孔雀东南飞-英语搞笑短剧剧本

焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)刘兰芝lunch(lforshort)焦母johnny’smother(jmforshort)刘母lunch’smother(lmforshort)太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)强盗burglars(abandc)prologue序幕(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)j:everybodysaysthati’mhenpecked,butinfact,i’mastrongtiger,(小声)whilemywifeiswusong.译：人人都说我怕老婆，实际上我是老虎，（小声）我妻子是武松。(指着上台处的门大声道)i’mnotafraidofyou!译：我才不怕你呢！(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then,i’mafraidofwhom!mywifelunchiisthemostfamouswomanintheneighborhood.sheisbraverthanme,smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.allthisidonotcare.ionlywanthertobetendererthanme.butsheisnot!havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!译：谁怕谁啊！在邻里中，我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些，但是她却不懂温柔！有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊！(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)mygod!whocanhelpme?(下)译：我的天！谁来救救我啊？act1第一幕(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)jm(拄拐棍上):ican!(对门内)lunch!lunch!whereareyou?l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’mhere!what’sup，mum?jm:ihavetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law”.l:ok.mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?jm:sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,solazy……l:but……jm:neverinterruptme!l:neverinterruptme!sinceimarriedyourson,thatterriblejohnny,ihavebeenworkinghardalldaylong,cookingandwashing.ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchickenand……jm:butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)goandaskyourson.i’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)act2(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)l:mum,i’mback!lm:youareback?why?whathappened?l:iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see!ihavealreadytoldyou!whenyouinsistedonmarryingthatterriblejohnny,itoldyouthatheisugly,stupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlistentome.lookatyourself……l:but,mum……lm:neverinterruptme!l:mum,i’mnotinterr