小学生英文笑话

1、Dead Goldfish Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, What are you up to there, Tim? My goldfish died, replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, and I've just buried him.

2、The neighbor was concerned. That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it? Tim patted down the last heap of earth, then replied, That's because he's inside your cat. Team Spirit At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, Do you understand what coope

3、ration is? What a team is? The little boy nodded in the affirmative. Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team? The little boy nodded yes. So, the coach continued, when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. D

4、o you understand all that? Again the little boy nodded. Good, said the coach. Now go over there and explain it to your mother. Ugly Face Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher sai

5、d, Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that. Johnny looked up and replied, Well, Ms. Smith, you cant say you werent warned. Two Cows A farmer had a brown cow and a white cow, and he wanted to get them bred, so he borrowed his neighb

6、or's bull and turned it loose in the pasture. He told his son to watch and tell him when the bull was finished. After a while the boy came into the living room where his father was talking to some friends. Say, Pop, said the boy. Yes, replied the father. The bull has just screwed the brown cow!.

7、 There was a sudden silence in the conversation. The father asked his friends to excuse him for a moment, took his son outside and said: Son, you musn't use language like that, especially in front of pany. You should say that the bull 'surprised' the cow. now go and watch and tell me whe

8、n the bull 'surprises' the white cow. The father went back inside the house. After a while the boy came back and said Hey, Daddy!. Yes, son, did the bull 'surprise' the white cow? He sure did, Pop! he screwed the brown cow again! Wake Up!_ A teacher is droning away in the classroom w

9、hen he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student's neighbor, Hey wake that student up! The neighbor yells back, You put him to sleep, you wake him up! Sick In Church A little girl and her mother were in church when the girl started to feel ill.

10、 Mommy, can we leave now? asked the girl. No. replied Mom. I think I'm gonna throw up. a and throw up behind door, walk around the back of the church Well go out the front bush. A few moments later the girl returned to her seat. Did you throw up? asked Mom. Yes. back here so the church, around t

11、hrow up and be How could you have gone all the way soon? I didn't even have to go outside. They have a box right by the front door that says 'for the sick'. Sunday School There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him and the nurses balls weighed

12、 five pounds. All five was his body weighed pounds and his even the doctor didn't know what to do with him. Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.'' So the chief surgeon took one look and

13、said, You should put him into a mental institution. ''Why?' asked the head nurse. Well, replied the chief surgeon, ake a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts. Birds And Bees Little Johnny's father asked him, Do you know about the birds and the bees? I don't want Confused,

14、the father asked little into know! little Johnny said, bursting tears. Johnny to what was wrong. Oh dad, Little Johnny sobbed, At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there

15、's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to live for! Baby Belly A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He inquisitively ask the lady, Why is

16、 your stomach so big? She replied, Im having a baby. With big eyes, he asked, Is the baby in your stomach? She said, He sure is. Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, Is it a good baby? She said, Oh, yes. It's a real good baby. With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked. T

17、hen why did you eat him? Staying Fat A little boy wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound ing from his parents' bedroom. Finally, one morning he goes to his mom and says, Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down

18、 on him. His mom is taken by surprise and says. Oh. well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again. The boy says, That won't work. His mom says, Why? The boy replies. Because the lady next door es by after you leave each day and blows him back up! Bad Lan

19、guage Young Justin has a cursing problem, and his father is getting tired of it. So he decides to ask reinforcement. Since Christmas is ing up, a shrink what to do. The shrink says, “Negativeask Justin what he wants from Santa. If he curses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop

20、in place of each gift he requests.” want a Justin's father asks him what he wants for Christmas. “ITwo days before Christmas, I wake up. When I go downstairs, I want to see a damn teddy bear lying beside me when damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside, I want to see a damn b

21、ike garage.”leaning up against the damn he dog poop. Confused, rolls into a pile of up On Christmas morning, Justin wakes and walks downstairs and sees another pile under the tree. He walks outside, looks at a huge pile did Santa bring of dog poo by the garage, and walks inside. His dad smiles and a

22、sks, “What year?” you this bitch!”“I think I got a goddamn dog, but I can't find the son of a Justin replies, Who Is Stupid? One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and said, Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid ple

23、ase stand up? After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up. Well, hello there sir. So you actually think you're a moron? the professor asked. The kid replied, No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself. What Do You Get? A mother is in the kitchen making sup

24、per for her family when her young daughter walks in. Mommy, where do babies e from? After thinking about it for a moment, the mother explains, Well, dear, a girl and a boy fall in love and get married. Then, one night they go into their room, hug and kiss, and have sex. The child looks puzzled. The

25、Mother continues, That means that daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, dear. The child replies, But, the other night when I came into your bedroom, you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that, Mommy? Jewellery, dear. Pushing It

26、Little Johnny es home from catholic school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys? But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dr

27、ess in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me! Johnny, the father said. You don't do those kind of things to women. Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny's father said, Johnny, I thought we had a

28、 talk! But Dad, Johnny said, It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like t

29、his, so I pushed it back in! Problems In Maths Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Cath

30、olic School. After the first day, little Tommy es home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room & starts studying. Books & papers are spread out all over the room and little Tommy is hard at work. His mother is amazed.

31、She is done he marches back to his the minute he calls him down to dinner and to her shock, room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before. This goes the all understand what made the after day while mother tries to day on for sometime, difference. Finally, little T

32、ommy brings home his report card. He quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the books. With great trepidation, his mom looks at it and to her surprise, little Tommy got an A in math. She can no longer hold her curiosity. She goes to his room and says: Son, what was it? Was it the nuns? Little Tommy looks at her and shakes his head No. Well then, she replies, was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms, WHAT was