小麦可的分析——issue全部官方范文的分析.docx

小麦可的分析issue全部官方范文的分析第一部分：awintro的解读(略)第二部分：官方满分范文的详细分析注意：由于我的备份word格式和太傻格式不兼容，所以很多我的分析的颜色变化和粗细变化体现不出来，如果想要更好的效果，请下载后面的附件。那里是原版的。看上去更清楚。呵呵谢谢B- | J |# M+ X! F) q+ B& Y& ; U% V2 l托福第一篇文章. K G) 3 V+ I( M1 R( p0 F6 f2 xBoth the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing.4 题目分析：核心概念是技术的发展，人们如何利用这些发展（实际上就是人们如何面对它）这两点如何在社会中影响。题目给出了讨论方向，即要考虑到人们在科技的影响下越来越孤独的问题。题目限定了时间范围是当代。; w5 O6 A, s6 + a注：深红色的字代表论点性语言，是文章论证的核心。其中的关键字我用粗体表示。实际上文章的观点只用这些深红色的字就够了，不信的话大家可以把所有深红色的字提出来，全文的脉络就清晰可辨了，如同人的脊梁骨。黑色的字代表支撑论点的语言。这里有些是例证，有些是推理证明，个别的有指路标性质的文字我加粗了。黑色字的作用是使文章更佳的丰满，让人信服。推理证明就像骨头（小骨头非脊梁骨）,例证就像是肉。最终组成了有血有肉的文章。% E* ?: $ 5 f9 i7 o9 rTechnology, broadly defined as the use of tools, has a long history. Ever since Erg the caveman first conked an animal with a rock, people have been using technology. For thousands of years, the use of tools allowed people to move ever closer together. Because fields could be cultivated and the technology to store food existed, people would live in cities rather than in small nomadic tribes. 前面的几句话都是在介绍大的背景，即技术在现在这样的社会中有哪些影响，这很明显是在点题目中的“modern civilizations ”，很好的介绍了文章所限制的范围有哪些特点。从文字上来看，黑色的句子与棕色的句子的意思是完全一样的，区别就是一个更加抽象，一个更加具体，后者是通过具体的例子来解释前者的。这两者都是必不可少的。我们在写作文的时候是不是会忘记写两者中的其中一部分呢？Only very lately have Ergs descendants come to question the benefits of technology. 这个very lately用的很好，第一它再一次的点题了，很好的紧扣题目，第二它与第一句话中所介绍出来的背景遥相呼应，使得前后的连接很顺当。本句以及以后几句就开始提出与第一句话相反的意见了，但是只是将现象提出来，并没有具体展开任何观点。The Industrial Revolution introduced and spread technologies that mechanized many tasks. As a result of the drive toward more efficient production and distribution (so the ever larger cities would be supported), people began to act as cogs in the technological machine. Clothing was no longer produced by groups of women sewing and gossiping together, but by down-trodden automations operating machinery in grim factories.开头段分为两个部分，一部分写优点，后一部分转而写有质疑。很好的暗示了文章的结构。我们可以清晰地知道作者的思路，并期待他在后面进行展开。并且通过细节处比如修饰语中的扣题，使得文章很好的紧扣题目。没有任何模版的痕迹。0 q! P# j( n. F( g9 m1 X6 5 M4 g7 |2 9 I& V6 q3 ZThe benefits of the new technology of today, computers and the internet, are particularly ambiguous. They have made work ever more efficient and knit the world together in a web of information and phone lines. Some visionaries speak of a world in which Erg need not check in to his office; he can just dial in from home. He wont need to go to a bar to pick up women because there are all those chat rooms. Hungry? Erg orders his groceries from an online delivery service. Bored? Download a new game. And yet.本段第一句话质疑科技带来的好处，这一句话引领出本段以及下一段。可以看作是一个过渡句。这里文章与开头段落的衔接非常好，我们看：ambiguous不正是照应了question吗？正是因为ambiguous人们才会question阿。本段的主题句实际上是第二句话。强调了科技的好的地方，使效率更高，人们之间的联系更加紧密了。后面的四个例子分别证明了这一点。这里，有一点我想说的，就是关于例子的使用，在awintro中明确说了要怎么用例子来支持观点：要么用几个例子，要么用一个可以延伸的例子。我们看这篇文章Erg这个词的频繁使用，这样的一个无限延伸的大例子不正是使文章连贯、论证有力的法宝吗。同时，本段最后用了四个事例，实际上都是用erg给串连起来的，也包括下一段。安排的顺序：事业=朋友=生存=娱乐，一步一步地指向个人的内心世界，人的精神层面。7 e4 L) K3 y7 |5 _8 V2 n# a, y: TO) R5 2 s- Many people, myself included, are a little queasy about that vision. Erg may be doing work, but is it real work? Are his online friends real friends? Does anything count in a spiritual way if its just digital? 本段主要讲科技进步的负面，与上一段首句相照应。很好的承接了上一段落的内容。同时，在例子论证方面，与上一段的每一个点都有照应。一步一步的将上一段质疑。这种釜底抽薪的质疑使得上一段看似很牛的证明崩溃。同志们看出来本文这种可延伸的一个大例子的威力了吧，在证明过程中那么的有力，在反驳过程中那么的彻底，而且连成一串使得总效果增加不少，这比单独的列几个不相干的例子要有效的多。Since the Industrial Revolution, we have been haunted by the prospect that we are turning into our machines: efficient, productive, soulless. The newest technologies, we fear, are making us flat as our screens, turning us into streams of bits of interchangeable data. We may know a lot of people, but we have few real friends. We have a lot of things to do, but no reason to do them. 上面两句都是对上面棕红色字的解释，并且是从不同层面的进行的刻画。第一句是对上一句的efficient、productive的解释，其中we fear不正是对应了haunt吗，第二句是对应于soulless的解释。其中第二句是重点，因为下一自然段讨论的就是他。In short, the new technology emphasizes a spiritual crisis that has been building for quite some time.这一句话既是总结了上面所有的关于现状的描述，同时，也作为承上启下的过度句，逐步地将讨论深化至精神层面，从而自然的引出下一段作者自己的观点。+ P0 J! c3 t7 y# u6 k ( v4 R5 x) T/ f: 7 p3 f* D) P, DAs I try to unravel which I believe about the relative merits of technology, I think it is instructive to remember technologys original result. 前两段都是作者分析现有的情况，分析题目中所给出的条件。而这一段则是作者提出自己的观点，并且使得文章的论述深入到本质。实际上这个就是作者的立场，这样的定立场的方式很好啊，第二段第三段分别分析了原文的立场和反对原文的立场，可是作者并没有同意任何一个，也没有部分同意。本段从科技本质出发，倾向于说科技的不好，但是不带批评色彩，很聪明的另辟蹊径，指向本源。这就避免了冲突。显出自己的睿智。A better plow meant easier farming, more food, longer lives, and more free time to pursue other things such as art. Our newest technology does not give us more free time; it consumes our free time. 这两句话是一层，通过plow的例子解释了本质。前一句举出事实，后一句进行分析，指出本质是占用了我们的空闲时间，直接指向科技的本质（正如最后一段说的，这本质就是科技与生活的失衡）。We are terminally distracted from confronting ourselves or each other.; o: C6 C8 v( X7 M) tWe stay safe, and lonely, in our homes and offices rather than taking the risk of meeting real people or trying new things.这两句话是第二层，说明我们相互之间缺少了沟通和交流。直接指向科技的本质（正如最后一段说的，这本质就是科技与生活的失衡）。; / 3 x0 j/ |0 x2 b) e) p* n1 t. hWhile I am certainly not a Luddite, I do believe we need to look for a bit more balance between technology and life. 本句话是全文的中心，前面几段都是铺垫，先说科技好和不好的方面，然后指向本质。本段不仅点出本质，而且给出了进一步的解决思路。（打个比方，这样的论证方式就像是老师去差学生家访，先说“你这孩子挺爱劳动的啊是个好孩子”，然后说“可是学习怎么那么差呢怎么老爱打架呢”，最后说本质“老赵阿其实我知道你工作太忙了，又要评职称又要炒股票没工夫顾孩子。不过为了孩子，还是多抽出点时间关心下吧”，这样的论证结构下来，从表及内，让人感觉很有说服力！）We have to tear ourselves away from the fatal distractions and go out into the world. Technology has given us long lives and endless supplies of information. Now we need to apply that information, use the time were not spending conking our dinner with a club, and find our reasons for living.最后给出了建议，具体的支撑了如何balance科技与生活。仔细看这三句不正是三段论吗！大前提小前提结论。 w$ 1 I ?! 2 U: o+ k COMMENTARY . _& j( P: _3 z; E c8 This outstanding response displays cogent reasoning, insightful, persuasive analysis, and superior control of language.4 b: ( 7 e! B( S( pThe essay immediately identifies the complexities of the issue and then playfully explores both the benefits and the drawbacks of technological developments over the course of human history. p+ m$ 1 L& L, DThe writer maintains that a balance between technology and life is necessary if humans are going to abate the loneliness that is part of modern existence.9 u1 & p- X W5 r: x* . m第二篇文章% b( o* W2 V6 dp4 G _, G2 OThe media (books, film, music, television, for example) tend to create rather than reflect the values of a society. ; W3 # D; I7 E1 G3 w ?6bFor our grandparents it occurred through films and books. For the baby boomers it was a result of television and revolutionary music. No matter how the impact took place, it is clear that since its very advent, the media have played a crucial role in not simply being representative of the values of our society but creating them as well.前面两句话提出了背景对于不同的人，也暗示后面的论证入手点，即时间顺序。第三句提出了论点，后面的官方评语赞扬这样的立场有足够的复杂性，同时在官方的Awintro中我们也可以多次看到，官方要求我们提出的观点要越复杂越好。其实很多时候我们的想法确实很复杂，但是关键得让人一眼就能看出来复杂啊，这里作者用的not simply就强烈的心理暗示了考官他所提出的观点是复杂的。6 U- s% U& K) Y7 A& |During the roaring twenties Americans found themselves in a struggle between the old ways of their ancestors and the new ways of the future. The once steadfast beliefs that men and women should not touch while dancing, and that ladies should not drink or smoke were suddenly being challenged. From where was all this rebellion stemming? Partly it was due to the returning doughboys from the shores of Europe bringing home revolutionary ideas they had encountered while at war. 前面都是演绎背景，说明变化有多么的大，这里看似是对于全文的论述没有多少的作用，但是这里的说明是很有必要的，因为只有先强调了变化有多么的大，然后再把原因归咎于媒体上，才能突出媒体的作用多么的大。就好像我们想和别人说我们考了gre多么牛的时候，总是先要强调gre考试多么的难多么的变态，然后再说我们已经搞定了他，这样给人感觉就是更加的牛。另一方面，上面在最后给出了一种的解释，然后在下面又予以分析，并提出了媒体作为更加重要的原因，这样的论证方式让人感觉很有一种讨论的气氛，我们先假设了一种答案，然后并不是完全否认他，而是提出了一个更为完美的解释。潜在的作者的思维方式是，作者认为他如果单纯写媒体是主要的方式，会被读者轻易的用回归士兵来反驳，所以作者就先发制人，先提出了他因，然后自己分析回答，作者并不完全否定，而是稍加肯定后，再提出自己的更为好的答案，这样作者的论证就显得天衣无缝了。Nonetheless, returning soldiers could not be held responsible for the social upheaval that America experienced. There had to be another cause, and there was, the media. 本句话通过分析回归士兵，进而提出了作者自己的观点，即媒体作为社会剧变的主要因素。Although the films of the era were silent they spoke volumes to the society for which they were created. Women in these movies wore their hemlines a few inches shorter than the decade before them and they wore cosmetics to accentuate their new bobbed haircuts.这里给出了具体的事例。给although这一句话具体的解释。即画面本身也暗示了很多东东。 The movies, as well as the books of that era, demonstrated a new materialistic attitude that America had never before experienced. Films portrayed every character as having the money to buy a new car, drink, smoke and partake in the leisures of life, a philosophy that was soon adopted by the youth of the decade.这里给出了具体的事例，给出了上一句话具体的解释，即电影体现出了人们对物质的价值观。 The use of the media in the twenties was to serve as a catalyst for the revolutionary ideas that were circulating. 这一句话总结了本段的观点，即在二十世纪媒体促进了社会价值观的变革。The films and books of that era sped America along its path of change that eventually led to the greatest social unrest that the United States had ever known.这一句话写了不好的一面，即社会的动荡，这样的论证使得作者的思路很辩证，有好有坏，不是一味的赞扬。: 7 7 f5 Z( O6 0 I; A; m) Unlike the twenties, the sixties and seventies utilized the media in a way that appealed to those searching for truth in a lost and confused world. 这里从另一个时间点来论证了媒体的作用。本段强调媒体帮助我们了解真相。官方AWINTRO告诉我们，对于一个题目要应用到不同的领域去，不同的方面去。这里我们就看出来了作者的思路的灵活性，通过应用于不同的时间点来分析媒体对于人们生活的影响，从而最后得出媒体是更多的创造价值观。Martin Luther King Jr. realized the impact of the media on society during his campaign for civil rights. King urged his followers to withstand any abuse that they might encounter because the media will take their peacefulness into the homes of their society.马丁如何利用媒体。By doing so, King successfully began to change the traditional view of race. Americans began to sympathize with the protesters because of the undeserved turmoil they faced at the hands of the government.利用媒体后达到了什么效果。 As a result, America relinquished the Jim Crow laws and saw many other groups press for their individual rights as well.Television cameras rolled as Cesar Chavez organized the migrant workers in California and as Bella Abzug and Gloria Steinham linked arms to protest the lack of womens rights. 同样的做法，还有那些成功的案例，这些案例有什么深远的意义。经过以上三层的阐述，层层深入，不断地指向媒体让我们了解事实真相这件事的本质。本段很好的证明了作者的观点，正是由于本段中提到的这些积极效果，才说明了媒体确实是创造了价值，有切实的作用。While the media helped to shape some attitudes about racism and gender it also helped to uncover the truth behind government lies. 这就是本文的结尾，确实是没说完，是个烂尾工程，government lies明显就是需要进一步展开的，需要完整的一段证明的。从这里我们能体会到aw考试的本质，就是看看我们是否有分析的能力，前面的论述已经展示了作者的能力，所以后面的也就不需要了。ETS考察的不是作品，而是写作品的人。它要通过文章看看我们行不行，既然在前面已经看到了，后面就不用管了。打个比方，有些人，我们和他说一两句话就能迅速知道这个人牛不牛，尤其是有的人说出一句话出来我们就知道这个人与众不同。同样的，ETS就是想知道我们牛不牛，而不是文章如何。但是这一切的前提是我们在前面已经把重要的东西展示出来了，本文已经在第一段就清楚的说出了作者的立场，后面也给出了清楚的证明。同学们，这给了我们什么启示呢？一定要高度重视文章的前面的部分，要把最精深的东西最牛的东西，最清晰地分析放在最前面。, n* A/ _) Y. |( I6 Q5 % O1 a, 9 C4 UCOMMENTARY0 h/ _# Q. y, ?- O5 IThis is an outstanding response, even though it is not quite finished. The writers views on the issue are so cogent, well articulated, and well developed that the writer was not penalized for failing to provide a conclusion. What matters is the quality of thinking and writing displayed, not whether an essay is totally finished or has a certain number of words.+ * j0 Y$ I0 V% 9 n 3 Z% cwriters skill is apparent in the opening lines. The first words, For our grandparents it occurred, immediately spark the readers interest. The quick repetition of sentence structure and, once again, the intentionally vague use of it (For the baby boomers it was) effectively draw the reader in. By the third sentence, we know that this essay will address the complexity of the issue (not simply being representative of the values of our society but creating them as well) and that the writer is fully in command of this discussion.& R8 X/ O n. : Mrest of the essay addresses the influence of historical events and media on the values of modern society, from the roaring twenties to the sixties and seventies. Insightful analysis accompanies the historical references. For example, the writer persuasively argues that prominent figures (King, but also Chavez, Abzug, and Steinham) advanced their social agendas by capitalizing on the power of the media to change public opinion.% NN! A. F& XThroughout the essay, the writer uses language and syntax effectively. Word choice is precise (cosmetics to accentuate their new bobbed haircuts), sentences are structured to communicate ideas clearly (There had to be another cause, and there was, the media), and transitional phrases help move the argument forward (Unlike the twenties, the sixties? and By doing so, King successfully began to change the traditional view of race.) j. X: C! L$ dOccasional errors do appear (e.g., note the lack of logical comparison in women? wore their hemlines? shorter than the decade before them), but they are not intrusive./ Y2 M2 : y0 u3 Z9 e) c# y) s$ RH; q- i$ zOther 6 essays might be more fully developed; indeed, this essay would be stronger if the writer had gone on to discuss the medias role in Nixons Watergate scandal and to bring the argument to its conclusion. q3 I& T0 l9 V, N& X1 w% n5 q3 THowever, even in its unfinished state, the essay does present an insightful, well-articulated discussion of the issue.) 第三篇文章Our declining environment may bring the people of the world together as no politician, philosopher, or war ever could. Environmental problems are global in scope and respect no nations boundaries. Therefore, people are faced with the choice of unity and cooperation on the one hand or disunity and a common tragedy on the other. 4 K2 E% c7 Y& d# 6、iS: QCooperation-or Tragedy?3 a* T?: 2 t) S8 SThe solution to the worlds growing environmental problems may have to wait awhile. It has been said that environmental problems are global and respect no nations boundaries. Unfortunately, pollution and its consequences still fall to large measure on those least likely to do anything about it: poor countries willing to sacrifice anything in order to sit at the table with the worlds wealthy. 本段首句提出观点：解决环境问题还需要稍事等待。这里的立场其实还是很不好理解的，关键就是awhile这个词的理解，根据AHD字典的解释：For a short time.可以看出，作者的意思是需要等待，但不能等待太久，一小会就够。第二句话提出了题目的观点，第三句话实际上是分析第二句话，指出题目中的现实情况，large measure是与awhile相对应的，实际情况是要等很长时间，作者观点是等一下下就行了，这就是对比，这就是需要论证的地方。说实话，本题的作者的观点并不容易轻易地看出来，关键就是弄清awhile这个词的准确含义。As far as the industrialized nations of the world are concerned, the world is a big place. Environmental destruction taking place outside their borders may sometimes be fodder for government pronouncements of concern, but few concrete actions. 本段是分析现实情况，指出现在的国家采取的具体措施太少。这里值得注意的就是本段回应了题目的第一句话，题目说可以淡化国界，这里就从现实出发，首先让步性的肯定了对于别国的事情会有关心，然后指出不会具体干涉，并在后面给出了事例的证明。Deforestation of the Amazon, for instance, is of vital concern to all those who wish to continue breathing. But the only effective deterrent to this activity, the restriction of international aid money to those countries showing net deforestation, has been stalled in the United Nations by those unwilling to interfere in the internal politics of other nations.)Because of the differential impact of polluting activities around the world, and even in different regions of a single country, many governments will undoubtedly continue to promulgate only modest environmental regulations. 本段说具体的措施过于温和。本段与上一段的内在逻辑联系为：上一段说措施很少，本段说即使有，也过于温和。并在后面给出了具体的解释，为什么温和。同样在本句话前半句也给出了解释，即地区国家的不同会使得措施不力。这样就一共有两种解释。Costs to polluting companies will continue to carry as much weight as the benefit of a pollution-free environment. Particularly in the current political climate of the United States, the well-documented expense of todays pollution-control measures will be stacked against the unknown long-term effects of polluting actitivities.本句话具体解释了在何时温和，由于那些长期影响的措施的力度不及短期影响的措施的力度，所以长期影响的措施显得有些温和了。并且在后面给出了引用的话来作为证明。作者引用的这句话很好，因为这句话本身就能充分的解释上述观点，这就给我们找例子提供了一条思路，即先想好并写好论证语言，然后再把它括起来，说是某个人说的。这样使得我们的文章看上去很生动避免了大段的说理，同时又能把事情给说清楚。 Why should I spend millions of dollars a year, which causes me to have to raise the cost of my goods or eliminate jobs, if no one really knows if air pollution is all that harmful? Show me the proof, an air polluting company may demand.从上一段到这一段，内在的联系是十分紧密的，仔细揣摩，这里的论证方式就是具体-具体-再具体，像是一个放大镜一样一步一步让我们看到我们关心的细节，先分析了有多少措施，有分析了这些措施里有多少是有用的。从而彻底的论证了目前的情况，让读者清楚的看到目前的现状，那就是：目前的情况不容乐观。) c H c/ s!Realistically, it wont be until critical mass is achieved that the hoped for choice of unity and cooperation will be a viable one.这里实际上还是就着上一段中的长期效应来说的。作者从这里入手，提出了我们不应该忽略长期效应，并在本段后面解释了为什么不能忽略长期效应。Only when the earth as a whole is so polluted that life itself becomes increasingly difficult for a majority of the worlds people will there likely be the political will to force global environmental laws on governments worldwide. 这是目前的现状，即没有大的灾难*不会出资。But the optimists (read: environmental activists) among us continue to believe that the world can be shown the error of its ways. They continue to point out that the sky is probably falling-or at least developing a big hole. The world, as a whole, ignores them.这几句话指出了其实现在问题已经在越来越严重了，我们并没有意识到这种严重，实际上大的灾难正在一步一步向我们逼近，并且从某些角度上来说灾难已经来临，如臭氧空洞。从而证明了段首句。One would hope, however, that governments, perhaps through a strengthened U.N., could somehow be forced to realize that when the Earth reaches the critical mass of pollution, it may be too late to do anything about it. That would be a common tragedy indeed.最后一段指出了我们不能忽略，语言用的很好，这样的语言用法强调了不能忽略，并呼吁我们要重视长期的效应。和第一段的立场结合起来，就是我们要采取行动了，不能等太久。同学们，这篇文章其实思路非常清楚，就是先用放大镜从错综复杂的现实中逐步逐步的找到问题的关键所在，即长期效应没有给与充分的重视，然后再最后两段里指出了现在的认识是错误的，我们要给与足够的重视。从而又回归原题宗旨。总的思路就是缩-缩-放-放。 ( JW Z1 K2 gr7 F( I2 j. b. q; T7 i; COMMENTARY2 A5 N2 o0 u. e+ This excellent response displays an in-depth analysis of the issue and superi