读后续写微技巧3(精炼语言确保首尾照应)

精炼语言确保首尾照应【真题再现】 (2023·浙江1月高考)Iwasinvitedtoacookoutonanoldfriend’sfarminwesternWashington.Iparkedmycaroutsidethefarmandwalkedpastamilkinghousewhichhadapparentlynotbeenusedinmanyyears.Anoiseatawindowcaughtmyattention,soIenteredit.Itwasahummingbird(蜂鸟),desperatelytryingtoescape.Shewascoveredinspider-webs(蛛网)andwasbarelyabletomoveherwings.SheceasedherstruggletheinstantIpickedherup.Withthebirdinmycuppedhand,Ilookedaroundtoseehowshehadgottenin.Thebrokenwindowglasswasthelikelyanswer.Istuffedapieceofclothintotheholeandtookheroutside,closingthedoorsecurelybehindme.WhenIopenedmyhand,thebirddidnotflyaway;shesatlookingatmewithherbrighteyes.Iremovedthestickyspider-websthatcoveredherheadandwings.Still,shemadenoattempttofly.Perhapsshehadbeenstrugglingagainstthewindowtoolongandwastootired?Ortoothirsty?AsIcarriedheruptheblackberry-linedpathtowardmycarwhereIkeptawaterbottle,shebegantomove.Istopped,andshesoontookwingbutdidnotimmediatelyflyaway.Hovering(悬停),sheapproachedwithinsixinchesofmyface.Foraverylongmoment,thistinycreaturelookedintomyeyes,turningherheadfromsidetoside.Thensheflewquicklyoutofsight.Duringthecookout,Itoldmyhostsaboutthehummingbirdincident.Theypromisedtofixthewindow.AsIwasdeparting,myfriendswalkedmetomycar.Iwasstandingbythecarwhenahummingbirdflewtothecenterofourgroupandbeganhovering.Sheturnedfrompersontopersonuntilshecametome.Sheagainlookeddirectlyintomyeyes,thenletoutasqueakingcallandwasgone.Foramoment,allwerespeechless.Thensomeonesaid,“Shemusthavecometosaygoodbye.”注意:续写词数应为150个左右。Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain._____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Iwasjustabouttoleavewhenthehummingbirdappeared._________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________【解题策略】第一步根据续写第一段第一句推出首段续写“三要点”首句Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain.梗概MythoughtsdriftedbacktothemomentwhenIrescuedthehummingbird.Icouldn’thelpwonderinghowshewasgettingonnow.第二句AsmycarneareditmythoughtsdriftedbacktothemomentwhenIrescuedthehummingbirdfromspider-webs.尾句Hadshemanagedtofindherwayhome,orwasshestillouttheresomewherestrugglingtosurvive?第二步根据续写第二段第一句推出第二段续写“两要点”首句Iwasjustabouttoleavewhenthehummingbirdappeared.梗概Iturnedaroundtoseethesamehummingbirdhoveringintheair.尾句...IwouldalwayscherishthememorieswesharedasIclimbedintomycaranddroveaway.第三步根据“情感线”和“情节线”列出写作关键句情感线Iwasingreatcomfort→Ifeltasurgeofreliefandawe情节线Iwenttothefarmagain→mythoughtsdriftedbacktothepastmoment→Irushedtothedesertedhouse→itwasagreatcomfort→Iwonderedhowshewasgettingon;Iwasjustabouttoleavewhenthehummingbirdappeared→itseemedthatshewaswaitingforme→Iclimbedintomycaranddroveaway第四步谋篇成文,文字流畅考场高分作文续写高分亮点秀Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain.AsmycarneareditmythoughtsdriftedbacktothemomentwhenIrescuedthehummingbirdfromspider-webs.①Irushedbacktothedesertedhouse.Itwasagreatcomfortthattheoriginalholeinthewindowwasnowheretobefound.②Leavingthehouse,Icouldn’thelpwonderinghowshewasgettingonnow.③Hadshemanagedtofindherwaybackhome,orwasshestillouttheresomewherestrugglingtosurvive?④Iwasjustabouttoleavewhenthehummingbirdappeared.⑤Aflashofmovementcaughtmyattention.Iturnedaroundtoseethesamehummingbirdhoveringintheair.Itseemedthatthebirdwaswaitingforme,herbeadyeyeslockedonmineasiftryingtoconveysomedeep,unspokengratitude.⑥Ifeltasurgeofreliefandaweatthesightofthissoundandgratefulcreature,andIknewthatIwouldalwayscherishthememorieswesharedasIclimbedintomycaranddroveaway.⑦①使用when引导定语从句。②使用benowheretobedone,语言准确、地道。③句中包括动词-ing短语作状语;动词-ing形式作宾语及how引导的宾语从句。④句中or并列连接两个疑问句。⑤句中使用了句型“beabouttodo...when”,意思是“正要做……这时……”。⑥使用了句型Itseemsthat...。⑦句是一个复杂的句式,第三个and并列连接了两个句子,其中后句是复合句,包括宾语、定语和状语三大从句形式。【技巧分析】一、开头6大设计技巧开头形式真题回放副词Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.Immediately,anabsolutedarknessruledtheforest.形容词短语Suddenlyalittlerabbitjumpedoutinfrontofmyhorse.AfraidthatImighthurtthelovelysmallcreature,Iautomaticallyletoutacrytostopmyhorse.非谓语ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.Feelingrefreshed,shecontinuedtowalkalongthestreamtofindthewayout.对话式Wesatdownnexttoeachother,butDavidwouldn’tlookatme.Isaidgentlyandquietly,“Noonecanchangeyourmind,exceptyourself.”【新高考Ⅰ卷2022】问答式Iunderstoodimmediatelywhatmyparentswereworriedabout.TheywereworriedthatIwastooselfishtogive.【浙江高考2021】因果式Thepayarrivedatlast.Althoughthejobwasverytiring,IwasveryhappyinmyheartforIgotsomethingfrommywork.【浙江高考2021】二、收尾3大设计技巧收尾形式真题回放首尾呼应ThetwinswerefilledwithexcitementastheythoughtofthesurprisetheywereplanningforMother’sDay.(首句)Motherhuggedthemtightlyandkissedthemagainandagain.(尾句)【新高考Ⅰ卷2021】名言警句Justasthesayinggoes,onepersoncangofar,butagroupofpersonscantravelfarther.(尾句)【浙江高考1月2022】情感、思想升华Itwashisbraveheartandstrongfaiththatcouldmakesomethingunusualhappenfinally.(尾句)【新高考Ⅰ卷2022】【拓展演练】1．阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。Laughterissaidtobethebestmedicineinourlife.Nothingworksfasterormoredependablytobringyourmindandbodybackintobalancethanagoodlaugh.Laughterlightensyourburdens,inspireshope,connectsyoutoothers,andkeepsyoumorefocusedonthepositive.Iliketolaughandbehappywheneverthereisareasonforit.Crackingjokesusuallymakesushappyandlight-heartedafteradayofhardwork,andsodomanyfunnyincidentswhichwemaysometimesexperienceinourdailylife.However,today,Iwouldliketotalkaboutafunnyincidentthathappenedtomeafewyearsago,whenIwasstillastudentatprimaryschool.Thatveryincidenttookplaceatabirthdaypartyheldatmyaunt’shouse.Infact,itwasabirthdaypartyheldforoneofmylittlecousins.Onthatspecialoccasion,everybody,includingallofmyfamilymembers,closerelativesandsomeofthelittlefriendsofmycousin’s,wasinvitedtothepartyonalovelysummereveninginordertoenjoytheparty.Bytheway,thepartywassupposedtobeconcludedasearlyaspossible,becauseallthelittleguests,friendsofmycousin’s,neededtoreturntotheirhomessafelybeforeitwasgettingtoolateatnight.So,afterseveralhoursofbusypreparations,thepartyformallystartedataround8pm.Theadultsandthekidsallcameuptothetableandgentlyopenedupthevariouscolorfulgiftboxesonebyonewithaformalceremony.Onceweweredonewithopeningthegiftboxes,thetimecameforustosingthe“HappyBirthdaytoYou”songinchorus,andweallsangthesonginordertowishaveryhappybirthdaytomylittlecousin.Finallycamethemomentweallhadbeenwaitingforeagerly.Andwewerereadytoopenthecakeboxandcutthebirthdaycake.注意：1.续写词数应为150个左右；2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。Tooursurprise,thecakehadalreadybeencut!_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Hearingwhatmyauntsaid,weexpressedourwillingnesstogiveoursharetothehomeless._______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________2．阅读下面的材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。Itwasthedayoftheclasselection,amomentIhadanticipated（期待）forweeks.Thistime,IwasdeterminednottoexperienceanotherdefeatasIhadhadtheyearbefore.Ihadmademorepostersandwrittenabetterspeech.Ihadbeenthroughawholeyearofhighschool,metmorepeopleandmademorefriends.Byworkinghardonclasscommitteeactivitiesallyear,Ihadprovedmyworthevenwithoutajobtitle.Imademywaytothecenteroftheroom,feelingarushofgrowinganxietyasIpreparedtoaddressmylargeclass.Introducingmyselfwithasmileandlistingmyachievements,Ihopednobodycouldtellthatmycalmexterior（外表）didnotmatchhowIfeltinside.AsIdeliveredmyspeech,thewell-preparedtwo-minutetimelimitfeltlikeanhour.Finishingmyspeechwithaslogan,“Pleasebelievemeandvoteforme,”Ialmostshrank,realizingitmightnotbeasmartmove.Imademywaybacktomychair,tryingtorememberhowtositgracefullyinaskirt.MyhandswereshakingsomuchthatIhadtroubleholdingontomyspeech.Ibarelynoticedtheteachercallthenameofmyopponent（对手）,whowasnowwalkinguptoreadhisspeech.Itriedtolisten,tocompare,topredictmychances,butIhadtoomanyotherthoughtsflyingthroughmyhead.Ilookedatthefacesoppositeme.Myfriendssmiledatmeandgavemeanencouragingthumbs-upsignwhentheycaughtmyeye.Aseachofthenextcandidatesreadtheirspeeches,Idebatedmychancesinmyhead.Irememberedmylossthepreviousyear.Iwasdepressedforanentireweekend.Thistime,Iwouldnotgetmyhopesup.Finally,itwastimeformetoheaddowntotheofficetoheartheresults.注意：1.续写词数应为150左右；2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。Astheteacherstartedtoreadthelist,Istoodstill,anticipatingthefinalitem.____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Thenextyear,Ichangedmystrategy.____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________3．阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。Oneday,mynine-year-oldyoungerbrotherJeffcamehomefromschoolearlierthanme.WhenIreturnedhome,Ifoundhewasshoutingatourmom—whowasbusycookinginthekitchen—abouttheclothesthatneededwashing.“Mom,whyhaven’tyouwashedmyclothes?”heasked,pointingatthedirtyclotheshehadtakenofftwodaysbefore.“Iwanttowearthemtomorrow,”Jeffadded.However,theclothesthathewaswearingstilllookedclean.“Dear,I’llwashitaftercooking,”MomtoldJeff,lookinganxiousandupset.Withoutreplying,Jeffunhappilywenttohisbedroomandclosedthedoor,withalongface.IwasshockedaboutJeff’sbadbehaviortowardsMom.Howunsympathetichewas!Ourwashingmachinehadbeenoutoforderfortwomonths.Becauseourparentswereonatightbudgetandweretoobusy,theystilldidn’tbuyanewone.Sorecentlyourfamilyhadtowashourclothesbyhand,whichwastime-wastingandtrulyhardwork.JustwhenIdecidedtoscold(训斥)mylittlebrother,Dadcamehomefromwork,andItoldhimwhathadhappened.DadwasupsetandfeltsorryforMom,knowinghowhardsheworkedallday.Shewasasaleswomaninasupermarketanddidallshecouldtosupportourfamily.Often,Dadtriedtohelpwithsomeofthehousework.Hedidn’twantMomtohavetoomuchburden,knowingherheavyworkasasaleswoman.Ialsotriedtosparetimetohelpdohousework,sharingsomeofthefamilyburden.However,Jeffwasalazyandnaughty(淘气)boy,whohardlydidhousework.Now,ourdaddecideditwashightimetoteachhimalesson.“Jeff,comehere,”Dadcalledout.“I’vesomegoodnewsforyou.”Jeffimmediatelycameandaskedexcitedly,“What,Dad?”“YourmomandIaretoobusyrecently.Tonight,Iwantyoutowashyourownclothes,”Dadsmiled.Jeffimmediatelyrefused,shakinghishead.注意：1.续写词数应为150左右；2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。“Then,youwon’tgetyourpocketmoneynextweek.I’mserious,”Dadreplied.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________At9pm,Jeffwasstillstrugglingtorinse(漂洗)theclothes,realizingtheworkwasn’teasyatall.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________4．阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。注意：1.续写词数应为150左右；2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。Shewastheprettiestpuppywehadeverseen,andthewholefamilyimmediatelyfellinlovewithher.WenamedherOnyxbecauseofherblack,shinyblackcoat.ShespentherfirstvacationwithuswhenshewasonlytenweeksoldandhadherfirstbathandswimintheSt.LawrenceRiver.Wehadnocluethatthisamazinglittleballoffurwouldendupbeingourhero.Asshegrewolder, Onyxbecamemoreandmoreinvolvedinourfamilyactivities.Onhotsummerdays,Onyxenjoyedfloatingontheriverwithusinherownrubbertube(橡皮圈).Amazinglystandingonthetopofthetube,shesmiledwhileshowingoffherperfectbalance.Restingherfrontlegsandpawsovertheedgeoftherubbertube,shekepthereyesshutasshefloateduntilshe’dhadenoughofthewarmsunonherblackcoat.Oneday,oureighteen-year-olddaughter,Margie,announcedshewasgoingtoswimacrossthebay.Nooneinthefamilywasfreetogoswimmingwithher.Theunwrittenrules,regardlessofswimmingability,wastohaveacompanioninthewaterwithyou,especiallywhenswimmingthewidthofthebay.Iwasnotagoodswimmer,soIsaidtoMargie,“TakeOnyxwithyou.”Havingheardhername,Onyxwokeupfromanapandwasreadyforaction.Margiesignedthedogtofollowher.Onyxrantothewaternexttoher.Theyenteredthefreezingrivertogetherandswamsidebysideacrossthebay.Iwatchedfromthebankastheyreachedthesandbar(沙洲)onthefarshore.Theyrestedafewminutesbeforedivingintothewaterforthereturntrip.Ifeltuneasyforsomereasonandcontinuedtowatchthepairswimsidebyside.SuddenlyIheardMargiecallingout,“Ihaveacram(痉挛)intheleg!”_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Seeingthepairapproachingtheriverbank,Ibreathedasighofrelief._______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________参考答案1.Tooursurprise,thecakehadalreadybeencut!What’sworse,almosthalfofthecakewasmissing!Withoutaclueastowhatexactlyhadreallyhappened,weallstartedtolookateachother’sfaceingreatshock.Thenwesuddenlynoticedmyauntsmilinginacorneroftheroom.Onceapproachedbyus,shesparednotimeinlettingouthersecretaboutgivingher“fairshare”ofthecaketoahomelessmaninthestreetjustnow!Hearingwhatmyauntsaid,weexpressedourwillingnesstogiveoursharetothehomeless.Weallfeltasenseofwarmthandkindnessspreadingamongus.Wedecidedtojoinmyauntandcutmorecaketogivetothoseinneed.Aswehandedoutthepiecesofcake,smilesfilledthefacesoftherecipientsandus.Itwasabeautifulmoment,showingthatevenasmallactofkindnesscanmakeabigdifference.Werealizedthatthisunexpectedturnofeventshadturnedintoamemorableandmeaningfulcelebration.【写作分析】本文是一篇记叙文，讲述了作者参加小表弟的生日聚会，发生了一些意外，生日会还没开始蛋糕的一半就不见了，大家都很吃惊。得知原因后笑声在蔓延，温暖在增加。笑声减轻了你的负担，激发了希望，把你和其他人联系起来，让你更加关注积极的一面。【要点解析】1.段落续写：①由第一段首句内容“令我们惊讶的是，蛋糕已经被切开了！”可知，第一段可描写大家看到切开并且少了一半的蛋糕时的心情、表情以及猜疑，阿姨的微笑揭开谜底。②由第二段首句内容“听了阿姨的话，我们表示愿意为无家可归的人出一份力。”可知，第二段可描写得知缘由后，大家愿意帮助更多的无家可归的人，温暖在蔓延，微笑更温暖。此次生日聚会意义非凡。2.续写线索：参加生日聚会——一半蛋糕不见了——震惊——揭秘：分给无家可归的人——更多的人出一份力分发蛋糕——温暖在蔓延——生日聚会意义非凡3.词汇激活行为类①产生重大影响：makeabigdifference/haveabiginfluence②注意到：noticed/observed③揭露，泄露：letout/reveal情绪类①非常震惊：ingreatshock/ingreatsurprise/withashock②出乎意料的：unexpected/unpredicted【高分句型1】Withoutaclueastowhatexactlyhadreallyhappened,weallstartedtolookateachother’sfaceingreatshock.(使用了what引导的宾语从句)【高分句型2】Aswehandedoutthepiecesofcake,smilesfilledthefacesoftherecipientsandus.(使用了As引导的时间状语从句)2.

Astheteacherstartedtoreadthelist,Istoodstill,anticipatingthefinalitem.WhenIheardthenameofmyopponent,allIwantedtodowasgetoutoftheoffice.Tearsrolleddownmyface.Iwasquitedisappointedandupset.Ihadputinsomucheffort,andcampaignedtirelessly,butstillfailed.Backintheclassroom,Ibowedmyheadinsilence.Myfriendsgatheredroundtocomfortme.Theyencouragedmenottogiveupandtotryagainthenextyear.TheirwordsbroughtmestrengthandcourageandhelpedmerecognizethatalthoughIlosttheelection,Ihadmadeprogress.Icoulddobetternexttime.Thenextyear,Ichangedmystrategy.Insteadofmerelyfocusingonmyownachievements,Idecidedtolistentotheconcernsandideasofmyclassmates.Onthedayoftheclasselection,Ideliveredaspeechthatnotonlyhighlightedmyqualificationsbutalsoaddressedtheissuesthatmyclassmatescaredabout.Finally,Iwontheelection!Itwasareminderthatperseveranceandunderstandingtheneedsofotherscanleadtosuccess.Winorlose,Ihadgrownthroughtheprocess,andthat,initself,wasavictory.【写作分析】本文以人物为线索展开，讲述的是作者在第一次参与班级竞选时做了很多的海报，写了一个很好的演讲，结果却落选了，后来在朋友的鼓励下作者决定继续参与第二年的竞选，作者意识到必须要考虑到同学们的需求，而不仅仅是列举个人的优势，所以作者决定改变策略，重新竞选，结果竞选成功，从这件事情中作者意识到坚持不懈和理解他人的需要可以带来成功。【要点解析】1.段落续写：①由第一段首句内容“当老师开始阅读清单时，我站着不动，期待着最后一项。”可知，第一段可描写竞选名单公布，我落选，以及落选之后我内心的感受和朋友们对我的鼓励。②由第二段首句内容“第二年，我改变了我的策略。”可知，第二段可描写我是如何改变策略以及最终竞选成功及我的感悟。2.续写线索：名单公布——落选——难过——决心再次竞选——改变策略——竞选成功——感悟。3.词汇激活行为类①专注于：focuson/concentrateon/becenteredon②处理：address/dealwith/handle③突出；强调：highlight/emphasize/stress情绪类①失望的：disappointed/discouraged/frustrated②伤心的：upset/unhappy/unpleasant【高分句型1】Onthedayoftheclasselection,Ideliveredaspeechthatnotonlyhighlightedmyqualificationsbutalsoaddressedtheissuesthatmyclassmatescaredabout.(运用了that引导的定语从句)【高分句型2】Itwasareminderthatperseveranceandunderstandingtheneedsofotherscanleadtosuccess.(运用了it作形式主语，that从句作真正主语的结构)3．“Then,youwon’tgetyourpocketmoneynextweek.I’mserious,”Dadreplied.Annoyed,Jefffinallysaid,“Allright.Anyway,washingclothesisapieceofcake.”“Sure,”Isaid,knowinghe’dsoonregrethiswords.Then,Jeffbeganhiswashingwork.Sincehehadseenuswashingclothesbyhandseveraltimes,heknewthesteps.Afteraddingmanydropsoflaundrydetergent,heusedhishandstowashtheclothesandsaiditwastrulyeasy.However,whenhebeganrinsingtheclothes,hemetachallenge.Afterherinsedtheclothesseveraltimes,thewaterstilllookeddirty,havinglotsofbubbles.At9pm,Jeffwasstillstrugglingtorinse(漂洗)theclothes,realizingtheworkwasn’teasyatall.“Doyoustillthinkwashingtheclothesapieceofcake?”Dadasked.Jeffshookhishead,embarrassed.Then,Ihelpedhimfinishtheremainingworkofrinsinganddrying.Afterthat,inspiredbymeandDad,JeffshamefullyapologizedtoMomforpreviouslyshoutingather.Momsmiledatus,gladaboutJeff’schange.Afterthatday,wecontinuedtoencourageJefftodohousework.Now,heloveddoingit;wewereproudhegrewtobeanunders