最终用稿(7人搞笑英语版话剧剧本-三顾茅庐).doc

Three visits to the cottage三顾茅庐Aside: After their swearing brotherhood to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the three personsLiubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei-had to be janitors（美dnt n. 看门人；守卫） in Caocaos corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs. Meanwhile the legendary and mysterious character ZhuGeliang who had been forced to attend CET-6 test by his wife was reviewing examination contents.SCENE 1: Liubeis homeActors: Liubei Guanyu ZhangfeiGuanyu: Brother! We three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic life end? Its so terrible!Liubei: Yu, its impossible that I dont feel painful, isnt it? But as the proverb says it is hard to sit in Rome and strive against the Pope. Now we come to Caocaos corporation as gatekeeper（看门人）, anyhow we can fill our stomachs between whiles. Its very hard to get work now. No diplomas and no job offers, what are you dreaming about?Zhangfei: Oh, Brother! ZhuGeliangs wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with his husbands CET-6 fees last month, it seems that its time for us to be debt collectors now.Guanyu: Yeah, Brother! Or well be as poor as church mouseLiubei: Alas! How did I forget this? Lets go! Go go! Hurry up! Follow me and go to the mountain for dunning! （收拾家伙 挽袖子）Aside: And then the three brothers climb the mountain to find ZhuGeliang.SCENE 2: ZhuGeliangs houseActors: ZhuGeliang Zhus WifeZhuGeliang: Good morning! I am the genius ZhuGeliang. But I feel so sad recently. Because my wife forced me to pass the CET-6. Whats CET-6? Do you know? Ive never heart about that. And she asked me to read so heavy books and do so many texts. （拿起手里的试卷给大家亮亮） Its ridiculous. My major is military advice, not English. Why should I read this?Wife: Darling!ZhuGeliang：My wife is coming，she is so long-winded（啰嗦的） that I can never bear her. （装作认真状）Wife： My dear, how about your study?ZhuGeliang：These books make me want to dozedz(打瞌睡). Im dizzy.Wife： Darling! Now, competition is so serious. If you cant pass cet-6 to get your masters degree, it is difficult to find a job. I have stayed here for half of a lifetime. But never visit a bigger place like Shanghai.(cry)ZhuGeliang：Dont worry, these books are too easy for your husband and dont need to learn. （扔书）Wife： Are you sure? let me have a test to you. Listen，read and see!ZhuGeliang：A piece of cake!Wife： Listen, can you spell apple? Desk?ZhuGeliang: Sorry I cant. （不会 抓耳挠腮）Wife： You cant? Oh, how unfortunate I am! (crying) Im wrong, Im really wrong, Im wrong from the beginning. I shouldnt marry here. If I didnt marry here, Ill never in this heartrending place now,诸葛亮崩溃了 （捂耳朵 忙劝）ZhuGeliang：Dont cry, dont cry, stop! 老婆（马上变脸） I m going to study hard at once.Wife: 给书童一个手势Keeper: What is the matter? Madam?Wife: Listen carefully! My husband is too busy doing his homework to welcome any people, so you will tell the people who calls on him that boss has went to study in England. Aside: While it is going on, liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have came to the gate of ZhuGeliangs house.SCENE3 Outside ZhuGeliangs houseActors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei KeeperZhangfei: Let me knock the door! Open! Open! （气愤 敲门 咚 咚 咚）Keeper: (Check from the peep hole) Are these men asking for the debt? (Open the door)Liubei: This is liubei! We are calling on ZhuGeliang and his wife.Keeper: Zhu said he is not in.Liubei: En?Keeper: Oh! No!.I mean I mean my boss is studying English in England for the exam of CET-6, and he may not be come back this month.Liubei: OK! We will wait for him here!Guanyu: Nobody knows that when he will be come back, so, lets go home!Aside: The three men went away with disappointed. After a month, the deeply autumn came! They came here at the second time. Unfortunately, they didnt see Zhu Geliang as well. Two month passed, the cold winter is coming! It is heavy snow and very cold outsides. ZhuGeliang knows the reason that why they come here three times, and orders the keeper to let them come in whiles his wife is out.SCENE 4: ZhuGeliangs HomeActors: ZhuGeliang wife liubei Zhangfei GuanyuZhuGeliang: Thank goodness, heres Liubei at last. Ha ha ha Wife: Wof! Darling! He may come here to ask me to repay his money. We cant let him in.ZhuGeliang: My darling, please dont worry. I can make liubei go back with nothing by my sliver tongueLiubei: Mr. ZhuGeliang. I have hunted you for a long time! （此时刘备用枪指着诸葛亮头 幻灯片放无间道）Zhu: Oh! You are Liubei. What can I do for you ?Liu: my brother, you have borrowed me 500yuan, when you repay it for me? I have starved for several days. （放乞丐的幻灯片）ZhuGeliang: I owe you 500yuan? who can testify? Please give me a chance, I want to be an honest man.Liubei: How can I give you a chance? Speak it to the judge.Zhu: Please look(扇子指向幻灯片 幻灯片放西农地图), although having ambition , you are just a guarder. We can enlarge our power from this base, and then attack Caocao. At last I believe that we can reign the whole country.Liubei: （若有所思） Im so surprised! I dont know you are so smart.Zhu Geliang: If I give you a map, could I not repay your money?Liubei: En.you know so much about affairs, are you willing to create a new country together with us?ZhuGeliang: Ensorry, I cant. Because my wife forces me to pass the CET-6 recently. If you can help me to resolve the problem, I will help you.Liu: （面露难色）En.Zhangfei: （拉刘备到身边耳语到）(Pull) Brother, come here. Everything is fake now such as the milk. Why cant we find somebody help us do the test or buy a key ? （幻灯片武状元苏乞儿作弊呢段）Guanyu: Yes! We can overdraft our salary from Caocao to buy the key at first. （假答案图片） SCENE 5: Outside ZhuGeliangs houseAside: After receiving the master degree, ZhuGeliang will go to work with Liubei to establish a new Kingdom.So the couples apart.Actors: ZhuGeliang Wife Liubei Guanyu ZhangfeiWife：Honey! ZhuGeliang：Darling!Wife：Excellent man have a great ambition. You should put cause above everything else , are sure not to miss me.ZhuGeliang：I will have a long journey .Please take care of yourself.( （转身悄悄说）) Dont worried, never miss you! （出门拜倒在久侯的刘备 关羽 张飞脚下）ZhuGeliang：(To Liubei)Your Majesty ( mdst主公), I will never forget your favour. I must be loyal and devoted to the last.Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei: Let go!Aside: The three men go down to the hill. That is the end of the whole story. Thank you for your attention. （结束时放猫和老鼠的结尾）旁白话说刘关张桃园三结义之后四处奔波 一时间找不到工作 不得不在曹操的公司靠看大门为生 而此时那个传说中的神秘人物诸葛卧龙先生正专心在家复习考试 因为他的老婆黄氏逼着他参加CET-6 场景一刘备家刘备 关羽 张飞上关羽大哥 咱们都饿了好几天了 这种吃糠咽菜的生活我们要过到什么时候啊 哎刘备二弟 这 大哥我怎么可能不难受嘛 可是常言道人在屋檐下 怎能不低头 我们现在曹操的公司里给人家看大门 这年头工作这么难找 我们三兄弟学历又不高 好不容易能有口饭吃就很不错了 哪还有什么奢求呀张飞 大哥 对了 上个月后面山头诸葛亮的老婆来问我们借走了500块钱去给她老公交学费去了 都好久没还 我们是不是应该去要回来 关羽是啊大哥 不然的话这样下去我们就得喝西北风了刘备哎 就是 我怎么这岔给忘了 走 走 走 二弟三弟随我这就上山 （收拾家伙 挽袖子） 旁白兄弟三人就此上山 场景二诸葛亮家诸葛亮上诸葛亮大叫好 我就是绝顶聪明的诸葛亮 可我最近却很是郁闷 我那个娘子非要我去参加什么大学英语六级考试 六级考试是个什么东西 我怎么听都没听说过 还要我看这么厚的书 做这么多的题（拿起手里的金瓶梅给大家亮亮） 我以后可是要当军师的！又不是这个专业的 干嘛还要要看这种书 老婆相公（远处喊）诸葛亮老婆上（比较啰嗦） 诸葛亮娘子来了 我娘子啰嗦的像唐僧一样 说起话来我可受不了 快老实看书（装作认真状）老婆相公 你的书背的怎么样了诸葛亮娘子啊 这些书看得我头昏眼花 光想打瞌睡 老婆哎 相公呀 你有所不知 你看 现在外面竞争这么激烈 你要是不好好考六级 将来拿个硕士文凭 以后找不到工作可怎么办呀 我们在这个小村子里都呆了小半辈子了 你看我连稍微大一点的城市 像铁岭都没去过 诸葛亮娘子 你看老公我这么有才华 以后还愁找不到工作么 这些书太简单了 统统不用看 （扔书）老婆哼 ！你说简单 那我考考你诸葛亮怎么 还要考我 舌战群儒我都不怕 小小考试焉能难道我（对观众说）老婆我要考你听写（诸葛亮郁闷状） 听着 apple怎么写 desk怎么写诸葛亮（不会 抓耳挠腮）老婆相公啊 你连这都不会 可怎么办呀 哎呀 我错了 我真的错了 我从一开始就不应该嫁过来 如果我不嫁过来 就不会流落到这么一个伤心的地方 我好后悔呀 诸葛亮崩溃了 （捂耳朵 忙劝）诸葛亮娘子莫哭 娘子莫哭 相公好好看书就是老婆（马上变脸） 这还差不多 你知道么 为了供你读书 咱们家已经欠了外面一屁股债 连看大门的我都借过 如果这些人上门来逼债我可怎么办呀 诸葛亮娘子 你说看大门的 ？ 莫非就是呢个看大门的刘备 （抓胡子 兴奋 点头）老婆正是此人 书童你快过来 书童上书童主人 有何吩咐老婆书童 听着 相公近日温习功课 外人一律不见 来人就说去国外游玩讲学去了书童 遵命 旁白话正说着 刘关张三人已经到了诸葛亮家门口 场景三诸葛亮家门口刘关张上张飞大哥我来叫门（气愤 敲门 咚 咚 咚）书童（从猫眼里看看 跟张飞头对上 幻灯片配李逵的黑脸 吓一跳）莫非是来讨债的 （思考 开门）刘备在下刘备 特来拜访诸葛卧龙先生和她老婆书童主人说他不在家刘关张恩？书童哦 不是 主人 主人 出去游玩了 可能很快回来 也可能十多天不回来刘备那我们就在这等他关羽他呢么贪玩 谁知道他什么时候回来 大哥 我们还是走吧 旁白三人离去 又过了一个月 已是深秋 三人第二次登门拜访 可是仍然没有见着 第三次已经是冬天 屋外下着鹅毛大雪 诸葛亮知道了刘备上门讨债的事情 趁这会老婆黄氏不在 赶紧命书童前去开门 场景四 （此段删除）诸葛亮家门口 （下大雪）刘关张 书童上张飞大哥 下次要见诸葛小儿 你先给我老三说一声 我把他绑来见你 如此劳烦哥哥 甚是无礼 刘备哎 二弟三弟 现在欠钱的都是大爷 我们还是再去一回吧 一定要诚心诚意才能打动人家（抹眼泪 幻灯片放杨白劳与黄世仁 咚咚咚敲门） 书童主人今天在家（诸葛亮拿着金瓶梅从身后走过）但是正在看书 请你们等一等张飞（等不及了）诸葛小儿 快出来 大哥二哥 帮我照顾好我七舅老爷他上外甥女。你要是不出来 我就一把火把你这房子烧了！关羽葵花点穴手（幻灯片配合 张飞定住 眼睛睁得大大的）哎 二弟呀 大哥说了你几次了 我们是有文化的人 做人要斯文 要低调懂不 别一上来就舞刀弄枪的 我们是来要债的 又不是来要命的 你把人家砍死了 谁来给我们还债呀 刘备二弟呀 现在次贷危机呢么严重 怎么这点道理你还不懂呢？ 明白了 你就眨眨眼睛 张飞（眨眼）关羽 葵花解穴手张飞哎 二哥 （耸耸肩）你这点穴是那里学的关羽 呵呵 是看了一部很流行的电视剧 武林外传学的 张飞二哥 你怎么不早说 要早知道你会这么一身手艺 我们三兄弟不如去开个武官 早就发财啦关羽是呵 这主意不错书童 主人在看书 不可无礼刘备哎呀你们俩就别打岔了 安静点 旁白诸葛亮正在兴奋的时候 老婆黄氏突然回来 场景五诸葛亮家诸葛亮 老婆 刘备上诸葛亮刘备