雅思作文—长沙北雅朱礼逵改作文.doc

（长沙北雅）朱礼逵之修改学生雅思作文1TV, radio and Internet will replace books and written words as the main source of information. To what degree do you agree or disagree to this position.In contemporary society, we receive information in a plenty of ways: watching TV, surfing the Internet, reading newspaper and so on. Before TV, computer and broadcast were invented, people obtain news and data almost from books and written words. I think the topic idea is reasonable, but it overlooks some aspects of this issue.1，In contemporary society, we receive information through a plenty of ways including watching TV, surfing the internet, reading newspapers and so on. “:”这个符号一般后面是接句子的。2，这个句子能够更好。你看北雅朱老师怎么弄的：In contemporary society（ ）, we（ ） receive information （ ）through a plenty of ways including watching TV（ ）, surfing the internet（ ）, reading newspapers（ ） and so on.一个好的文章由好的段落构成，一个好的段落有好的句子构成，一个好的句子由好的细节内容构成。我要教你的是，上面括号里面，我们能够写出很多和现在的名词并列的简单的名词,或者添加介词来使得内容更好的展开细节，从而构成这个句子非常的完美。In contemporary society（fraught with different ideas, beliefs, and comments toward economy, the issue concerning government, as well as other social issues）, we receive information （about daily issue, education, weather, and economic issue）through a plenty of ways including watching TV(such as CBS, FOX, and CNN ）, surfing the internet（ for instance Yahoo, Google, and Baidu）, reading newspapers（reading TIMES, TIME and Economist Magazine） and so on.3, I think the topic idea is reasonable, but it overlooks some aspects of this issue.这样来写是最好的了，最安全的，几乎所有的判断性的题目都能够用这个句子来回答。There are many reasons for some people to believe this idea. Firstly, TV and Internet play pivotal roles in our lives, especially the youths. The study conducted by many educators and sociologists shows that most of the people at the age of 1630 spend 48 hours per day in TV or Internet. It means that these people hardly leave their leisure time for books or other written words. Secondly, the Information of TV and Internet is accepted by people in a vivid way. It is always accompanied by a vast of dynamic pictures and video, which can provide people entertainment and pleasure at the same time. Lastly, TV and Internet can tell us what happened in the world instantly. For example, a Chinese athlete have won the gold medal in an international competition, TV or Internet can transform such news to us immediately. 这个段落就是要说服读者确实有理由让大家相信TV, internet能够在某些方面替代book.Firstly, TV and Internet play pivotal roles in our lives, especially the youths. The study conducted by many educators and sociologists shows that most of the people at the age of 1630 spend 48 hours per day in TV or Internet. 这两句句话并不能马上说明TV, and Internet的作用，更没有直接说明这个作用book所没有的。这样的句子写得越多越占据空间，没有任何作用。Internet 和TV往往所传授的信息量是非常巨大的，并且是最新的，但是书本往往是某些专业的，并且往往不是最新的。我来做个不恰当的比喻：北京雅思将取代X球雅思。这个观点有合理之处，你不能讲北京雅思将影响和教学上万个学生，这个观点是强调北京雅思将取代xx雅思学校之后的事情，而不是讲为什么北京雅思能够取代X球雅思，应该讲：北京雅思的老师非常负责任，而xx雅思学校的老师往往是兼职的.The study conducted by many educators and sociologists shows that most of the people at the age of 1630 spend 48 hours per day in TV or Internet. It means that these people hardly leave their leisure time for books or other written words. Spending more time on TV means that.这个观点是武断的，我觉得最多是有关联。另外两个还是不错的。However, the topic idea cannot explain all the facts. The books and words are still essential parts of our lives. When electricity cannot be offered to some places, then newspapers and journal would be the only sources of information for their inhabitants. Furthermore, Reading books and magazines always are good manners to relax their bodies and ease their minds for the most of people. It will cause tiredness if someone sit in front of a TV or a computer for a very long time, which even impair their health. In conclusion, TV, internet, books and written words are all imperative source of information. They cannot be repla