I failed to make the chess team because of my height.doc

If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.Edsger Dijkstra Where there is no patrol car, there is no speed limit.Peter Beckmann. For NASA, space is still a high priority. Dan Quayle 5/9/90 Base eight is just like base ten really, if youre missing two fingers.Tom Lehrer Remember, if you smoke after sex youre doing it too fast.Woody Allen Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, Where have I gone wrong? Then a voice says to me, This is going to take more than one night. Charlie Brown. Food is an important part of a balanced diet.Fran Lebowitz Electricity is really just organized lightning.George Carlin Politics is supposed be the second oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.Ronald Reagan. The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nations history. I mean in this centurys history. But we all lived in this century. I didnt live in this century.Dan Quayle 15/9/88 The Internet is a gateway to get on the net. Bob Dole. Sarah Brightman couldnt act scared on the New York subway at 4 oclock in the morning.Joel Segal. What other culture could have produced someone like Hemmingway and not seen the joke?Gore Vidal. This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.Conan OBrien. You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label. Mark Twain I dont think anyone should write their autobiography until after theyre dead.Samuel Goldwyn An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from but not enough to lend to.Ambrose Bierce Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, youd step over your own mother just to get one! But you cant stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!Homer Simpson Louis Pasteurs theory of germs is ridiculous fiction. Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872 . I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. Shirley Temple. There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.Benjamin Disraeli It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about nowadays saying things against one, behind ones back, that are absolutely and entirely true.Oscar Wilde Once youre done writing the code, never open it again unless you want to see how uncomprehensible and utterly ridiculous it really is.Raphael Sazonov Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.H. L. Mencken The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should therefore be regarded as a criminal offenseEdsger Dijkstra Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire? The one nearest the door of course.Bernard Shaw Dancing: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire.George Bernard Shaw Your Honor, you have not made one intelligent decision during the course of this trial, and I dont expect one now.Larry Flynt bug, n: An elusive creature living in a program that makes it incorrect. The activity of debugging, or removing bugs from a program, ends when people get tired of doing it, not when the bugs are removed.Datamation, January 15, 1984 The one thing women dont want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. Joan Rivers. Television: A medium. So called because its neither rare nor well done.Ernie Kovacs. Money couldnt buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.Spike Milligan The free-lance writer is the person who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.Robert Benchley Theres nothing more restful than taking orders from fools. Football is all very well a good game for rough girls, but not for delicate boys.Oscar Wilde There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world. Jean Baudrillard. I like children - fried.W.C. Fields. Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.Steven Wright Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known. FA Montagu. Nothings as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. Kin Hubbard. I am not afraid of death, I just dont want to be there when it happens.Woody Allen Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.Lewis Mumford Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining. Jeff Raskin. To err is human - but it feels divine.Mae West I dont know what effect these men will have upon the enemy, but, by God, they terrify me.Duke of Wellington Avoid employing unlucky people. Throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.David Brent A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then hes finished.Zsa Zsa Gabor Every man over forty is a scoundrel.George Bernard Shaw It is true that liberty is precious; so precious that it must be carefully rationed.Lenin. Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.Joseph HellerIn Catch-22. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. Ive never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, Im so embarrassed; get me out of here. Theres another man wearing a black tuxedo. Rita Rudner When Im good, Im very, very good, but when Im bad, Im better.Mae West To err is human. To forgive is unusual. Its not our fault our generation has short attention spans, Dad. We watch an appalling amount of TV.Lisa Simpson Once youve put one of his books down, you simply cant pick it up again.Mark Twain. I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didnt study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people. Dan Quayle Theres a great power in words, if you dont hitch too many of them together.Josh Billings I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I dont always agree with them.George Bush. Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. Since the mathematicians have invaded the theory of relativity, I do not understand it myself anymore.Albert Einstein It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago. Dan Quayle. I bought an audio cleaning tape. Im a big fan of theirs.Kevin Gildea. Im not cynical. Just experienced. What makes him think a middle aged actor, whos played with a chimp, could have a future in politics? Ronald Reagan commenting on Eastwoods bid to become mayor of Carmel Only one man ever understood me, and he didnt understand me.G.W. Hegel. Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. Beware of the man who denounces women writers; his penis in tiny and he cannot spell.Erica Jong. Eat my shorts.Bart Simpson Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.Mark Twain Its not what I do, but the way I do it. Its not what I say, but the way I say it.Mae West There are lies, damned lies and statistics. Mark Twain. All music if folk music. I aint never heard no horse sing a song.Louis Armstrong. The covers of this book are too far apart.Ambrose Bierce. Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife. James H. Kabbler III. Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because Ive done it thousands of times.Mark Twain Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.Henry A. Kissinger I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.Homer Simpson When you see a married couple coming down the street, the one who is two or three steps ahead is the one thats mad.Helen Rowland I worship the ground that awaits you. What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. Mark Twain It is very easy to endure the difficulties of ones enemies. It is the successes of ones friends that are hard to bear.Oscar Wilde Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction.Adlai Stevenson. Hes the kind of man who picks his friends - to pieces.Mae West I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.Paul Lynde It is most unwise for people in love to marry.George Bernard Shaw 驾驶员试题网 /jszks/ 金手指考试Go, and never darken my towels again.Groucho Marx I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.Henry Youngman. How come none of these boxers seem to have a losing record?George Carlin I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, its fantastic.Woody Allen We live in a country where John Lennon takes six bullets in the chest. Yoko Ono is standing right next to him. Not one F*king bullet. Explain that to me! Explain that to me!Denis Leary I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, What for? I said, Im going to buy some sugar.Steven Wright I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding.Dave B