英文已如此搞笑,翻译却更加残暴.doc

英文已如此搞笑,翻译却更加残暴.txt23让我们挥起沉重的铁锤吧！每一下都砸在最稚嫩的部位，当青春逝去，那些部位将生出厚晒太阳的茧，最终成为坚实的石，支撑起我们不再年轻但一定美丽的生命。杞笘 - 寮蹇冪綉 棣栭鎴戠殑棣栭 鎴戠殑棣栭棰勮锛?濂藉弸璁块棶鏃堕檶鐢熶汉璁块棶鏃跺鍙嬫垜鐨勫叏閮鍙嬪鍙嬬鐞?閭璇锋湅鍙嬪姞鍏煡鎵炬湅鍙?鎴戝姞鐨勬満鏋勬垜鍔犵殑鍚嶄汉鍏儴鏈烘瀯鍚嶄汉缇垜鐨勭兢濂藉弸鐨勭兢 鍒涘缓鏂扮兢鍏儴缇秷鎭煭娑堟伅绯荤粺娑堟伅 璇勮璇勮鍥炲鐣欒鏉跨暀瑷鍥炲閭璇封攰鎵句汉鈹婅缃? 璐埛璁剧疆 闅愮璁剧疆 缁勪欢璁剧疆 鏀粯涓績 鈹婇鍑?鐓墖 鏃 璁板綍 璁拌处 鏈嬪弸涔板崠 涔版埧瀛?浜夎溅浣?铏氭嫙鏈嬪弸 鍚镐箰鏃犵 绀肩墿 闈炲父绀奸亣 瓒宠抗 鐢靛奖 杞笘 鍔粬涓涓?闊充箰 缃戠洏 鐪熷績璇?閽撻奔鐐瑰嚮杩欓噷锛屾坊鍔犲悇绉嶅疄鐢垨娓告垙缁勪欢 娣诲姞缁勪欢 缁勪欢璁剧疆鏋楀瓙鐨勮浆甯?濂圭殑棣栭 鈹?濂圭殑杞笘杩斿洖涓婁竴椤电2/2472甯?鈹?杩斿洖濂圭殑杞笘鑻辨枃宸插姝悶绗戯紝缈昏瘧鍗存洿鍔犳畫鏆?鍙戦佺粰濂藉弸 鈹?鏉冮檺 鈹?鍒犻櫎 璇浆甯栦粎浣犺嚜宸卞彲瑙?璇浆甯栦綘鐨勫鍙嬮兘鑳界湅瑙?銆両 asked God for a bike, but I know God doesnt work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. 寮濮嬫垜鐩存帴姹備笂甯濊祼杈嗚嚜琛岃溅銆?鍚庢潵鎴戠悽纾笂甯濆姙浜嬪効涓嶆槸杩欎釜璺暟銆?浜庢槸鑰佸瓙鍋蜂簡涓杈嗙劧鍚庢眰涓婂笣瀹芥仌銆?2銆両 want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. 鎴戝笇鏈涜兘鍍忕埛鐖烽偅鏍凤紝瀹夐潤鍦板湪鐫涓鍘烩?鑰屼笉鏄鍍忎粬寮鐨勮溅涓婇偅浜涙儴鍙淮涔樺涓鏍锋娉曞晩锛?3銆丏o not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 浣犳案杩滀笉鑳芥垬鑳滀竴涓函SB,鍥犱负浠栦細鎶婁綘鐨勬櫤鍟嗘媺鍒拌窡浠栦釜姘村钩,鐒跺悗鐢赴瀵岀殑缁忛獙鎵撹触浣?4銆乀he last thing I want to do is hurt you. But its still on the list. 鐩磋瘧锛氬湪杩欎釜涓栫晫涓?鎴戞渶涓嶆効鎰忓仛鐨勪簨灏辨槸浼浣?浣嗘槸杩欎欢浜嬩粛鍦垜鐨勮冭檻涔嬪垪銆?鎰忚瘧a锛氭垜鐪熶笉鎯充激瀹充綘锛屼絾浣犱篃鍒兼垜銆?鎰忚瘧b锛氬惥铏戒笉鏉浼粊锛屼集浠佺敱鎴戣屾銆?5銆両f sex is a pain in the ass, then youre doing it wrong. a. 濡傝鍢垮捇涔冨眮鐪间笉鑳芥壙鍙椾箣鐥涳紝閭槸浣犳搷閿欐礊. b. 鑻XOO鏄笅浣撶殑鐥涳紝閭箞锛屾槸浣犳搷閿欍?6銆乀he early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. a. 鏃捣婊村皬楦熸湁铏櫕锛佹櫄鍒扮殑鑰侀紶鏈夊閰紒 b. 鏃捣鐨勯笩鍎挎湁铏悆锛屾棭璧风殑铏効琚笩鍚冦?7銆乄e live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police. 鍦挶浠繖鍣跺搾閫佸鍗栫殑閮芥瘮璀療鏉殑蹇? 8銆丠aving sex is like playing bridge. If you dont have a good partner, youd better have a good hand. XXOO灏辫薄鎵撴鐗屻?濡傛灉瀵规墜涓嶅浣匡紝鑷繁鐨勬墜蹇呴濂戒娇銆?9銆?Some people are like Slinkies . not really good for anything, but you cant help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. 鏈変簺浜哄氨鍍?Slinkies 锛堝脊绨帺鍏凤級锛屾病浠涔堝疄鍦敤澶勶紝浣嗙湅浠栦滑鍦姊笂鍊掕吘鏉崳鑵惧幓杩樻槸寰堟湁鍠滄劅銆?10銆丳oliticians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. 鏀垮鍜岀焊灏垮竷鏈変竴涓叡鍚岀偣灏辨槸锛氫粬浠兘寰堟湁瑙勫緥鍦拌鏇挎崲锛岃屼笖鍥犱负鍚屼竴涓悊鐢扁斺旇剰浜嗭紒锛?11銆乄ar does not determine who is right - only who is left. 鎴樹簤涓嶈兘鍐冲嚭姝箟锛屼絾鑳藉垽鍑哄摢鏂瑰嚭灞銆?12銆乄omen might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. a. 濂充汉鐨勯珮娼彲鑳芥槸瑁呭嚭鏉殑銆備絾鏄敺浜篢MD鍙互鏁存鎰熸儏閮芥槸瑁呭嚭鏉殑锛?b. 濂充汉鍋囪楂樻疆浠幏鍙栫湡瀹炵殑鎰熸儏锛涚敺浜哄亣瑁呮劅鎯呬互鑾峰彇鐪熷疄鐨勯珮娼?13銆乄e never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 鎴戜滑姘歌繙涓嶅彲鑳界湡姝殑鎴愮啛锛屾垜浠彧鏄浼氬湪浼椾汉闈墠瑁呴笺?14銆丮en have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. 鐢蜂汉灏变袱绉嶇姸鎬侊細楗?鍜?鎬娓淬?瑕佹槸浠栦笉纭紝灏辩粰浠栦釜涓夋槑娌伙紒 15銆丩ight travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 鍏夋绘槸姣斿闊宠窇鐨勫揩鐐?.杩欏氨鏄负鍢涙湁浜汼B鍙湁鍦紑鍙璇濅箣鍚庝綘鎵嶅彂鐜颁粬鏄湪瑁匓. 16銆丮y mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. 鎴戝姣忔瀵圭潃鎴戦獋鑽夋偿椹殑鏃跺欓兘娌湅鍑哄叾涓瑧鐐广?17銆両 thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. 鏇句互涓烘垜鎯宠鐨勬槸鑱屼笟锛岀粨鏋滃彂鐜版垜鍙槸鎯宠宸祫銆?18銆両f you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of payments. 浣犺鏄寰楁病浜哄湪涔庝綘鐨勬娲?閭綘涓嶅灏濊瘯涓涓嬭窡浣犵殑鍊轰富鐜翰鐚尗 19銆丼ex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer. XXOO骞朵笉鏄粨璁鸿屾槸涓棶棰?.鐖戒笉鐖芥墠鏄瓟妗?. 20銆丒vening news is where they begin with Good evening, and then proceed to tell you why it isnt. 鏅氶棿鏂伴椈鎬绘槸浠滄櫄涓婂鈥濆紑澶达紝鍐嶅憡璇変綘浣犱负浠涔堝涓嶄簡銆?21銆丠ow is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? 鐩磋瘧锛氫竴鏍圭伀鏌磋兘鐐圭潃鏁寸墖妫灄锛屼竴鐩掔伀鏌翠篃鐢熶笉璧蜂釜钀伀锛岃繖鍜嬪洖浜嬶紒 鎰忚瘧锛氭兂褰撳勾鍝埓濂楅兘鑳借浜烘瀛曪紝鐪嬩粖鏈濆彅绔熺劧鍘荤湅鐢风 22銆両f 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea. does that mean that one enjoys it? 濡傛灉4/5鐨勪汉鍦繊鍙楄吂娉荤殑鐥涜嫤锛岄偅鍓笅1/5鍜嬪洖浜嬶紵寰堜韩鍙楀悧锛?23銆並nowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 鐩磋瘧锛氱煡璇嗗氨鏄浣犵煡閬撹绾熆鏄竴绉嶆按鏋滐紱鏅烘収灏卞浼间笉瑕佹妸瀹冩斁杩涙按鏋滄矙鎷夐噷銆?鎰忚瘧a锛氱煡璇嗗氨鏄憡璇変綘璇村簲璇妸楦泲鏀捐繘绡瓙锛屾櫤鎱垯鏄彨浣犱笉瑕佹妸鎵鏈夐浮铔嬮兘鏀捐繘涓涓瀛愩?鎰忚瘧b:鎵璋撶煡璇嗗氨鏄煡閬撻煩灏戝拰灏忓洓閮藉睘浜?0鍚庯紝浣嗘櫤鎱憡璇変綘杩欑粓杩樻槸鐢峰鏈夊埆 24銆両f God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining. 涓婂笣鐬呯潃鍜变滑鍛紝澶紮濂芥鍠滄劅鐐瑰惂锛?25銆丯ever, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 鏃犺锛屽湪浠讳綍鎯呭喌涓嬶紝姘歌繙锛屼笉瑕佸湪涓涓鏅氾紝鍚屾椂鍚冿紝瀹夌湢鑽紝鍜岄氫究鐏点?26銆両 didnt fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian 鑰佸瓙鎷兼鎷兼椿濂嬫枟鍒伴鐗摼椤剁锛屼笉鏄负浜嗘垚涓轰竴涓礌椋熻呫?27銆丄 bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. 鍏溅绔欏憖鍏溅鍋溿傜伀杞珯鍛鐏溅鍋溿備亢妗屼笂鏈変釜宸綔绔欌?28銆両f I agreed with you wed both be wrong. 瑕佹槸鎴戝惉浣犵殑锛屽挶淇氨閮?B浜嗐?29銆?Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish? 娴疯睔鍙仾鏄庝簡浣犵煡閬撲笉锛熷彧瑕侀鍏诲嚑涓槦鏈燂紝瀹冧滑灏辫兘璁汉绫讳箹涔栫珯鍦睜杈圭粰瀹冧滑鎵旈奔鍚冧簡銆?30銆丄 computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. a. 涓嬫锛屾垜涓嶈锛涚帺璺嗘嫵閬擄紝鐢佃剳涓嶈锛?b. 涓嬭薄妫嬬數鑴戞妸鎴戠帺寰楀洟鍥浆锛屾嫵鍑绘垜鑳芥妸鏈虹韪瑰緱涓冮浂鍏暎锛?31銆両 saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with Guess on it.so I said Implants? 鐬呰涓濮愶紝鑳稿墠琛湇涓婂啓鐫鈥淕uess鈥?.淇哄氨闂簡涓鍙細鈥?.闅嗚繃锛熲?32銆?Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up. 瀛瓙灏辨槸锛氫綘鍏堣姳2骞达紝鏁欎斧浠蛋璺拰璇磋瘽銆傜劧鍚庝綘鍐嶈姳16骞存暀涓滑鍧愬畾鍜岄棴鍢淬?33銆乄hy does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? 涓轰粈涔堝綋浣犺澶笂鏈?00浜挎槦鏄熸椂浠栦笉鎬鐤戯紝鍗村亸瑕佹鏌綘鎵璇寸殑鈥滄补婕嗘湭骞测濓紵 34銆丅etter to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. a. 瀹佹効闂槾褰撳偦鐡滐紝涔熷埆瀛箤楦贡鍛卞懕銆?b. 瓒婅閲婅秺SB锛屼笉璇磋瘽鏈NB銆?c. 鍓芥倣鐨勪汉鐢熶笉闇瑕佽閲?d. 瀹佸彲闂彛琚汉褰揝B锛屼篃涓嶅紶鍙閲婃墍鏈夌枒銆?35銆丄 bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you dont need it. 閾惰灏辨槸褰撲綘璇佹槑浜嗕綘涓嶉渶瑕侀挶鐨勬椂鍊欏彲浠熼挶缁欎綘鐨勫湴鏂?36銆丩augh at your problems, everybody else does. a.瀵逛綘鐨勯棶棰樺搱鍝堝绗戝惂锛屽埆浜洪兘鍦繖涔堝仛銆?b. 浣犳湁浠涔堜笉寮蹇冪殑锛熻鍑烘潵缁欏瀹跺紑蹇冨紑蹇冦?37銆乀he voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! a. 鎴戠煡閬撴病浜哄湪鎴戣剳瀛愰噷璺熸垜鑱婂锛屼絾閭簺璇濈湡TM鏈夌敤锛?鎰忚瘧锛氭垜骞绘兂鐨勪綆鍚熶笉涓瀹氭槸鐪熺殑锛屼絾瓒冲璁垜鎰忔帆 38銆丄 clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. a. 鏃犳劎浜庡績鍝堬紵璁版笉濂藉惂锛?鎰忚瘧b锛?鑷粠閭鍦汉濡栬韩杈归啋鏉紝姣忔鍘诲搴楁垜閮芥彁閱掕嚜宸扁滀竴瀹氳鎴寸溂闀溾?c. 鎰忚瘑娓呴啋浜嗭紝鎰忓懗鐫涓嶅牚鍥為浜嗐?39銆丟ood girls are bad girls that never get caught. a. 鎵璋撶殑濂藉濞橈紝鍜筹紒灏辨槸杩樻病琚兢浼楁姄鍒扮殑JP濂陈仿仿仿仿?b. 鎯崇珛鐗屽潑灏卞緱浼氳 40銆丠e who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame. 涓村嵄蹇界劧寰瑧鐨勯偅璋侊紝瀹氭槸鎵惧埌鏇跨姜缇婇笩 41銆?Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. 濡傛灉濂充汉鑳藉仛鍒颁互绉冮鍜屽暏閰掕倸鍦琛椾笂鏅冭繕瑙夊緱鑷繁鍊嶅効鎬劅鈥斺旀鏃朵及璁敺濂宠兘骞崇瓑銆?42銆乀he shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. 灏忚吙涓婄殑楠鈥斺斿湪榛戞埧闂撮噷鎵惧噯瀹跺叿浣嶇疆鐨勫瑁呭銆?43銆乀he main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 鍦癁鑰佷汉褰撶劧缇庯紝浠栫煡閬撴墍鏈塝D濡炰綇鍝効鍟婏紒 44銆乀o steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 鍓界獌涓涓汉鐨勫彨鍓界獌锛屽壗绐冭澶氫汉鐨勫彨鐮旂銆?鎰忚瘧锛氱獌閽呰瘺锛岀獌鍥借呬负璇镐警銆?45銆丼ome cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. 鏈変簺浜轰竴鏉瀹跺氨寮蹇冧簡锛涙湁浜涗汉涓璧板瀹跺氨寮蹇冧簡銆? 46銆?I discovered I scream the same way whether Im about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot. 鎴戝彂鐜帮紝鎴戞淮鑴氫斧琚竴灏忕墖鍎挎捣钘绘摝杩囨椂锛屾垜婊撮偅涓儴鍙鈥斺斿拰鎴戣澶櫧椴悡鍧忔椂鐨勬儴鍙鏄竴鏍锋淮銆?47銆丆rowded elevators smell different to midgets. 鐩磋瘧锛氫綘鑻槸鎸弧浜虹殑鐢垫閲岀殑灏忕煯浜猴紝鑲畾鑳藉梾鍑轰笉鍚岀殑鍛冲効銆?鎰忚瘧锛氱伒鎰熸潵鑷簬鎵绔欑殑瑙掑害涓庝紬涓嶅悓銆?48銆両 didnt say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 鎴戝彲娌綘锛佹垜鏄湪璋磋矗浣狅紒 49銆?Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says If an emergency, notify: I put DOCTOR. Whats my mother going to do? 褰撴垜濉鐨勬椂鍊欙紝鏈変竴椤规槸鈥滅揣鎬儏鍐佃仈绯伙細鈥?鎴戝涓婁簡鈥滃尰鐢熲濓紝鍒版椂鍊欐垜濡堣兘甯笂浠涔堝繖锛燂紒 50銆丟od must love stupid people. He made SO many. 涓婂笣涓瀹氬嶅効鐖盨B锛屼笉鐒朵粬閫犺繖涔堝锛侊紒锛侊紒锛侊紒锛?51銆丅ehind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. 姣忎竴涓垚鍔熺殑鐢蜂汉鑳屽悗閮芥湁涓涓浜恒傛瘡涓涓炕浜嗚埞鐨勬垚鍔熺敺浜鸿儗鍚庡線寰鏄彟涓涓浜恒?52銆両 always take life with a grain of salt, .plus a slice of lemon, .and a shot of tequila. 鐢熸椿瀵逛簬鎴戞潵璇存槸灏忚彍涓纰燂紝鎴戦氬父灏辩潃鐩愬拰鏌犳锛屽啀鏉竴灏忔澂鐑堟厭銆?鎰忚瘧a锛氱敓娲伙紝鏄竴鍥夯.缁筹紝.鍐嶅姞涓鏍硅湣鐑?.涓鏌勭毊闉?鎰忚瘧b: 鐢熸椿锛屼笉灏辨槸鍏堢媯鍚冭彍锛岀劧鍚庢妸鐑堟櫧閰掍竴楗屽敖锛?53銆乀he sole purpose of a childs middle name, is so he can tell when hes really in trouble. 鐩磋瘧锛氬皬瀛瓙瑕佷腑闂村悕锛岀函绮规槸涓轰簡璁粬鐭亾浠栧暐鏃跺欑湡鐨勬湁楹荤儲浜嗐?鐩磋瘧a锛氳捣涓叏鍚嶅氨涓轰簡鎻嶅瀛愬墠鍙互搴曟皵鍗佽冻鍦板枈鍑烘潵銆?鎰忚瘧b锛氳淳鍚涢箯杩欏悕瀛楀氨涓轰簡璁粬濡堝枈浠栧洖瀹跺悆楗紒 54銆両ts not the fall that kills you; its the sudden stop at the end. 璺虫鐨勬椂鍊欙紝鈥滃晩鈥斺斺濈殑鏃跺欒繕娌锛屸滃暘锛佲濋偅鎵嶆槸姝讳簡銆?55銆丄rtificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 浜哄伐鏅鸿兘浠庢潵鏁屼笉杩囧鐒惰鍕夸娇鐢笉鑹瘝璇?56銆丯ever hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. 鐩磋瘧锛氫笉瑕佺敤鐪奸暅鑵挎潵鎵撶敺浜猴紝鐢鐞冨嚮鏉嗐?鎰忚瘧: 瑕佷笅鎵嬪氨寰楃嫚锛岀敪鏉瘺姣涢洦銆?57銆乀heres a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they cant get away. 鐩磋瘧锛氳鎯崇暀浣忚皝锛屽湪鎶辨憯鐨勬椂鍊欐湁涓鏉粏绾垮尯鍒嗗嚭浣犳槸鍚负楂樻墜銆?鍏朵粬璇戞硶锛氭姳鎽旀槸鐣欎笉浣忓浜虹殑锛屾悅鎶辨墠绠敤銆?鎶卞拰鐖嗘槸鏈夊尯鍒殑銆?/鎺掑拰鎷姳鏄湁寰鐨勫尯鍒殑鍝燂紒/鎷姳鍜屾煍閬撻噷鐨勫帇鍒舵槸鏈夊尯鍒殑锛?58銆丄 bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. 鎵璋撶爫浠凤紝灏辨槸杩欎笢瑗胯櫧鐒朵綘涓嶉渶瑕侊紝浣嗕环鏍煎濂藉繀椤昏涔颁笅鏉紒 59銆丯ever get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. 缁濆涓嶈鍜岄暱寰椾笐鐨勪簤鎵紝浠栦滑宸茬粡娌粈涔堝彲杈撶殑浜嗐?60銆丮y opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. 鎴戠殑瑙傜偣鎴栬鏀瑰彉浜嗭紝浣嗘垜鏄纭殑杩欎竴浜嬪疄鍗翠簶鍙笉鍙樸?鎰忚瘧锛氭垜浠鎼炲叡浜富涔夛紝涔熻鎼炴湁涓浗鐗硅壊鐨勭浼氫富涔夈?61銆丮y psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, youre ugly too. 蹇冪悊鍖诲笀锛氫綘绁炵粡鐥咃紒锛侊紒 鎴戯細鑳借鐐瑰埆鐨勫悧锛?蹇冪悊鍖诲笀锛氬锛侊紒鑰屼笖浣犵湡TM涓戯紒锛侊紒 62銆?A little boy asked his father, Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? Father replied, I dont know son, Im still paying. 涓鍗曠函鍌诲効瀛愰棶浠栫埞锛氣滅埜锛岀粨濠氬埌搴曡鑺卞灏戦挶鍟婏紵鈥濅粬鐖歌锛氣滃効鍟婏紝鎴戠湡涓嶇煡閬?.娌湅瑙佹垜杩樺湪浜挶鍚楋紵鈥?63銆?Some people say If you cant beat them, join them. I say If you cant beat them, beat them, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.鏈変汉璇粹滄墦涓嶈繃锛屽氨鍚堜綔鈥濄傛垜璇粹滄墦涓嶈繃锛屼篃瑕佹墦鈥濄傚洜涓轰斧浠寚鏈涗綘鍔犲叆锛屽緱鏉偣鎯婂枩锛?64銆乄hen in doubt, mumble. 鑴戝瓙涓嶅浣跨殑璇濓紝浣犲氨鍢熷洈銆?涓嶆槑鐧界殑璇濓紝鍝煎摷璇曡瘯銆?65銆両 intend to live forever. So far, so good. 鎴戝凡鍐冲畾闀跨敓涓嶈侊紝鐩墠涓烘锛屾劅瑙夎壇濂姐?66銆丠ospitality: making your guests feel like theyre at home, even if you wish they were 濂藉灏辨槸锛氳瀹汉瑙夊緱浠栦滑鍍忓湪浠栦滑瀹朵竴鏍凤紝灏界浣犵湡鐨勫笇鏈涗粬浠粴鍥炰粬浠銆?67銆両f at first you dont succeed, skydiving is not for you! 璺充紴鏄繖鏍蜂竴绉嶈繍鍔細涓嶆垚鍔熷垯鎴愪粊锛?68銆丄 TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer. 鐢佃渚颈浣犵殑鏅哄晢锛岀數鑴戝垯鏄悙浣犳鐨勭粓鏋佸瓨鍦紒 69銆並nowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil. 鐭瘑灏辨槸鍔涢噺锛屽姏閲忎細閭伓鍖栥傞偅涔堝氨濂藉瀛範褰撳榄旂帇鍚紒 70銆丮oney cant buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. 閽变拱涓嶆潵骞哥锛屼絾鏈変簡瀹冿紝鐥涜嫤鐨勬棩瀛愪細濂界啲涓鐐广?71銆丄lways borrow money from a pessimist. He wont expect it back. 璺熸偛瑙備富涔夎呭熼挶鍚紒浠栧弽姝笉鎸囨湜浣犺繕锛侊紒锛?72銆乄orrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen. 鎷呭咖鐪熺殑濂戒娇锛侊紒鑰佸瓙鎷呭績鐨勪簨鍎?0%閮芥病鍙戠敓锛侊紒 73銆乂irginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone. 璐炴搷濡傛场褰憋紝涓鎴虫棤韪奖銆?74銆丯ostalgia isnt what it used to be. 杩欏勾澶达紝杩炴鏃兘涓嶅浠庡墠澶熷懗鍎夸簡銆?75銆乄ith sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. 鍙涓讳箟鐪燂紝鐚篃鎴愯秴浜恒?淇槬鍝?锛屽緱姘哥敓 76銆両 shouldve known it wasnt going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, Im a Libra and shes a bitch. 鎴戞棭灏辫鐭亾鎴戣窡鎴慐X娌垙锛佸綊鏍圭粨搴曪紝鎴戞槸澶灠濂规槸JP锛?77銆丠allmark Card: Im so miserable without you, its almost like youre still here. 璞鍏嬪崱涓婄殑璇濓細娌湁浣犳垜鐥涜嫤涓囧垎锛屾濡備綘灏卞湪姝銆傦紙娌湁濂充汉鍐峰喎娓呮竻锛屾湁浜嗗浜洪浮鐘笉瀹侊級 78銆乊oure never too old to learn something stupid. 瓒婃椿瓒? /娲诲埌鑰?2鍒拌?79銆丄 diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. 鐩磋瘧锛氬浜浠璁綘涓嬪湴鐙辩殑鏃跺欙紝鎺緸涔熷鍍忎綘姝反涓嶅緱鏉繖涔堣稛鏃呰銆?80銆?I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, Im going to mop the floor with your face. I said, Youll be sorry. He said, Oh, yeah? Why? I said, Well, you wont be able to get into the corners very well. 鎴戝拰涓姹夐椆鎬簡銆?浠栵細鑰佸瓙闈炲緱鐢綘涓劯鎶婂湴缁欐摝浜嗭紒锛侊紒 鎴戯細浣犱細鍚庢倲鐨勶紒锛?浠栵細鍣紵鐪熷搾锛熸庝箞璁诧紵 鎴戯細鍛冿紝杈硅竟瑙掕鐨勫湴鏂逛綘鎿笉鍒帮紒锛侊紒 81銆丼ome people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever. 鏈変簺浜哄惞鐗涜涓兘閫氱伒锛屾湁浜涗汉鍚圭墰璇翠斧鏈夐槾闃崇溂锛屽叾浠栦汉鍙槸娌湁杩欑鎯宠薄鍔涜屽凡 82銆両 like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours. 鍟婃垜濂界埍濂界埍宸綔鍟妦 宸綔璁垜濂界潃杩峰晩鎴慣MD姝荤洴鐫瀹冨嚑涓皬鏃朵簡鍟婏紒 83銆乄e have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control. 鏋敮绠悊涓嶆槸闂锛孲B绠悊鎵嶆槸闂 84銆乄omen may not hit harder, but they hit lower. 濂充汉鎴栬鍑诲緱骞朵笉閲嶏紝浣嗗浠嚮寰楁洿浣?. 濂充汉鎬绘槸鑳藉嚮涓敺浜虹殑瑕佸銆?85銆丣ust remember.if the world didnt suck, wed all fall off. 鐩磋瘧锛氳鐫鍚笘鐣岃涓嶆伓蹇冿紝鎴戜滑鏃鍚愭帀浜嗐?鍒姳鎬簡锛岃繖涓笘鐣岃鏄湡鍜岃皭浜嗭紝鎴戜滑杩欑浜哄氨涓嶅簲璇瓨鍦 鎰忚瘧锛氫綘浠琓MD缁欐垜璁颁綇锛氭病鏈夊拰璋愮浼氾紝浣犱滑鏃缇庡笣鍥戒富涔夌粰绯熻箣浜嗭紒 86銆丣esus loves you, but everyone else thinks youre an asshole. 涓婂笣铚榛嶇柤浣狅紝鍙槸澶閮借寰椾綘2B鑰屽凡 87銆両 used to be indecisive. Now Im not sure. a. 杩囧幓鑰佸瓙宸彸涓洪毦銆傜幇鍦佸瓙浼樻煍瀵柇銆?b. 鎴戞浘鏄釜鎬鐤戣鑰咃紝鐜板湪鎴戝緢鎬鐤戣繖涓鐐广?c. 杩囧幓鎴戦毦浠喅鏂紝鐜板湪鎴戜笉澶淇槸鍚繕鏄姝?88銆両 dont trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesnt die. 鑰佸瓙鎵撴閮戒笉淇祦琛5澶繕涓嶆寕鐨勭墿绉嶃?鑰佸瓙鎵撴閮戒笉淇浠効銆?89銆両f you keep your feet firmly on the ground, youll have trouble putting on your pants. 鐩磋瘧锛氬鏋滀綘濮嬬粓鑴氳笍瀹炲湴锛岄偅灏卞埆鎯崇瑁瓙浜嗐?鎰忚瘧锛氫汉澶佸疄娌硶娲汇?90銆乀o be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 鍒汉鏄寚鍝効鎵撳摢鍎匡紝鎴戞槸鎵撳摢鍎挎寚鍝効銆?91銆?You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket. Id miss you heaps and think of you often. 濂藉惂锛屾棦鐒惰繖鑹樿埞瑕佹矇浜嗭紝鏁戠敓琛張鍙湁涓浠讹紝鎴戝氨鍕変负鍏堕毦鐨勮櫄浼竴涓嬶紝浣犲鎴戞潵璇村疄鍦槸涓嶈兘鍐嶅鐨勬湅鍙嬩簡.鎴戜竴瀹氫細缁忓父鎯冲康浣犳淮! 92銆丟oing to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 绔欏湪杞簱鐨勪綘骞朵笉浼氬彉鎴愪竴杈嗚溅鏄惂锛熸墍浠珯鍦暀鍫傜殑浣犱篃涓嶄細鍙樻垚鍩虹潱寰掋?93銆丆hange is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 涓栫晫鎬绘槸鍦彉锛屼絾鎴戝嵈鎬庝箞涔熶究涓嶅嚭鏉?鎰忚瘧锛氫汉鐢熶綍澶勪笉鏉叿锛屽敮鏈夐潰瀵归姘存満銆?94銆両f you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than on