before sunset╱日落之前.docx

1 The story, the idea is that. theres this guy. And. hes totally depressed! I mean, his great dream was to be a lover, an adventurer, you know, riding motorcycles through South America, and instead hes sitting at a marble table, eating lobster, and hes got a good job and a beautiful wife, right. You know, everything that he needs. But that doesnt matter, cause what he wants is to fight for meaning. You know, happiness is in the doing,not in the.getting what you want. So, hes sitting there, and just at a second, his little five year old daughterhops up on the table. And he knows thatshe should get down cause she could get hurt, but shes dancing to this pop song, in a summer dress.And he looks down, and all of a sudden, he is sixteen. And. his high school sweetheart is dropping him off, at home.And theyve just lost their virginity, and she loves him, and the same song is playing on the car radio, and she climbs up and starts dancing on the roof of the car. And now, now hes worried about her! And she is beautiful, with a.a facial expressionjust like his daughters. In fact, you know, maybe thats why he even likes her You see, he knows hes not remembering this dance,hes there. Hes there in both moments simultaneously. And just like for an instance, all his life is just folding into itself Sunset and its obvious to him that time is a lie. thats its all happening all the time and inside every momentis another moment, all. You know, happening simultaneously. And, anyway, thats kind of the idea. anyway.2So, all Ive been doing was. walk around, thinking right! My brain felt like it was at rest, free from the consuming frenzy. And I have to say, it was almost like a natural high. I felt so peaceful inside, no. strange urge to be somewhere else, to shop.Maybe it could have seemed like boredom at first, but it quickly became very, very sore full. Its interesting, you know?3I was having this awful nightmare, that I was 32, and then I woke up, and I was 23!So relieved. And then I woke up for real, and I was 32. - Scary! - It happens. Yeah, time goes faster and faster. Apparently, its because we dont renew our synapses live to 20.4In my field, I see these people. oh, sorry. coming to it with big idealist visions of becoming the new leader that will create a better world. They enjoy the goal,but not the process! Right. But the reality of it is that the true work of improving thingsis in the little achievements of the day. And thats what you need to enjoy,just take my field. What, what do you mean, exactly? Well, for example, I was workingfor this organization that helpedvillages in Mexico.And their concerns was how to get the pencils sent to the kid in theselittle country schools. I was not about bigrevolutionary ideas, it was about pencils!I see the people that do the real workand whats really said, in a way, is that. the people that arethe most giving, hard working and capable of making this world better,usually dont have the ego and ambition to be a leader. They dont see the interestin superficial rewards, they dont care if their nameever appear in the press,they actually enjoy the processof helping others, theyre in the moment! Yeah, but thats so hard! You know, to be in the moment, and I just feel like Im. designed to be slightly dissatisfied with everything.You know, I mean, like.always trying to better my situation. You know, I satisfyone desire, and it just. agitates another, you know? Then I think: to hell with everything, right? I mean, desire is the fuel of life I mean, do you thinkits true that if.if we never wanted anything,wed never be unhappy? I dont know. Not wanting anything,isnt that. a symptom of depression? Yeah, that is, right? I mean, its healthy to desire, right? Yeah. I dont know,I mean, its what all thoseBuddhist guys say, right? You know, liberate yourself Sunset from desire and youll find that you already have everything you need. Yeah, but I feel reallyalive when I want something more thanjust basic survival needs. I mean, wanting whether imacy with another person, or a new pair of shoes,is kind of beautiful.I like that we have those ever-renewing desires. Well, maybe its justa sense of entitlement. You know, like whenever you feel like you deserve that new pair of shoes, you know. Its ok to want things as long asyou dont get pissed offif you dont get them. - Yeah. - Right, lifes hard. Its suppose to be. If we didnt suffer, we wouldntlearn a thing, you know?5Sometimes, I put things in drawersinside my head, and forget about it.I guess its less painful to put certainthings away than to live with it!6Like if they were basically an optimistic, jovial person,theyre now an optimistic,jovial person, in a wheel chair.If theyre a petty miserable asshole,ok, theyre a petty miserable assholewith a new Cadillac, a house and a boat. So, you now be forever depressed, no matter what greatthings happen in my life? 7He said: If you dont believe in anykind of magic, or mystery,basically, (youre) as good as dead.8If today was our last day? Yeah, what would we talk about,what would you tell me, for example? Well. - Thats hard. - No, Ill do it, Ill do it. I definitely. would stop talking about my book.I have to admit I would probablydrop the environment. But, I would still. want to talk about,you know, magic and the Universe. Id just wanna do it from a. What? . a hotel room. You know, in betweensessions of us. wildly. fucking, until we die. Wow! Well, why waste time with an hotel room? Why not do it right there. on the bench? - No. - Come here, come here.Ok Were not gonna die tonight. - Ok? - All right, too bad.9What I. My point was, you know, to truly communicate withpeople is very hard to doI know, I mean most of our.most of our day to day exchanges10I will miss of the person the most mundane things. Like Im obsessed with little things. Maybe Im crazy, but. When I was a little girl, my momtold me that I was always late to school.One day she followed me to see why. I was looking at chestnutsfalling from the trees,rolling on the sidewalk, or. ants, crossing the road. the way a leaf casts a shadowon a tree trunk.Little things.I think its the same with people.I see in them little details, so specific to each other, that move me, and that I miss, and. will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of suchbeautiful specific details. Like I remember the way.your beard has a little bit of red in it. And how the sun was making it glow that.that morning, right before you left.I remember that, and.I missed it!11Because we were young and stupid? You think we still are? I guess when youre young. you just believe. therell be many people with whom youll connect with.Later in life you only realize it only happens a few times. Yeah, you can screw it up! You know, misconnect. Well, the past is the past. It was meant to be that way. Yeah, you really believe that? That everything is faded? Well, you know, the world might be less free than you think. Yeah? Yeah, when given this exact circumstances,thats that will happen every time. Two part hydrogen, one part oxygen, youll get water every time.12Im a strong independent woman in my professional life. I dont need a man to feed me, but I still need a man to love me, and that I could love, you know.13It reminded me how. genuinely romantic I was,how I had so much hope in things and.now its like.I dont believe in anythingthat relates to love, I dont feel things for people anymore.In a way. I put all my romanticism into that one night and I was never ableto feel all this again.14Every single of my ex-es.theyre now married!Man go out with me,we break up,and then they get married!And later they call me to thankme for teaching them what love is, and.that I taught them to careand respect women!I think Im one of those guys. You know, I want to kill them!Why didnt they ask me to marry them?I would have said No,but at least they could have asked!15Women pretend things like that.16Im so miserable in my love life, in my relationship, I always act as.Like.you know, Im detached,but Im.Im dying inside.Im dying because Im so numb,I dont feel pain, or excitement.Im not even bitter, Im