高中英语新高考-英语作文批改的重点：逻辑和地道(两篇学生作文批改的展示)

1、 高中英语新高考-英语作文批改的重点：逻辑和地道（两篇学生作文批改的展示）【作文展示一】（加 As, 首先保证语法正确）we can see from the diagram, we have 28000 sharedcars in 2016, 42000 in 2017, andthe number is expected to increase rapidly inthe following years. （图表描述非常简洁，完全符合目标。）Car-sharing, in my opinion, will benefit us in many ways. Firstly , it s ve

2、ry convenient, （ because, 两个句子之间需要有连接词）you just open a car-sharingapp, pay for a ride, go to the nearest parking lot and then you can getinto acar and go anywhere you want （这么多动词在一起，不是太好，改为：with just acar-sharing app to pay for your ride, you can go wherever you like） .Secondly ,car- sharing means a

3、n （加一个extra ） alternative for those who have shortageof cars （不存在这个词块，直接用 without cars 即可 ）, thus （这是副词，但可以改为so） ,they will （ 加 no） longer worry about their long-distance and direct travels. Thirdly , car-sharing means less cars used, less pollution produced and less energy wasted, which is environm

4、ent-friendly.（这个排比蛮不 错 的 ， 但 是 感 觉 有 点 头 重 脚 轻 ， 不 如 改 为 ： car-sharing is undoubted environment-friendly, which means less cars used, less pollution produced and less energy wasted. ）To promotecar-sharing s development,we should make shared cars“ accessible “ （which means they are affordable and eas

5、y to get to use） instead of a sort of “ luxury ” （这个句子已经很好了，如果考虑到修辞效果，例如 instead of 后是名词，前面如果对称的话，可以这样：wed better make shared carsa basic affordable necessity instead of a sort of luxury）,and （这个最好另起一句，因为长句太长让人读起来不舒服，改为Besides,） laws and regulations related tocar-sharing should be （综合后面的原因句，应该是先确立，加

6、一个drawn up assoon as possible and） taken seriously because car-sharing is a very new concept and people should （ 加一个 be allowed time to） learn to use it properly.（最后一段也很优秀，长句不显得拼凑，主要得力于地道的词块）得分： 19 分优点：语法基础很扎实，词块积累都很好，而且使用这些词块丝毫不显得局促，有地道之美。更值得称赞的是，你具备了比较良好的英语写作思维，即：主题句+ 支撑句，逻辑得当。具体说就是：第一个论点：convenie

7、nt 。作者并没有一句话结束，而是具体解释在哪里方便；第二个论点：an alternative 。 作者然后继续写共享汽车带来的另外的选择的结果是什么；第三个论点：environment-friendly 。作者用了排比手法来解释原因，让人佩服。失分就是比较低级的语法错误很显眼，还有有些句子太长了，要学会简洁，使用介词短语就是不错的途径。【作文展示二】which_ Qarn9roecficcfSj, because nanet ev.dr dreonk offeach/ng.out fullest potentiol Hovueer, w&卬which_ Qarn9roecficcfSj, b

8、ecause nanet ev.dr dreonk offeach/ng.out fullest potentiol Hovueer, w&卬g_talWay- Huw to母匕加吃生妈t. Ui? shoull rectch ft. thamah. tobu叁定持去赘智叫一-and.neer gixe up7dream in. Complete ttirnpstne* ? U/e a/1 uuant -to beJ,加 uinced -that ue are capable of qreat feasts, of一切ata E q power fu/ My dreo/n.is become

9、an oxcetiof economist.-that % .力emtjs attuinabJe as Jung 心 工 summit mysdf toJt,V-H&u/ ma/iy drenms have told us to catch thcttionE 料 q刚 jEflcnb dntamers nre . fKi .apntenf. wriha.* #这篇作文是模仿美文来写的，因此读者可以看出来，句式比较优美。但是往往我们学生的问题就在这里：美则美矣，却显得实质内容不足。譬如本篇光知道写漂亮的句子，忽略了逻辑得当，以及犯了意义重复的毛病。优秀美文展示：People make happ

10、iness a priority in their life but in different ways. For example, many people believe that holding a high position in the government is happiness. But happiness for me means doing something meaningful with a deep sense of achievement and satisfaction in ourselves. It is not just a headlong charge t

11、owardswhatever makes us feelpleasure. Below are some simple yet specific steps you can take tocultivatehappiness.Being grateful for what you have and it can improve your outlook on life . Slow down and enjoy the scenery. Be spontaneous.Happiness is perching onyour windowsill, invite it in. If you ca

12、n grab every single morsel of happiness which comes your way, you will owna heart full of grace and asoul generated by love.Perform random acts of kindness, anonymous or not. Life is a reciprocalexchange . To move forward you have to give back.Happiness is contagious, so surroundyourself with positive,life-affirming people . They can help you channel your grief and pain intoanact of grace.Embrace change. Think big in the long run, but think small in the short run . It is adv