初中英语笑话

1、WORD格式1. Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes andseemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you shou

2、ld make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next""两个猎人进森林里打猎， 其中一个猎人不慎跌倒， 两眼翻白，似已停顿呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助。接线员沉着地说： “第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。 于是，接线员在里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问： “第二步怎办

3、？ 2.Let me take it downAn elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen .""Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."为我所用一头大象对一只小老鼠说： “你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。 “请再说一

4、遍，让我把它记下来。 老鼠说。 “我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。3.Watering Flower In RainTom:Why doyou have that watering can"Dan:I'm going to water the flowers.Tom:But it'd raining.Dan:That's OK.I'm wear-ing my raincoat.雨天浇花汤姆：你拿喷壶做什么？丹：我要去浇花。汤姆：可是，在下雨呀！丹：没关系，我穿着雨衣呢！4. Two birlsTeacher: Here are two birds, one

5、 is a swallow, the other is sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which"Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.Teacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.专业资料整理WORD格式两只鸟专业资料整理WORD格式教师： 这儿有两只鸟， 一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子， 哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不

6、出，但我知道答案。教师：请说说看。学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。5、 he Fish Net"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann"""A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the littlegirl.鱼网"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 教师发问道。"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩答复道。6、The New TeacherGeorge c

7、omes from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher"" asked his mother."I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and threewere six and then she said that two and four were six too."新教师9 月 1 日， 乔治放学回到家里。"乔治，你喜欢你们的新教师吗？&

8、quot; 妈妈问。"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3 加 3 得 6, 可后来又说 2 加 4 也得 6。"7、 A physics Examination专业资料整理WORD格式Oncein a physicsexamination,Nickfinishedthefirstquestion专业资料整理WORD格式very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear t

9、he thunderrolls"Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.一次物理考试在一次物理考试时， 当同学们都还在苦思冥想时， 尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？尼克的答复是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。专业资料整理WORD格式8.Too Fast or Too SlowA man was driving at 130 miles an hour when a policeman overtook him."Was I driving too fast,off

10、icer""the man asked."NO,"the policeman answered,"You were flying too slow."太慢或太快一个男人正在以 130 英里每小时的速度行驶，当一个警观察见他时，他问： “我开的太快了吗？警官。 “不，警察说， “你飞的太慢了。 9.Good BoyLittle Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday"&quo

11、t;"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered."You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman"""She is the one who sells the candy."好孩子小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。“昨天给你的钱干什么了？“我给了一个可怜的老太婆， 他答复说。

12、“你真是个好孩子， 妈妈骄傲地说。 “再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？ “她是个卖糖果的。 10.Nest and HairMy sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird"" my sister asked."I didn't see the bird, ma'

13、 am, only the nest," replied the child."Then, can you give us a description of the nest"" my sister encouraged her ."Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "Notes:(1) inform v.告诉(2) nest n.窝；巢(3) description n.描述(4) encourage v鼓.励专业资料整理WORD格式(5) resemble v. 相似；类似

14、鸟窝与头发我姐姐是一位小学教师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。“是什么鸟呢？ 我姐姐问她。“我没看到鸟儿，教师，只看到鸟窝。那孩子答复说。“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？我姐姐鼓励她道。“哦，教师，就像你的头发一样。11.He WonTommy: How is your little brother, Johnny" Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen"Johnny: We played who coul

15、d lean furthest out of the window, and he won.他赢了汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。12.I Have His Ear in My PocketIvan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened"""A kid bit me," replied Ivan."Would you recognize

16、 him if you saw him again"" asked his mother."I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."他的耳朵在我衣兜里伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问， “发生了什么事？ “一个男孩咬了我一口， 伊凡说。“再见到他你能认出来吗？ 妈妈问。“他走到哪里我都能认出他，伊凡说。 “他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。13.DrunkOne day, a father and his little son were goin

17、g home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad"" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two

18、 policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"专业资料整理WORD格式醉酒一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。 这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，,醉"字是什么意思？唔“，孩子， 父亲答复说， “你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。 可“是，爸爸， 孩子说， “那儿只有一个警察呀！ 14.Teacher:Why are

19、 you late for school every morning"Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".教师 : 为什么你每天早晨都迟到"汤姆 : 每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子仩写着 " 学校 - 慢行 ".15专业资料整理WORD格式“ I'm sorry，Madam，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for专业资料整理WORD格式pulling your boy

20、's tooth .专业资料整理WORD格式“ Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged onlyfour dollars for such work!“ Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four otherpatients out of theoffice .“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20 美元。 “ 20美元！为什么？不是说好只要 4 美元。 “是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。 16.I&#

21、39;ve Just Bitten My Tongue"Are we poisonous"" the young snake asked his mother."Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask"""Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "Notes:(1) poisonous adj.有毒的(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Ca

22、use 是 Because 的缩略形式。我刚咬破自己的舌头“我们有毒吗？ 一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。“是的，亲爱的， 她答复说， “你问这个干什么？ “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。 专业资料整理WORD格式17.A Woman Who FellIt was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her foo

23、ting on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet""摔倒的女人上下班顶峰期， 我匆匆奔向纽约豪

24、华中心站去赶一趟火车。 接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的*石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。 我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道： “总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？ 18.Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea"A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。 但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，

25、 而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。 这个答案很有意思吧？19. Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world"A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.因为 snail 蜗牛的后背上总是背着一所房子 ，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是缺乏为奇的。你说呢？20.Q: What do people do in a clock factory"A: They make faces all day.一看到 make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除

26、了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。21.Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep"A: Keep him awake.怎样才能不让梦游者 sleepwalker梦游 walk in his sleep呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。 虽然这不是治疗方法， 但如果让梦游者醒着呢， 他确实就不会去梦游了。专业资料整理WORD格式22.He is really somebody- My uncle has 1000 men under him.- He is really somebody. What

27、 does he do"- A maintenance man in a cemetery.他真是一个大人物- 我叔叔下面有 1000 个人。- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？- 墓地守墓人。23.Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, th

28、e clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, andtrust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."它们是从美国直接带来的一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久， 到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元

29、。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一X钞票，看是否有假。这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。24.my little dog can't readMrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.我的狗不识字布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。专业资料整理WORD格式25.Bring me the winner- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a figh