英语幽默故事精粹3篇

英语幽默故事精粹3篇 1、Good use of cry 哭的妙用 The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film. When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them, “youll have to go out if your son cries. But well refund you the tickets.” About half an hour later, the husband asked his wife, “What do you think of the film?” “Ive never seen such a boring film.” His wife answered. “Its not worth seeing.” “I dont think much of it, either.” The husband said. “Wake the child up and let him cry.” 一对夫妇带着他们3岁的儿子去看电影。进电影院时，服务员对他们说：“如果你们的儿子哭了，你们就得出去。不过我们会给你们退票的。”大约半个小时以后，丈夫对妻子说：“你觉得这电影怎么样？”“我从没看过这么没劲的电影。”妻子回答说，“真不值得看。”“我也不喜欢看。”丈夫说：“叫醒孩子，让他哭。” 2、What a Smart Wife家有笨妻 A newly married woman was sitting on a chair, looking vexed, when her husband came home. Whats up? Why do you look so troubled? the husband asked. The woman replied, Im so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and burned a hole in your trousers. And the man said, Thats all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same. Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair, the wife responded. 有一个刚结婚的太太，坐在椅子那边，看起来很懊恼，她先生回家看到她这个样子，就问：嗨，你怎么啦？为什么看起来这么懊恼呢？太太说：很抱歉，你那件新做的西装裤被我烫坏了，烫成一个洞了。他先生说：啊！那个没关系啦！我还有另外一件一样的裤子。 她说：是啊，还好我把那件新的拿出来补那件被我烫坏的。 3、Endearing terms 英语幽默故事:可爱的称呼 Bernie was invited to his friends home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names. Morris hung his head and whispered, To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago. Bernie应邀来到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie发现，不管问他老婆什么问题，Morris总要在每句话的前面加上一些亲密的称呼，象蜜糖，我的爱人，亲爱的，甜心等等。Bernie对Morris说，“你们夫妻俩真够亲密的，结婚这么多年了，你还叫她叫得那么亲密。”Morris低下头，小声地对Bernie说，“老实跟你说吧，三年前我忘记老婆的真名是什么了。” 4、Are you a normal person？你是正常人吗？ During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director ., What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized? Well. said the director, we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub. Oh, I understand, said the visitor. A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup. Noooooooo! answered the director. A normal person would pull the plug. 参观一所精神病院的时候一个参观者问院长，“你们是用什么标准来决定一个人是否应该被关进精神病院呢？” “呃? ?”院长说，“是这样，我们先给一个浴缸放满水，然后我们给病人一个调茶匙，一个茶杯和一个水桶去把浴缸里面的水放清。” “噢，我明白了”， 参 观者说。“一个正常人会选择水桶， 因为水桶比茶匙，茶杯的体积大。” “错了”，“院长回答”“正常人会把浴缸塞子拔掉”。 5、英文幽默老虎来了 Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them. One of the guys takes out a pair of Nikes from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those? His friend replies: I dont have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you. 两个男人正在穿过丛林，突然，一只老虎出现在远处，向他们冲来。 其中的一个人从包里拿出一双“耐克”鞋，开始穿上。另一个人惊奇地看着他说，“你以为穿上这个就可以跑得过老虎吗？” 他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得过它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。” 6、Another 40 Years to live 再活40年 A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live. Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone e in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, I thought you said I had another 40 Years? God replied, I didnt recognize you. 一名中年妇女心脏病突发被送到了医院， 在手术台上，濒临死亡之际，她看到了上帝， 于是，她问上帝是不是她的日子到头了。 上帝回答说，“还没有，你还能活43年，2个月零8天。” 身体快要康复的时候，这名女士想到自己还要活那么多年，得好好对待自己，于是决定先不出院，而是去给自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后还做了一个腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美体手术。 她甚至还请人到医院里面帮她头发给染了。 做完最后一个手术，这位女士出院了， 但就在过马路的时候，她被一辆风驰电挚赶回医院的救护车给撞死了。 再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地问上帝，“我记得你说我还能再活40年？” 上帝回答，“那个时候我没认出你来”。 英语幽默小故事9篇(带翻译)如下： 1、Midway Tactics Three peting store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue. The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, Gigantic Sale! and Super Bargains! The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, Prices Slashed! and Fantastic Discounts! The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ENTRANCE. 中间战术 苏州福斯特英语三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。 右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!” 中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。 2、Very Pleased to Meet You army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers. One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, Im going abroad tomorrow, but Id be very happy if we could write to each other. Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months. Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England. Joan went there and said to the matron, Ive e to visit Captain Humphreys. 苏州福斯特英语Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here, the matron said.Oh, thats all right, answered Joan. Im his sister. Im very pleased to meet you, the matron said, Im his mother!在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要出guo，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。 英格兰的某个部队医院里。 琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。” “这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。 “噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。” “很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。” 3、Two Soldiers Two soldiers were in camp. The first ones name was George, and the second ones name was Bill. George said, have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill? Bill said, Yes, I have, and he gave them to him. Then George said, Now I havent got a pen. Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, have you got a stamp, Bill? Bill gave him one. Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, Are you going out? Bill Said, Yes, I am, and he opened the door. George said, Please put my letter in the box in the office, and. He stopped. What do you want now? Bill said to him. George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, Whats your girl-friends address? 军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?” 比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。 乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?” 比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。 乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有.”他停住了。“你还要什么?”比尔问。 乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?” 4、Five Months Older The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18. But Johns brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boys family name, so when he saw J