英语三人短剧--搞笑

顾客：小心，你的大拇指在我汤里了服务员：别担心，先生，不是很烫！A : Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!B: Dont worry Sir its not that hot! 一个服务员给顾客拿来了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。“你疯了吗？”顾客喊到，“你的手在我的牛排上！”“什么？”服务员说，“你想让它再掉地上？”A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.A:Are you crazy?( yelled the customer ),with your hand on my steak?(What answers the waiter) You want it to fall on the floor again? 服务员：茶或咖啡？先生。第一个顾客：我要茶第二个顾客：我也是茶杯子要干净的！服务员：两杯茶，哪个要干净的杯子？B:(Waiter:) Tea or coffee gentlemen?A:Ill have tea.C:(2nd customer:) Me too - and be sure the glass is clean!(Waiter exits returns)B:(Waiter:) Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?创新句子：我坚持用干净杯子喝茶。服务员，这只苍蝇在我汤里干什么？看起来象是在仰泳，A:Waiter whats this fly doing in my soup?Um looks to me to be backstroke sir.服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！别担心，先生，面包里的蜘蛛会干掉它。A:Waiter theres a fly in my soup!B:Dont worry sir the spider on the breadroll will get em. 服务员，我汤里有只苍蝇！不是，先生，那是蟑螂，苍蝇在你牛排里。A:Waiter theres a fly in my soup!C:No sir thats a cockroach the fly is on your steak. 服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！别让别人看见，先生，要不别人都要。A:Waiter theres a fly in my soup!B:Keep it down sir or theyll all be wanting one.服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！我知道，先生，我们没有另收钱。A:Waiter theres a fly in my soup!C:Its OK Sir theres no extra charge!服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！对不起，先生，我弄走那三个时忘了这个。A:Waiter there is a fly in my soup!B:Sorry sir maybe Ive forgotten it when I removed the other three.服务员，汤里有只死苍蝇！是的，先生，是开水杀死了它们。A:Waiter theres a dead fly in my soup!C:Yes sir its the hot water that kills them. 话剧前半部分是荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本 （Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）： Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：Its you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） Im Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister? 阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming. 太子丹：Ive told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”! 阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng （作杀状）太子：Oh yeah. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate? 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world. 太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK? 阿三：Yes.Action II（十面埋伏中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲Are you Li mochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK. Im Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers world.李莫愁Are you challenging me? 荆轲Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Come on!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。”李莫愁倒地荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why arent you hurt?荆轲: We dont need any reason to win a person. Dont we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Momma always said: Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what youre gonna get. I got it, Momma is right. 荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you? 羊肉串和纳税人（英文小品） Characters: Mr. Shi, Xiaofu, Dabao Mr. Shi: Tax is the major source of the fiscal revenue. There is an evident change about the relationship between the tax collector and taxpayer in the past 20 years. Now, the tax collector, Xiaofu, and the tax payer Dabao, a vendor selling Yangrouchuan will show you the very change. The first Act happened in 1980s. Act I (in Bazaar of Beijing, sanlihe, 1980s) Dabao: Yangrouchuan , yangrouchuan, eaten one ,want nine, eaten one, want nine. Hi, Take my yangrouchuan.(slipped, take it up, ) Xiaofu: Tax! Pay the tax! Dabao: (change faces) Taxi? Where is the taxi? Heres no taxi. Xiaofu: Tax! T-A -X! Dabao: Whats the tax? I just know taxi! Do you want me to call a taxi for you? Taxi-! Taxi-! Xiaofu: Enough! Are you the vendor? Dabao: No , No, No, no! I m just have a look. The vendor has gone to the toilet. Xiaofu: Not the vendor ? Impossible! you ve been here for 2 hours. Dabao: Really ? (Xiaofu: Yes, of course.) How do you know it? Xiaofu: The window of my office is open to here and I ve been looking at you for two hours. Dabao: Its a big bug! Xiaofu: Oh. Dont waste my time! Please pay the tax- 10 Yuan! Dabao: 10 yuan?! My god. I had just earned 20 Yuan one day! 5 Yuan, ok? Xiaofu: Dont cheat me, youve sold more than 2 hundred ones. Dabao: 6yuan, my dear sisiter. 7Yuan, my lovely beauty. Dabao: Not for you ,not for me, lets split the difference. 8 yuan ,ok ? Xiaofu: (looking around) All right ,a deal. But no receipt. (Dabao payed 8 yuan and Xiaofu left) Dabao: What a smart woman! Bad luck! Im bankrupt. I have to change my place. Hope I would not meet her any more! Lets go! Act II Mr. Shi: The next scene happened in new century. China had been marching in the way of the market economy for twenty years more, in the new era of building the well-off society in an all-round way, how do the vendor regard tax as and how is the tax collected? The scene will tell you. Lets enjoy it! (In the market; Dabao in white clothes ,a board with NO SARS) Dabao: Yangrouchuan, yangrouchuan. Eaten one, want nine. Eaten one, want nine. Xiaofu: Hi, Dabao: Hi. Two: What a familiar face. Two: Its you! Dabao: 10 years past, you are a still a tax collector. Xiaofu: 10 years past, you still sell Yangrouchuan. How is your business? Dabao: Everything is OK! 10 years past, you are still beautiful lady in Sanlihe of Beijing. Xiaofu: 10 years past, you and your Yangrouchuan look more clean than 20 years before. Dabao: Thank you. No SARS, no dirtiness; Serve people, serve me. Xiaofu: Great! Have you Dabao: Married? I m not married; Im still single. Xiaofu: Have you claimed your tax this month? Dabao: What? Taxi? Oh, tax! Of course. I should pay the tax of 50 Yuan this month and I have claimed at the begin of this month. Xioafu: Your receipt, please. Dabao: (shows the receipt ) Here you are, I have paid my tax in the tax service center by computer. Xiaofu: Great! What a good taxpayer you are. Dabao: Thank you. It is my duty. Im proud of myself to pay the tax for our country. Xiaofu: Yeah! The tax you paid is a share of our countrys econ