和体育项目有关的幽默

1Agnes: My poor friend Lena has spent her whole life chasing men. Abigail: Did she ever catch one? Agnes: No, but shes personally responsibly for several men qualifying for t he Olympic track team. Agnes：我可怜的朋友 Lena 一辈子都在追逐男人。 Abigail：她追上过吗？ Agnes：没有，但她个人要对几个有资格参加奥林匹克竞赛队的男人负 责。 2Mega: How do you like riding school? Julie: Its great! My horse is very polite. Megan: A polite horse! What do you mean? Julie: Whenever we come to a jump, he lets me go first. Mega：你觉骑术学校怎么样？ Julie：非常棒，我的马非常有礼貌。 Mega：马有礼貌！你是什么意思？ Julie：每次我们来到跳跃（栏）时，它都让我先走。 3Sam: A funny thing happened to me today. I was at the racetrack and be nt over to tie my shoe, when some nearsighted jockey strapped saddle on my back. Tom: Astonishing! What did you do? Sam: What could I do? I ran the best race I could and came the third. Sam：今天一件奇怪的事情发生在我身上，我在赛马跑道上弯腰系鞋 带时，一个眼睛近视的骑师把马鞍子绑到了我背上。 Tom：真是让人称奇！你怎么做的？ Sam：我能做什么？我尽我所能跑了我最好的一场比赛，得了个第三。 4Annie: Why are you running? Danny: Im trying to prevent a fight. Annie: Between whom? Danny: Between me and that bully chasing me. Annie：你为什么跑？ Danny：我在设法阻止一场殴斗。 Annie：谁跟谁呢？ Danny：我和追我的那个流氓。 5Horse owner: This horse is eight-years- old and he s never raced before. Jockey: How come? Horse Owner: Well, we couldnt catch him until he was seve n. 马主：这匹马 8 岁了，他以前从来没有参加过比赛。 职业骑师：怎么会呢? 马主：它 7 岁以前我们抓不住它。 6Driver number 1: Every time you race around one of those sharp curves when youre driving, I get scared. Driver number 2: Then why dont you do what I do and clos e your eyes? 司机 1：你开车每次急转弯时我都吓死了。 司机 2：为什么你不和我一样闭上眼睛呢? 7I m delighted to find after all these years that my tennis game has not deterior ated. Its just as bad as before. 我很高兴这些年我的网球技术没有退化，还象以前那么臭。 8家庭主妇：喂，Acme 水暖部吗？赶紧过来，我家地下室水哗哗地 漏！ Acme：对不起，我们要至少两天才能过去。 主妇：两天！我这段时间怎么办呢？ Acme：想法教孩子们游泳。 Housewife: Hello, Acme Plumbing? Come quick, Ive got a huge leak in the basement! Acme: Sorry, we cant get there for at least two days. Housewife: Two days! Whatll I do in the meantime? Acme: Try teaching the kids to swim. 9A Woman Without A Man Is Like A Fish Without A Bicycle. 没有男人的女人就象没有自行车的鱼。 幽默注释：鱼没有自行车对生活没有什么影响。 10The most popular indoor sport this year is sleep. 最流行的室内运动是睡觉。 11场景再现：美国棒球运动员说： “People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. The y dont realize that most of us only make $500,000.“ - Pete Incavigila, baseball player for the Texas Rangers. 人们都以为我们一年能挣三四百万，他们不知道我们大部分人一年只 能挣 50 万美元。 幽默注释：他感觉自己还挺可怜，一年只能挣 50 万美元。 12Fred: Im going on a diet to improve my golf game. Barney: How will losing weight help your game? Fred: Because right now I cant see the ball if I put it where I can hit it, and I cant hit it if I put it where I can see it. Fred：我要节食来提高我的高尔夫成绩。 Barney：减肥怎么能帮助高尔夫呢？ Fred：因为现在如果把把球放在我能击得着的地方，我就看不到球，如果把球放在我能看 得见的地方我又击不着球。 幽默注释：肚子太大了真碍事儿。 13场景再现：获得冠军的棒球队成员接受采访时解释他们获胜的原 因： Baseball is 90% mental - the other half is physical. 棒球 90%要靠智力，其它一半要靠体力。 幽默注释：算术没学好，处处显摆自己头脑简单。 14A boy kicked his football, and it landed in a chicken yard. The rooster looked at its size and crowed to the hens, “Ladies, I dont like to complain, b ut I wish youd come over and take a look at whats being done in other yar ds.” 一个男孩子踢足球，球落在了一个鸡舍里。公鸡看着它的大小，冲母 鸡叫道， “女士，我不喜欢抱怨，但我希望你过来看看别的院子里人家 都在做什么。 ” 15I won t comment on his golf game. Suffice it to say he loses an average of eight go lf balls a game - and when he does find one, its usually lying next to an unconscious person. 我不评论他的高尔夫技术，他在一场比赛中平均丢 8 个球好不容 易找到一个球时，通常就在一个昏迷不醒的人旁边，这足够说明问题 了。 幽默注释：打得高尔夫球乱飞。 16Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could y ou give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Doc, it isnt all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I dont want to miss the 4 oclock ball game. 医生求病人：帮帮忙好吗？你能最大声最痛苦地尖叫几声吗？ 病人：为什么？医生，这次还不是那么糟糕? 医生：等得人太多了，我不想错过四点钟的球赛。 17场景再现：你给同学讲一些人生无常、提防险恶的道理： Life is like surfing, you might catch a good wave and it will be a fun ride, bu t watch out for those sharks. 生活就象冲浪，你可能赶上好浪，那会是一次有趣的航行，但要提防 那些鲨鱼。 幽默注释：顺境时也要时刻防范不测发生。 18The programmer to his son: “Here, I brought you a new basketball.“ “Thank you, daddy, but where is the users guide 程序员对儿子说， “我给你买了个新篮球。 ” “谢谢你，爸爸，但使用说明书呢？” 幽默注释：儿子受了老爸很大的影响。 19No one ever says “Its only a game,“ when their team is winning. 自己的球