《公开课作文指导》PPT课件

CompositionGuidance,QingdaoNo.58MiddleSchoolLecturer:YuNing,范文一：Mr.Zhangisanexperiencedteacherandheisourfriend,too.Manystudentslikehim.Wethinkthatheisthebestteacher.Hisclassisnoteasytoforget.Inhisclass,everybodyhasachancetospeak.Nobodyescapesfromclass.Inourlife,hetakescareofeverystudentanddoesntallowustobehurt.Irememberoncetherewasabigfireinourschool.Inthefire,heandotherpeopletriedtoputoutthefire.Everybodyonthescenewasworriedabouttheoldmanwiththickglasses.Aftermanyhoursofhardwork,mostoftheequipmentwassaved.WeallpraisedMr.Zhangforwhathehaddone.,范文二：Mr.Zhangisnotonlyateacherwithrichexperience,butalsoourfriend.Manystudentsadmirehimandconsiderhimasthebestteacherintheworld.Hisclassisveryunforgettable.Inhisclass,everybodyhastheopportunitytoexpressthemselvessothatnooneescapesfromclass.Inourlife,hecaresforeverystudentandprotectsusfrombeinghurt.Oncehefoughtwithothersagainstabigfireinourschool.Everybodyonthescenewasworriedabouttheoldmanwiththickglasses.Aftermanyhoursofstruggle,mostoftheequipmentwasrescuedfromthefire.Mr.Zhangwashighlypraisedforwhathehaddone.,高考作文各档次的给分范围和要求：第一档：（25-30分）完全完成了试题规定的任务。对题中所提供的信息进行了恰当的描述，清楚地表达了自己的观点并进行了充分合理的论证。应用了较多的语法结构和词汇。有效地使用了语句间连接成分，使全文结构紧凑。语法结构或词汇方面有些许错误，但为尽力使用较复杂结构或较高级词汇所致；具备较强的语言运用能力。,第二档：（19-24分）完成了试题规定的任务。对题中所提供的信息进行了描述，表达了自己的观点并进行了论证。应用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的要求。语法结构或词汇方面应用基本准确，些许错误主要是因尝试较复杂语法结构或词汇所致。应用简单的语句间的连接成分，使全文结构紧凑。,第三档：（13-18分）基本完成了试题规定的任务。能描述题目中的信息，表达了自己的观点并尝试进行论证。应用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的要求。有一些语法结构或词汇方面的错误，但不影响理解。应用简单的语句间的连接成分，使全文内容连贯。,Christmasiscoming.,Christmasisapproaching.Christmasisdrawingnear.Christmasisontheway.Christmasisaroundthecorner.,2.Weshoulduseeveryminutetostudyatschool.,Weshouldmakefulluseof/takeadvantageofeveryminutetostudyatschool.Weshoulddevoteeveryminutetostudyingatschool.Everyminuteshouldbemadefulluseoftostudyatschool.,3.Weshoulddosomethingtopreventwaterpollution.,Weshouldtakesomemeasurestopreventwaterpollution.Weshouldtakesomemeasurestopreventwaterfrombeingpolluted.Effectivemeasuresshouldbetakentopreventwaterfrombeingpolluted.,4.Thedoctortriedhisbesttosavethepatient.,ThedoctormadeeveryefforttorescueThedoctorsparednoefforttorescueThedoctordidall/whatever/everythinghecouldtorescue,5.IwilltellhimthenewsassoonasIseehim.,IwillinformhimofthenewsthemomentIseehim.IwillinformhimofthenewsimmediatelyIseehim.,6.Playinggamesonlinewastestime.,Itisawasteoftimetoplaygamesonline.,7.Youhelpedmealot.IimprovedalotinmyEnglish.,With/Thankstoyourhelp,IimprovedalotinmyEnglish.Without/Butforyourhelp,IcouldnthaveimprovedalotinmyEnglish.Youhelpedmealot;asaresult,IimprovedalotinmyEnglish.,8.TheroomIfoundforyouisasmallflat.Initthereisakitchenandabathroom.,TheroomIfoundforyouisasmallflatwithakitchenandabathroominit.TheroomIfoundforyouisasmallflat,inwhichthereisakitchenandabathroom.ThereisakitchenandabathroominthesmallflatIfoundforyou.,9.Somepeopleareagainsttheopinionthatparkscollectentrancefees.Theysaythatitwilldoharmtotheimageofthecity.,Somepeopleareagainsttheopinionthatparkscollectentrancefees,sayingthatitwilldoharmtotheimageofthecity.Somepeoplewhoareagainsttheopinionthatparkscollectentrancefeessaythatitwilldoharmtotheimageofthecity.Somepeopleareagainsttheopinionthatparkscollectentrancefees,whichtheysaywilldoharmtotheimageofthecity.,10.Youhelpedmecorrectmymistakes.Iamverythankfultoyouforyourhelp.,Iamverythankfultoyouforhelpingmecorrectmymistakes.Ireallyappreciateyourhelpingmecorrectmymistakes.,常用过渡词与连接词:tobeginwith/tostartwithontheotherhand/onthecontrarythatistosay/inotherwordswhatsmore/besides/furthermorewhatsworse/tomakemattersworsesimilarly/inthesamewayfirstofall/aboveallbecause/as/since/thanksto/duetoeitheror/neithernor/notonlybutalsotobeexact/ingeneral/generallyspeakingallinall/inaword/inconclusion-,Recentlywehavehadaheateddiscussion.Itwasaboutwhetherweshouldkeeppetsathomeincities.Somestudentsthinkitisagoodideatokeeppets.Manyoldpeoplewholivealoneathomecangetsomecomfortfrompets.Gettingalongwellwithanimalswillmakeourlifeinteresting.Theotherstudentsareagainsttheidea.Theythinkiftoomanypeoplekeeppetsathome,itwillbebadfortheenvironment.Petsmaketoomuchnoiseandevenattackpeople.Ilikeanimals.Idontthinkkeepingpetsathomeisbad.Butweshoulddosomethingsothatpetswillnotpollutetheenvironmentorhurtus.,Recentlywehavehadaheateddiscussiononwhetherweshouldkeeppetsathomeincities.Somestudentsthinkitisagoodideatokeeppets,becausemanyoldpeoplewholivealoneathomecangetsomecomfortfrompets.Whatsmore,gettingalongwellwithanimalswillmakeourlifeinteresting.Ontheotherhand,theotherstudentsareagainsttheidea,thinkingthatiftoomanypeoplekeeppetsathome,itwilldoharmtotheenvironment.Whatsworse,petsmaketoomuchnoiseandevenattackpeople.IlikeanimalsandIdontthinkitbadtokeeppetsathome.Butweshouldtakesomemeasurestopreventthemfrompollutingtheenvironmentandhurtingus.,1.Dontforgettogiveyourarticleagoodtitleifnecessary.2.Aslongasyoucankeeptothepoint,youcanwritewhateveryouwant.Sodontaskfortroublebyexpressingwhatyoucantexpress.3.Youshouldknowwhattowritefirstandwhattowritenext.Thatistosay,decidehowmanyparagraphsyouneedandwhatyouwanttowriteineachparagraph.4.Trytousesomeadvancedwordsandstructuresintherightway.,WaterIsVeryImportant,Afewpeoplebelievethatthewaterwontbeoutofrun（1），butasanoppositefact，thewaterisinterribleshortage（2）Thefreshwaterincludesthewaterfromthewell，therain，theriver，etcTheoceanscover70oftheeartharea，mostofthemcantbeused（3）Allthepeopledontcherishthewateratall（4）Theimprovementofperson（5），thepollutionofwaterandthewasteofwatermakeusinshortoffreshwater,Sotodayweshouldcherisheverydropoffreshwaterindecreasing（6）pollutionofwater，wasteofwaterandincreasetheutilizationrateoffreshwaterIhopethatwewillescapefrom（7）theshortageallovertheworldtomorrow,（1）动词语态有误。“runout”这个动词短语可以用于主动形式：“Waterisrunningout”，如果用被动形式，要加介词“of”。即：“Waterwillberunoutof”（2）考生自作主张，随意堆砌词汇。更正为：buthoweverneverthelessonthecontrary等。且整个句子应该是下段的主题句。（3）本句应该在第二段出现（4）本句应该是上段的结果。（5）这里反映出考生使用英语上想当然，闭门造车。正确的说法是：rapidgrowthofpopulationoverpopulationexplosionofpopulation等。,（6）“indecreasing”与动词“cherish”，“increase”并列。在平行结构中，动词应采用相同的形式。（7）“escapefrom”是“躲避”、“逃避”的意思。我们不能回避矛盾。我们别无选择，只能谋求解决矛盾的办法。所以该句的动词应该使用：“solve”，“findsolutionsto”，“findawayoutof”等。,【点评】该文基本能用英文表达思想，但是存在两点重大错误：一、各段主题句不突出，根本没有在段落开头写清楚本段的中心内容，尤其是后两段。考生至少应该开门见山地将所给出的汉语主题句转换成英语，再加以论述。二、总的来看，全文一直围绕GlobalShortageofFreshWater这一严肃课题。但是前两段互有包含，结构混乱。如：“butasanoppositefact，thewaterisinterribleshortage”本应该是下段的主题句。,又如：“Allthepeopledontcherishthewateratall”是第一段的结果，应该放到首段才是。两段内容不能放到一起论述。这些错误很具有代表性，这就是大多数考生作文始终低水平徘徊的主要原因之一。语无伦次属于低级错误，只要稍加用心，很容易避免。主题突出、层次清楚是很容易做到的，是考试中容易实现的得分点。落实这一点，与其说考察学生的英文水平，不如说考察学生的汉语写作和思维能力。,AfewpeoplebelievethatthewaterwontrunoutThefreshwaterincludesthewaterfromthewell，therain，theriver，etcTheoceanscover70oftheearthsareaAsaresult，somepeoplewastethewaterHowever，thereareterriblewatershortagesMostofthewatercantbeusedTherapidgrowthofthepopulation，thepollutionofwaterandthewasteofwaterhaveledtowatershortagesSotodayweshouldcherisheverydropoffreshwater，decreaseth