【读后续写】2021年12月山水联盟读后续写讲评：破旧的被褥 名师课件-宣晔霏

2021.12“山水联盟”读后续写

——破旧的被褥浙江省春晖中学宣晔霏Aworn-outquilt1.Ipeeredovermygrandma’sshoulderasshesewedpiecesofclothtogether.ThetwopiecesbecameonefasterthanI’dimagined.Thecolors,however,lookeduglywhenputtogetherandnoneofthepatternsmatched.Allthepatches(补丁)onthisblanketseemedtodisagree.2.“Grandma,that’stheugliestquilt(棉被)I’veeverseen.”3.“Oh,sweetie,it’swarmandbeautiful,”saidGrandma,pointingtoapileofcrazypatternedshirtsandsuits.“IcantaketheseoldclothesthatGrandpaandIwillneverwearagainandturnthemintosomethingusefulandgood.It’snotthequiltsappearancebutthelovethatsewsittogetherthatmakesitbeautiful.Thisquiltwillkeepyouwarmonacoldnightliketonight.AndIknowthatforafact.”Grandmaputherhandonmyshoulder,“Noteveryoneisasluckyasweare.Here,putonyourcoat.We’llgetasecondopinionabouthowuglymyquiltsare.”4.Grandmafoldedafinishedquiltandtuckeditintoashoppingbag.Afterwards,wegotinthecaranddrovedowntown.Thewhitesnowturnedgrayeraswegottothecity.Eventually,Grandmapulledupatadarkalley(胡同)andwegotoutofthecar.Theterriblesmellofrottinggarbagemademefeelsickandpinchmynoseshut.Grandmatookmyhandandledmetothestreetlamp.Icouldseethesnowshimmering(发出微光)inthelight.5.Grandmapaused.“There’susuallysomebodydownthisalley.It’squietandoutofthewind---agoodplacetostayoncoldnights.Anicewarmquiltmightmakeitevenbetter.”6.Thedarkengulfed(吞没)GrandmaandIaswesteppeddeepintothealley.Thepavementwascrackedandmissinginspots.Chickenbonesandstainedboxeslitteredtheirway.AndGrandma’sshoesmadealoudsoundwitheachstep.Feelingfrightened,IsqueezedGrandma’shand.Grandmasqueezedmyhandback.“It’sOK.”shesmiled.7.“Who’sthere?”shoutedavoiceoutofthedarkness.Languageaccumulation:1.Ipeeredovermygrandma’sshoulderasshesewedpiecesofclothtogether.ThetwopiecesbecameonefasterthanI’dimagined.Thecolors,however,lookeduglywhenputtogetherandnoneofthepatternsmatched.Allthepatches(补丁)onthisblanketseemedtodisagree.2.“Grandma,that’stheugliestquilt(棉被)I’veeverseen.”3.“Oh,sweetie,it’swarmandbeautiful,”saidGrandma,pointingtoapileofcrazypatternedshirtsandsuits.“IcantaketheseoldclothesthatGrandpaandIwillneverwearagainandturnthemintosomethingusefulandgood.It’snotthequiltsappearancebutthelovethatsewsittogetherthatmakesitbeautiful.Thisquiltwillkeepyouwarmonacoldnightliketonight.AndIknowthatforafact.”Grandmaputherhandonmyshoulder,“Noteveryoneisasluckyasweare.Here,putonyourcoat.We’llgetasecondopinionabouthowuglymyquiltsare.”4.Grandmafoldedafinishedquiltandtuckeditintoashoppingbag.Afterwards,wegotinthecaranddrovedowntown.Thewhitesnowturnedgrayeraswegottothecity.Eventually,Grandmapulledupatadarkalley(胡同)andwegotoutofthecar.Theterriblesmellofrottinggarbagemademefeelsickandpinchmynoseshut.Grandmatookmyhandandledmetothestreetlamp.Icouldseethesnowshimmering(发出微光)inthelight.5.Grandmapaused.“There’susuallysomebodydownthisalley.It’squietandoutofthewind---agoodplacetostayoncoldnights.Anicewarmquiltmightmakeitevenbetter.”6.Thedarkengulfed(吞没)GrandmaandIaswesteppeddeepintothealley.Thepavementwascrackedandmissinginspots.Chickenbonesandstainedboxeslitteredtheirway.AndGrandma’sshoesmadealoudsoundwitheachstep.Feelingfrightened,IsqueezedGrandma’shand.Grandmasqueezedmyhandback.“It’sOK.”shesmiled.7.“Who’sthere?”shoutedavoiceoutofthedarkness.Readandthinkaboutthestructure:Part1(para1-3):___________________Part2(para4-7):_______________________PreparationDeparture＆

Arrival1.Ipeeredovermygrandma’sshoulderasshesewedpiecesofclothtogether.ThetwopiecesbecameonefasterthanI’dimagined.Thecolors,however,lookeduglywhenputtogetherandnoneofthepatternsmatched.Allthepatches(补丁)onthisblanketseemedtodisagree.2.“Grandma,that’stheugliestquilt(棉被)I’veeverseen.”3.“Oh,sweetie,it’swarmandbeautiful,”saidGrandma,pointingtoapileofcrazypatternedshirtsandsuits.“IcantaketheseoldclothesthatGrandpaandIwillneverwearagainandturnthemintosomethingusefulandgood.It’snotthequiltsappearancebutthelovethatsewsittogetherthatmakesitbeautiful.Thisquiltwillkeepyouwarmonacoldnightliketonight.AndIknowthatforafact.”Grandmaputherhandonmyshoulder,“Noteveryoneisasluckyasweare.Here,putonyourcoat.We’llgetasecondopinionabouthowuglymyquiltsare.”Who:Where:What:GrandmaandIAthomeGrandmawassewingpiecesofclothtomakeaquilt.ButIthoughtIwastheugliestquiltWhatdidgrandmasay?Whatfact?为后文的续写做铺垫4.Grandmafoldedafinishedquiltandtuckeditintoashoppingbag.Afterwards,wegotinthecaranddrovedowntown.Thewhitesnowturnedgrayeraswegottothecity.Eventually,Grandmapulledupatadarkalley(胡同)andwegotoutofthecar.Theterriblesmellofrottinggarbagemademefeelsickandpinchmynoseshut.Grandmatookmyhandandledmetothestreetlamp.Icouldseethesnowshimmering(发出微光)inthelight.5.Grandmapaused.“There’susuallysomebodydownthisalley.It’squietandoutofthewind---agoodplacetostayoncoldnights.Anicewarmquiltmightmakeitevenbetter.”Wheredidwego?Howwastheenvironment?Whatdidgrandmasayaboutit?AtadarkalleyinthedowntownThewhitesnowturnedgrayerTheterriblesmellofrottinggarbageThestreetlampwiththesnowshimmeringdarkdirtypoorcoldthinly-populated人烟稀少的Thequiltrepresentslove,careandwarmth6.Thedarkengulfed(吞没)GrandmaandIaswesteppeddeepintothealley.Thepavementwascrackedandmissinginspots.Chickenbonesandstainedboxeslitteredtheirway.AndGrandma’sshoesmadealoudsoundwitheachstep.Feelingfrightened,IsqueezedGrandma’shand.Grandmasqueezedmyhandback.“It’sOK.”shesmiled.7.“Who’sthere?”shoutedavoiceoutofthedarkness.Appreciatethedescriptionoftheenvironment.Whatcanyouinferfromit?HowdidIandgrandmafeel?thedarkengulfedgrandmathepavementwascrackedandmissinginspotschickenbonesandstainedboxeslitteredtheirwaygrandma’sshoesmadealoudsoundwitheachstep黑暗吞没了奶奶

人行道上有裂缝，有些地方不见了

鸡骨头和染色的盒子散落在路上

奶奶每走一步都发出很大的响声“I”FrightenedGrandma:FrightenedbutoptimisticTheme?Worn-outasthequiltis,itcarriesloveandwarmth.Timegoesbybutloveneverfadesaway.Paragraph1:“Ihaveanicewarmquilt,ifyouwantit.”

Paragraph2:Backhome,Ifoundaworn-outquiltbyaccidentinacupboard.Whatdidgrandmado?Whatdidthewomando?Howdidshefeel?WhatdidIdo?What’sthestoryoftheworn-outquilt?Whatmightbetheending?Paragraph1:“Ihaveanicewarmquilt,ifyouwantit.”saidGrandma.Afterawhile,abeamoflight一束光appearedandaladywalkedoutofthedarkness.Grandmaopenedtheshoppingbagandpulledoutthemulticoloredquilt."That'sprettyanditlookswarm."Theladyexclaimedandtookthequilt,hereyesfilledwithtearsofgratitude.Aswewalkedbackdownthealley,Ilookedovermyshoulderandsawtheladyholdingthequilttightlytoherface."You'reright,Grandma.Thatisabeautifulquilt."Onourridebackhome,thelady'sgratefulwordswerestillringinginmyears.

Paragraph2:Backhome,Ifoundaworn-outquiltbyaccidentinacupboard.IaskedGrandmacuriously,“Grandma,whyisthereaquilthere?“Afteramomentofsilence,Grandmabegantoshareherownstory.Onafreezingnightdecadesago,asapooryoungwomansleepinginthesamealley,Grandmawasofferedaquilt,whichwarmedherup.Shewasdeterminedtopasstheloveforward.That'swhyGrandmasewedtheoldclothestogetherandmadequiltsforthoseinneed.Afterhearingthestory,IgaveGrandmathebiggesthugeverIthoughtofalltheclothesIdidn'twanttowearanymoreandknewwhatGrandmaandIwoulddothenextmorning.Onepossibleversi