英语笑话精选.doc

1.A couple returns from shopping to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a report. A detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonights concert of Garth Brooks.The couple attend the concert and return home late.They find their house has been robbed and valuable goods have been taken. There is a note on the door reading, You still have your car. But I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow.2.A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, Pardon me, maam, but I think your husband just slid under the table. The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, Ohh no, My husband just walked in the door.3.A blonde to a long-distance telephone operator:Could you please tell me the time difference between Taipei and Las VegasOperator: Just a minute.Blonde: Thank you, and with that she hung up.4.During an annual psychiatrists convention, three psychiatrists take a walk. People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, one says, but we have no one to go to with our problems. Since were all professionals, why dont we hear each other out right nowThey agree that this is a good idea. The first psychiartrist confesses, Im a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I overbill patients as often as I can.The second admits, I have a drug problem thats out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me.The third psychiatrist says, I know its wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just cant keep a secret.5.A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer. Can you tell me how much you charge? said the client.Of course, the lawyer replied, I charge $200 to answer three questions!Well thats a bit steep, isnt it?Yes it is, said the lawyer, And whats your third question?6.At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. Isnt it true, he bellowed, that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case? The witness stared out the window, as though he hadnt hear the question.The lawyer repeated his question loudly, but the witness still did not respond.Finally, the judge leaned over and said, Sir, please answer the question.Oh, the startled witness said, I thought he was talking to you.7.A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention,but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wallThe drunk mumbles, Aint no use knockin, theres no paper on this side either.A couple returns from shopping to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a report. A detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned. 一對夫妻購物後，發現車子失竊。他們到警察局報案，一名警探載他們回到停車場，以便檢查現場是否遺留嫌犯的蛛絲馬跡。讓他們訝異的是，有人把車子還回去。 There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonights concert of Garth Brooks. 車子擋風玻璃上夾著道歉信和兩張演唱會門票。道歉信上寫說：不告而取很抱歉，但我老婆要生產，只好用接線方式發動你們的車，送她到醫院。奉上今晚賈斯布魯克斯的演唱會門票兩張。 The couple attend the concert and return home late.They find their house has been robbed and valuable