Basically my wife was immature.doc

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much hed learned in seven years.Mark Twain Sex is an emotion in motion.Mae West I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.W. C. Fields Ive often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me.Woody Allen When I came back to Dublin I was court marshaled in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.Brendan Behan Software Engineering is that part of Computer Science which is too difficult for the Computer Scientist.F. L. Bauer There is still no cure for the common birthday. John Glenn. First law on holes - when youre in one, stop digging.Denis Healey My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.Ed Furgol Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire? The one nearest the door of course.Bernard Shaw If it werent for electricity wed all be watching television by candlelight.George Gobal. Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.Josh Billings If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.Mark Twain What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.Mark Twain Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.Joseph HellerIn Catch-22. Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.David Brent He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but dont let that fool you. He really is an idiot.Groucho Marx Football is all very well a good game for rough girls, but not for delicate boys.Oscar Wilde All are lunatics, but he who can analyse his delusions is called a philosopherAmbrose Bierce. I dont make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. Will Rogers. I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.Imelda Marcos Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.Ann Landers The meek shall inherit the Earth after were done with it. All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things.Bobby Knight What I have crossed out I didnt like. What I havent crossed out Im dissatisfied with.Cecil B. DeMille Ill bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. Charles Swartz. We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself. George W Bush C is quirky, flawed, and an enormous success.Dennis M. Ritchie Money wont buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.Bill Vaughan Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick.Samuel Beckett The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, youve got it made.Groucho Marx I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.Emo Philips What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.Mark Twain I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.David Lee Roth Giving up smoking is easy. Ive done it hundreds of times.Author UnknownOften erroneously attributed to Mark Twain. What would I do if I had only six months left to live? Id type faster.Isaac Assimov. Only one man ever understood me, and he didnt understand me.G.W. Hegel. A hack writer who would have been considered fourth rate in Europe, who tried out a few of the old proven sure-fire literary skeletons with sufficient local color to intrigue the superficial and the lazy.William Faulkner on Mark Twain I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.Howard Nemerov bug, n: An elusive creature living in a program that makes it incorrect. The activity of debugging, or removing bugs from a program, ends when people get tired of doing it, not when the bugs are removed.Datamation, January 15, 1984 I love mankind. Its people I cant stand.Charles Monroe Schultz Michael Chang has all the fire and passion of a public service announcement, so much so that he makes Pete Sampras appear fascinating.Alex Ramsey. Never floss with a stranger.Joan Rivers Ask me no questions, and Ill tell you no lies.Oliver Goldsmith Hes the kind of man who picks his friends - to pieces.Mae West People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like.Abraham Lincoln. There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who dont.unknown I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent. Parsifal is the kind of opera that starts at six oclock. After it has been going three hours, you look at your watch and it says 6.20.David Randolph. USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. David Letterman. There are now more TVs in British households than there are people - which is a bit of a worry.Prince Charles MTV is the lava lamp of the 1980s.Doug Ferrari I couldnt stand Janis Joplins voice. . .She was just a screaming little loudmouthed chick. Arthur Lee on Janis Joplin Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.Mark Twain I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. WC Fields. Always program as if the person who will be maintaining your program is a violent psychopath that knows where you live.Martin Golding For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.Woody Allen English - Who needs that? Im never going to England!Homer Simpson I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.Stephen King Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.Laurence J. Peter In democracy everyone has the right to be represented, even the jerks. Chris Patten. Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.Mark Twain Submitted by Ariel Tejada I dont ever have to worry about losing credit cards, nobody would ever want to steal my identity. Aeriol Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.Bill Cosby Im not a fighter, I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.Woody Allen When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. Thats relativity.Albert Einstein Computer dating is fine, if youre a computer. Rita May Brown. Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.Bill Vaughan Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.Donald Knuth God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.Naguib Mahfouz Television is the first truly democratic culture - the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what people do want.Clive Barnes Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.Woody Allen The trouble with children is that theyre not returnable.Quentin Crisp. Youll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks. Robin Williams. When Peter Beardsley appears on television, daleks hide behind the sofa. Nick Hancock. If youve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.John Wayne A lot of controversy over this possible invasion of Iraq. In fact, Nelson Mandela was so upset, he called Bushs dad. How embarrassing, when world leaders start calling your father. Jay Leno. I think serial monogamy says it all.Tracey Ullman Where there is no patrol car, there is no speed limit.Peter Beckmann. He would make a lovely corpse.Charles Dickens Rembrandt painted 700 pictures. Of these, 3,000 are still in existence.Wilhelm Bode. It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar.Jerome K. Jerome Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.Bruce Brown Only one man ever understood me, and he didnt understand me.G.W. Hegel. 驾校一点通365网 /km4/ 驾校一点通2016科目四A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.Spike Milligan I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said No.Woody Allen I used to desire many, many things, but now I have just one desire, and thats to get rid of all my other desires.John Cleese Ive been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.Steven Wright EndNew quotes added soonLeft arrow to go back one, hold to go to the beginning I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he