英语幽默200个

1、.英语幽默200个（14）200 English Humours131.“A Sponge” “I had an operation,” said a man to his friend, “and the doctor left a sponge in me.” “Thats terrible!” commiserated the friend. “Got any pain?” “Nahbut I do get thirsty!” 132.Why Was He Fired? Boss: Go to my office and get this weeks pay. You are fired

2、. Worker: But why? I havent done anything? Boss: Thats why you are fired. 133. Doing Shopping Too Early It was Christmas Day but the judge was still very busy in the court. He was now questioning a prisoner. “What are you charged with?” he said. “Doing my Christmas shopping too early,” replied the p

3、risoner in a sad voice. “Thats no offence,” said the judge. “How early were you doing your shopping, then?” “Before the shop opened,” was the prisoners answer. 134.Nineteen or Thirty-eight? A secretary was telling her office mates about her birthday party. “You should have seen the cake,” she boaste

4、d. “It was marvelous. There were nineteen candles one for each year.” “Nineteen candles,” meowed a colleague. “What did you do, burn them at both ends?” 135.When Do We Start? An angry drunk was shouting at the police station. “What I want to know iswhat was I brought in for?” “You were brought in fo

5、r drinking,” replied the sergeant. “Thats marvelous,” said the drunk. “When do we start?” 136.Bouncing Up and Down Nurse: Will you bounce up and down on your bed please, sir? Patient: Why, nurse? Nurse: I forgot go shake the bottle before giving you the medicine. 137.He Said Nothing Mother: “What di

6、d your father say when he saw his broken glasses?” Son: “Shall I leave out the swear-words, Mother?” Mother: “OK.” Son: “Then I dont think he said anything.” 138.American Way of Life Brown: John, would you lend me fifty dollars if I asked you? John: Why, yes, I suppose so. Brown: All right, then, le

7、nd me fifty, but just give me twenty-five of it. John: O.K. But why? Brown: Then youll owe me twenty-five, and Ill owe you twenty-five, and well be all square. 139.“Three Hims” A woman had been very faithful in attending all her churchs services for many years, and the minister wanted to reward her.

8、 At the next Sunday-evening service he announced, “For her loyalty to the church, we shall reward Miss Jones by letting her pick three hymns for the evening.” “Oh, goody!” exclaimed Miss Jones. And, pointing to various members in the congregation, she said, “Ill take him, him and him”. 140. Teachers

9、 Pest It is June. The sun is in the sky. It is very hot. Josie is tired of school. She wants to be at the beach. She cannot sit in her seat. She cannot stop talking. While the teacher writes on the board, Josie gets up and talks to a friend. The teacher, Mr. Rula, hears the noise and says, “Josie, s

10、it down and be quiet.” Josie sits down. Mr. Rula continues with he lesson. Josie gets up and talks to another friend. “Sit down and be quiet.” says Mr. Rula. He is very annoyed with her, Josie continues talking. “O. K,” says Mr. Rula, “if you want to talk, then come to the front of the classroom and be th