读后续写登山救人讲义-2023届高三英语写作专项

【原题重现】阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。Asmountainsgo,1,642-footSquawPeakisn!tparticularlyimpressive.ButitsinvitingviewsofwesternMassachusettshavetrickedhikersintobecomingcontentamongitssteep,slipperycliffs（悬崖），resultingincountlessinjuriesandevendeaths.HenryGrant,aweekshyofstartinghisfreshmanyearatIthacaCollege,respectedSquawPeak'srecord.Assuch,hestayedagoodtenfeetfromtheedgewhilewaitingforhismothertocatchuptohimonedayinAugust2019.Hewatched15orsootherhikersenjoythesplendidview;onehiker,around60anddressedinpink,waspeekingoverthelipofthehighcliffwithherhusband.WhenGrantsmotherrejoinedhim,thetwoheadeddownthetrail.Suddenly,heheardsomethingfrightening:"Paula!Paula!namanyelled.Grantwheeledaround.Thewomaninpinkwasnowheretobeseen.She'dfallenoffthesideofthemountain.Severalhikersimmediatelystartedlookingforher,buttheirviewwasblockedbytrees.Grantdecidedtolendahand.Afterassuringhismotherthathewouldbesafe,Grandwalkedoffthetrailalone.After15minutesofclimbingoververylargerocks,pushingpastsharpbrush,andslippingdownpatchesofloosedirt,Grantspottedafigureabout25feetabovehim.Shewasdressedinpinkandcrumpledinakneelingpositiononasmallrockyoutcropping（露出地面的岩石）.Thewomanhadfallenabout75feet.Incredibly,shewasalive.“Paula!”Grantshouted."Paula.Isthatyou?”Thewomanhardlyresponded.Grantcalled911toreportherlocation.Hewaitedwherehewasforabit,butshekepttryingtomove,andeverytimeshemoved,sheslippedalittlemore.Afraidthatinherconfusedstateofmindshemightfallofftheoutcroppingtoherdeath,Grantcrawledonallfoursupatight,narrowpath,gainingtraction（牵弓|力）bydiggingintothedirtwithhisfingersandfeetuntilhereachedPaula.Para1Shewasmoaning（呻吟）andhardlymakingsense.Para2About45minuteslater,therescuersarrivedonthetopofthemountain.【学生问题】■第一段Grant救人过程不够具体或者不能体现Grant的机智英勇，学生直接写不能够做什么，直接坐等，实际上在等待过程中,Grant可以起到很大的作用，建议提醒其不要再挣扎，鼓励她坚持不要放弃或者帮她轻微处理一下伤口等2.句子与句子之间的连贯性极差如前一句在说Paula获救，后一句就讲到Grant怎么样改法：改为Grant看到Paula获救，grant怎么样的感受这样才符合英文的表达内在逻辑■老问题：单词拼写句式错误非谓语乱用4.结尾太过仓促有一种特别的写法写大学知道时间线延长了这篇文章尚可但属于冒险做法即时影响就是当时被救人对Grant的感激和妈妈的自豪延时影响只要简单交代对未来大学生活的影响即可不需要那么复杂Para1［救人前】Paula的伤势或情绪Partiallyparalyzed半瘫痪Bleed流血Shewasfoundalivebutsufferingasevereinjuries.发现她活着但是受了几处重伤Lapse/sinkintounconsciousness陷入昏迷/不清醒的状态Constantlypushherselfforwardtogetherselfoutofthecliff/danger持续不断地向前使得自己可以远离悬崖/脱离危险【救人中】Grant动作举止Securehimselfagainstatree使自己靠着树Giveheragentleshove轻轻地推Tapherontheshoulder轻轻地拍她的肩膀Whispertoher,keepingherawakeuntiltherescuerscame向她小声的说，使她醒着直到救援者到来wakeherupinasoftvoice用温.柔的声音唤醒她Remindhernottomoveaninch,whichputherinmoredanger/posedaseriousdangertoher.提醒她不要动，动的话会是她陷入危险Keepherawakebyinquiringaboutheridentity通过询问她的身份使她保持清醒Comfort/soothe/givecomfortstoherandgiveherthechanceofsurviving安慰她，告诉她幸存的可能性Informherofthecomingofrescuersandencouragehertohangon告知她救援人员要来了鼓励她坚持Grant情绪Seeingthesteepcliffandthebadlyinjuredwoman,hefeltamixtureofgreatpanicandanxiety.看着峭壁和受伤很严重的女人，他感觉到既害怕又焦虑leavehimatalossbutstaycalm不知所措但冷静下来Paula动作情绪remainfocusedonwhatGrantwassayinginsteadofherpain一直保持关注Grant所说的话Para2【救人后】Rescuers动作spinherupright把她翻过来Anchorhertothestretcher固定在担架上Belayheracrosstherock用绳索锁住固定在岩石上Airlifthertothehospital空运到医院Pumpherwaterandpainkiller给她服用水和止痛药Paulal动作情绪Eventually最终Endupbeingsaved最终被救FeltRelivedbutfellintounconsciousnessintheend.感至U松了——口气但最后昏过去Paula飞husband动作情绪tearsinhiseyes;眼中口禽着泪水holdPaula'shandstightly紧紧的抓住她的手;appreciateGrant5sbraveryandkindness感激Grant的英勇和善良Grantasmom动作情绪throwherarmsaroundGrant;抱住Grantfeelproudofherson;为儿子感到自豪smileofpridespreadingacrossherface自豪的笑容在脸上绽开Whenshesawhersonsafeandsound,herconcernandanxietygavewaytoherprideinGrant9sbravery.看到儿子安然无恙，她的担心和焦虑慢慢变成了对儿子英勇的自豪之感Grant感受所思所想ItwasanunforgettableandvaluableexperienceforGrantwhowouldbravehisfruitfulandchallengingcollegelife.对于Grant这是一次难忘且有价值的经历让他敢于面对未来的富有成果且有挑战的大学生活。【菲写不可】Para1Shewasmoaning(呻吟)andhardlymakingsense.Shewasfoundalivebutsufferingseveieinjuiies.Withherarms,legsandfacebleeding,sheconstantlypushedherselfforwardwithallherstrengthtogetherselfoutofthecliff.Seeingthesteepcliffandthebadlyinjuredwoman,Grantfeltamixtureofgreatpanicandanxietybutsoonhestayedcalm.Hesecuredhimselfagainstatree,gavePaulaagentleshoveandremindedhernottomoveaninch,whichwouldputherinmoredangei7Poseaseriousdangertoher.KeepingPaulaawakebyinquiringaboutheridentityandgivingcomfortstoherthattherescuerswasonthewayhere,Grantencouragedhertohangonandgaveheithestrongbeliefofsurviving.(119)Para2About45minuteslater,therescuersarrivedonthetopofthemountain.Paula'shusbandandGrant'smomalsocameandtheyclimbeddownthetrailtogetherwiththerescuerstofindthem.ItwasnotlongbeforetheyfoundPaulalyingonthegroundwithbloodsallover.没过多久他们就看到Paula躺在地上鲜血淋漓。Paula'shusbandrushedtoherandheldherintohisarms.ThentherescuerscameupandanchoredPaulatoastretchergently,andofferedabottleofwateitogetheiwithsomepainkilleis.SeeingthatPaulawasfinallyrescued,theyallfeltrelieved.TheywereshockedbyGrant'sbraveryandkindnesswhileGrant'smomlookingathersonwithtearsinhereyesandherconcernandanxietyalsostartedtogivewaytoheiprideinGrant'sbiavery.Exhaustedandtiredashewas,尽管他很疲惫hethoughtitwasanunforgettableandvaluableexperienceforhimwhichwouldmakehimbravehisfruitfulandchallengingcollegelife.【官方范文】Shewasmoaningandhardlymakingsense.Herhead,arms,andlegswerebleeding.Apparently,shesufferedsevereinjuries受了几处伤whenfalling75feetoff.Atthissight,Grantsprangintoaction.立亥行动Securinghimselfagainstatree,固定在树上Grantgentlyputherhandinhis把她的手轻放在自己手里andtriedtokeephermindoffthepainbykeepingaskingherquest