研究生英语写作第二次

,研究生英语写作（II）,左雁北京物资学院外语学院,Wordiness,ThoughtfortheDay,“Themostvaluableofalltalentsisneverusingtwowordswhenonewilldo.”-ThomasJefferson(1743-1826),AmericanPresidentandwriteroftheDeclarationofIndependence,CuttheFat,Goodwritingissimple,directandleanPoorwritingisconfounded,roundaboutandfat,TenThingstoThinkaboutwhenBuyingaHouse,Butthatsnotall.Yetanotheroneofthemostimportantfactorstoconsiderwhenbuyinganewhome:Obviously,thesinglemostimportantthingtoconsiderwhenbuyinganewhomeforyourselfisprice.Ifyoucantaffordaplacetobeginwith,thenwhatisthewholepointinoverpayingforsomethingyoucantevenafford?Thisquestionisprobablyoneofthebiggestquestionsmostpeoplefacewhenbuyinganewhome.,Whichwordsorphraseswouldyoucutfromthisparagraph?(pleasenotethatthisparagraphwouldappearsomewhereinthemiddleofanessay.),Watchyourteachercut41wordsoffatfromthis75wordparagraphintoaleanandmean34words!,Butthatsnotall.Yetanotheroneofthemostimportantfactorstoconsiderwhenbuyinganewhome:Obviously,thesinglemostimportantthingtoconsiderwhenbuyinganewhomeforyourselfisprice.Ifyoucantaffordaplacetobeginwith,thenwhatisthewholepointinoverpayingforsomethingyoucantevenafford?Thisquestionisprobablyoneofthebiggestquestionsmostpeoplefacewhenbuyinganewhome.,Ifitsobvious,thenitsobvious,repetitive,repetitive,Whoelsewoulditbefor?,unnecessary,repetitive,repetitive,Repetitionofthetitle,TenThingstoThinkaboutwhenBuyingaHouse,Beforegivedetails/examples,WordyWords,Somewordsthatcanoftenbetossedintotherubbishbin:Imyselfactuallybasicallyreallydefinitelyquiteveryjustobviouslykindofsortofgenerally,alwaysthefactthatinfactduetothefactthatthereasonwhyisbecausebeingthatinwhichitcanbeseenthatitisclearthatlastbutnotleastIthink/believe/feelInmyopinion,Theuhh”s,“emm”s“nege”sofwrittenlanguage,ThebasicreasonImoverweightisbecauseImlazy.,ImoverweightbecauseImlazy,Ijustdontunderstandwhymybrotherisverymeantome.,Idontunderstandwhymybrotherismeantome.,Ibelievethatafriendinneedisafriendindeed.,Afriendinneedisafriendindeed.,ImmoreforgetfulduetothefactthatImgettingolder.,ImmoreforgetfulasIgetolder.,Itcanbeseenthatwomenaresmarterthanmen.,Womenaresmarterthanmen.,HohhotisthecityinwhichIwasborn.,IwasborninHohhot.,MyleghurtsduetothefactthatIwasrunoverbyacar.,MyleghurtsbecauseIwasrunoverbyacar.,Isortoffeelthatthefoodtastedkindofdisgusting.,Thefoodtasteddisgusting.,Heshouldnthavehither,beingthatshesawoman.,Heshouldnthavehitawoman.,Itsreallyquitewonderfulthatwevebecomefriends.,Itswonderfulthatwevebecomefriends.,Rewritethesentencesbyeliminatinganyunnecessarylanguage.Makesurethesentencesretaintheiroriginalmeaning.1.Actually,Imyselfhavehadasimilarexperiencetohisexperience.2.Itsaveryentertainingfilmtowatch.3.Thereasonyouaresoillisobviouslybecauseyouhaventeatenanyfoodinthreedaysandnights.4.ItisclearthateducationinFranceisawholelotbetterthaneducationinmostotherEuropeancountries.5.Duetothereasonthatchildrenoftencopythebehaviorofallthepeoplearoundthem,weadultsneedtowatchoutforourveryownbehaviorthatmightcausethemtoimitateus.,6.Itisclearthatyouneedtoliveyourlifethewayyouwanttoliveyourlife.7.InthisdiagramwecaneasilyseethatDVDsalesgoupinthemonthofNovember.8.Childrenjustdontquiteunderstandthedifferencebetweenrightandwrongatsuchayoungage.9.TheGreatWallofChinaiscertainlyoneofthegreatestandbiggestman-madestructuresevertohavebeenbuiltinallofhistory.10.Lastbutnotleast,Iwouldliketosayonemorething:Ithinktelevisionisbadforyoureyes.,Actually,Imyselfhavehadasimilarexperiencetohisexperience.Ihavehadasimilarexperiencetohis.Itsaveryentertainingfilmtowatch.Itsanentertainingfilm.Thereasonyouaresoillisobviouslybecauseyouhaventeatenanyfoodinthreedaysandnights.Youresoillbecauseyouhaventeateninthreedays.,4.ItisclearthateducationinFranceisawholelotbetterthaneducationinmostotherEuropeancountries.EducationinFranceisbetterthaninmostEuropeancountries.Duetothereasonthatchildrenoftencopythebehaviorofallthepeoplearoundthem,weadultsneedtowatchoutforourveryownbehaviorthatmightcausethemtoimitateus.Becausechildrenoftencopythebehaviorofthepeoplearoundthem,adultsneedtowatchtheirownbehavior.Itisclearthatyouneedtoliveyourlifethewayyouwanttoliveyourlife.Liveyourlifethewayyouwantto.,7.InthisdiagramwecaneasilyseethatDVDsalesgoupinthemonthofNovember.Inthisdiagram,DVDsalesgoupinNovember.8.Childrenjustdontquiteunderstandthedifferencebetweenrightandwrongatsuchayoungage.Childrendontunderstandrightandwrong.9.TheGreatWallofChinaiscertainlyoneofthegreatestandbiggestman-madestructuresevertohavebeenbuiltinallofhistory.TheGreatWallofChinaisoneofthegreatestmanmadestructuresinhistory.10.Lastbutnotleast,Iwouldliketosayonemorething:Ithinktelevisionisbadforyoureyes.Last,televisionisbadforyoureyes.,ThreePoints,Herearethreeareastowatchoutforineliminatingwordiness:1.EliminateThereis/are,andItisatthebeginningofsentenceswheneverpossible2.Eliminateprepositionalofphrases3.Changewholephrasesintosinglewordswheneverpossible,Itis,Thereis,Thereare,Avoidbeginningsentenceswiththesephraseswheneverpossiblebymovingthesubjecttothefrontofthesentenceinstead.Itisterribleisseethathappen.Seeingthathappenisterrible.Thereareonlysixstudentsinthisclass.Onlysixstudentsareinthisclass.TherearealotofstudentswholikestudyingEnglish.AlotofstudentslikestudyingEnglish.Thereisanoldsayingthatgoes“betterlatethannever.”Anoldsayinggoes,“betterlatethannever.”Itistooearlytogotobed.(cannotchangethisconstruction),ChangePrepositionalofPhrasesWheneverPossible,TheopinionofmybossMybossopinionThehomeofherfamilyHerfamilyshomeTheideaofmineMyideaAfriendofmymotherMymothersfriendAcityofInnerMongolia.AnInnerMongolianCity.,Changewholephrasesintoindividualwordswheneverpossible,SheisawomanwhoSheThisisaconversationwhichisaboutThisconversationisaboutOwingtothefactthatIlostmykeysSinceIlostmykeysThequestionastowhetherheshouldgoornotWhetherheshouldgoornotSheshoutedatmeinanangryway.Sheshoutedatmeangrily.,Thetwoparagraphsbelowaretoowordy.Revisetheminyourjournalbyeliminatingandchanginglanguageyouthinkisunnecessary.Bytheendoftheyear,itisbelievedthatthenumberofdogownersinBeijingwillrisequitedramatically.Therearealotofpeoplewhowillagreethatthenumberwillgoupalot.ThereisnodoubtthatChinesepeoplereallylovedogsbecausetheyaresocuteandlovely.Howmanytimeshaveyouwalkeddownthestreetandsaidtoyourself,Whatacooldog!IwishIhadoneofthoselovelyandcutedogs!Youknowthatyoureallyadmiretheownerofthedogbecausethatlovelydogprobablybringshimsomuchhappiness.Onereallybigproblem,thoughismyhusband.Myhusbandisamanwhohatesdogs.Notonlydoeshehatethem,butheisallergictothem.Hehassuchaterribleandhorribletimearounddogsbecauseofhisallergies.Thedoctorofmyhusbandsaysthathisallergicreactiontodogsisnothingserious,buttheallergiescancausehimagreatamountofdiscomfort.Itissuchabadthingforhimtogothrough,soIknowthatintheendIwillneverbeabletohavemyowndogformyself.,CountyourWords!,Bytheendoftheyear,itisbelievedthatthenumberofdogownersinBeijingwillrisequitedramatically.Therearealotofpeoplewhowillagreethatthenumberwillgoupalot.ThereisnodoubtthatChinesepeoplereallylovedogsbecausetheyaresocuteandlovely.Howmanytimeshaveyouwalkeddownthestreetandsaidtoyourself,Whatacooldog!IwishIhadoneofthoselovelyandcutedogs!Youknowthatyoureallyadmiretheownerofthedogbecausethatlovelydogprobablybringshimsomuchhappiness.Onereallybigproblem,thoughismyhusband.Myhusbandisamanwhohatesdogs.Notonlydoeshehatethem,butheisallergictothem.Hehassuchaterribleandhorribletimearounddogsbecauseofhisallergies.Thedoctorofmyhusbandsaysthathisallergicreactiontodogsisnothingserious,buttheallergiescancausehimagreatamountofdiscomfort.Itissuchabadthingforhimtogothrough,soIknowthatintheendIwillneverbeabletohavemyowndogformyself.,Byyearsend,thenumberofBeijingsdogownerswillrisedramatically.Chineselovedogsbecausetheyarecuteandlovely.Howmanytimeshaveyouwalkeddownthestreetandsaid,Whatacooldog!IwishIhadone!Youadmirethedogsownerbecauseitprobablybringshimsomuchhappiness.Myhusband,whohatesdogsandisallergictothem,isabigproblem,though.Hehasahorribletimearoundthembecauseofhisallergies.Hisdoctorsayshisreactiontodogsisntserious,butitcancausediscomfort.Asaresult,IknowIllneverownadog.,201,103,Unit2（B）CriteriaofTranslation,原文：他昨天来过这儿了。译文I：Hecamehereyesterday.译文II：Yesterdayhecamehere,原文：香港总督尤德爵士今晨于北京逝世。译文I：SirEdwardYoude，GovernorofHongKong,passedawayinBeijingthismorning译文II：SirEdwardYoude，GovernorofHongKong,breathedhislastinBeijingthismorning译文III：SirEdwardYoude，GovernorofHongKong,kickedthebucketinBeijingthismorning,原文：瞧你像只落汤鸡！译文I：Youlooklikeabedraggedchicken!译文II：Youlooklikeadrownedrat!译文III：Look!Yourewetthrough,原文：这是一篇八股文。译文I：Thisisabaguessay.译文II：Thisisaneight-leggedessay.译文III：Thisisastereotypedwriting.,原文：劳驾，去市场将怎么走?译文I：Excuseme,butcouldyoushowmethewaytoMarketStreet?译文II：Ibegyoupardon,sir.WillyoubesokindastotellmehowtoreachMarketStreet?译文III:Chap,tellmehowtogettoMarketStreet.,原文：骄阳下，柳树上，回答他的是一片“知了，知了”的蝉声。(毛炳甫剥皮香蕉)译文I：Underthescorchingsun,fromthewillowtree,cametheconfirmingreplyofthecicadaschirrup:“See,see.”译文II：camethecicadaschirruping,“zing-a-zing-a.”译文III：camethecicadasreply,“ISee,Isee.”译文IV：camethecicadasreply,“Iknow,Iknow.”,TranslationGame,我满怀希望来参加会议，以为我们的改革一定会得到支持，但讨论来讨论去，还是外甥打灯笼照旧，未免大失所望。,原文分析,我满怀希望来参加会议，|以为我们的改革目的一定会得到支持，|但讨论来讨论去，|还转折因果是外甥打灯笼照旧，|未免大失所望。因果,时态选择,本句主要是叙事，议论针对具体事件而发，宜选用过去时态系统，以一般过去时为规范，必要时参照规范选用其他时态。,分步翻译：独立翻译,1)Icametotheconferencewithgreatexpectation;2)Webelievedthatourreformwouldsurelywinfullsupport;3)However,itwasdiscussedanddiscussed;4)Theresultturnedouttobeayoungmanholdingalanterntoshowthewayforhismaternalunclebutremainingattheoriginalpoint;5)Theresultfellshortofourexpectation.,分步翻译：合并,Icametotheconferencewithgreatexpectation.Weweresurethatourreformwouldwinfullsupport.However,theresultfellshortoftheexpectation,fortherepeateddiscussionsturnedouttobetheyoungmanholdingalanterntoshowthewayforhismaternalunclebutremainingattheoriginalpoint.(Ahalfliteral,halfliberaltranslation.),分步翻译：化简,Sureofthefullsupportforourreform,Icametotheconference.However,myexpectationturnedouttobeinvain,fortherepeateddiscussiondidntproduceanyexpectedresult.,分步翻译：调整,TheexpectationwithwhichIcametotheconferencethatourreformwouldwinfullsupportturnedouttobeinvainbytherepeatedfruitlessdiscussions.,Practice,这位教授引经据典，反复阐释，许多学生仍感到不得要领，如坠入五里云雾。如此看来，深入浅出，乃教学之秘诀也。,原文分析,这位教授引经据典，|反复阐释，|许多并列转折学生仍感到不得要领，|如坠入五里云雾。|因果因果如此看来，深入浅出，|乃教学之秘诀也。判断,时态选择,本句主要叙事，议论虽仍为针对具体事件而发，但是从具体经验抽象出来的，带有普遍性。翻译时，叙事部分宜选用过去时态系统，以一般过去时为规范，必要时参照规范选用其他时态；议论部分可选用现在时态系统，以一般现在时为规范，必要时参照规范选用其他时态，但一般不宜选用进行时。,分步翻译：独立翻译,1)Theprofessorquotedexample