联考作文讲评

1、联考作文题：联考作文题：1. 1.一次令你快乐的成长经历；一次令你快乐的成长经历；2. 2. 你的体会和感想。你的体会和感想。审题：要点，格式，人称，时态审题：要点，格式，人称，时态要求：要求： 描写具体，语言生动，描写具体，语言生动，过程真实，语法正确。过程真实，语法正确。构思：构思： 快乐与成长快乐与成长的经历的经历 Beginning BodyEnding 开头直接点题开头直接点题1. I1. Itsts a great pleasure for me to be here today and a great pleasure for me to be here today and Il

2、l Ill share my growing experience here with you.share my growing experience here with you.2. Good morning, everyone! Today I want to share a 2. Good morning, everyone! Today I want to share a happy experience in my life with you. happy experience in my life with you. . . 开头直接点题开头直接点题, ,语言优美语言优美4.Goo

3、d morning, everyone! I am very 4.Good morning, everyone! I am very honored honored to stand here and to stand here and shareshare one of my growing one of my growing experiences. experiences. Tracing Tracing my growth, I think my growth, I think nothing could be more meaningful and nothing could be

4、more meaningful and enjoyable thanenjoyable than volunteering for the University volunteering for the University Students Sports Meeting in 2011.Students Sports Meeting in 2011.5. Throughout the life journey, there are 5. Throughout the life journey, there are countless experiences accompanying usco

5、untless experiences accompanying us, either , either bright or grey. They seem to be bright or grey. They seem to be eye-catching eye-catching peals which decorated our growing soul. Still I peals which decorated our growing soul. Still I remember the experience remember the experience which made me

6、 which made me happy.happy.From then on, I feel that I am more mature and always From then on, I feel that I am more mature and always have a sense of obligation. Contribution makes my have a sense of obligation. Contribution makes my growth happy and unregretful. I really appreciate this growth hap

7、py and unregretful. I really appreciate this experience.experience. 主体部分：过程真实，描写具体，主体部分：过程真实，描写具体，过程真实，过程真实，语法正确。语法正确。1.One beautiful sunny day, I , together with some of 1.One beautiful sunny day, I , together with some of my classmates, went to visit the nursing house (my classmates, went to visit

8、 the nursing house (敬老院敬老院) ) located not far away from our school. We helped the located not far away from our school. We helped the old men clean the house and chatted with them. Some old men clean the house and chatted with them. Some classmates who are good at singing and dancing also classmates

9、 who are good at singing and dancing also prepared a performance to show our love and care to prepared a performance to show our love and care to them. Seeing the bright smile on their face, we felt them. Seeing the bright smile on their face, we felt happy for what we did, though we were a little h

10、appy for what we did, though we were a little exhausted.exhausted.（benifitbenifit） 主体部分：过程真实，描写具体主体部分：过程真实，描写具体 语法正确，语言生动语法正确，语言生动3.It happened when I was 12. At that time, I was too 3.It happened when I was 12. At that time, I was too shy to speak one word loud in class. One day, my shy to speak on

11、e word loud in class. One day, my teacher asked students to share their travel experiences. teacher asked students to share their travel experiences. Travel is my favorite activity and I had lots of things to Travel is my favorite activity and I had lots of things to say. After struggling in my mind

12、, I put up my hand for say. After struggling in my mind, I put up my hand for the first time. To my surprise, all my classmates were the first time. To my surprise, all my classmates were attracted by my words. Though my face still turned red, attracted by my words. Though my face still turned red,

13、I was happy with what I have achieved. I was happy with what I have achieved. 主体部分：过程真实，描写具体主体部分：过程真实，描写具体 语法正确，语言生动语法正确，语言生动4. As a 15-year-old student, I was the youngest among 4. As a 15-year-old student, I was the youngest among all the volunteers. But I dall the volunteers. But I didnt idnt rel

14、ax myself. Instead, I relax myself. Instead, I worked harder. I sent umbrellas to passers-by when it worked harder. I sent umbrellas to passers-by when it rained. I passed some pills to travelers who were not rained. I passed some pills to travelers who were not feeling well. In return, they smiled

15、to me gratefully. feeling well. In return, they smiled to me gratefully. Tired but happy , I obtained valuable friendship and Tired but happy , I obtained valuable friendship and communication skills with strangers, which make me communication skills with strangers, which make me grow mature.grow ma

16、ture. 结尾部分：结尾部分：总结总结全文，升华全文，升华主题主题1. It was my first volunteer experience, which 1. It was my first volunteer experience, which encourages me to devote myself to more social encourages me to devote myself to more social activities. From then on, I feel that I am more mature activities. From then on,

17、 I feel that I am more mature and always have a sense of obligation. Contribution and always have a sense of obligation. Contribution makes my growth happy and unregretful. I really makes my growth happy and unregretful. I really appreciate this experience.appreciate this experience.2. I am eighteen

18、 years old now, which means Ive 2. I am eighteen years old now, which means Ive become an adult and have more responsibility to bear. become an adult and have more responsibility to bear. Ill Ill do my best to return my pado my best to return my parents rents love and live up love and live up to the

19、ir expectations.to their expectations.Good morning, everyone! Today I want to share a Good morning, everyone! Today I want to share a happy experience in my life with you. Throughout the happy experience in my life with you. Throughout the life journey, there are life journey, there are countless ex

20、periences countless experiences accompanying usaccompanying us, either bright or grey. They seem to be , either bright or grey. They seem to be eye-catching eye-catching peals which decorated our growing soul. peals which decorated our growing soul. Still I remember the experience Still I remember t

21、he experience which made me which made me happy.happy.1.One beautiful sunny day, I , together with some 1.One beautiful sunny day, I , together with some of my classmates, went to visit the nursing house (of my classmates, went to visit the nursing house (敬老院敬老院) ) located not far away from our scho

22、ol. We helped the old located not far away from our school. We helped the old people clean the house and chatted with them. Some people clean the house and chatted with them. Some classmates who are good at singing and dancing also classmates who are good at singing and dancing also prepared a perfo

23、rmance to show our love and care to prepared a performance to show our love and care to them. Seeing the bright smile on their face, we felt happy them. Seeing the bright smile on their face, we felt happy for what we did, though we were a little exhausted. for what we did, though we were a little e

24、xhausted. 结尾部分：结尾部分：总结总结全文，升华全文，升华主题主题3. I have learnt from the experience the meaning of 3. I have learnt from the experience the meaning of happinesshappiness. What blesses me most is being able to help my . What blesses me most is being able to help my friends. The experience makes me more friend

25、s. The experience makes me more maturemature.(385 .(385 马聪马聪) )4. For me, the 4. For me, the experienceexperience in in GuilingGuiling does educate me. does educate me. Whenever I meet trouble, I tell myself, just have a try and Whenever I meet trouble, I tell myself, just have a try and you can do it! (385 you can do it! (385 姚彤姚彤) )5. 5. After thatAfter that, I became ,