神探夏洛克剧本S1E1.doc

A STUDY IN PINKTherapist: Hows your blog going?Dr. John H. Watson (Martin Freeman): Yeah good. Very good.Therapist: You havent written a word, have you?Watson: You just wrote Still has trust issues.Therapist: And you read my writing upside down. You see what I mean? John, youre a soldier. Its gonna take you a while to adjust to civilian life. And writing a blog about everything that happens to you will honestly help you.Watson: Nothing happens to me. At the press conferenceSgt Sally Donovan: The body of Beth Davenport, Junior Minister for Transport, was found late last night in a building site in Greater London. Preliminary investigation suggests that this was suicide. We can confirm that this apparent suicide closely resembles those of Sir Jeffrey Patterson and James Fillmore. In the light of this these incidents are now being treated as linked. The investigation is ongoing but Detective Inspector Lestrade will take questions now.Reporter1: Detective Inspector, how can suicides be linked?Detective Inspector Lestrade (Rupert Graves): Well they all took the same poison. They were all found in places they had no reason to be. None of them had shown any prior indicationsReporter1: But you cant have serial suicides.DI Lestrade: Well apparently you can.Reporter2: These three people, theres nothing that links them?DI Lestrade: Theres no link found yet. But were looking for itthere has to be one. Everyones cellphones go offSgt Sally Donovan: If youve all got texts, please ignore them.Reporter1: It just says Wrong!Sgt Sally Donovan: Yeah, well, just ignore that. If there are no more questions for Detective Inspector Lestrade Im going to bring this session to an end.Reporter2: If theyre suicides what are you investigating?DI Lestrade: As I said these suicides are clearly linked, um, but its an unusual situation. Weve got our best people investigating cellphones go off againReporter1: It says wrong again.Sgt Sally Donovan: One more question.Reporter3: Is there any chance that these are murders and if they are is this the work of a serial killer?DI Lestrade: I know that youd like writing about this but these do appear to be suicides. We know the difference. The poison was clearly self-administered.Reporter1: Yes but if they are murders how do people keep themselves safe?DI Lestrade: Well dont commit suicide.Sgt Sally Donovan quietly: Daily Mail. DI Lestrade: Obviously this is a frightening time for people but all anyone has to do is exercise reasonable precautions. We are all as safe as we want to be. (Texts again. And for DI Lestrade: You know where to find me. SH). Thank you.Donovan about the texts: Youve got to stop him doing that. Hes making us look like idiots.Lestrade: If you can tell me how he does it Ill stop him. Mike Stamford: I heard you were abroad somewhere getting shot at. What happened?Watson: Got shot.Watson: Are you still at Barts then?Stamford: Teaching now, yeah. Bright young things like we used to be. God I hate them. What about you, just staying in town while you get yourself sorted?Watson: I cant afford London on an army pension.Stamford: Ah, you couldnt bear to be anywhere else. Thats not the John Watson I know.Watson: Yeah Im not that John Watson.Stamford: Couldnt Harry help?Watson: Yeah, like thats gonna happen.Stamford: I dont know. You could get a flat share or something.Watson: Cmon. Whod want me for a flatmate. Stamford looks at him oddly. What?Stamford: Well youre the second person to say that to me today.Watson: Whos the first? Molly Hooper: Listen, I was wondering. maybe later, when youre finishedSherlock Holmes (Benedict Cumberbatch): Youre wearing lipstick. You werent wearing lipstick before.Molly Hooper: I uh, I refreshed it a bit.Sherlock: Sorry, you were saying?Molly Hooper: I was wondering if youd like to have coffee.Sherlock: Black. Two sugars please. Ill be upstairs. he exitsMolly Hooper to herself: Okay.Holmes: Afghanistan or Iraq?Watson: Sorry?Sherlock Holmes: Which was it, Afghanistan or Iraq?Watson: Afghanistan. Sorry, how did youSherlock Holmes: Ah, Molly! Coffee. Thank you. What happened to the lipstick?Molly: It wasnt working for me.Sherlock Holmes: Really? I thought it was a big improvement. Your mouths too small now.Molly to herself: Okay.Sherlock: How do you feel about the violin?Watson: Im sorry, what?Sherlock: I play the violin when Im thinking. Sometimes I dont talk for days on end. would that bother you? Potential flatmates should know the worst about each other.Watson: Are you? You told him about me?Stamford: Not a word.Watson: Then who said anything about flat mates?Sherlock: I did. Told Mike this morning that I must be a difficult man to find a flat mate for. Now here he is, just out to lunch with an old friend. Clearly just home from military service in Afghanistan. Wasnt a difficult leap.Watson: How did you know about Afghanistan?Sherlock: Ive got my eye on a nice little place in Central London. Together we ought to be able to afford it. We meet there tomorrow evening, seven oclock. Sorry, got to dash. I think I left my riding crop in the mortuary.Watson: Is that it?Sherlock: Is that what?Watson: Weve only just met and were going to go look at a flat.Sherlock: Problem?Watson: We dont know a thing about each other. I dont know where were meeting. I dont even know your name.Sherlock: I know youre an army doctor and youve been invalided home from Afghanistan. I know youve got a brother whos worried about you, but you wont go to him for help because you dont approve of himpossibly because hes an alcoholic, more likely because he recently walked out on his wife. And I know that your therapist thinks your limps psychosomatic, quite correctly Im afraid. Thats enough to be going on with, dont you think? he exits and pops back in. The names Sherlock Holmes and the address is 221b Baker Street. Afternoon.Stamford: Yeah. Hes always like that.Watson: Well this is a prime spot. Must be expensive.Sherlock: Mrs. Hudson the landlady is giving me a special deal. She owes me a favor. A few years back her husband got himself sentenced to death in Florida. I was able to help her out. Watson: So you stopped her husband from being executed?Sherlock: Oh no. I ensured it.Watson: Thats a skull.Sherlock: Friend of mine.Mrs. Hudson: What dyou think then, Dr. Watson? Theres another bedroom upstairs if youll be needing two bedrooms.Watson: Of course well be needing two.Mrs. Hudson: Oh dont worry, theres all sorts around here. Mrs. Turner next doors got married ones. Sherlock: Brilliant! Yes! Four serial suicides and now a note. Oh, its Christmas. Sherlock: Youre a doctor. In fact youre an army doctor.Watson: Yes.Sherlock: Any good?Watson: Very good.Sherlock: Seen a lot of injuries then. Violent deaths.Watson: Well. Yes.Sherlock: Bit of trouble too I bet.Watson: Of course. Yes. Enough for a lifetime. Far too much.Sherlock: Wanna see some more?Watson: Oh god yes.Sherlock: Possible suicides. Four of them. Theres no point sitting at home when theres finally something fun going on!Mrs. Hudson: Look at you, all happy. Its not decent.Sherlock: Who cares about decent. The game, Mrs. Hudson, is on!Watson: Who are you? What do you do?Sherlock: What do you think?Watson: Id say private detective.Sherlock: But?Watson: But the police dont go to private detectives.Sherlock: Im a consulting detective. Only one in the world. I invented the job.Watson: What does that mean?Sherlock: It means when the police are out of their depth, which is always, they consult me.Watson: The police dont consult amateurs.Watson: You said Ive got a therapist.Sherlock: Youve got a psychosomatic limp. Of course youve got a therapist.Watson about Sherlocks deductions: That. Was amazing.Sherlock: You think so?Watson: Of course it was. Extraordinary. It was quite extraordinary.Sherlock: Thats not what people normally say.Watson: What do people normally say?Sherlock: Piss off. Sherlock: Did I get anything wrong?Watson: Harry and me dont get on. Never have. Clara and Harry split up three months ago, and theyre getting a divorce. And Harry is a drinker.Holmes quite pleased with himself: Spot on then. I didnt expect to be right about everything. Watson: Harry is short for Harriet.Sherlock: Is your wife away for long?Anderson: Oh dont pretend you worked that out. Somebody told you that.Sherlock: Your deodorant told me that.Anderson: My deodorant.Sherlock: Its for men.Anderson: Well of course its for men. Im wearing it.Sherlock: Sos Sergeant Donovan. Anderson turns to look at Sally Oof. I think it just vaporized.Sherlock: Shut up.Lestrade: I didnt say anything.Sherlock: You were thinking. Its annoying.Lestrade: Im breaking every rule letting you in here.Sherlock: Yes. Because you need me.Lestrade: Yes I do. God help me.Watson: What am I doing here?Sherlock: Helping me make a point.Watson: Im supposed to be helping you pay the rent.Sherlock: Yeah well this is more fun.Watson: Fun? Theres a woman lying dead.Sherlock: Perfectly sound analysis but I was hoping youd go deeper.Watson: Thats fantastic!Sherlock: Do you know you do that out loud?Watson: Sorry, Ill shut up.Sherlock: No its. fine.Sherlock: Weve got ourselves a serial killer. Love thosetheres always something to look forward to.Lestrade: Why are you saying that?Sherlock: Her case. Cmon! Where is her case, did she eat it? Someone else was here and they took her case.Donovan: Youre not his friend. He doesnt have friends. So who are you?Watson: Im. Im nobody. Ive just met him.Donovan: Okay, bit of advice then. Stay away from that guy.Watson: Why?Donovan: You know why hes here? Hes not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it. The weirder the crime the more he gets off. And you know what? One day just showing up wont be enough. One day well be standing around a body and Sherlock Holmes will be the one who put it there.Watson: Why would he do that?Donovan: Cause hes a psychopath. Psychopaths get bored.Watson: You know, Ive got a phone. I mean, very clever and all that. But, ah, you could just phone me. On my phone.Mysterious Gentleman: When one is avoiding the attention of Sherlock Holmes one learns to be discreet. Hence this place. Your leg must be hurting you. Sit down.Watson: I dont want to sit down.Mysterious Gentleman: You dont seem very afraid.Watson: You dont seem very frightening.Mysterious Gentleman: Yes. The bravery of the soldier. Bravery is by far the kindest word for stupidity dont you think? What is your connection to Sherlock Holmes?Watson: I dont have one. I barely know him. I met him. yesterday.Mysterious Gentleman: Hm and since yesterday youve moved in with him and now youre solving crimes together. Are we to expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?Watson: Who are you?Mysterious Gentleman: An interested party.Mysterious Gentleman: I am the closest thing to a friend that Sherlock Holmes is capable of having.Watson: And whats that?Mysterious Gentleman: An enemy.Watson: An enemy?Mysterious Gentleman: In his mind certainly. If you were to ask him hed probably say his archenemy. He does love to be dramatic.Watson: Well thank god youre above all that. Baker Street. Come at once if convenient. SHIf inconvenient come anyway. SH Mysterious Gentleman: Do you plan to continue your association with Sherlock Holmes?Watson: I could be wrong, but I think thats none of your business.Mysterious Gentleman: It could be.Watson: It really couldnt.Mysterious Gentleman: Youre very loyal, very quickly.Watson: No Im not. Im just not interested.Mysterious Gentleman: Trust issues, it says here.Watson: Whats that?Mysterious Gentleman: Could it be youve decided to trust Sherlock Holmes of all people?Watson: Who says I trust him?Mysterious Gentleman: You dont seem the kind to make friends easily.Watson: Are we done?Mysterious Gentleman: You tell me.Mysterious Gentleman: I imagine people have already warned you to stay away from him but I can see from your left hand thats not going to happen.Watson: My what?Mysterious Gentleman: Show me.Watson: DontMysterious Gentleman: Remarkable.Watson: What is?Mysterious Gentleman: Most people blunder around this city and all they see are streets and shops and cars. When you walk with Sherlock Holmes you see the battlefield. Youve seen it already, havent you. Watson: Whats wrong with my hand?Mysterious Gentleman: You have an intermittent tremor in your left hand. Watson nods Your therapist thinks its posttraumatic stress disorder. She thinks youre haunted by memories of your military serviceWatson: Who the hell are you? he gets no response How do you know that?Mysterious Gentleman: Fire her. Shes got it the wrong way around. Youre under stress right now and your hand is perfectly steady. Youre not haunted by the war, Dr. Watson. You miss it. Welcome back.Mysterious Gentleman: Time to choose a side, Dr. Watson. Watson: Listen, your boss. Any chance you could not tell him this is where I went?Anthea: Sure.Watson: Youve told him already havent you.Anthea: Yeah.Watson: Hey, um, do you ever get any free time?Anthea: Oh yeah. Lots. pointedly. Bye. Watson: What are you doing?Sherlock: Nicotine patch. Helps me think. Impossible to sustain a smoking habit in London these days. Bad news for brainwork.Watson: Good news for breathing.Sherlock: Ah, breathing. Breathings boring.Watson: Is that three patches?Sherlock: Its a three patch problem.Sherlock: Whats wrong?Watson: I just met a friend of yours.Holmes surprised: A friend?Watson: An enemy.Sherlock: Oh! Which one?Watson: Your archenemy, according to him. Do people have archenemies?Sherlock: Did he offer you money to spy on me?Watson: Yes.Sherlock: Did you take it?Watson: No.Sherlock: Pity, we could have split the fee. Think it through next time.Watson: Who is he?Sherlock: The most dangerous man youve ever met and not my problem right now.Watson: Thats the pink ladys case. Thats Jennifer Wilsons case.Sherlock: Yes. Obviously. Oh perhaps I should mention I didnt kill her.Watson: Pink. You got all that because you realized the case would be pink.Sherlock: Well it had to be pink. Obviously.Watson: Why didnt I think of that.Sherlock: Because youre an idiot. No no no, dont be like that. Practically everyone is.Watson: Have you talked to the police?Sherlock: Four people are dead. There isnt time to talk to the police.Watson: So why are you talking to me?Sherlock: Mrs. Hudson took my skull.Watson: So Im basically filling in for your skull.Sherlock: Relax. Youre doing fine. Well?Watson: Well what?Sherlock: Well you could just sit there and watch telly.Watson: What, you want me to come with you?Sherlock: I like company when I go out and I think better when I talk aloud. The skull just attracts attention.Watson: Where are we going?Sherlock: Northumberland Streets a five minute walk from here.Watson: You think hes stupid enough to go there?Sherlock: No. I think hes brilliant enough. I love the brilliant onestheyre always so desperate to get caught.Watson: Why?Sherlock: Appreciation. Applause. At long last, the spotlight. Thats the frailty of genius, John. It needs an audience. Sherlock: No. Teeth, tan. What, Californian? LA. Santa Monica. Just arrived.Watson: How can you possibly know that?Sherlock: The luggage. Probably your first trip to London, right? Going by your final destination, the route the cabbie was taking you.Californian: Sorry, are you guys the police?Sherlock: Yeah. flashes badge. Everything all right?Californian: Yeah.Sherlock: Welcome to London.Watson: Ah, any problems just let us know.Watson: Where did you get this? Detective Inspector Lestrade.Sherlock: Yeah. I pickpocket him whens he annoying. Watson: That was ridiculous. That was the most ridiculous thing Ive ever done.Sherlock: You invaded Afghanistan.Watson: That wasnt just me. Why arent we back at the restaurant?Sherlock: They can keep an eye out. It was a long shot ayway.Watson: So what were we doing there?Sherlock: Oh, just passing the time. And proving a point.Watson: What point?Sherlock: You.Sherlock: What are you doing?Lestrade: Well I knew youd find the case. Im not stupid.Sherlock: You cant just break into my flat.Lestrade: Well you cant withhold evidence. And I didnt break in to your flat.Sherlock: Well what do you call this then?Lestrade: Its a drugs bust.Sherlock: Im not your sniffer dog.Lestrade: No, Andersons my sniffer dog.Sherlock: What? Anderson, what are you doing here on a drugs bust?Anderson: Oh I volunteered.Lestrade: They all did. Theyre not strictly speaking on the drug squad, but theyre very keen. Sherlock: So you set up a pretend drugs bust to bully me?Lestrade: It stops being pretend if they find anything.Sherlock: I am clean!Lestrade: Is your flat? All of it?Sherlock: I dont even smoke.Anderson: According to someone, the murderer has the case and we found it in the hands of our favorite psychopath.Sherlock: Im not a psychopath, Anderson. Im a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research.Cabbie: Taxi for Sherlock Holmes.Sherlock: I didnt order a taxi.Cabbie: Doesnt mean you dont need one.Sherlock: Youre the cabbie. The one who stopped outside Northumberland Street. It was you, not your passenger.Cabbie: See no one ever thinks about the cabbie. Its like youre invisible. Just the ba