卖爆米花续写

1、Who: Mrs. Meredith, Bernard, Bernards parents, Clara, Harry, JohnWhere: a small communityWhat: Mrs. Merediths children want to assist the boy BernardWhy:With Berbnards father sick in bed, his mother was unable to go out to work. Bernard wanted to do something to support his family.【Why】该材料的价值取向是该材料的

2、价值取向是传播传播爱、友善与爱、友善与感恩。【How】文本文本包含两条主线，明线是包含两条主线，明线是Meredith的的3个孩子尽力帮助个孩子尽力帮助Bernard，暗线是两家人的心理和情感线：暗线是两家人的心理和情感线：Meredith一家助人的快一家助人的快乐，乐，Bernard一家受助的感激一家受助的感激。【衔接衔接】时间关联成分：时间关联成分：when she had time, one morning, after their mother left the room, for some moments, suddenly, when Mrs. Meredith heard of

3、Johns idea, with everything ready地点关联成分：地点关联成分：a small community, in the town, to the houses替代替代:popcorn【it】词汇复现：词汇复现：said/told, cried, assist/help, earn some money/earn money照应：照应：Mrs. Meredith: a most kind and thoughtful woman, she, their mother Clara, Harry and John: her own children, the childre

4、n, he, the other children, you, we, usStruggle to make ends meet: meet the challenges, had problems, suffer so muchBerbard: their little boy, his name, he, him【连贯连贯】theeconomywasindeclinepeoplelosttheirjobsMrs.Meredithspentagreatdealoftimevisitingthepoorshetoldherchildrenaboutafamilythechildrensatth

5、inkingaboutBernardJohnhadagreatideatheycouldmakepopcornBernardcouldtakeitaroundtothehousesandsellit1. 细节失误文章中提到了叔叔送了一大箱子玉米-续写时有同学又写到去商店买玉米，信息不对称上文提到是take it around to the houses and sell it挨家挨户卖，-有同学写到了去广场上卖，去富人区（somewhere richer）卖3. 时态错误She thought it was a good idea. 4. 人称错误写着写着便带入了自己。we应该改成they，指Meredith一家。5. 对话太多整个段落全是对话，这是大忌，应以描述为主，对话可以有，但不能占主导。6. 语言拖沓写作时面面俱到，唯恐别人看不明白，导致句子拖泥带水，不简练。At the beginning of selling popcorn，3. 考虑不周全续写第一段开头“妈妈也认为是个好主意”，接下来应该写什么？根据续写第二段的with everything ready