九省联考读后续写实例分析心机豚的故事讲义高三英语一轮复习

九省联考英语读后续写实例分析心机豚的故事Lastsummer,Hildaworkedasavolunteerwithdolphintrainersatasealifepark.Herjobwastomakesurethe

tanks

were

freeofanyitems

sothatthetrainerscouldtrainthedolphinsto

fetch

specificitems.However,onedayaftercleaning,oneofthedolphins,Maya,presentedHildawithacandywrapperfromthetank.WhenKatherine,thetrainer,sawthis,she

blamedHildaforhercarelessness.Upsetbutnotdiscouragedbythisevent,Hildadecidedtodosome

spying

onMaya.Thenextmorning,Hildaarrivedattheparkearly.Sheputonherscubagear（水下呼吸器）andjumpedintothetankforherusual,underwatersweep.

Findingnothinginthetank,sheclimbedoutofthewaterjustintimetoseeKatherinejumpinginontheotherside.Afterwhathappenedyesterday,Hildaknewwhatshewasdoing.ShewatchedasKatherineperformedherunderwatersearch,butHildawasn'tsurprisedwhenshe

surfacedemptyhanded.Duringthetanksweeps,Mayahadbeenswimmingplayfully,butnowthedolphinstoppedsuddenlyandswamtothe

backpart

ofthetankwherethe

filter（过滤）box

waslocated.Shestuckhernosedownbehindtheboxandthenswamaway.WhatwasMayadoingbackthere?Hildawondered.Shejumpedbackintothewaterandswamovertotakealookbehindthebox,andherquestionwasanswered.HildathenswamacrossthetankfollowingMaya'spathandemergedfromthewatertofindKatherineremovingherscubagear.AsKatherineturnedaround,hermouthdroppedopen.TherewasMayaattheedgeofthetankwithab（梳子）inhermouthwaitingforhertreat.“Maya!

Wheredidyougetthat?”demandedKatherine,takingthebandthrowingherafish.“Iknowwhereshegotit,”declaredHildaclimbingoutofthetankwithahandfulofitemsstillwetfromtheirwatery,restingplace.“What'sallthis?”Katherineasked,obviouslyconfused.

人物档案：姓名Hilda身份avolunteerwithdolphintrainersatasealifepark工作内容makesurethe

tanks

were

freeofanyitems冲突dolphinMayapresentedHildawithacandywrapperandKatherine

blamedHildaforhercarelessness解决Maya’ssecret结尾点题及解决问题以下为学生习作。在学生习作的基础上，进行一定程度的修改，并给出几条关于读后续写的建议。

“ThisisMaya’ssecret,”Hildasaidwithabigsmile.“？什么秘密”K迷惑地说。“因为它知道如果它给你带来了自己藏得垃圾，你会给它奖励。”“哈哈，它真是个大聪明。”Hilda突然开始委屈起来，“你都冤枉我了，我很无辜。”“Oh，对不起，我的亲爱的。”“没事，不过海豚这个办法真的让人猜不出，太聪明了。”“What?”Ksaidwithconfused.“BecauseMayaknowifshebringsomerubbishthatshewerehiding.Youcangiveshetreat.”“Ha,ha.Shewassocute.”Hildafeltverysad,“Youblamedmewereamistake.Iwasverysad.”“Oh,sorrymydear.Itwasmymistake.”saidK.“It’sOK.Maya’smeasuremadeusguessnot.Sosmart.”

修改意见：对话描写过多，可增加一定的动作，丰富故事的情绪波动。

“What?”Confusedasshewas,KatherinestillturnedtoHilda.【Katherine的情绪+动作】Lookingherintheeyes,Hildacontinued,“Mayajustknowsshecouldgetsomethingbackinreturnaslongasshepresentsthedesirableitem.Youdidn’tbelievemetheotherday,butIknewIdidwhatIshoulddo.”【Hilda解释Maya的行为，并为自己曾经的遭遇申诉】Katherinefellsilentallofasuddenbecausesomanythingspouredintohermindandeverythingseemedtomakesense.【Katherine对Hilda话的回应和心理活动】

NowKatherinerealizedwhathadbeengoingon.现在K意识到了自己错了，很内疚。她从中明白了做事不能太主观臆断，应有足够的证据证明别人有错。Kfeltblameself.Itwasamistake.Sheknewmakesomesomethingsdidn’tthinkingsimply.Musthasenoughevidencestoimprovingyouthinkwhoweremistake.Itwasalsotoldus,didn’tmadesomesimplymistake.

修改意见：结尾处，海豚Maya应该登场，作为Hilda和Katherine之间误会消解的见证。本文情节较为轻松，在主题升华方面，可以更接地气。

WhileKatherinewasabouttoapologizetoHilda,Mayahadalreadyfinishedhertreatanddoveintothetankagain.【这句话，让故事中的三方一同出场，提供和解的机会。】

Afewsecondslater,Mayaappearedwithanothershiningiteminhermonth,amirror.

【前后呼应，表明Maya行为的前后连贯性。】Katherinecouldn’thelpbutlaugh,“Howcleveryouare,mysweetheart.”【Katherine和Maya的互动，化解尴尬。】

Atthatmoment,HildahandedthebucketandsaidtoKatherine,“IalwaysknewIwasright.”

【Hilda提醒，别忘记道歉。】KatherinenoddedwhilethrowingafishtowardsMaya,“Hilda,IamsorryforwhatIhavedonetoyou.”【Katherine借着喂Maya，化解矛盾。】TheylookedateachotherandthenturnedtoMaya,burstingintoalaughter.Mayadeservedhertreatasshealwaysdid.【总结性话语，三方均有收获。】

本文的亮点表达：①

confusedasshewas=Thoughshewasconfused的结构转换②

Hildacontinued，其中continue为避免said的重复表达③

getsomethingbackinreturnaslongas，相对复杂句型表达④

allofasudden和makesense⑤

while...wasaboutto...⑥

withanothershiningitem...,amirror，具体细节描写⑦

couldn’thelpbutlaugh，can’thelpbutdo的结构⑧

whilethrowing，同时进行的动作描写⑨

burstingintoalaughter，具体动作描写⑩

deservedhertreat，用treat点题，用deserve进一步加强文本的轻松感

小结：读后续写本身故事性较强，体现在矛盾冲突、意外、情绪及动作组合以及人物言语举止带来的性格。

几条建议：1.情节展开时，需要做到克制。在一个小