彼邻而居的美国人彼此是同一个街区、教区、校区的成员。今天的词典依然首先从地理的角度来定义社区,称之为“一个由居住在同一地方的人组成的群体”。7、But today fewer of us do our living in that one place; more of us just use it for sleeping. Now we call our towns “bedroom suburbs,” and many of us, without small children as icebreakers, would have trouble naming all the people on our street.然而,如今的情况是居住和工作都在同一个地方的人极少,对更多的人来说家成了一个仅仅用来睡觉的地方。我们的居住地被叫做“近郊居住区”,由于没有了孩子像过去那样起到沟通邻里关系的作用,许多人感到要叫出跟我们同住一条街的所有人的名字是件极不容易的事。8、Its not that we are more isolated today. Its that many of us have transferred a chunk of our friendships, a major portion of our everyday social lives, from home to office. As more of our neighbors work away from home, the workplace becomes our neighborhood.这不是说我们今天被分得更开了,而是好多人已经部分的友谊和大部分的日常社交生活从家里转移到了办文室。随着越来越多的人走出家门去工作,工作的地方就变成了我们的街区。9、The kaffeeklatsch of the fifties is the coffee break of the eighties.The water cooler, the hall, the elevator, and the parking lot are the back fences of these neighborhoods. The people we have lunch with day after day are those who know the running saga of our mothers operations, our childs math grades, our frozen pipes, and faulty transmissions.50年代的下午茶成了80年代的喝咖啡的工间休息。工作地的饮水冷却机、大厅、电梯、停车场是新社区的后院篱笆墙。天天和我们共进午餐的人是给我们的母亲动手术的医生、孩子的数学老师、管道工、汽车修理工等。10、We may be strangers at the supermarket that replaced the corner grocer, but we are known at the coffee shop in the lobby. We share with each other a cast of characters from the boss in the corner office to the crazy lady in Shipping, to the lovers in Marketing. Its not surprising that when researchers ask Americans what they like best about work,they say it is “the shmoose factor.” When they ask young mothers at home what they miss most about work, it is the people.人们曾经在杂货店的超市里可能是陌生人,但是却极可能在公司大厅的咖啡间里相识。我们谈论一些人物,从街头办文室的老板,到运输部中的疯女人,到营销部的情人们。难怪当研究者问及美国人关于工作他们最喜欢什么的时候,他们的回答是“和同事悠闲自在地闲扯”,当询问在家里做全职母亲的年轻妇女对工作最怀念什么时,她们说是工作中所接触过的人。11、Not all the neighborhoods are empty, nor is every workplace a friendly playground. Most of us have had mixed experiences in these environments. Yet as one woman told me recently, she knows more about the people she passes on the way to her desk than on her way around the block. Our new sense of community hasnt just moved from house to office building. The labels that we wear connect us with members from distant companies, cities, and states. We assume that we have something “in common” with other teachers, nurses, city planners.不是所有的住宅区都是空的,也不是所有的工作单位都是友好的。多数人在这些环境里都曾有过复杂的经历。然而,最近一位女性朋友告诉我她对工作单位里的人的了解程度要胜于对同一街区人的了解程度。我们不仅把社区的概念从住宅区搬进了办公楼,上班时身上所佩戴的标志也把我们和异国他乡的人们和公司员工联系在一起。我们假设自己和其他的教师、护士、城市规划者有着某些共同点。12、Its not unlike the experience of our immigrant grandparents. Many who came to this country still identified themselves as members of the Italian community, the Irish community, the Polish community. They sought out and assumes connection with people from the old country, Many of us have updated that experience. We have replaced ethnic identity with professional identity, the way we replaced neighborhood with the workplace. This whole realignment of community is surely most obvious among the mobile professions. People who move from city to city seem to put roots into their professions. In an age of specialists, they may have to search harder to find people who speak the same language.这有点像最初移民来到美国的我们的祖辈们的经历,许多人来到这里后把自己原来的国籍当成一个社区,所以有意大利人社区、爱尔兰人社区、波兰社区等。他们不断寻找并设想自己与来自同一个国家的人们有着亲密的联系。我们把这种体验提升了一步。像用工作单位取代居住地一样,我们用专业身份取代了种族身份。这种社区的完全重组在流动作业的行业中表现得最为明显,那些在不同城市变换工作的人似乎把自己的身份植根于他们的行业中。在这个充满专业人士的时代,他们不得不费尽周折去寻找有共同语言的人。13、I dont think that there is anything massively disruptive about this shifting sense of community. The continuing search for connection and shared enterprise is very human. But I do feel uncomfortable with our shifting identity. The balance has tipped, and we seem increasingly dependent on work for our sense of self.我并不认为这种社区概念的变迁会造成大面积的混乱,这种对联系和共同理想的不断追寻充满了人性。但我对我们不断变化的身份确实感到不安。身份意识的天平似乎已经日渐倾斜到工作决定身份这边。14、If our office are our new neighborhoods, if our professional titles are our new ethnic tags, then how do we separate ourselves from our jobs? Self-worth isnt just something to measure in the marketplace. But in these new communities, it becomes harder to tell who we are without saying what we do.如果办公室真的彻底变成我们的社区,如果我们的所从事的行业真的彻底变成我们的种族印记,那我们怎样才能把自己和工作区分开来呢?自我价值并不是只有在市场环境中得到体现的。但是在这些新的社区中,如果不先说明我们是从事哪行哪业的,就越来越难以说清楚我们究竟是谁。三、Help Yourself through the Hard Times1、Some years ago I had what most would call the American Dream: a thriving construction business, a comfortable home, two new cars and a sailboat. Moreover, I was happily married. I had it all.几年前,我拥有大多数人称之为美国梦想的东西:一份蒸蒸日上的建筑生意,一个舒适的家,两辆新车和一艘帆船,此外,我婚姻幸福。我拥有这一切。2、Then the stock market crashed, and suddenly no one was looking at the houses Id built.Months of murderous interest payment gobbled up my savings. I couldnt make ends meet and lay awake nights in a cold sweat. Just when I though things couldnt get worse, my wife announced that she wanted a divorce.接着,股市垮了,突然间再没人看我修的那些房子。连续几个月支付要命的利息,耗尽了我的积蓄。我入不敷出,经常彻夜无眠,一身冷汗。就在我认为事情不可能变得更糟的时候,我太太宣布她想离婚。3、With no idea what to do next, I resolved literally to “sail off into the sunset,” following the coastline from Connecticut to Florida. But somewhere off New Jersey I turned due east, straight out to sea. Hours later, I climbed up on the stern rail and watched the dark Atlantic slip beneath the hull. How easy it would be to let the water take me, I thought.无所适从的我决心真正驾船“向夕阳行驶”,沿着海岸线从康涅狄格州驶向佛罗里达州。但是在离新泽西巷的地方,我转向正东方,直接驶往大海。几小时后,我爬上船尾的栏杆,注视着从船体下面滑过的黑沉沉的大西洋海水。我想让海水淹死是多么容易的一件事。 4、Suddenly the boat plummeted between two swells, knocking me off balance. I grabbed the rail, my feet dragging in icy brine, and just managed to haul myself back on board. Shaken, I thought, whats happening to me? I dont want to die.From that moment, I knew I had to see things through. My old life was gone. Somehow Id have to build a new one.突然,帆船笔直地落在两个巨浪之间,使我失去了平衡。我手抓住 栏杆,脚浸在冰冷的海水里,勉强把自己拉回船上。震惊之余,我想,我这是怎么了?我不想死。从那一刻起,我知道我必须看穿万物。我从前的生活一去不复返了,必须得想办法自己重建新的生活。5、Everyone, at some point, will suffer a loss-the loss of loved ones. Good health, a job. “Its your desert experience-a time of feeling barren of options, even hope,” explains Patrick Del Zoppo, a psychologist and bereavement specialist with the Archdiocese of New York. “The important thing is not to allow yourself to be stranded in the desert.”每个人,在某个时刻,都将遭受损失失去挚爱的人、健康或是工作。“这是你经历中的荒漠-一段感到毫无出路,甚至毫无希望的时期”,帕垂克戴尔左珀解释说。他是一名心理学家,纽约大主教管区的丧亲之痛专家,“重要的是不要让你自己陷入荒漠之中无法自拔”。6、Let Yourself Grieve. Counselors agree that a period of grieving is critical. “Theres no shame in this,” says Del Zoppo. “Tears arent a sign that youre simply feeling sorry for yourself but are expression of sadness or emotion that must find an outlet.”让自己悲痛。顾问们一致认为,一段时间的悲痛是至关重要的。“不必为此感到羞愧”,戴尔左珀说,“眼泪并不意味着你仅仅自我垂怜,而是表达必须发泄的忧伤或情感”。7、And it doesnt matter if the grieving takes a while to surface, as long as it finally finds expression. Consider the case of Donna Kelb of Syracuse, N.Y. One spring day her 16-year-old son, Cliff, Jr. and 15-year-old son, Jimmy, were sanding their boat, preparing it for the season. Suddenly Donna heard a scream. Rushing outside, she found her two sons lying on the ground near the boat.如果悲痛需要一段时间才能表现出来,也没有什么关系,只要它能最终找到表现的方式。看看纽约锡拉库扎港的唐娜克博的例子。在一个春光明媚的日子里,她16岁的儿子小克立夫和他15岁的弟弟吉米正在给他们的船装沙,为渔季做准备。突然,唐娜听到一声尖叫。她冲到外面,发现两个儿子倒在船旁边的地面上。8、Jimmy had gone into the water and returned dripping wet. When he picked up the sander, he was electrocuted. Cliff, knocked to the ground by the current when he tried to grab the tool, recovered.吉米下到水中,上来的时候浑身湿透了。当他拿起磨沙器时,触电致死。克立夫在试图拿过磨沙器时被电流击倒在地,后来康复了。9、Donna was so numbed by this tragedy that she didnt cry for weeks-not even at the funeral, Then back at work one day, she began to feel dizzy. “Finally I went home, locked myself in my room and just wailed.” she says, “it was as though this great weight was being lifted from my shoulders.”这个悲剧的打击让唐娜变得麻木,以致好几周都没哭出来甚至在葬礼上也没有哭。后来有一天下班归来,她开始感到晕眩。“最终我回到家,将自己锁在房间里,开始嚎啕大哭”,她说,仿佛这块巨石从肩膀上卸下来。10、What Kelb, experienced after her tragic loss was what Del Zoppo calls a “first-line defense that shields the consciousness from some extremely unpleasant reality.” Kelb couldnt begin her healing process until nature had allowed her time to sort out her tragedy.克博在悲剧之后的经历就是戴尔左珀所说的一种“使意识远离极端不愉快的现实的首要防范心理”。除非本能给予她解决好悲剧的时间,否则克博不可能开始她的康复之路。11、Understand Your Anger. “Anger is natural.”says Del Zoppo, “but it can be released in a wholesome way.” Properly understand, it can serve your recovery.理解你的怒火。愤怒是天性,戴尔左珀说,但可以通过健康的方式释放出来。你若得到恰当的理解,它将有助于你的恢复。12、Candace Brackens future seemed full of promise. The 25-year-old airline hemorrhaging uncontrollably. Acute leukemia was diagnosed, and Bracken was of myself, lived a straight and narrow life,” says Bracken was given two weeks to live. After the initial shock, she felt angry. “I had taken care of myself, lived a straight and narrow life,” says Bracken of Miami. “Things like this werent supposed to happen to people like me.”以前坎迪斯布赖青肯的未来似乎是一片光明。作为一名25岁的航班调度员,她刚生了一个宝宝,才换了份工作。然而有一天她开始不由自主地出血。诊断出是急性白血病,只有两个星期可活。震惊之余,她感到愤怒,我一直爱惜自己的身体,生活诚实,正派,迈阿密的布赖肯说“这种事情不应该发生在像我这样的人身上。13、She reeled at the thought of her imminent death, and withdrew. “I just gave up,” she says. Then a doctor told her she needed to arrange for someone to care for her daughter. “How dare you tell me to find someone else to raise my child!” Bracken snapped. At that moment, she realized that she had strong reasons to fight for he life. Her anger, formerly crippling now sparked her. It helped see her through a harrowing, but ultimately successful, bone-marrow transplant.一想到死亡即将来临,她就感到心绪不宁,屈服了。我完全放弃了,她说。后来一个医生告诉她说她需要安排人照料她的女狼。“你竟敢让我找别人带大我的小孩!”布赖肯历声说。在那一刻,她意识到有充分的理由去为自己的生命而战。她的愤怒开始时极为有害,现在却鼓舞了她,帮助她渡过了痛彻心肺但最终成功的骨髓移植。14、Face the Challenge. Another obstacle on the road to health after a significant loss can be denial. Instead of facing what has happened to them, says Dr. Michael Aronoff, psychiatrist and a spokesperson for the American Psychiatric Association, many people “try to fill up that empty feeling looking for an escape.” The man who rarely touched a drink will begin hitting the bottle. A woman who watched her weight will overeat. Others, like me , try literally to “run away.”勇敢地面对挑战。在经历重大打击之后,拒绝知我同样也是健康之路的重大障碍。迈克尔阿若诺夫是个精神病医师,美国精神病协会的一名发言人。他说,很多人不是面对所发生的一切。而是“竭力填补空虚的感情假寻找一种解脱。”几乎滴酒不沾的男人会开始酗酒,担心肥胖的女性会吃得过多。其他一些人,像我一样,力图“一走子之”。15、After working for bosses all his life, John Jankowski of Staten Island, N.Y., had always longed to have his own options and stock-trading firm. He finally got the start-up money and did well. Then came a downturn in business, and before long Jankowski was in serious financial trouble.为老板工作一辈子后,纽约史丹顿岛的约翰简可夫斯基一直梦想有自己的选择和证券交易公司。他最终找到了启动金并经营顺利。接着生意急转直下,不久简可夫斯基就陷入严重的经济危机。16、“It was like Id run into a brick wall and my whole life had been shattered,” he says. With financial resources exhausted and the pressure of a family to support, Jankowskis thoughts turned to escape.“就好像我迎头撞上一面砖墙,整个人生都被击得粉碎,”他说。经济来源耗尽,又有一个家庭需要供养,简可夫斯基开始想逃避。17、One morning, while in a run,he just kept going. After jogging westward for two hours, he staggered back home. “It finally dawned on me that I couldnt run away from my troubles. The only thing that made sense was to face up to my situation,” he says. “Admitting failure was the toughest part but I had to before I could get on with my life.”一天早上,在跑步的时候,他一直往前跑。在向西慢跑了两个小时之后,他步履蹒跚地回到家。“我终于明白不能逃离我的困境。唯一明智的事就是勇敢面对我的现状,”他说,“承认失败是困难的,但要想继续生活我必须得这么做。”18、Get Out and Do! After a few weeks, I urge people recovering from loss to get back into a routine,”says psychiatrist and Boston University professor Bessel A.van der Kolk. “Its important to force yourself to concentrate on things other than your hurt.” Consider these activities:走出门,做点事。“几周之后,我要求那些从打击中复原的人回到日常生活中去,”精神病医师,波士顿大学教授贝瑟A凡库克说,“强迫自己把注意力集中到别的事情,而不是所受的伤害上,这一点至关重要。”考虑以下活动:19、Join a support group. Once youve made the decision to “get on with life,” youll need someone to talk to and the most effective kind of conversation can be with someone else who has undergone an ordeal.加入一个援助团体。一旦你决心“继续生活”,你会需要向人倾诉,最有效的是和其他有过痛苦经历的人交谈。20、Read. When you can focus after the initial shock, reading, especially self-help books, can offer inspiration as well as relaxation.阅读。经历过最初的震惊之后,如果注意力可以集中,那就开始读书,尤其是有关自助的书,这将让你放松,同时也让你感到鼓舞。21、Keep a journal. Many find comfort in creating an ongoing record of their experiences. At best it can serve as a kind of self-therapy.记日记。很多人发现纪录每天的经历让人感到安慰。日记甚至能起到自我治疗的作用。22、Plan events. The idea that there are things to look forward to reinforces that you are forging ahead into a fresh future. Schedule that trip youve been postponing.做事有计划。有期待的事情,这一想法能增强你迈向全新未来的信息。将你过去推迟了的旅行重新写进时间表。23、Learn new skills. Take a course at a community college, or take up a new hobby or sport. You have a new life ahead; any new skill will complement it.学习新的技术。在社区大学选修一门课,或是开始新的爱好或者运动。有全新的生活等着你,而任何新的技术都将使它更充实。24、Reward yourself. During highly stressful times, even the simplest daily daily chores-getting up, showering, fixing something to eat- can seem daunting. Consider every accomplishment, no matter how small, a victory to be rewarded.奖励自己。在强压力之下,即使是最简单的日常琐事,如起床、洗澡,弄东西吃,都能使人气馁。每完成一件事,不管多么微小,都把它看作是一个值得稿劳自己的成就。25、Exercise. Physical activity can be especially therapeutic. Therese Gump of Chicago felt confused and adrift after her21-years-old son committed suicide. A friend talked her into taking a jazzercize class. “It was just mindless stretching and bouncing to music.” Gump says, “but it made me feel better physically, and when you head and your troubles,” Aronoff explains, “and it allows you to experience your body with your two feet on the ground.”锻炼。体育锻炼尤其具有治疗作用。芝加哥的西瑞丝坎普在她21岁儿子自杀后感到茫然不知所措。一个朋友说服她参加了一个爵士锻炼培训班。“只是随着音乐不动脑筋地伸伸手脚和蹦蹦跳跳,”坎普说,“但它却使我感到身体更棒,当你感觉身体更棒的时候你心理上也会感觉更好。”“锻炼使你忘却自我和身边的麻烦,”阿若诺夫解释说,“并能让你感到踏实。”26、Be Patient with Yourself. People often ask. “When will this terrible pain stop?” Experts resist being pinned down to time frames. “Roughly, its a minimum of six months before you even start to feel better,” says Aronoff. “And it can be as long as a year, possibly two. A lot depends on disposition, the support within your environment, and if you get help and work on it.”对自己有耐心。人们常说,“什么时候这种可怕的痛苦才会结束?”专家门反对时间期限的限制。“大体上,你少则需要6个月才能开始感觉好点,”阿若诺夫说。“也有可能长达一年,或是两年。这很大程度上取决于你的性格、周围亲友的支持、以及是否得到帮助并借此战胜痛苦。27、So,be easy on yourself. Recognize that youll need time, and that your own pace of recovery may not fit with that of others. Congratulate yourself at each step through grief: Im still here, Ive made it this far!因此,对自己宽容些。认识到你将需要一定的时间,而且你自己的康复节奏可能和别人不一样。在走出悲痛中每前进一步都要祝贺自己:“我还活着,我已经撑到现在了。”28、Sailing is a slow business. I made it to Florida in five weeks. In attempting to”run away,” Id embarked on a trip that gave me a structure, a daily outdoor routine requiring physical exertion, and plenty of time. I was still hurting, but by the time I anchored in Miami, I was ready to try again.At what, I wasnt sure.航行是个慢活,我用了5周才抵达佛罗里达。原本试图“一走了之”的我踏上一段旅途。这段旅途让我重新组织生活,培养了每天的生活规律,要求付出在户外的体力以及大量的时间。我的心依然在痛,但是等我到达迈阿密时,我已作好再次尝试的准备。尝试什么,我还没确定。29、“Why not get back to writing-to what you were trained for?” said my dad over the phone. He was right. And here I am now, writing to you. It feels good to be back.“何不回到写作?回到你以前受过专门培训的写作嘛!”爸爸在电话那头说。他是对的。现在我就在为你而写。能回到的感觉真好。四、What Is Happiness?1、The right to pursue happiness is issued to Americans with their birth certificates, but no one seems quite which way it ran. It may be we are issued a hunting license but offered no game. Jonathan Swift seemed to being well-deceived.” The felicity of being “a fool among knaves.” For Swift say society as Vanity Fair, the land of false goals.自从呱呱坠地,美国人就被赋予了追求幸福的权利,但似乎没人确信幸福究竟在哪里。正如它发给我们狩猎证,却不给我们提供猎物。乔纳森斯威福特似乎持此观点,他抨击幸福的想法是“鬼迷心窍的上当,”是“骗子堆中的傻瓜”的自鸣得意。因为他视社会为虚妄目标聚集的名利场。2、It is, of course, un-American to think in terms of fools and knaves. We do, however, seem to be dedicated to the idea of buying our way to happiness. We shall all have made it to heaven when we possess enough.当然用傻子、骗子这样的字眼来形容是不合美国的人的风俗习惯的,然后我们似乎确实沉溺于用金钱购买幸福的想法:只要有足够的钱,我们百年后就能上天堂。3、And at the same time the forces of American commercialism are hugely dedicated to making us deliberately unhappy. Advertising is one of our major industries, and advertising is one of our major industries, and advertising exists not to satisfy desires but to create them-and to create them faster than any mans budget can satisfy them. For that matter, our whole economy is based on a dedicated insatiability. We are taught that to possess is to be happy, and then we are made to want. We are even told it is our duty to want. It was only a few years ago, to cite a single example, that car dealers across the country were flying banners that read “You Auto Buy Now.” There were calling upon Americans, as an act approaching patriotism, to buy at once, with money they did not have. Automobiles they did not really need, and which they would be required to grow tired of by the time the next years models were released.同时,美国的商业主义却又殚精竟虑故意使我们得不到幸福。广告是我们的支柱产业之一,其存在不是为了满足欲望。而是为了制造欲望其制造速度之快,使我们的腰包应接不暇。就此而言,我们的整个经济是基于一种无法自拔的贪求无厌。我们受到的教育是“占有却为幸福”,然后我们就被迫产生贪欲。我们甚至被告知欲望是我们的义务。引用一个简单的例子为证:仅仅几年前,全国的汽车销售商还打着“你应该立即购买汽车”的横幅。他们号召美国人民:作为一种爱国主义行为,他们应该立即按揭购买他们并不真正需要的汽车,并且在次年新款汽车发布后他们会对原来这些汽车心生厌倦。4、Or look at any of the womens magazines. The
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