牛津书虫第6级6-01.Jane Eyre Chapter 37

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Chapter37

Themanor-houseofFerndeanwasabuildingofconsiderableantiquity,moderatesize,andnoarchitecturalpretensions,deepburiedinawood.Ihadheardofitbefore.Mr.Rochesteroftenspokeofit,andsometimeswentthere.Hisfatherhadpurchasedtheestateforthesakeofthegamecovers.Hewouldhaveletthehouse,butcouldfindnotenant,inconsequenceofitsineligibleandinsalubrioussite.Ferndeanthenremaineduninhabitedandunfurnished,withtheexceptionofsometwoorthreeroomsfittedupfortheaccommodationofthesquirewhenhewentthereintheseasontoshoot.

TothishouseIcamejusteredarkonaneveningmarkedbythecharacteristicsofsadsky,coldgale,andcontinuedsmallpenetratingrain.ThelastmileIperformedonfoot,havingdismissedthechaiseanddriverwiththedoubleremunerationIhadpromised.Evenwhenwithinaveryshortdistanceofthemanor-house,youcouldseenothingofit,sothickanddarkgrewthetimberofthegloomywoodaboutit.Irongatesbetweengranitepillarsshowedmewheretoenter,andpassingthroughthem,Ifoundmyselfatonceinthetwilightofclose-rankedtrees.Therewasagrass-growntrackdescendingtheforestaislebetweenhoarandknottyshaftsandunderbranchedarches.Ifollowedit,expectingsoontoreachthedwelling;butitstretchedonandon,itwouldfarandfarther:nosignofhabitationorgroundswasvisible.

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IthoughtIhadtakenawrongdirectionandlostmyway.Thedarknessofnaturalaswellasofsylvanduskgatheredoverme.Ilookedroundinsearchofanotherroad.Therewasnone:allwasinterwovenstem,columnartrunk,densesummerfoliage—noopeninganywhere.

Iproceeded:atlastmywayopened,thetreesthinnedalittle;presentlyIbeheldarailing,thenthehouse—scarce,bythisdimlight,distinguishablefromthetrees;sodankandgreenwereitsdecayingwalls.Enteringaportal,fastenedonlybyalatch,Istoodamidstaspaceofenclosedground,fromwhichthewoodsweptawayinasemicircle.Therewerenoflowers,nogarden-beds;onlyabroadgravel-walkgirdlingagrass-plat,andthissetintheheavyframeoftheforest.Thehousepresentedtwopointedgablesinitsfront;thewindowswerelatticedandnarrow:thefrontdoorwasnarrowtoo,onestepleduptoit.Thewholelooked,asthehostoftheRochesterArmshadsaid,“quiteadesolatespot.”Itwasasstillasachurchonaweek-day:thepatteringrainontheforestleaveswastheonlysoundaudibleinitsvicinage.

“Cantherebelifehere?”Iasked.

Yes,lifeofsomekindtherewas;forIheardamovement—thatnarrowfront-doorwasunclosing,andsomeshapewasabouttoissuefromthegrange.

Itopenedslowly:afigurecameoutintothetwilightandstoodonthestep;amanwithoutahat:hestretchedforthhishandasiftofeelwhetheritrained.

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Duskasitwas,Ihadrecognisedhim—itwasmymaster,EdwardFairfaxRochester,andnoother.

Istayedmystep,almostmybreath,andstoodtowatchhim—toexaminehim,myselfunseen,andalas!tohiminvisible.Itwasasuddenmeeting,andoneinwhichrapturewaskeptwellincheckbypain.Ihadnodifficultyinrestrainingmyvoicefromexclamation,mystepfromhastyadvance.

Hisformwasofthesamestrongandstalwartcontourasever:hisportwasstillerect,hishairwasstillravenblack;norwerehisfeaturesalteredorsunk:notinoneyear’sspace,byanysorrow,couldhisathleticstrengthbequelledorhisvigorousprimeblighted.ButinhiscountenanceIsawachange:thatlookeddesperateandbrooding—thatremindedmeofsomewrongedandfetteredwildbeastorbird,dangeroustoapproachinhissullenwoe.Thecagedeagle,whosegold-ringedeyescrueltyhasextinguished,mightlookaslookedthatsightlessSamson.

And,reader,doyouthinkIfearedhiminhisblindferocity?—ifyoudo,youlittleknowme.AsofthopeblestwithmysorrowthatsoonIshoulddaretodropakissonthatbrowofrock,andonthoselipssosternlysealedbeneathit:butnotyet.Iwouldnotaccosthimyet.

Hedescendedtheonestep,andadvancedslowlyandgropinglytowardsthegrass-plat.Wherewashisdaringstridenow?Thenhepaused,asifheknewnotwhichwaytoturn.Heliftedhishandandopenedhiseyelids;

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gazedblank,andwithastrainingeffort,onthesky,andtowardtheamphitheatreoftrees:onesawthatalltohimwasvoiddarkness.Hestretchedhisrighthand(theleftarm,themutilatedone,hekepthiddeninhisbosom);heseemedtowishbytouchtogainanideaofwhatlayaroundhim:hemetbutvacancystill;forthetreesweresomeyardsoffwherehestood.Herelinquishedtheendeavour,foldedhisarms,andstoodquietandmuteintherain,nowfallingfastonhisuncoveredhead.AtthismomentJohnapproachedhimfromsomequarter.

“Willyoutakemyarm,sir?”hesaid;“thereisaheavyshowercomingon:hadyounotbettergoin?”

“Letmealone,”wastheanswer.

Johnwithdrewwithouthavingobservedme.Mr.Rochesternowtriedtowalkabout:vainly,—allwastoouncertain.Hegropedhiswaybacktothehouse,and,re-enteringit,closedthedoor.

Inowdrewnearandknocked:John’swifeopenedforme.“Mary,”Isaid,“howareyou?”

Shestartedasifshehadseenaghost:Icalmedher.Toherhurried“Isitreallyyou,miss,comeatthislatehourtothislonelyplace?”Iansweredbytakingherhand;andthenIfollowedherintothekitchen,whereJohnnowsatbyagoodfire.Iexplainedtothem,infewwords,thatIhadheardallwhichhadhappenedsinceIleftThornfield,andthatIwascometoseeMr.Rochester.IaskedJohntogodowntotheturn-pike-

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house,whereIhaddismissedthechaise,andbringmytrunk,whichIhadleftthere:andthen,whileIremovedmybonnetandshawl,IquestionedMaryastowhetherIcouldbeaccommodatedattheManorHouseforthenight;andfindingthatarrangementstothateffect,thoughdifficult,wouldnotbeimpossible,IinformedherIshouldstay.Justatthismomenttheparlour-bellrang.

“Whenyougoin,”saidI,“tellyourmasterthatapersonwishestospeaktohim,butdonotgivemyname.”

“Idon’tthinkhewillseeyou,”sheanswered;“herefuseseverybody.”

Whenshereturned,Iinquiredwhathehadsaid.“Youaretosendinyournameandyourbusiness,”shereplied.Shethenproceededtofillaglasswithwater,

andplaceitonatray,togetherwithcandles.

“Isthatwhatherangfor?”Iasked.

“Yes:healwayshascandlesbroughtinatdark,thoughheisblind.”

“Givethetraytome;Iwillcarryitin.”

Itookitfromherhand:shepointedmeouttheparlourdoor.ThetrayshookasIheldit;thewaterspiltfromtheglass;myheartstruckmyribsloudandfast.Maryopenedthedoorforme,andshutitbehindme.

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Thisparlourlookedgloomy:aneglectedhandfuloffireburntlowinthegrate;and,leaningoverit,withhisheadsupportedagainstthehigh,old-fashionedmantelpiece,appearedtheblindtenantoftheroom.Hisolddog,Pilot,layononeside,removedoutoftheway,andcoiledupasifafraidofbeinginadvertentlytroddenupon.PilotprickeduphisearswhenIcamein:thenhejumpedupwithayelpandawhine,and

boundedtowardsme:healmostknockedthetrayfrommyhands.Isetitonthetable;thenpattedhim,andsaidsoftly,“Liedown!”Mr.Rochesterturned

mechanicallytoSEEwhatthecommotionwas:butasheSAWnothing,hereturnedandsighed.“Givemethewater,Mary,”hesaid.Iapproachedhimwiththenowonlyhalf-filledglass;Pilotfollowedme,stillexcited.“Whatisthematter?”heinquired.“Down,Pilot!”Iagainsaid.Hecheckedthewateronitswaytohislips,andseemedtolisten:hedrank,andputtheglassdown.“Thisisyou,Mary,isitnot?”“Maryisinthekitchen,”Ianswered.Heputouthishandwithaquickgesture,butnotseeingwhereIstood,hedidnottouchme.“Whoisthis?Whoisthis?”hedemanded,trying,asitseemed,toSEEwiththosesightlesseyes—unavailinganddistressingattempt!“Answerme—speakagain!”heordered,imperiouslyandaloud.

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“Willyouhavealittlemorewater,sir?Ispilthalfofwhatwasintheglass,”Isaid.

“WHOisit?WHATisit?Whospeaks?”

“Pilotknowsme,andJohnandMaryknowIamhere.Icameonlythisevening,”Ianswered.

“GreatGod!—whatdelusionhascomeoverme?Whatsweetmadnesshasseizedme?”

“Nodelusion—nomadness:yourmind,sir,istoostrongfordelusion,yourhealthtoosoundforfrenzy.”

“Andwhereisthespeaker?Isitonlyavoice?Oh!ICANNOTsee,butImustfeel,ormyheartwillstopandmybrainburst.Whatever—whoeveryouare—beperceptibletothetouchorIcannotlive!”

Hegroped;Iarrestedhiswanderinghand,andprisoneditinbothmine.

“Herveryfingers!”hecried;“hersmall,slightfingers!Ifsotheremustbemoreofher.”

Themuscularhandbrokefrommycustody;myarmwasseized,myshoulder—neck—waist—Iwasentwinedandgatheredtohim.

“IsitJane?WHATisit?Thisishershape—thisishersize—“

“Andthishervoice,”Iadded.“Sheisallhere:herheart,too.Godblessyou,sir!Iamgladtobesonearyouagain.”

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“JaneEyre!—JaneEyre,”wasallhesaid.

“Mydearmaster,”Ianswered,“IamJaneEyre:Ihave

foundyouout—Iamcomebacktoyou.”

“Intruth?—intheflesh?MylivingJane?”

“Youtouchme,sir,—youholdme,andfastenough:Iamnotcoldlikeacorpse,norvacantlikeair,amI?”

“Mylivingdarling!Thesearecertainlyherlimbs,andtheseherfeatures;butIcannotbesoblest,afterallmymisery.Itisadream;suchdreamsasIhavehadatnightwhenIhaveclaspedheroncemoretomyheart,asIdonow;andkissedher,asthus—andfeltthatsheloved

me,andtrustedthatshewouldnotleaveme.”“WhichIneverwill,sir,fromthisday.”

“Neverwill,saysthevision?ButIalwayswokeandfounditanemptymockery;andIwasdesolateandabandoned—mylifedark,lonely,hopeless—mysoulathirstandforbiddentodrink—myheartfamishedandnevertobefed.Gentle,softdream,nestlinginmyarmsnow,youwillfly,too,asyoursistershaveallfledbeforeyou:butkissmebeforeyougo—embraceme,Jane.”

“There,sir—andthere!”’

Ipressedmylipstohisoncebrilliantandnowraylesseyes—Iswepthishairfromhisbrow,andkissedthattoo.Hesuddenlyseemedtoarousehimself:theconvictionoftherealityofallthisseizedhim.

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“Itisyou—isit,Jane?Youarecomebacktomethen?”“Iam.”

“Andyoudonotliedeadinsomeditchundersomestream?Andyouarenotapiningoutcastamongststrangers?”

“No,sir!Iamanindependentwomannow.”

“Independent!Whatdoyoumean,Jane?”

“MyuncleinMadeiraisdead,andheleftmefivethousandpounds.”

“Ah!thisispractical—thisisreal!”hecried:“Ishouldneverdreamthat.Besides,thereisthatpeculiarvoiceofhers,soanimatingandpiquant,aswellassoft:itcheersmywitheredheart;itputslifeintoit.—What,Janet!Areyouanindependentwoman?Arichwoman?”

“Ifyouwon’tletmelivewithyou,Icanbuildahouseofmyowncloseuptoyourdoor,andyoumaycomeandsitinmyparlourwhenyouwantcompanyofanevening.”

“Butasyouarerich,Jane,youhavenow,nodoubt,friendswhowilllookafteryou,andnotsufferyoutodevoteyourselftoablindlameterlikeme?”

“ItoldyouIamindependent,sir,aswellasrich:Iammyownmistress.”

“Andyouwillstaywithme?”

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“Certainly—unlessyouobject.Iwillbeyourneighbour,yournurse,yourhousekeeper.Ifindyoulonely:Iwillbeyourcompanion—toreadtoyou,towalkwithyou,tositwithyou,towaitonyou,tobeeyesandhandstoyou.Ceasetolooksomelancholy,mydearmaster;youshallnotbeleftdesolate,solongasIlive.”

Herepliednot:heseemedserious—abstracted;hesighed;hehalf-openedhislipsasiftospeak:heclosedthemagain.Ifeltalittleembarrassed.PerhapsIhadtoorashlyover-leapedconventionalities;andhe,likeSt.John,sawimproprietyinmyinconsiderateness.Ihadindeedmademyproposalfromtheideathathewishedandwouldaskmetobehiswife:anexpectation,notthelesscertainbecauseunexpressed,hadbuoyedmeup,thathewouldclaimmeatonceashisown.Butnohinttothateffectescapinghimandhiscountenancebecomingmoreovercast,IsuddenlyrememberedthatImighthavebeenallwrong,andwasperhapsplayingthefoolunwittingly;andIbegangentlytowithdrawmyselffromhisarms—butheeagerlysnatchedmecloser.

“No—no—Jane;youmustnotgo.No—Ihavetouchedyou,heardyou,feltthecomfortofyourpresence—thesweetnessofyourconsolation:Icannotgiveupthesejoys.Ihavelittleleftinmyself—Imusthaveyou.Theworldmaylaugh—maycallmeabsurd,selfish—butitdoesnotsignify.Myverysouldemandsyou:itwillbesatisfied,oritwilltakedeadlyvengeanceonitsframe.”

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“Well,sir,Iwillstaywithyou:Ihavesaidso.”

“Yes—butyouunderstandonethingbystayingwithme;andIunderstandanother.You,perhaps,couldmakeupyourmindtobeaboutmyhandandchair—towaitonmeasakindlittlenurse(foryouhaveanaffectionateheartandagenerousspirit,whichpromptyoutomakesacrificesforthoseyoupity),andthatoughttosufficeformenodoubt.IsupposeIshouldnowentertainnonebutfatherlyfeelingsforyou:doyouthinkso?Come—tellme.”

“Iwillthinkwhatyoulike,sir:Iamcontenttobeonlyyournurse,ifyouthinkitbetter.”

“Butyoucannotalwaysbemynurse,Janet:youareyoung—youmustmarryoneday.”

“Idon’tcareaboutbeingmarried.”

“Youshouldcare,Janet:ifIwerewhatIoncewas,Iwouldtrytomakeyoucare—but—asightlessblock!”

Herelapsedagainintogloom.I,onthecontrary,becamemorecheerful,andtookfreshcourage:theselastwordsgavemeaninsightastowherethedifficultylay;andasitwasnodifficultywithme,Ifeltquiterelievedfrommypreviousembarrassment.Iresumedalivelierveinofconversation.

“Itistimesomeoneundertooktorehumaniseyou,”saidI,partinghisthickandlonguncutlocks;“forIseeyouarebeingmetamorphosedintoalion,orsomethingofthatsort.Youhavea‘fauxair’of

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Nebuchadnezzarinthefieldsaboutyou,thatiscertain:yourhairremindsmeofeagles’feathers;whetheryournailsaregrownlikebirds’clawsornot,Ihavenotyetnoticed.”

“Onthisarm,Ihaveneitherhandnornails,”hesaid,drawingthemutilatedlimbfromhisbreast,andshowingittome.“Itisamerestump—aghastlysight!Don’tyouthinkso,Jane?”

“Itisapitytoseeit;andapitytoseeyoureyes—andthescaroffireonyourforehead:andtheworstofitis,oneisindangeroflovingyoutoowellforallthis;andmakingtoomuchofyou.”

“Ithoughtyouwouldberevolted,Jane,whenyousawmyarm,andmycicatrisedvisage.”

“Didyou?Don’ttellmeso—lestIshouldsaysomethingdisparagingtoyourjudgment.Now,letmeleaveyouaninstant,tomakeabetterfire,andhavethehearthsweptup.Canyoutellwhenthereisagoodfire?”

“Yes;withtherighteyeIseeaglow—aruddyhaze.”“Andyouseethecandles?”

“Verydimly—eachisaluminouscloud.”

“Canyouseeme?”

“No,myfairy:butIamonlytoothankfultohearandfeelyou.”

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“Whendoyoutakesupper?”

“Inevertakesupper.”

“Butyoushallhavesometo-night.Iamhungry:soareyou,Idaresay,onlyyouforget.”

SummoningMary,Isoonhadtheroominmorecheerfulorder:Ipreparedhim,likewise,acomfortablerepast.Myspiritswereexcited,andwithpleasureandeaseItalkedtohimduringsupper,andforalongtimeafter.Therewasnoharassingrestraint,norepressingofgleeandvivacitywithhim;forwithhimIwasatperfectease,becauseIknewIsuitedhim;allIsaidordidseemedeithertoconsoleorrevivehim.Delightfulconsciousness!Itbroughttolifeandlightmywholenature:inhispresenceIthoroughlylived;andhelivedinmine.Blindashewas,smilesplayedoverhisface,joydawnedonhisforehead:hislineamentssoftenedandwarmed.

Aftersupper,hebegantoaskmemanyquestions,ofwhereIhadbeen,whatIhadbeendoing,howIhadfoundhimout;butIgavehimonlyverypartialreplies:itwastoolatetoenterintoparticularsthatnight.Besides,Iwishedtotouchnodeep-thrillingchord—toopennofreshwellofemotioninhisheart:mysolepresentaimwastocheerhim.Cheered,asIhavesaid,hewas:andyetbutbyfits.Ifamoment’ssilencebroketheconversation,hewouldturnrestless,touchme,thensay,“Jane.”

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“Youarealtogetherahumanbeing,Jane?Youarecertainofthat?”

“Iconscientiouslybelieveso,Mr.Rochester.”

“Yethow,onthisdarkanddolefulevening,couldyousosuddenlyriseonmylonehearth?Istretchedmyhandtotakeaglassofwaterfromahireling,anditwasgivenmebyyou:Iaskedaquestion,expectingJohn’s

wifetoanswerme,andyourvoicespokeatmyear.”“BecauseIhadcomein,inMary’sstead,withthetray.”

“AndthereisenchantmentintheveryhourIamnowspendingwithyou.Whocantellwhatadark,dreary,hopelesslifeIhavedraggedonformonthspast?Doingnothing,expectingnothing;mergingnightinday;feelingbutthesensationofcoldwhenIletthefiregoout,ofhungerwhenIforgottoeat:andthenaceaselesssorrow,and,attimes,averydeliriumofdesiretobeholdmyJaneagain.Yes:forherrestorationIlonged,farmorethanforthatofmylostsight.HowcanitbethatJaneiswithme,andsaysshelovesme?Willshenotdepartassuddenlyasshecame?To-morrow,IfearIshallfindhernomore.”

Acommonplace,practicalreply,outofthetrainofhisowndisturbedideas,was,Iwassure,thebestandmostreassuringforhiminthisframeofmind.Ipassedmyfingeroverhiseyebrows,andremarkedthattheywerescorched,andthatIwouldapplysomethingwhichwouldmakethemgrowasbroadandblackasever.

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“Whereistheuseofdoingmegoodinanyway,beneficentspirit,when,atsomefatalmoment,youwillagaindesertme—passinglikeashadow,whitherandhowtomeunknown,andformeremainingafterwardsundiscoverable?

“Haveyouapocket-combaboutyou,sir?”

“Whatfor,Jane?”

“Justtocomboutthisshaggyblackmane.Ifindyouratheralarming,whenIexamineyoucloseathand:youtalkofmybeingafairy,butIamsure,youaremore

likeabrownie.”

“AmIhideous,Jane?”

“Very,sir:youalwayswere,youknow.”

“Humph!Thewickednesshasnotbeentakenoutofyou,whereveryouhavesojourned.”

“YetIhavebeenwithgoodpeople;farbetterthanyou:ahundredtimesbetterpeople;possessedofideasandviewsyouneverentertainedinyourlife:quitemorerefinedandexalted.”

“Whothedeucehaveyoubeenwith?”

“Ifyoutwistinthatwayyouwillmakemepullthehairoutofyourhead;andthenIthinkyouwillceaseto

entertaindoubtsofmysubstantiality.”

“Whohaveyoubeenwith,Jane?”

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“Youshallnotgetitoutofmeto-night,sir;youmustwaittillto-morrow;toleavemytalehalftold,will,youknow,beasortofsecuritythatIshallappearatyourbreakfasttabletofinishit.Bythebye,Imustmindnottoriseonyourhearthwithonlyaglassofwaterthen:Imustbringaneggattheleast,tosaynothingoffriedham.”

“Youmockingchangeling—fairy-bornandhuman-bred!YoumakemefeelasIhavenotfeltthesetwelvemonths.IfSaulcouldhavehadyouforhisDavid,theevilspiritwouldhavebeenexorcisedwithouttheaidoftheharp.”

“There,sir,youarereddupandmadedecent.NowI’llleaveyou:Ihavebeentravellingtheselastthreedays,andIbelieveIamtired.Goodnight.”

“Justoneword,Jane:werethereonlyladiesinthehousewhereyouhavebeen?”

Ilaughedandmademyescape,stilllaughingasIranupstairs.“Agoodidea!”Ithoughtwithglee.“IseeIhavethemeansoffrettinghimoutofhismelancholyforsometimetocome.”

VeryearlythenextmorningIheardhimupandastir,wanderingfromoneroomtoanother.AssoonasMarycamedownIheardthequestion:“IsMissEyrehere?”Then:“Whichroomdidyouputherinto?Wasitdry?Issheup?Goandaskifshewantsanything;andwhenshewillcomedown.”

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IcamedownassoonasIthoughttherewasaprospectofbreakfast.Enteringtheroomverysoftly,Ihadaviewofhimbeforehediscoveredmypresence.Itwasmournful,indeed,towitnessthesubjugationofthatvigorousspirittoacorporealinfirmity.Hesatinhischair—still,butnotatrest:expectantevidently;thelinesofnowhabitualsadnessmarkinghisstrongfeatures.Hiscountenanceremindedoneofalampquenched,waitingtobere-lit—andalas!itwasnothimselfthatcouldnowkindlethelustreofanimatedexpression:hewasdependentonanotherforthatoffice!Ihadmeanttobegayandcareless,butthepowerlessnessofthestrongmantouchedmyhearttothequick:stillIaccostedhimwithwhatvivacityIcould.

“Itisabright,sunnymorning,sir,”Isaid.“Therainisoverandgone,andthereisatendershiningafterit:youshallhaveawalksoon.”

Ihadwakenedtheglow:hisfeaturesbeamed.

“Oh,youareindeedthere,myskylark!Cometome.Youarenotgone:notvanished?Iheardoneofyourkindanhourago,singinghighoverthewood:butitssonghadnomusicforme,anymorethantherisingsunhadrays.AllthemelodyonearthisconcentratedinmyJane’stonguetomyear(Iamgladitisnotnaturallyasilentone):allthesunshineIcanfeelisinherpresence.”

Thewaterstoodinmyeyestohearthisavowalofhisdependence;justasifaroyaleagle,chainedtoaperch,

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shouldbeforcedtoentreatasparrowtobecomeitspurveyor.ButIwouldnotbelachrymose:Idashedoffthesaltdrops,andbusiedmyselfwithpreparingbreakfast.

Mostofthemorningwasspentintheopenair.Iledhimoutofthewetandwildwoodintosomecheerfulfields:Idescribedtohimhowbrilliantlygreentheywere;howtheflowersandhedgeslookedrefreshed;howsparklinglybluewasthesky.Isoughtaseatforhiminahiddenandlovelyspot,adrystumpofatree;nordidIrefusetolethim,whenseated,placemeonhisknee.WhyshouldI,whenbothheandIwerehappiernearthanapart?Pilotlaybesideus:allwasquiet.Hebrokeoutsuddenlywhileclaspingmeinhisarms-

“Cruel,crueldeserter!Oh,Jane,whatdidIfeelwhenIdiscoveredyouhadfledfromThornfield,andwhenIcouldnowherefindyou;and,afterexaminingyourapartment,ascertainedthatyouhadtakennomoney,noranythingwhichcouldserveasanequivalent!ApearlnecklaceIhadgivenyoulayuntouchedinitslittlecasket;yourtrunkswereleftcordedandlockedastheyhadbeenpreparedforthebridaltour.Whatcouldmydarlingdo,Iasked,leftdestituteandpenniless?Andwhatdidshedo?Letmehearnow.”

Thusurged,Ibeganthenarrativeofmyexperienceforthelastyear.Isoftenedconsiderablywhatrelatedtothethreedaysofwanderingandstarvation,becausetohavetoldhimallwouldhavebeentoinflictunnecessary

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pain:thelittleIdidsaylaceratedhisfaithfulheartdeeperthanIwished.

Ishouldnothavelefthimthus,hesaid,withoutany

meansofmakingmyway:Ishouldhavetoldhimmyintention.Ishouldhaveconfidedinhim:hewouldneverhaveforcedmetobehismistress.Violentashehadseemedinhisdespair,he,intruth,lovedmefartoowellandtootenderlytoconstitutehimselfmy

tyrant:hewouldhavegivenmehalfhisfortune,withoutdemandingsomuchasakissinreturn,ratherthanIshouldhaveflungmyselffriendlessonthewideworld.Ihadendured,hewascertain,morethanIhadconfessedtohim.