Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.doc

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. Bernard Manning. Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.Oscar Wilde I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.David Lee Roth I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.Zsa Zsa Gabor Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play? Tom Lehrer. I like marriage. The idea.Toni Morrison My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.Ed Furgol The television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldnt have in your home.David Frost My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.Mitch Hedberg Submitted by Breanna Likely Youll never find a woman as good as your Mother so why am I still looking You just pick up a chord, go twang, and youre got music.Sid Vicious Until you walk a mile in another mans moccasins you cant imagine the smell.Robert Byrne My ex-husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.Woody Allen Theres a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. Steven Wright. Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire? The one nearest the door of course.Bernard Shaw Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves they have a better idea.John Ciardi. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a womans birthday but never remembers her age. Robert Frost. I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some bastard with a torch, bringing me more work.David Brent I worship the ground that awaits you. A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.Josh Billings I invented it, Bill made it famous.David Bradley (wrote the code for Ctrl-Alt-Delete on the IBM PC) O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.Saint Augustine The biggest no-talent I ever worked with. Paul Cohen on Buddy Holly Since the mathematicians have invaded the theory of relativity, I do not understand it myself anymore.Albert Einstein Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.Woody Allen All I need to make comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.Charlie Chaplin. To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. Farmers Almanac, 1978. Shoot a few scenes out of focus. I want to win the foreign film award.Billy Wilder. I grew up with six brothers. Thats how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.Bob Hope. The first ninety minutes of a football match are the most important. Bobby Robson. A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.George W Bush Yesterday was the deadline on all complaints. If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.Norm Schryer Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.David Brent Everyone needs belief in something. I believe Ill have another beer. Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe, and not make messes in the house.Robert Heinlein Next to a circus there aint nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. Kin Hubbard. The House of Commons is the longest running farce in the West End. Cyril Smith. Build a man a fire, and hell be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and hell be warm for the rest of his life.Terry Pratchett. Anyone who sees and paints a sky green and fields blue ought to be sterilsed.Adolf Hitler. They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy; foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. Mark Twain Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.Albert Einstein The only difference between doctors and lawyers is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you, too.Anton Chekhov Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed.Winston Churchill The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case. George W Bush When I die I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Ireland.J. P. DonleavyIn The Ginger Man. Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.Oscar Wilde All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. Thats his.Oscar Wilde When I die Im going to leave my body to science fiction. Steven Wright Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.Author Unknown Ive been accused of vulgarity. I say thats bullshit.Mel Brooks. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. Larry Lorenzoni. To err is human. To forgive is unusual. My biggest regret in life is that I didnt hit John Denver in the mouth while I had the chance.Denis Leary. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.Rita Rudner Before software can be reusable it first has to be usable.Ralph Johnson Its clearly a budget. Its got a lot of numbers in it.George W Bush Hes the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.Mae West Im not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally. Writing in C or C+ is like running a chain saw with all the safety guards removed.Bob Gray Its not that you and I are so clever, but that the others are such fools. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.Will Rogers I was always unlawful; I broke the law when I was born because my parents werent married.Bernard Shaw Im not cynical. Just experienced. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.Emo Philips The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. Thats where we come in; were computer professionals. We cause accidents.Nathaniel Borenstein All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff.Frank Zappa. If it werent for electricity wed all be watching television by candlelight.George Gobal. Ah, beer, my one weakness. My achilles heel, if you will.Homer Simpson Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.Chevy Chase What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?George Carlin The future isnt what it used to be. Id like to help you out. Which way did you come in? Just remember, once youre over the hill you begin to pick up speed. Charles Schulz. Software Engineering is that part of Computer Science which is too difficult for the Computer Scientist.F. L. Bauer My reputation grows with every failure. George Bernard Shaw There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?Woody Allen Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands, and all you can do is scratch it!Thomas Beecham. I have no interest in sailing around the world. Not that there is any lack of requests for me to do so.Edward Heath. Just because youre not paranoid doesnt mean theyre not out to get you. The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because Id been up all night inventing the Camcorder.Al Gore They fuck you up, your mum and dad.They may not mean to but they do.They fill up with the faults they hadAnd add some extra, just for you.Philip Larkin Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.Benjamin Franklin The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. Thats where we come in; were computer professionals. We cause accidents.Nathaniel Borenstein But a lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.George Bernard Shaw 驾驶员之家 /chexing/c3.html C3驾驶证能开什么车I dont think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.Woody Allen If a Kurd, after surviving bloody battle with Saddam Husseins army and a long, difficult escape through the mountains, is crushed and killed by a parachute drop of humanitarian aid, that, my friend, is irony writ large.George Carlin Cloquet hated reality but realized it was still the only place to get a good steak.Woody Allen I go to bed early; my favorite dream comes on at nine.George Carlin Run, Charlie, Run!Eddie Izzard I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.Steven Wright Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?Groucho Marx Im astounded by people who