孩子为什么不听话因你不会批评!（why isn't the child obedient because you won't criticize!）

孩子为什么不听话因你不会批评（WHYISNTTHECHILDOBEDIENTBECAUSEYOUWONTCRITICIZE）WHYNOTFORCRITICISMEVERYONEMAKESMISTAKES,BUTINREALITY,ONLYTHECHILDMADEAMISTAKEMAYBEMOREVULNERABLETOCRITICISMWHYBECAUSECHILDRENOFTENMAKEMISTAKESINCORRECTBECAUSECHILDRENDONOTUNDERSTANDTHINGS,EASYTOMAKEAMISTAKEINCORRECTBECAUSEOURPARENTSEYESALWAYSFOLLOWTHECHILDSFIGUREYEAHALLTHECHILDRENBEHAVEBASICALLYCANNOTMASTERTHEESCAPEOFPARENTSACCIDENTALLYFELLONTHEGROUND,THEMOTHERWOULDSAY“HOWSOCARELESS“IFTHETESTSCORESARENOTIDEAL,THEREWILLBEAVOICE“YOUSEE,HOWTOTESTTHAT“IFACCIDENTALLYLOSTSOMETHING,THEREWILLBEAVOICESAID“HOWDOYOUALWAYSABSENTMINDED“JUSTHITTHECHILD,HASNOTCOMEOUTFROMTHESAD,PAINFULGRIEVANCES,EVENHUMILIATINGEMOTIONS,OFTENWITHASTORMOFCRITICISM,THEHEARTIFEELUNHAPPY,BUTNOTWHATWAYBUTCANONLYSILENTLYSILENTLY,BOLDMAYTOPWORDS,BUTITWILLPROVOKESCOLDING,REALLYWRONGEDYOUMAYCRYOHTHISISNOTTHEPARENTS,ANDYELLED“WHATCRYCRYWHATAGOODCRY“BUTYOUHAVENOTTHOUGHTABOUTWHYDOYOUALWAYSCRITICIZEFROMMORNINGTONIGHTWHYOFTENCRITICIZETHESAMEPROBLEMITISBECAUSETHECHILDISNOTOBEDIENTNOTSENSIBLETOOMUCHTROUBLEYOUHAVENOTTHOUGHTABOUTYOURCRITICISMWHYDOESNOTWORKSOMEPEOPLESIGH,LIFEDIFFICULTMAKEITMOREDIFFICULTFORWOMENITHINKYOUMUSTNOWALSOWANTTOSAYTHATMOTHERSAREMOREDIFFICULTANDTIREDEVERYDAYIGETTOTHEFRONTTOSUBSCRIBETOMAGAZINESANDNEWSPAPERSAWATCHISANOLDLADY,HERGRANDDAUGHTERALSOOFTENCOMEHEREAFTERSCHOOLONEDAY,IGOOUTTOGETTHENEWSPAPERASUSUAL,SAWTHEGIRLLYINGONTHETABLEDOINGHOMEWORK,BUTTHEOLDLADYWASFROMHERLITTLEGRANDDAUGHTER“OHHOWDOYOUFINDTHEWORDSARESOUGLYTHISISTHEREWRITTENREWRITING“HANDBYHANDTOPULLOUTALITTLEGIRLANGRILYREBUKEDTHESIDEEDGE,THELITTLEGIRLSEEMSTOUSETHEERASERACTIONISTOOSLOWANDTHELITTLEGIRLTIGHTLYPURSEDLIPS,EYESSILENTLYTEARS,RELUCTANTLYERASEJUSTWRITTENWORDSIAMCURIOUSTOSEE,THEORIGINALISTHEKINDOFPRACTICEWORDSWORK,EVERYWORDWRITTENMANYTIMES,BUTTHEWORDSWRITTENINTHEMWORD,SEETHELITTLEGIRLJUSTWENTTOSCHOOLSOONSOMEWORDSTOWRITEWELL,WRITESOMEWORDSREALLYUGLY,NOTINTHEMWORDININCLINEDTOHANG,ORSIMPLYPUTTHE“LEGS“DRILLOUTITHOUGHT,ASSUCHNOWONDER,JUSTSTARTEDIANDTHEOLDLADYISCOOKED,IKNOWHERGRANDDAUGHTERSNAME,CALLEDYINGKOSOISAID“AUNT,YOUDONTWORRYABOUTME,ANDTHE“THEOLDLADYSAIDHAPPILY“YES,YOUAREENGAGEDINEDUCATION,ANDYOUTALKTOHER“ISAID“THEAH,DOHOMEWORKISEE“THELITTLEGIRLSEEMSTOBESTILLNOTHAPPY,STUFFYANSWERED“OH“IPICKEDUPHERHOMEWORKANDSAID“OHISTHEPRACTICEOFWRITINGWRITENEWWORDSAH,REALLYGOODAH“THELITTLEGIRLDOWNLIKEASPIRIT,EXTENDINGHERHEADTOGETHERWITHMETOSEEHERITHENASKED“YES,YOUSHOWME,WHICHWORDYOUWRITEBEST“THELITTLEGIRLQUICKLYBROWSEDAWORDQUICKLYWHICHHOLDWITHTENDERFINGERSISEETHATWORDSAREINDEEDGOOD,THENASKED“OH,THATISNOTTHEMOSTBEAUTIFULWORD“IASKEDADRAWLING,BEFORESAYINGALLTHATLITTLEGIRLQUICKLYTOOKTHEJOBFROMMYHANDS,TOWHICHAPOORLYWRITTENWORDQUICKLYERASEDINODDEDAPPROVINGLYANDSAID“YINGKO,ITHINKYOUCANWRITEABETTERTHANTHEBESTWORDTOISIT“THELITTLEGIRLNODDEDVIGOROUSLY,ANDSOONINTHEBOOKANDWRITEAWORD,ISAKINDOFVERYGOODCHARACTER,FULLOFINDOMITABLESPIRITIPATTEDHERONTHEHEADANDSAID“GREATYOUDOITSLOWLY,GRANDMAYOUDONOTHAPPYAH“NOTHREEMINUTES,THELITTLEGIRLSPERFORMANCETHEOLDLADYSAIDINSURPRISE“MISSZHAO,THISGIRLHOWTOLISTENTOYOURWORDS“ITOLDHER“THECURSEISNOTTHEBESTSOLUTIONENCOURAGEEFFECTISMUCHBETTERTHANCRITICISM“ASTHESAYINGGOES,“THEGOODFORNOTHING“,ISALSOTRUEFORCHILDRENCRITICISMASAMEANSOFEDUCATION,THEPURPOSEISTOLETTHECHILDRENTOKNOWTHECAUSEOFTHEERROR,CANBEAVOIDEDORCORRECTEDBUTINFACT,MANYPARENTSHAVESUCHEXPERIENCE,TOSAY,ANDREASONWITHTHECHILDDOESNOTWORK,CRITICISMWILLNOTWORK,ANXIOUSBEATSTILLDOESNOTWORK,HOWDOTHEEFFECTISNOTGOODITISSAIDLISTEN,NOTSCOLDAMEAL,ATUBENOWISTHETIMETOTHINKOFTHEPARENTSTHECHILDMADEAMISTAKE,INTHEENDHOWTOMANAGEHOWTOEDUCATETHEIRCHILDRENWRONGTOCRITICIZE1,USELESSCRITICISMLETUSFIRSTLOOKATTHEPHENOMENONOFPARENTSCRITICIZEDTHECHILDWITHCHARACTERISTICS1EMOTIONALCRITICISMONCETHECHILDMISTAKES,PARENTSTENDTOBEEMOTIONAL,PALE,DANCING,MURMURING,EYES,VOICE,LANGUAGEFAST,WHILEITISADANGEROUSSITUATION,FULLYANDDELIGHTFULLYWELL,THEN,HADMADE,WASALSOHAPPY,EQUILIBRIUMBUTYOUMAYNOTKNOWWHENTHEBREATHGREWUP,MOSTOFTHECHILDRENWHOFIGUREDIS“ITISACURSETOHALF“ALITTLEPATIENCEANDSOONFINISHEDSCOLD“THEPARENTSSUDDENLYSTOPPEDANDASKEDWHENTHECHILDRENSHOUTED“DOYOUUNDERSTAND“THECHILDIMMEDIATELYSAID“UNDERSTANDREFLECTION“REMEMBER“REMEMBER“AFTERTHECOMMITCRIME“NOTGUILTY“THISTIMESOGOODJUSTPERFUNCTORYINORDERTOFINISHTHISSTORMIFTHEREISACAMERA,PARENTSSEETHEIREXPRESSIONSANDMANIFESTATIONS,ISREALLYTERRIBLETOSEEAHANDTHECHILDRENSAYTOYOUARENOTTOFALLBACKDOWN,JUSTDONTKNOWWHATYOUSAIDONLYKNOWONETHINGIWASWRONG,SOYOUSCOLDMEEVENTHEMISTAKESBROUGHTBYGUILT,UNEASYWITHTHECRITICISMOFTHEROAROFAIRBECAUSETHEYAREVERYCLEAR,ITISGENERALLYCALLEDONLYCHILDRENDOANDINTERESTEDINTHINGSISWAITING,WAITINGFORTHEENDOFTHEBLAMETHEFINALRESULTIS“NOTCONVINCED“,“YOUSCOLDYOU,IDOMY“YOUCANEXPECTTHATMOREWITHPERSONALEMOTIONALCATHARSIS,SUBJECTIVECRITICISMHAVEMUCHEFFECTINFACT,MOSTOFTHETIME,SILENCEISFARMOREEFFECTIVETHANSUCHCRITICISMTHEPURPOSEOFCRITICISMISTOMAKECHILDRENAWAREOFTHEIROWNPROBLEMS,UNDERSTANDANDACCEPTTHECORRECTADVICE,ANDCORRECTINACTIONASTHEANALYSISANDEVALUATIONOFAFAULTSHOULDBEVERYRATIONALINTHISPROCESS,TEMPERWILLINEVITABLYCOMPLAIN,CANACCEPT,VENTOBJECTSJUSTIMAGINEHOWAKINDOFMOODTHATWONTHERESPECTOFTHECHILD,HOWTOMAKETHECHILDRENCONVINCED,HOWCANLETTHECHILDRENLISTENTO2FLOODOFCRITICISMSOMETIMES,OURPARENTSCRITICIZEDTHECHILD,IMPASSIONEDVOICE,SPEEDFAST,BRAINACTIVITY,THINKINGOFJUMPING,LENOVORICH,EXAGGERATIONFOREXAMPLE,WASAHITBOWLOFTHINGS,CANFROMTHISTHINGONCETHEKEYISLOST,LOSTMONEY,LOSEFACEBECAUSETHETESTFAILED,CANPULLTOFIGHT,WATCHTVANDPLAYGAMESINSHORT,ASLONGASYOUCANTHINKOFSOMETHINGLIKETHEFILMASPLAYBACKINDEED,INFORMATIVE,ALLUSIVE,SAYCHILDRENEYELIDSDOUBLED,MOUTHOFF,NECKTWIST,HEADLOW,THOUGHTSAYWHATYOULOVEARENTYOUTHIRSTYHUMCRITICISMSHOULDBETARGETED,SAYWHATTHECURRENTPROBLEMS,ITISGOOD,BUTCANNOTBLAMETHEJOINTNEGLIGENCE,BEFOREWEALSOCOUNTTHE“OLDOLD“AGAINWILLONLYLETTHECHILDRENFEELTIRED,HATEANDHATREDFORPARENTS,ANDBECAUSEOTHERTHINGSTOPULLTOOMUCH,DILUTETHECURRENTTHEME,THEMAINCONTRADICTIONISEASYTOBEWEAKENEDANDIGNOREDVERYFUNNY,OFTENHAVEPARENTSTALKINGSTOPPED,HOWTHEORIGINALISSUDDENLYFORGOTWHATTOSAYHADTOLAUGHATMYSELFANDSAID“WELL,LOOKATYOU,IMANGRY“JUSTIMAGINE,SUCHCRITICISMMAKESCHILDRENBITTERANDFREETHEMEOFHOWCOULDHELPSOLVETHEPROBLEM3SIMPLECRITICISMMOSTOFTHETIME,CHILDRENMAKEMISTAKES,PARENTSOFTENPERFORMTHISCRITICISMANDCRITICISM,THISCRITICISMISNOTINDISCRIMINATECRITICISMMANYPARENTSHAVEHADCHILDRENLAICHUANGPHENOMENON,ISOFTENTHESIDETOSIDECHATTER,ANDTHECHILDRENARETOREGARDTHISASBACKGROUNDNOISEDIDNOTPLAYTHEROLEOFCRITICISMBECAUSETHECHILDISVERYCLEAR,IFTHEWALKWILLBELATEFORSCHOOL,PARENTSWILLHAVETOLETTHECHILDRENCOMETOSCHOOLONTIME,ACARCANBESENT,NOCARCANTAKEATAXIHAVEPARENTSASKMEHOWTODOTHISISAIDVERYSIMPLE,YOUNOMATTERHEISDONE,THEREWILLBELATEFORSCHOOLTOCRITICIZEHIMBECAUSEYOUHAVEALLTHEWAYTHATHESHOULDNOTBELATE,BEARCHILDRENINBEDISASHIELDCONSEQUENCES,SOHEWASCONFIDENTCALMLYINBED,YOUSCOLDHIMFORWHATASSUCHTHEREAREMANYPARENTS,ISONLYTHEPHENOMENONOFDOINGCRITICISM,ANDDIDNOTTAKEEFFECTIVESOLUTION4IMPATIENTOFCRITICISMTHEREAREALOTOFTHETIMEITIS,THECHILDRENDIDNTEVENREALIZETHEMISTAKEISIMMINENTORHASCOME,NOTDEEPLYAWAREOFMISTAKESCANBRINGWHATKINDOFCONSEQUENCES,OURPARENTSAREALREADYCANSCARCELYWAIT,GASISNOTONETOPLAY,USUALLYISTHEEYESANDTHEMOUTH,EVENHANDTO“NOMANISPERFECT“FURTHERMORE,“IDONOTKNOWWHOISNOTTOO“MAKEMISTAKESISNORMAL,ANDWHENTHEFIRSTTIMEEXPERIENCESOMETHINGWRONGISNORMALBUTTHEPARENTSDIDNOTGIVECHILDRENENOUGHTIMEANDSPACETOEXPERIENCEMISTAKES,TRYTOFRUSTRATION,CHILDRENDONTEVENKNOWWHATSWRONG,CRITICISMANDBLAMEHASENSUEDTHISANXIOUS,QUICK,IMPATIENTOFCRITICISM,OFTENKILLCHILDRENSCREATIVITY,LIMITINGTHEDEVELOPMENTOFCHILDRENWHYHAVESOMANYCHILDRENLACKOFINTERESTINLEARNINGTHATISBECAUSEPARENTSINTHELEARNINGACTIVITIESINTHEEARLYINTERVENTION,EXCESSIVEINTERVENTION,FREQUENTINTERVENTION,TRIVIALEVALUATION,INEXPLICABLECRITICISM,RESULTINGINACHILDOFFEAR,BOREDOMANDREVERSEPSYCHOLOGYOFLEARNING2,WHATTIMETOCRITICIZETHEFIRSTTIMEWHENCHILDRENMAKEMISTAKES,YOUONLYNEEDTOTELLWHYHEWASWRONG,WHATISRIGHTONTHELINEINTHEGUIDANCE,THECHILDRENMAINTAINARESPECTFULATTITUDESOTHATHECANALSORESPECTYOUROPINION,PATIENTLYEXPLAININGTHATHEKNEWTHECAUSESANDCONSEQUENCESOFERRORS,UNDERSTANDINGMOODLETHIMNOTBETHESHADOWOFFAILUREBOUNDIFTHECHILDAGAINMADEASIMILARMISTAKE,PERHAPSTHECHILDISNOTFAMILIARWITHTHECORRECTMETHOD,PERHAPSISNOTDEEPENOUGHTOLETHIMIGNORETHELESSONSWESHOULDFIRSTANALYZETHEREASONSOFHIS,IFITISTHEFORMER,MUSTSPEAKCLEARLY,MAKETHINGSCLEAR,GIVEHIMACHANCETODOIFTHELATTERISTHECASE,ITSHOULDMAKETHEAPPROPRIATECRITICISMONHIM3,WHATSHOULDBECRITICIZEDWHENTHECHILDBEGANTOCONTACTNEWTHINGSOR,BECAUSEUNDERSTANDINGISNOTDEEP,LACKOFPREPARATION,THEBEHAVIORISNOTREASONABLE,THEDEVIATIONANDTHEERRORISALSOREASONABLETHISISINNEEDOFHELP,RATHERTHANCRITICISMTHEFIRSTMISTAKEISUNDERSTANDABLE,SECONDWRONGUNDERSTANDING,CANNOTBETOLERATEDAGAINATTHISTIMETHECRITICISMISREASONABLEILOVEAWORD,“ATTITUDEISEVERYTHING“,THEFREQUENCYOFERRORSISMOREDUETOTHEATTITUDEOFTHESOCRITICISMISFORTHEATTITUDE,NOTFORTHETHINGITSELFCRITICISMISFORREPEATINGAGAIN,TOGIVECHILDRENTHEOPPORTUNITYTOCORRECTTHEFIRSTTIMEBUTOURPARENTSOFTENCRITICIZEINTHECULPRIT,THISWILLMAKETHECHILDFEELVERYGRIEVANCEWHENTHEERRORSANDPROBLEMSAGAIN,SUCHASNOTGOODREPORTBACK,CAUSEANALYSISOFPARENTSANDCHILDRENISNOTINACALMMOOD,MOREISTHERESULTITSELFTOBLAME,FORTHEIRCHILDRENTOVENTDISCONTENT,BUTTHISBLINDCRITICISMISVERYDETRIMENTALTOTHECHILDTOACCEPTANDCORRECT4,HOWTOCRITICIZELETUSTAKEANACTUALCASETOILLUSTRATE,THEREISAJUNIORHIGHSCHOOLBOYISPLAYINGVIDEOGAMES,OFTENPLAYTRUANTANDTHEREFOREVERYHOMEWORK,PARENTSAREVERYANXIOUS,SOWHATTODO1NOTHINGTOARGUETHECHILDRENWHILELEARNINGPERFORMANCECANALSOBE,BUTRELATIVELYPOORSELFCONTROL,LACKOFFORESIGHTOFCONSEQUENCES,SOTHEREMAYBEATIMEWHENTHEYWANTTORUNOUTTOPLAYTHEGAMEWHENTHISHAPPENS,PARENTSSHOULDBEPATIENTANDEXPLAINTHECONSEQUENCESOFDOINGSO,BUTALSOTHEEXPRESSIONOFTHECHILDSTRUSTANDEXPECTATIONITISIMPORTANTTOUNDERSTANDTHECHILDWHATISINAPPROPRIATEANDMUSTNOTBEFURIOUS,FREQUENTLYBEATENJOHNLOCKESAIDTHATTHE“REASONINGISTHEREALWAY“ISTHEMEANINGOFTHETREATMENTOFCHILDREN2AGREEDTOREPEATBUTTHECHILDCAMEOUTTOPLAYGAMESOFCHANCE,ANDTEMPTEDTOSTEALRANOUTTOPLAYTHEGAMEPARENTSSHOULDBESTRICTTOLDHIMTODOSOISNOTENOUGHINVIEWOFTHEFACTTHATHEAPPEARSAGAINSUCHMISTAKES,TOCHILDRENANDAGREEDTOAPLAN,ANDASKEDTHECHILDRENTOBEGUARANTEED,ANDSAI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