CET写作典型例文精彩点评(五).doc

2003年6月考试六级作文题：Changes of Ownership of Houses in China图表作文，图表内容是1990，1995，2000的公房和私房变化柱状表，趋势是公房越来越少，私房越来越多。提纲：1.简单描述一下图表内容2.变化原因3.这个变化对个人和社会的影响例1 （2分段）此分段标准为条理不清，思路紊乱，大部分句子均有严重错误。为了不影响市容，给大家造成负面影响，故此处略去100字例2（5分段） It is descerned that（删掉）the number of pirate（private） houses had been on a（an） increase from 1990 to 2000.In 1990, it was about 20 percent; In 1995 it was 40 percent; In 2000, it was 80 percent. There were some reasons for this fact. One of them was the improvement of peoples living conditions（condition）, all people wanted to own pirate houses. On the other hand, peoples income was on a（an） increase, they could afford to buy pirate houses! Obviously, there were some good things resulted from this fact. Such as it could improve Chinese economy. But there were also some bad things, such as it took much time to go to work! 东方教育点评：（1）本文基本切题。（2）字数不够，要酌情扣分。（2）第一段描述图表不应该单列举出数字，而是应该重点描写变化趋势 ；第二段说明理由不够充分；第三段说明影响有点牵强。（4）全文语言错误较多。例3（8分段） From the graph it is clear that the percentage of the state owned house in china in a city has decreased greatly from 75% in 1990 to 20% in 2000, while the private house has increased sharply. what has caused these changes? There are, I think, at least two main reasons for these changes. to begin with, with the development of the technology and science, peoples living standard has improved greatly and they can afford to buy high-graded things such as TV, computer and even house. Secondly it is due to the mind people hold and the ecomonic policy. As is known to all, the price of house is often very high, and people must (used to) save their money (for) many years, （however,）as their minds changed, they went to the bank to borrow money and the ecomonic policy also encouraged them to do so. There may be some other reasons, but the above mentiond are commonly acceptable. To conclude, the ownership of houses reflect the development of our country and people are enjoying a better life, I am firmly sure that the productivity of the society will keep improving and people will enjoy a more affluent life in the near future.东方教育点评：（1）本文基本切题，语句基本通顺（2）第一段描述图表太简单，第二段有些地方表达思想不够清楚，第三段太简单。（3）不少语言错误。例4（11分段） As is shown by the bar chart, we can see that great changes have been taken place in a big city in China during the year from 1990 to 2000. The number of stated-owned houses is on the decline, while the private houses are（is） on the rise. To get the sourse(source) of this changes, it is nature for us to come up with the following reasons. In the first place, owning to the advance in peoples living standard ,people are better off today, and they have more money to buy a house .In the second place , with the development of society and economy, some achievements have been maken(made) in housing construction. Last but not least, thanks to the increasing consciousness of confortable(comfortable) life, people are in favor of buying a house. All this results in the boom of private housing. Benefits of this(these) changes are obvious. It is advantage to both people and society. For one thing, with house, people can enjoy their confortable(comfortable) life. For another, this(these) changes can stimulate our nations economic development. 东方教育点评：(1)切题。（2）表达思想清楚，语句通顺。（3）但有少量语言错误。例5（14分段） It can be obviously seen from the chart above that our modern society has experienced a great change, and in the last decade, from 1990 to 2000, more and more people prefer private houses to state-owned ones. There are a lot of reasons for it. First of all, state-owned houses lack the individualized characteristics, which are highly advocated in the modern society today. In addition, The declining prices of the private houses, with the skyrocketing income of people in recent years, contribute to the increase of purchases of private houses because, after all, economy is the most basic factor each family or individual can decide on. At last, the purchases of private houses can entitle consumers to a more flexible selection in terms of location, house type and even the relevant service than that of its state-owned counterpart. This phenomenon, in my opinion, has not only upgraded the quality and standard of life of people , but also improved the value of consumption of our modern society. And it is more significant tha