英语一句话网络笑话基本上都无法翻译 Microsoft W

1、老外最精彩的一句话网络笑话，基本上都无法翻译 来源： 李旭生的日志 1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesnt work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. 2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. 3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will d

2、rag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But its still on the list. 5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then youre doing it wrong. 6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 7、We live in a society where pizza gets t

3、o your house before the police. 8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you dont have a good partner, youd better have a good hand. 9、Some people are like Slinkies . not really good for anything, but you cant help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. 10、Politicians and diapers have one t

4、hing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. 11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left. 12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. 13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 14、Men have two em

5、otions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. 15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. 17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wa

6、nted paychecks. 18、If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of payments. 19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer. 20、Evening news is where they begin with Good evening, and then proceed to tell you why it isnt. 21、How is it one careless match can start

7、a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? 22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea. does that mean that one enjoys it? 23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining. 25、N

8、ever, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 26、I didnt fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian 27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. 28、If I agreed with you wed

9、both be wrong. 29、Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish? 30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. 31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with

10、 Guess on it.so I said Implants? 32、Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up. 33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint i

11、s wet? 34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. 35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you dont need it. 36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. 37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

12、 38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught. 40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame. 41、Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are se

13、xy. 42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. 43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they

14、 go. 46、I discovered I scream the same way whether Im about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot. 47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets. 48、I didnt say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 49、Whenever I fill out an application, in the part

15、that says If an emergency, notify: I put DOCTOR. Whats my mother going to do? 50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many. 51、Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. 52、I always take life with a grain of salt, .plus a slice of lemon

16、, .and a shot of tequila. 53、The sole purpose of a childs middle name, is so he can tell when hes really in trouble. 54、Its not the fall that kills you; its the sudden stop at the end. 55、Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 56、Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseb

17、all bat. 57、Theres a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they cant get away. 58、A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. 59、Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. 60、My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

18、 61、My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, youre ugly too. 62、A little boy asked his father, Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? Father replied, I dont know son, Im still paying. 63、Some people say If you cant beat them, join them. I say If you

19、 cant beat them, beat them, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise. 64、When in doubt, mumble. 65、I intend to live forever. So far, so good. 66、Hospitality: making your guests feel like theyre at home, even if you wish they were. 67、If at first you d

20、ont succeed, skydiving is not for you! 68、A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer. 69、Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil. 70、Money cant buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. 71、Always borrow money from a pessimis

21、t. He wont expect it back. 72、Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen. 73、Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone. 74、Nostalgia isnt what it used to be. 75、With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. 76、I shouldve known it wasnt going to work out between my ex-w

22、ife and me. After all, Im a Libra and shes a bitch. 77、Hallmark Card: Im so miserable without you, its almost like youre still here. 78、Youre never too old to learn something stupid. 79、A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. 80、I go

23、t in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, Im going to mop the floor with your face. I said, Youll be sorry. He said, Oh, yeah? Why? I said, Well, you wont be able to get into the corners very well. 81、Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination what

24、soever. 82、I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours. 83、We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control. 84、Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower. 85、Just remember.if the world didnt suck, wed all fall off. 86、Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks youre an a

25、sshole. 87、I used to be indecisive. Now Im not sure. 88、I dont trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesnt die. 89、If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, youll have trouble putting on your pants. 90、To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 91、You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only o