儿童英文笑话.doc

1、Tell a lieMom: Which banana do you want, Victor?Victor: I want that one of the greatest.Mom: Victor, you should be polite, to have that little one.Victor: Mom, I must lie to be polite?妈妈：“你要哪一只香蕉，维克多？”维克多：“我要那只最大的。”妈妈：“维克多，你应该懂礼貌，要那只小的。”维克多：“妈妈，难道懂礼貌就必须说谎吗？”I Dont Like an Argument 我不想争论Gerald, asked

2、 the teacher, what is the shape of the earth?Its round, answered Gerald.How do you know its round? continued the teacher.All right, its square then, he replied, I really dont feel like getting into an argument about it!杰拉尔德，老师问：地球是什么形状？是圆形的，杰拉尔德回答道。你怎么知道是圆的？老师又问。好吧，那它是方的，学生回答说：我可不想与你争论这件事情。Two Birds

3、 两只鸟Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.Teacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：

4、我指不出，但我知道答案。老师：请说说看。学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。Three Turtles 三只乌龟Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, Go home and get the umbrella.The little turtle replied, I will, if you dont drink my offee.We wo

5、nt, the other two promised.Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, Well, I guess he isnt coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee.Just then a voice called from outside the door, If you do, I wont go.三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。它们刚到咖啡店的门口，就下起雨来。于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说，“回家去取伞吧。”最小的乌龟说，“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了

6、，我就去。”“我们不喝，”另外两只乌龟答应说。两年后，大乌龟对中乌龟说，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回来了，我们可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”正在这时，一个声音从门外传来，“你们要是喝了，我就不去。”Who Is the Laziest 谁最懒Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?Tom: I dont know, father.Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think!

7、When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?Tom: Our teacher, father.父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。父亲：啊，不对，你知道！想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课？汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。But the teacher cried 可是老师哭了The six-year-old John was ter

8、ribly spoiled（被宠坏的） . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum（乱发脾气） . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmothers loving arms.When he came home from school his gr

9、andma met him at the door.Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?Cry? John asked. No, I didnt cry, but the teacher did!六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？哭？约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。Who is Stupid 谁愚蠢A

10、teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, Everyone who thinks youre stupid, stand up!Little Johnny then stood up.The teacher said, Do you think youre stupid, Johnny?No, maam, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站

11、起来？”她一开始就说。小约翰尼站了起来。“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”Lost Purse 丢失的钱包A lady lost her handbag. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, Hmmm. Thats funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.The bo

12、y quickly replied, Thats right, lady. The last time I found a ladys purse, she didnt have any change for a reward.一个女人丢了手提包，有一个诚实的小孩捡到后交还给了她。她看了看钱包，说：“嗯，这么有趣，我丢的时候里面是一张20美元，现在成了20张一美元。”“没错，夫人。”小男孩立刻回答道，“上次我捡到钱包时，那位夫人没有零钱奖赏给我。”I know who god is 我知道上帝是谁了A boy says to her mother, Mom, is God a man or w

13、oman?The mom thinks a while and says, Well, son, God is both man and woman.The son is confused, so he asks, Is God black or white?The mother replies, God is both black and white, honey.The son, still curious, says after a while, Is God gay or straight, mommy?The mother, getting a little worried, ans

14、wers, Son, God is both gay andstraight.The son thinks about it, and his face lights up when he thinks he finally has answered his question: Is God Michael Jackson?儿子：妈妈，上帝是白人还是黑人？ 妈妈：宝贝，上帝是白人也是黑人！ 儿子：那上帝是男人还是女人？ 妈妈：宝贝，上帝是男人也是女人！ 儿子：哦。我知道了，上帝是迈克尔杰克逊！His Fault 他的错Billy: Mother, Bobby broke a window.Mo

15、ther: How did he do it?Billy: I threw a rock at him and he ducked.比利：妈妈，波比打坏了窗玻璃。妈妈：他怎么打的？比利：我向他扔石头，他躲开了。Like father, like son 有其父必有其子Son: Papa, whats the meaning of Like father, like son?Father: Bastard. What another scandalous thing have you done in the school?儿子：爸爸，“有其父必有其子”是什么意思呀？父亲：狗崽子，你在学校又干什么

16、见不得人的事啦？Theyre Busy 他们很忙One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered.May I speak to your parents? Theyre busy. Oh. Is anybody else there? The police. Can I speak to them?Theyre busy. Oh. Is anybody else there? The firemen. Can I speak to them? Theyre busy. So let me get this straight - your pa

17、rents, the police, and the firemen are there, but theyre all busy? What are they doing?Looking for me. 电话铃响了，小男孩接了电话。“请你父母听电话好吗？”“他们很忙。”“噢，那家里还有其他人吗？”“还有警察。”“我可以和他们说话吗？”“他们很忙。”“那还有其他人吗？”“还有消防员。”“我可以和他们说话吗？”“他们也很忙。”“请直接告诉我你的父母、警察和消防员都在你家，但他们都很忙，他们到底在干什么？”“在找我。”Toms excuse 汤姆的借口Teacher: Tom, why are y

18、ou late for school every day?Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, School-Go Slow.老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着：学校-慢行。I can not see it at all 我根本就看不见After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her

19、 son who was watching TV, Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not? After a while, her son returned and said, Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all.晚饭后，父亲和母亲都忙着和客人玩麻将，这时母亲忽然想起点儿事来，便对正在看电视的儿子说道：“宝贝，去看看厨房里的灯是不是还开着呢？” 过了一会儿，儿子回来说：“妈，厨房里太黑了，我根本就看不见。”The New Teacher 新老师George come

20、s from school on the first of September.George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.I didnt like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。“乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？” 妈妈问。“妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。”If I am a

21、 Manager 如果我是一个经理One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition If I Am a Manager.All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.I am waiting for my secretary, was the boys answer.一天课上，老师要同学们以如果我是一个经理为题写一篇作文。所有的学生都在动笔写了，只有一个男生例外

22、。老师走过去问他为什么不写。我在等我的秘书。那孩子答道。Big hands 大手Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?Student: Big hands.老师：如果我左手上有7个桔子，右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么？学生：大手。一场特殊的足球比赛Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Black, Excuse me for my coming late, sir. I watched a football match in my dream.Why did it make you late? inquired the teacher.Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time. replied Mike.