英语笑话及翻译.doc

英语笑话及翻译Distance from the accidentA carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The judge asked him how far away he was from the accident.The carpenter replied twenty seven feet, six and one half inches.What? How come you are so sure of that distance?, asked the judge.Well, I knew some idiot would ask me. So I measured it! replied the carpenter.距事故的距离一个木匠为一个目击的事故做证词.法官问他与事故发生地方的距离有多远.这个木匠回答道:27英尺6.5英寸远.什么?你怎么对这个距离如此肯定?这个法官问道.噢,我知道有些白痴会问我,所以我测量了一下.这个木匠回答道.称重An irritated woman burst into the bakers shop and said:I sent my son in for 2 pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales.The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied:Maam, I suggest you weigh your son.一个女人怒气冲冲的闯进面包店，说：“今早上我让我儿子买了2磅的饼干，但是当我称它们的时候却只有一磅了。我觉得你的称有问题”。面包师镇定的看了看女人，说：“女士，我觉得您该回去称一称您的儿子”Trouble you again A robust-lookinggentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some Napoleon brandy, then he summoned the headwaiter. Do you recall, he asked pleasantly, how a year ago, I ate just such a repast here and then, because I couldnt pay for it, you had me thrown into the gutter like a common bum?Im very sorry sir. began the contrite headwaiter.Oh, its quite all right. said the guest, but Im afraid Ill have to trouble you again.再次麻烦你 一个看起来很健壮的绅士在一个很贵的餐厅吃完精致的早餐并且喝了一些拿破仑白兰地。然后他叫来服务生领班，“你还记得吗？”他愉快的说道，“大概一年以前，我在这里像这样就餐，然后因为我付不起帐，你把我想乞丐一样扔进排水沟里” “非常抱歉先生”后悔的服务生领班说道。 “噢，那非常不错”这个客人道，“但是 我恐怕还得再麻烦你一次。”词汇：1、gutter n.排水沟，臭水沟；2、bum n. 二流子，乞丐；3、headwaiter n.领班丈夫和妻子Wife: You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.Husband: You tell a woman something. It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.妻子：你给男人说点事，他左耳朵进，右耳朵出。(转身就给忘了)丈夫：你给女人说点事，她两个耳朵都听进去了，可是从嘴里出来了。 你吹牛吧！The little John taught his parrot to speak follow me to say that I can walk.I can walk. said the parrot following.I can speak.I can speak. The parrot simulatedas almost the same as he did.I can fly. You talk big. The parrot said without thinking for a while.You talk big小约翰教他的鹦鹉说话“跟我说，我会走路.我会走路”鹦鹉跟着说。“我会说话。”“我会说话。”鹦鹉模仿的和他说的几乎一模一样。“我会飞。”“你吹牛吧。”鹦鹉不假思索地说。相关词汇解析：1.parrot n.鹦鹉；2.simulate vt.模仿 Five years experience and imaginationSeveral weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel directors office.What is the meaning of this? the director asked. When you applied for the job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discover this is the first job you ever held.Well, the young man said, in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.5年经验和丰富想像力只上了几周班的年轻人被叫到了人事主管的办公室。“这是什么意思？”主管问到“你应聘这从份工作的时候，你告诉我们，你有五年的经验。现在我们确发现，这是你的第一份工作。”“是的”。年轻人说，“你在应聘广告中说到，你想要的是一个有想像力的员工呀！”ProposalAn enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal.Do you think shed marry me if I tell her Im 45? he asked a friend.Your chances are better, said the friend, if you tell her youre 90.求婚一位非常富有的男人在他65岁的爱上了一位20岁的年轻女孩，他打算向她求婚。“你认为如果我告诉她我现在45岁她会答应嫁给我吗？”他问他的一个朋友。 他的朋友回答：“如果你告诉她你现在90岁的话，你成功的机率会更大。”相关词汇解析：1.proposal n.求婚；（还有建议，提案等，之前有学过了，大家还记得吗？） 2.enormouslyadj.巨大的，庞大的； .contemplate vt. 预期，计划We Left NothingMrs Brown was going out for the day. She locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman on the door:NOBODY HOME. DONT LEAVE ANYTHING.When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked. On the note she had left, she found the following message added:THANKS! WE HAVENT LEFT ANYTHING!We Left Nothing布朗太太这天出门，走之前在门上订了个便条给送奶工：屋里没人，什么都不用留。晚上当她回家的时候，她发现她的门已经被砸开，屋子被洗劫一空。在她留的便条上，她发现被加一行留言：谢谢！我们什么都没留下！迟了四十年An old fellow was snoozing away contentedly when he was startled awake by the doorbell. He staggeredoff the couch to make his way to the door. There stood a gorgeous young woman.Oh my goodness, the pretty young thing exclaimed, Im at the wrong house.Sweetheart, youre at the right house, the old guy assured