2013届高三英语书面表达专题指导练讲及习作评析（第三部分考场习作评析）

2013届高考英语书面表达专题指导、练讲及习作评析,第三部分2013届高考英语书面表达考场习作评析（二）,试题来源：江苏省石庄高级中学2013届书面表达指导与练习,【考场习作】,Recentlyourstudentunionhashadasurveyonreadingafterclass.(1)Resultsofthissurveyareasfollows.(2)Halfofthestudentsarefondofreadingnewspapersorvariousmagazines.(3)Thereare20%studentsusuallyreadcartoons.(4)Thepercentageofstudentswhochoosetoreadliterarybooksisonly10,whichisthesmallest.(5)Therestofthestudentslikereadingothers.,(6)Accordingtothesestatistics,itseasyforustofindthefactthatthenumberofthosewhochoosetoreadliterarybooksissmall.(7)Butwhatcausesthisphenomenon？(8)Atfirst,50studentscomplaintheyaretoobusywiththeirhomeworktoreadliterarybooks.(9)Thesecondreasonforthisphenomenonisthatschoolslibraryonlyopensforseveralhourseverydayandthereisntenoughbooksavailable.(10)Thirdly,itsthehighpricethatdiscouragesomeonefromreadingliterarybooks.(11)Lastbutnotleast,parentsdisagreementisalsoresponsibleforthisphenomenon.(12)Theybelieveitdoesnogoodtoexams.,(13)AsfarasIamconcerned,itsmeaningfulforustoreadmoreliterarybooks,whichcannotonlyenrichourschoollifebutalsobroadenourhorizon.(14)Schoolsaresupposedtotakeeffectivemeasurestoencouragestudentstoreadmore,asreadingliterarybookscanbebeneficialforstudy.,【习作评析】,在评析考生考场习作之前，先让我们来看一看该书面表达的最基本的要点是什么。图表1学生课外阅读报刊杂志的占50%；学生课外阅读文学作品的占10%；学生课外阅读卡通画的占20%；学生课外阅读其它材料的占20%。,【习作评析】,在评析考生考场习作之前，先让我们来看一看该书面表达的最基本的要点是什么。图表1学生课外阅读报刊杂志的占50%；学生课外阅读文学作品的占10%；学生课外阅读卡通画的占20%；学生课外阅读其它材料的占20%。,图表2没看过文学作品的原因课业负担重，没有时间看文学作品的占了一半；学校图书馆开放时间短，藏书有限；文学名著太贵买不起；家长认为阅读文学名著对考试无用，不予支持。以上要点必须在书面表达中有所表述，缺一不可。,【习作的亮点】,全文共14句202字（不包括已经给出的句子），字数超标。要点表达齐全，较好地完成了题目所规定的任务。阅卷老师判分为20分（满分为25分）。1.习作根据作者自身水平较多使用了复合句。同时也注意使用并列句、简单句以及强调句句，增加了文章的可读性。显示了作者的扎实的基本功。2.习作注意了过渡词、过渡句的使用。如第二段中：(8)Atfirst,(10)Thirdly,(11)Lastbutnotleast,(13)AsfarasIamconcerned,等。这样的运用使得文章表达连贯；,3.习作注意了高级词汇及句型的运用的使用使文章增色不少。如：various，Thepercentage，thisphenomenon，complain，available，isalsoresponsiblefor，aresupposedto等等。4.习作在描述两幅图表时注意运用了不同的表达手法法。比如：(2)Halfofthestudentsarefondofreadingnewspapersorvariousmagazines.(4)Thepercentageofstudentswhochoosetoreadliterarybooksisonly10,whichisthesmallest.(5)Therestofthestudentslikereadingothers.5.习作在谈谈看法（至少两点）时，咳嗽得很恰到好处地紧紧围绕图表2中所反映的（家长方面的和学校方面的）两个原因来谈谈自己的看法，增加了文章的亮点。,【习作的缺点】,1.句型的运用上有致命的错误。这也许是该习作为什么被扣分的最主要的原因。如：(3)Thereis20%studentsusuallyreadcartoons.按照作者的基本功，根本就不应该出现这种中国学生在书面表达中经常出现的典型错误。应改成：Thereare20%studentswhousuallyreadcartoons.或Thereare20%studentsusuallyreadingcartoons.再如：(9)andthereisntenoughbooksavailable.按照作者的基本功，根本就不应该出现这样的低级错误。应改成：andtherearentenoughbooksavailable.,2.因为有重复，所以表达显得过于冗长，这也许是该习作为什么被扣分的另一个主要原因。如：“(6)Accordingtothesestatistics,itseasyforustofindthefactthatthenumberofthosewhochoosetoreadliterarybooksissmall.”与上文的“(4)Thepercentageofstudentswhochoosetoreadliterarybooksisonly10,whichisthesmallest.”就是重复的。再说与上文联系的也不紧密。似应改成“Whyaresomanystudentsunwillingtoreadliteraryworks?”或“Whyaresofewstudentswhochoosetoreadliteraryworks?”。这样一改“(7)Butwhatcausesthisphenomenon？”这一点就可以去掉而改成“AccordingtoChart2”，然后叙述原因，这样显得紧奏又顺理成章。,3.某些表达不准确，似有Chinglish之嫌。如：(12)Theybelieveitdoesnogoodtoexams.该句老外可能也看得懂，但是绝对不是英语中表达的方式。还是应改成：“Theybelievereadingliteraturewonthelptheirchildrenatallwiththeirexams.”为妥当。再有“(10)Thirdly,itsthehighpricethatdiscouragesomeonefromreadingliterarybooks.”句型倒是个好句型，所用词汇也比较好，但是所表达的意思根本就不符合逻辑。似乎应改成：Thirdly,itsthehighpricethatmakesthemunabletoaffordtobuyliterarybooks.,4.词汇的搭配上有错误。如：(14),asreadingliterarybookscanbebeneficialforstudy.应改成：,asreadingliterarybookscanbebeneficialtostudyingoursubjects.,【修改后的习作】,Recentlyourstudentunionhashadasurveyonreadingafterclass.AsisshowninChart1,halfofthestudentsarefondofreadingnewspapersorvariousmagazines.20%studentsusuallyreadcartoons.Thepercentageofthosewhochoosetoreadliterarybooksisthesmallest,only10%.Thereststudentslikereadingothers.Whyaresomanystudentsunwillingtoreadliteraryworks?AccordingtoChart2,firstly,50%studentscomplaintheyaretoobusywiththeirhomeworktoreadthem.Secondly,schoolslibraryonlyopensforsofewhourseverydayandtherearentenoughbooksavailable.Thirdly,itsthehighpricethatmakesthemunabletoaffordtobuyliterarybooks.Lastbutnotleast,parentsdisagreementisalsoresponsibleforthisphenomenon.Theybelievereadingliteraturewonthelptheirchildrenatallwiththeirexams.AsfarasIamconcerned,itsmeaningfulforustoreadmoreliterarybooks,whichcannotonlyenrichourschoollifebutalsobroadenourhorizon.Schoolsaresupposedtotakeeffectivemeasurestoencouragestudentstoreadmore,asreadingliterarybookscanbebeneficialtostudyingoursubjects.,【参考答案】,Recentlyourstudentunionhashadasurveyonreadingafterclass.Chart1showsthat50percentofthestudentsspendtheirtimereadingnewspapersandmagazines.20percentofthestudentsseparatelychoosetoreadcartoonsorotherkindsofbooksintheirleisuretime.However,only10percentenjoyreadingliterature.Whyaresomanystudentsunwillingtoreadliteraryworks?AccordingtoChart2,halfofthestudentssaytheyhavenoenoughtimebecauseoftheirschoolworkburden.Somecomplainthatliteratureworksaretooexpensiveforthemtoaffordtobuyandstillsomestudentsparentssimplythinkthatreadingliteraturewonthelptheirchildrenatallwiththeirexams,sotheydonotsupport.Besides,about30%ofthestudentsarenotsatisfiedwiththeopeninghourofthelibraryandlimitedbookcollectionsthere.AsfarasImconcerned,booksplayanimportantroleinourstudy.Especiallyreadingliteratureworkscanbroadenourhorizon.Whatsmore,itcanprovideuswithgoodexamplesofwriting.,让学生尝试评析另一篇考场习作并修改,Recentlyourstudentunionhashadasurveyonreadingafterclass.Chart1showsthat50percentofthestudentsspendtheirtimereadingnewspapersandmagazines.20percentofthestudentsseparatelychoosetoreadcartoonsorotherkindsofbooksintheirleisuretime.However,only10percentenjoyreadingliterature.Whyaresomanystudentsunwillingtoreadliteraryworks?AccordingtoChart2,halfofthestudentssaytheyhavenoenoughtimebecauseoftheirschoolworkburden.Somecomplainthatliteratureworksaretooexpensiveforthemtoaffordtobuyandstillsomestudentsparentssimplythinkthatreadingliteraturewonthelptheirchildrenatallwiththeirexams,sotheydonotsupport.Besides,about30%ofthestudentsarenotsatisfiedwiththeopeninghourofthelibraryandlimitedbookcollectionsthere.AsfarasImconcerned,booksplayanimportantroleinourstudy.Especiallyreadingliteratureworkscanbroadenourhorizon.Whatsmore,itcanprovideuswithgoodexamplesofwriting.,修改后的习作,Recentlyourstudentunionhashadasurveyonreadingafterclass.Chart1showsthathalfofthestudentsprefertoreadmagazinesandnewspapers.20%ofthestudentsspendtheirsparetimereadingcartoonsforrelaxation