王建家-作文.doc

HappinessEveryone desires and pursues happiness. But happiness means different things to different people. Nowadays, a lot of people in society think the more money they have the more happiness they will obtain. As a result they try their best to get money, even without considering the law. In my view,whether one is happy or not is decided by yourself.To be happiness,we should try to keep health and do something that is meaningful.Firstly,I think health is the most precious thing in the world. Today most of peoples buildings have become weaker and weaker compared with the past owing to the serious pollution from modern chemical industries. If you get a sick body, it is sure that you do not have the enough energy and essential action to approach your destinations. Secondly,everyone should try their best to help others. Helping others is helping yourself and sending Rose to others while fragrance is left in your hand.So Doing meaningful thing is also happiness.Certainly to be happiness,we should avoid damaging the interests of others and breaking the law.If you want to obtain happiness in the long run,you must choose a right way.Above all, the happiness is that seeking and finding how to serve the people and devote ourselves to our motherland. At the same time,happiness is not far from you. Try to grasp it and enjoy it.85评语： 文章词汇使用较为恰当灵活，希望能更熟练地使用学术词汇可适当增加长句和复杂句的使用；上下文衔接稍显不流畅。1.1 Happiness Everyone desires and pursues happiness. 教师点评 学习提示 易混词汇: desire, wish, hope, expect, want, long 都有“希望”之意。 desire: 语气较正式庄重，着重渴望的力量与热切，常含有强烈的意图和目的。wish: 语气较弱，多指难于实现或不可能实现的愿望。hope: 指对愿望实现有一定信心的希望。expect: 通常指有很大程度的把握，但仍含有预料之意，或预计某事或某行动的发生。want: 一般指所想要的东西是切望得到的东西，能弥补实际需要。 long: 语气强，指极殷切地盼望着，这种盼望侧重于很难或不可能得到的东西。有时也指一般愿望，但含一定感情色彩。 1.2 But happiness means different things to different people. 教师点评 搭配统计 动名搭配 mean.thing 在教材中出现过 1321 次 SeeAlso: think thing927,imply thing20,intend thing10,mean matter9,signify thing9,entail thing5 学习提示 易混词汇: different, various, diverse 均含“不同的”之意。详情点击 different: 普通用词，强调事物间的区别或本质的不同。有时侧重对比，不着重差别。various: 通常强调种类的数目。diverse: 语气较强，指性质完全不同，着重显著的区别。 批改提示 but的近义表达有nonetheless或nevertheless。 批改提示 people表示“人，民族”。查看与person的区别。 1.3 Nowadays, a lot of people in society think the more money they have the more happiness they will obtain. 教师点评 学习提示 易混词汇: money, cash, coin, currency 均有“金钱”之意。 money: 钱的通称，可以是硬币可以是纸币，也可指用作货币的其它物品。cash: 特指立即可以兑现的现金或现款。coin: 指铸造的硬币。currency: 指在流通中的货币，是全部流通中通货的总称，也可指纸币。 批改提示 obtain常指通过努力获得,注意与get区别。详情点击 1.4 As a result they try their best to get money, even without considering the law. 教师点评 搭配统计 动名搭配 consider.law 在教材中出现过 153 次 SeeAlso: see law167,debate law54,regard law50,view law49,believe law26,take law16,think law16,count law9,deal law7,study law6 学习提示 易混词汇: law, constitution, regulation, code, rule, act 均有“法同，法规”之意。 law: 普通用词，泛指由最高当局所制订、立法机构所通过的任何成文或不成文的法规或条例。constitution: 指治理国家或国家在处理内外政务时所遵循的基本法律和原则；也指规章规则的汇集。regulation: 普通用词，指用于管理、指导或控制某系统或组织的规则、规定或原则等。code: 指某一阶层或社会所遵守的一整套法典、法规或法则；也可指与某一特殊活动或主题有关的规则。 rule: 通常指机关、团体的规章、条例或比赛规则；也指对人行为、方法等所作的规定，还可指习俗所承认的规定。act: 指经立法机构通过并由行政管理签署的法案。 批改提示 consider近义表达有think about/ reflect on/ ponder/ cogitate upon/ contemplate 1.5 In my view, whether one is happy or not is decided by yourself. 教师点评 句子错误 本句语法不规范，请检查！ 学习提示 易混词汇: decide, determine, resolve, settle 都含“决定”之意。 decide: 侧重指经过思考、比较、讨论或询问之后做出的决定。determine: 指经过深思熟虑，决心去做某事并坚持施行。resolve: 语气较强，强调以坚定不移的信念去做或不做某事，暗含有远大抱负和坚强决心。settle: 指排除犹豫、怀疑和争论之后作出明确的最终结论。 2.6 To be happiness, we should try to keep health and do something that is meaningful. 教师点评 搭配统计 动名搭配 keep.health 在教材中出现过 21 次。表达不规范，keep health在本族语中很少使用，建议修改。 SeeAlso: continue health9 批改提示 查看try to do和manage to do的区别。 批改提示 keep近义表达有hold/ maintain/ preserve/ sustain 2.7 Firstly, I think health is the most precious thing in the world. 教师点评 学习提示 易混词汇: valuable, precious 均含“贵重的，有价值的”之意。 valuable: 指有相当价值，可高价出售的，或有用、有益的东西。precious: 指因稀罕、不易得到而很值钱，或因本身的品质而具有极大的价值。 2.8 Today most of peoples buildings have become weaker and weaker compared with the past owing to the serious pollution from modern chemical industries. 教师点评 学习提示 易混词汇: building, structure 都表示“建筑物”之意。 building: 普通用词，指任何建筑物，但不涉及建筑物的大小、风格以及所用材料。structure: 侧重建筑物的构造形式。 批改提示 compare近义表达有contrast/ collate/ analogize/ weigh 2.9 If you get a sick body, it is sure that you do not have the enough energy and essential action to approach your destinations. 教师点评 搭配统计 动名搭配 approach.destination 在教材中出现过 13 次 SeeAlso: approach goal55,near destination20,approach finish11 搭配统计 动名搭配 get.body 在教材中出现过 389 次 SeeAlso: come body9 学习提示 易混词汇: act, action, deed, operation, performance 均含“行为，行动”之意。 act: 一般指具体的、短暂的或个别的行为，强调行为的完成及其效果。action: 普通用词，着重行动的过程。deed: 较庄重用词，除泛指各种行为外，还可用于指某种高尚或伟大的行为，故常译作“功绩，业绩”。operation: 多指一连串行动或行为的完成方式。performance: 主要指行动的方式方法。 中式英语 表达不规范，建议将it is sure that改为it is certain that。 英语中sure与certain都有“肯定的”“无疑的”之意，可作表语，引出宾语从句，但不可以说It is sure that，此时可以使用It is certain that的结构。 2.10 Secondly, everyone should try their best to help others. 教师点评 批改提示 help近义表达有support/ assist/ aid 2.11 Helping others is helping yourself and sending Rose to others while fragrance is left in your hand. 教师点评 低频警示 others while fragrance is 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语 学习提示 易混词汇: fragrance, odour, flaour, smell, perfume, scent, incense 都有“气味”之意。 fragrance: 较正式的典雅用词，常指花妆品、花朵和香料等发出的令人感到新鲜、愉快的香味。odour: 书面中性词，侧重气味本身的本质，既可指令人愉快的气味，也可指令人作呕难闻气味。flaour: 指影响嗅觉、味觉的香气或香味，多用于指食物等独特的味。smell: 普通用词，与odour很相近，中性词。可指好闻或不好闻或中性气味。perfume: 书面用词，指强烈、浓厚天然或人工制造的香气。scent: 与smell很接近，但着重某物质或物体所特有的气味，多指好闻的气味。incense: 指香燃烧时发出的芳香的烟味。 2.12 So Doing meaningful thing is also happiness. 教师点评 2.13 Certainly to be happiness, we should avoid damaging the interests of others and breaking the law. 教师点评 搭配统计 动名搭配 break.law 在教材中出现过 23 次 SeeAlso: better law3 学习提示 易混词汇: escape, avoid 都有“躲避危险”之意。 escape: 多指避开实际的威胁，暗示威胁或危险正在迫近。avoid: 侧重有意识地躲避开要冒险或有危险的事物或情况。 批改提示 damage近义表达有hurt/ harm/ ruin/ mutilate/ incapacitate 2.14 If you want to obtain happiness in the long run, you must choose a right way. 教师点评 低频警示 obtain.happiness 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语 搭配统计 动名搭配 choose.way 在教材中出现过 112 次 SeeAlso: take way752,choose direction45,prefer way30,select way7 学习提示 易混词汇: manner, method, way, mode, fashion, means, approach 均含“方法，方式”之意。 manner: 多指行动的特殊方式或独特的方法。method: 指有系统、有条理地办事或解决问题的方法。way: 普通用词，可指一般的方法，有时也指个人的方法或方式，也可指特殊的方式或方法。mode: 书面用词，常指因个人爱好或传统习俗等因素而遵循的方法。fashion: 着重独特的程序或方式，尤指个人的偏爱或习惯。means: 指为达到某种目的或目标而采用的方法、手段或途径。approach: 指从事某事的特别方法、途径。 批改提示 注意must和have to的区别。 批改提示 choose不强调经过周密考虑之后的选择。查看与select区别。 3.15 Above all, the happiness is that seeking and finding how to serve the people and devote ourselves to our motherland. 教师点评 搭配统计 动名搭配 serve.people 在教材中出现过 1129 次 SeeAlso: help people4377,do people386,assist people234,service people24,answer people21,process people19,attend people6,dish people3,serve_up people3 学习提示 易混词汇: hunt, explore, track, seek 均含“搜索，寻找”之意。 hunt: 一般指寻找所需的物件，或对罪犯的搜寻，特指追猎。explore: 一般指对未知事物或新生事物的探索、观察与研究。track: 侧重按一定线索追查出结果。seek: 语义庄重，语气强，使用广。多暗示做出很大努力去寻求某人或物。 批改提示 find指一般生活中的发现。注意与discover区别。详情点击 批改提示 devote近义表达