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考向36读后续写之如何续写故事开头一个好的故事开头就好比是一堂成功的课的导入,能够迅速抓住学生和老师们的兴趣,并且愿意听下去,跟着授课老师的思路走。一个好的故事开头就好比是一个带着香味十足的诱饵,诱使读者上钩并且饶有趣味地看完。而一个拙劣的故事开头,定会让读者大倒胃口,恹恹欲睡。可见,写好一个好故事的好开头是多么的重要。那么在时间紧迫的考场上的英语读后续写的过程中,如何写出靓丽的开头呢?我们可以从语法手段和写作涉及的内容来具体涉及故事的开端。1.开端布局方法1:副词突显动作等
【典例赏析】Carefully,
hesteppedoverallthebrokenglass.
Joyfully
heskippedupthestreet.
【真题再现】Para1:
(2016.10浙江高考读后续写范文摘录)Para1:Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.
Immediately,anabsolutedarknessruledtheforest.
(时间副词衔接+环境描写)
2.开端布局方法2:形容词短语表明心态【典例赏析】Curioustoknowwhatwasinside,hetiptoedintothedarkcave.
Unabletosayaword,hewasrootedtothespot.
【真题再现】
(2016.10浙江高考读后续写范文摘录)Para1:
Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.
Desperateandhopeless,
Jane
kneltdown,tearsstreamingdownherface.
(并列情绪形容词)
(2016.10浙江高考读后续写范文摘录)Para2:
ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.
Weakasshewas,shestruggledtoherfeet,continuingsearchingfor
assistance.
(状态形容词+as/though引导的倒装句)
(2018.06浙江高考读后续写范文摘录)Para1:
Suddenlyalittlerabbitjumpedoutinfrontofmyhorse.
AfraidthatImighthurtthelovelysmallcreature,Iautomaticallyletoutacrytostopmyhorse.
(情绪形容词+从句)
(2018.06浙江高考读后续写范文摘录)Para2:Wehadnoideawherewewereanditgotdark.
Exhaustedandhungry,Iwonderedifwecouldfindourwayback.
3.开端布局方法3:非谓语动词的烘托【典例赏析】Looking
aroundhimcautiously,heslippedintotheroomandsoftlyclosedthedoor.
Exhausted,hewasgladtheracewasfinallyover.
【真题再现】(2016.10浙江高考读后续写范文摘录)Para1:Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.
Feelingdisappointed,
Jane
hadtostayaloneforanothernight.
(现在分词+情绪形容词)
(2016.10浙江高考读后续写范文摘录)Para2:
ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.
Feelingrefreshed,
shecontinuedtowalkalongthe
stream
tofindthewayout.(现在分词+状态形容词)4.开端布局方法4:使用从句【典例赏析】Ashewalked,hewhistled
Althoughhewasafraid,hejumpedrightin.
5.开端布局方法5:使用介词短语【典例赏析】Attheendofthelane
hesuddenlystopped.
Atthesightofthesnake,thelittlegirlscreamedatthetopofhervoice.
6.开端布局方法6:对话或独白【典例赏析】“Let’sseewhogetstherefirst!”
Rachelshouted,asshepedaledfastandzoomedpastJenny.
“Holdontight!”
Myfatheryelled.Wejustfinishedbuckinginasthecoasterjerkedintomotion.Thiswasmyfirstrollercoasterride.
【真题再现】(2017.06浙江高考读后续写范文摘录)Para1:
Thecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofhim.
"Getintothecar."
PaulshoutedatMac.
7.开端布局方法7:介绍人物身份【典例赏析】Markisastudiousboywholovesreading.HisclassmatesoftenteasehimforbeingtoohardworkingandtheycallhimMr.Smart.Oneafternoon,whilestudyingathome…
8.开端布局方法8:情绪烘托【典例赏析】ThemomentshesawhowshedidforherSciencetest,
tearsstartedwellingupinTina’seyesandfallingdownhercheeks.9.开端布局方法9:背景烘托【典例赏析】I
closedmyeyestoenjoythegentlebreezeandthesoundsoftheclashingwaves.
Gentlyopeningmyeyes,Isawmyparentstaking
arelaxingstrollalongthebeach.Thecavewasdarkandeverythingwassilent.Icouldn’tevenseemyhandinfrontofmyface.
IknewthisadventurewasgoingtobesomethingthatIwouldneverforget.【真题再现】(2017.11浙江高考读后续写范文摘录)Para2:
Wedrovethroughseveralstatesandsawlotsofgreatsightsalongtheway.
Ilookedoutofthecarwindow,windingrivers,loftymountains,sunnybeachesanddeepvalleysholdingmeentirelyintheirfascination.
(视觉+环境描写+拟人)10.开端布局方法10:人物动作特写【典例赏析】Furry
startedwagginghistailandrunningaroundincircles
whenhesawhismastertakingaleashoutfromthedrawer.Furrywasallreadyforhiseveningwalk.【真题再现】(2017.11浙江高考读后续写范文摘录)Para1:
Thenextdaywerememberedthebrand-newtentwehadbroughtwithus.
Dad
exchangedaglancewithme.Whynotcamptosatisfy
Mom?
(动作描写+问句衔接)11.开端布局方法11:声音效果传情【典例赏析】BOOM,CRASH!
Thewindwashowlingoutsideofmyhouse.Wewerehavingaterriblethunderstorm.Iwasveryscared.12.开端布局方法12:设问激发思考【典例赏析】Haveyoueverbeenonaself-drivingtrip?
Letmetellyouanexcitingtripmyfamilytookthissummer.Whydoestroublealwaysfollowmearound?DoIhavea"kickme"signonmybackorsomething?fascination.
(视觉+环境描写+拟人)
【检测训练】1.阅读下面短文,根据所给情节进行续写,使之构成一个完整的故事。Boysliketobeconsideredtobebrave,butwhatkindofthingscanbeconsideredtobebrave?Itisnotaquestionthatcanbeansweredbywords,butbytheactualdeed.AboywiththenameHenrygaveusagoodexample.RonnyandHenryweretwofriendsinthesameclass.Theyalwaysplayedtogetherandwenthometogether.OnedayasRonnyandHenryweregoinghomeafterschool,theysawsomepeoplefightinginthestreetcorner.Ronnysaidexcitedly,“Somepeoplearefighting!Let’sgoandhavealook!”ButHenryrefused,“It’snoneofourbusiness.We’dbettergohomeanddon’tgetclosetothem.AlsoourparentsareexpectingtohavedinnerwithustogetherathomeandIdon’twantthemtoworryaboutme.”“Youareacoward,andafraidtogo,”saidRonny,andoffherantothespotwithsomeotherboys.Henryhadtogohomealoneanddidn'tthinkaboutitanymore.ButRonnythoughtHenrywasacowardandtoldalltheboysthat.Theylaughedathimagreatdeal.Fromthenon,theylookeddownuponHenryanddidn’twanttoplaywithhim.Henrywassadbuthewasn’tangrywithRonnyforhisrudebehavior,becausehehadlearnedthattruecouragewasshownmostinbearingmisunderstandingwhenitwasnotdeserved,andthatheoughttobeafraidofnothingbutdoingwrong.Thus,hejustignoredtheotherboys’laughterandcontinuedtosticktohisthoughtandgotoschoolandstudyaswell.However,Ronnydidn’tinviteHenrytogohomewithhimanymore.Instead,hehadhisnewfriendswhoalsothoughtHenrywasacoward.Everydayafterschool,theydidn'tgohomedirectlybutwenttotheriverorsomewheretoplaygamesandhadlotsoffun.注意:1.所续写的短文词数应为150左右;2.续写部分分为二段,每段的开头语已经为你写好;Paragraph1:Afewdayslater,somethingterriblehappenedtoRonny.____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Paragraph2:Atthatmoment,Henryhappenedtopassby.____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________【参考范文】Afewdayslater,somethingterriblehappenedtoRonny.Thatafternoonafterschool,Ronnywasbathingwithsomeofhisnewfriendsintheriverhappily.Suddenly,hewasstuckinthemudandcouldn’tgetout.Hestruggledhardbuthewasstilltrapped.Hescreamedforhelp,butallinvain.TheboyswhohadcalledHenryacowardgotoutofthewaterasfastastheycould.Theyweresoscaredanddidnoteventrytohelphim.Atthatmoment,Henryhappenedtopassby.Heheardthescreamsandrantotheriverassoonaspossible.SeeingRonnywasalmostdrowned,Henrytookoffhisclothesimmediatelyandjumpedintothewaterwithoutanyhesitation.HereachedRonnyjustashewassinkingthelasttime.Withgreateffort,andwithmuchdangertohimself,hebroughtRonnytotheshoreintime.Henrywashappytohelphisfriend,thoughhewasextremelytired.【写作分析】这是一篇记叙文。文章中的男孩亨利因为没有和朋友罗尼一起去凑热闹看别人打架,而被罗尼叫做懦夫并且受到了排挤,但亨利知道真正的勇气体现在容忍不该容忍的误解,罗尼的新朋友们也都觉得亨利是个懦夫。几天后,罗尼和新朋友们在河里洗澡时,不小心陷在泥里,他的新朋友们没有帮助他,而亨利在路过时听到了求救声后用尽他的力气帮助了罗尼。【写作步骤】1.段落续写:①由第一段首句内容“几天后,在罗尼身上发生了可怕的事情”可知,第一段可描写罗尼遇到的可怕事情,同时承接上文中罗尼交往了一些新朋友的剧情,描写罗尼的新朋友在他遇到可怕事情时候的反应,如新朋友们看到罗尼陷入困境时一个个都赶紧离开。
②由第二段首句内容“就在那时,亨利碰巧经过。”可知,第二段可描写亨利在看到罗尼遭到不好事情时的反应。前文提到罗尼嘲笑亨利是个懦夫,但在这一段可描写亨利的勇敢救人的行为,以形成情节上的转折。2.续写线索:罗尼陷入困境——朋友逃离现场——亨利及时出手相助——帮助罗尼非常高兴3.词汇激活
行为类
①困住;陷入:bestuckin/betrappedin/getstuck②尽快:assoonaspossible/asquicklyaspossible/atthefirstopportunity③挣扎;奋斗;努力:struggle/strive/conflict情绪类
①开心地:happily/withpleasure②徒然;无效:invain/fornothing/ofnoeffect③非常;极其;极端地:extremely/badly/highly/greatly【写作亮点】[高分句型1]TheboyswhohadcalledHenryacowardgotoutofthewaterasfastastheycould.(who引导的定语从句)[高分句型2]SeeingRonnywasalmostdrowned,Henrytookoffhisclothesimmediatelyandjumpedintothewaterwithoutanyhesitation.(现在分词作状语)2.阅读下面短文,根据所给情节进行续写,使之构成一个完整的故事。Itookajobasareceptionistforaveterinarianweeksago.Asanenthusiasticanimallover,IacceptedthepositionontheconditionthatIwouldn’thavetoassistwithanywoundedanimals.Icouldn’tbeartoseeanycreatureinpain.Attheendofmyfirstweek,wewereabouttoclosetheofficeforthedaywhenayoungmaninhisthirtiesranuptousholdingaseverelyinjuredDobermanpinscherpuppyinhisarmsandbeggingustosavehislife.Thefour-month-oldpuphadbeenhitbyacar.ThedoctorandIrushedbackintotheoperatingroomimmediately.Thepoorcreaturewasincriticalcondition.Theonlyplacetheskinwasstillattachedtothispoorlittleanimal’sbodywasaroundoneshoulder.Thevetworkedtirelesslyforwhatseemedlikehours,stitchinghimbacktogetheragain.Thatwastheeasypart.Thepuppyhadbrokenmultiplebones,includinghisspine.Ifhewasluckyenoughtosurvivethenextfewdays,wewerequitesurehewouldneverwalkagain.Thedayforeverchangedmylife.Theveterinarianinstructedme,andIbecamehisassistantinallthingsmedical.OneofmyfirstjobswastogivethatDobermanpuppydailyphysicaltherapy.Imovedhistinylegsonaregularbasistokeephismusclesfromweakening.Weekswentbyuntiloneday,Ifeltthislittlefighterpushbackeversoslightly.Andhecontinuedtopushbacktillhecouldfinallyusehislegs.Whatamiracle!Daybyday,thelittlefightermadealittlebitprogressuntilthevetcalledhisownertellinghimthathispuppywasreadytogohome.Havingaccompaniedthepuppyforseveralmonths,Icouldimaginehowexcitedandrelievedtheyoungmanwas.AndIwassurehewouldtookgoodcareof.Twodayslater,thepuppywastakenawaybyhisowner.1.所续写的短文词数应为150左右;2.续写部分分为两段,每段的开头语已为你写好。Paragraph1:Aboutayearpassed,Iwalkedintotheclinic’scrowdedwaitingroom.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Paragraph2:Iwentontobeavettechfor14years,andsinceretirement,I’vevolunteeredatano-killanimalshelter.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________【参考范文】Paragraph1:Aboutayearpassed,Iwalkedintotheclinic’scrowdedwaitingroom.Icalledthenameofthenextclient.Suddenly,ahugeDobermanwhohadbeenstandingquietlywithhisownerontheoppositesideoftheroombrokelooseandrushedtowardme.Ifoundmyselfpinnedagainstthewallwiththismagnificentdogstandingonhishindlegs,hisfrontpawsonmyshoulders,washingmyfacewithabundantandjoyfulkisses!Paragraph2:Iwentontobeavettechfor14years,andsinceretirement,I’vevolunteeredatano-killanimalshelter.Beingavettechnicianandvolunteeratano-killanimalshelter,Isucceededinsavingmoreanimals,whichoftenmademethinkofthegratefulhugeDoberman.Althoughmanyyearshavepassed,Istillshedtearsinamazementatthedisplayofloveandgratitudethedoghadforme.Allthedogsknewtheyhadbeenrescuedbymeandtheyweregratefultome.【写作分析】本文以人物为线索展开,讲述了作者在一家兽医那里找了一份前台接待员的工作,在作者工作的第一个星期结束的时候,诊所里来了一只受重伤的杜宾犬小狗,作者成为了兽医的助手,照顾好了小狗。一年后杜宾犬再次来到诊所,热情地亲吻作者,作者退休后仍然在一家不猎杀动物的收容所做志愿者,仍然为这只狗对自己的爱和感激而流泪。【写作步骤】1.段落续写:①由第一段首句内容“大约一年过去了,我走进诊所拥挤的候诊室。”可知,第一段可描写被作者救治过的杜宾犬再次回到诊所的事情。②由第二段首句内容“我做了14年的兽医技师,退休后,我在一家不猎杀动物的收容所做志愿者。”可知,第二段可描写作者成为志愿者后的所作所为以及感悟2.续写线索:作者走进候诊室——杜宾犬向作者表示感激——作者退休成为志愿者——作者感悟3.词汇激活行为类走进:walkinto/stepinto继续:goon/continueto时间逝去:pass/goby情绪类感谢:gratitude/begrateful/appreciation快乐:joyful/happy【写作亮点】[高分句型1]Suddenly,ahugeDobermanwhohadbeenstandingquietlywithhisownerontheoppositesideoftheroombrokelooseandrushedtowardme.(运用了who引导定语从句)[高分句型2]Beingavettechnicianandvolunteeratano-killanimalshelter,Isucceededinsavingmoreanimals,whichoftenmademethinkofthegratefulhugeDoberman.(运用了which引导非限制性定语从句)3.阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。Myschoolhadatraditionduringtheninth-gradegraduation:abeautifulgoldandgreenjacket(theschoolcolors),wasawardedtothestudentwhohadmaintainedthehighestgradesfornineyears.IhadbeenastraightAstudentsincethefirstgradeandhadlookedforwardsverymuchtoowningthatjacket.Myfatherwasafarmlaborerwhocouldn'tearnenoughmoneytofeedfivechildren.Iwasgiventomygrandparentstoraise.Therewouldneverbeaschoolsportsjacketforus.Thisscholarshipjacketwasmyonlychance.OnedayinMay,Ihappenedtooverhearintheoffice.Mr.Schmidt,myhistoryteacher,andMr.Boone,mymathteacherarguingaboutme.“Irefusetodoit!Idon'tcarewhoherfatheris;hergradescan'tmatchMartha'satall.Iwon'tlieorfalsify(伪造)records.”saidMr.Schmidtangrily.ButMr.Boone'svoicesoundedcalm.“Joann'sfatherisnotonlyontheBoard(董事会),heownstheonlystoreintown:wecouldsayitwasaclosetieand…”Shakingandsad,I,waitedafewminutesandwalkedaway.Thenextdaywhentheprincipalcalledmeintohisoffice.“Martha,”hesaid,“There'sbeenachangeinpolicythisyearregardingthescholarshipjacket.ThisyeartheBoardhasdecidedtochargefifteendollars,whichstillwon'tcoverthecompletecostofthejacket.Soifyouareunabletopaythemoneyforthejacket,itwillbegiventothenextoneinline.”StandingwithallthedignityIcouldfind,Isaid,“I'llspeaktomygrandfatheraboutit,sir,andletyouknowtomorrow.”Icriedonthewayhome.注意:1.续写词数应为150左右;2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。Paragraph1:BythetimeIgothome,myeyeswereredandswollen.Ifoundmygrandpainthebeanfield.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Paragraph2:Idraggedintotheprincipal’sofficethenextday,sadanddisappointed.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________【参考范文】Paragraph1:BythetimeIgothome,myeyeswereredandswollen.Ifoundmygrandpainthebeanfield.
Sensingsomethingwrong,heaskedmewhathappenedwithgreatconcern.
Imurmuredtheprincipal’swords,asurgeofregretgnawingatmyheart.Ireallyhatedtoseemygray-hairedGrandpa’sdisappointment.Grandpa’seyesroundedindisbelief.
Timetickingby,heheavedalongsigh,“Mychild,anawardboughtcan’tbecalledanaward.”
Inoddedunderstandingly.ButwhoknewhowreluctantandbitterIwas?Paragraph2:Idraggedintotheprincipal’sofficethenextday,sadanddisappointed.
Myheadstillliftedwithdignity,Itriedtofightbackthetears,stammering,“Icannot…affordthejacket,sir.”
Staringintomyeyes,theprincipalsuddenlygrinned,“Ihavegoodnewsforyou.”Ilookedathiminconfusion.“Theboarddecidedthatanawardcannotbeboughtjustforthesakeofwinners’dignity.”Hiseyesbrimmedwithsmiles.IpinchedmyhandonlytofindIwasnotdreaming.OnlyatthatmomentdidIbelievethatMr.Schmidtandmygrandpawereright:nevercanawardsbefalsifiedorbought.(162words)【写作分析】本文以人物为线索展开,讲述了作者的学校在九年级的毕业典礼上会奖励一件漂亮的金绿色的夹克给9年来成绩最好的学生,作者一直是优等生,渴望得到那件夹克,但是偶然听到Mr.Schmidt老师和校长争论夹克到底给她还是Joann。后来祖父告诉作者买来的奖不能叫奖。校长最后也把夹克奖给了作者。【写作步骤】1.段落续写:①.由第一段首句内容“当我回到家时,我的眼睛又红又肿。我在豆地里找到了祖父。”可知,第一段可描写作者告诉了祖父发生的一切,祖父告诉作者买来的奖不能叫奖。②.由第二段首句内容“第二天,我拖着沉重的脚步走进校长办公室,既伤心又失望。”可知,第二段可描写作者伤心地告诉校长自己买不起夹克,但是校长最后还是把夹克奖给了作者。2.续写线索:找到祖父——告诉发生的事——作者心理情绪——祖父叹息感慨——走到校长办公室——告诉校长买不起——校长更改主意——作者得到夹克3.词汇激活行为类①.低声说:murmur/sayinalowvoice/mutter②.看着:stareinto/lookat/watch情绪类①.难以置信:indisbelief/incredibly/unbelievably②.失望:disappointment/despair/frustration【写作亮点】[高分句型1].Sensingsomethingwrong,heaskedmewhathappenedwithgreatconcern.(运用了现在分词作状语)[高分句型2].IpinchedmyhandonlytofindIwasnotdreaming.(运用了省略引导词that的宾语从句作find的宾语)[高分句型3].OnlyatthatmomentdidIbelievethatMr.Schmidtandmygrandpawereright:nevercanawardsbefalsifiedorbought.(运用了部分倒装句和由that引导的宾语从句作believe的宾语)4.阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。Inourkitchen,therewasawoodentableandthreechairs—oneforDad,oneforMom,andoneforme.Inthecellar(地窖),theverylastjarofapplejamlayquietlyontheshelf,waitingtobeturnedintoanapplepiewhenDadcameback.Momsatatoneendofthetable.IsatinthemiddlebetweenherandDad.ItriednottolookatDad’semptyplace.Dadhadgonetothecitytolookforworkforalongtime.Everynight,Ilayawakeinbedandwaitedforthetraintostop.Waitedtohearthecreaky(嘎吱作响的)gateDad’sgoingtofixwhenhecamehome.Waitedtohearthesoundofhisworkbootsdroppingonthestepbythekitchendoor,andhisvoicecalling,“I’mhome!”Everynight,asIlaythere,IstaredatthewindowandthecurtainsMommadefromemptyfloursacks(麻布袋).Everynight,Momcametokissmegood-night—afterthetrain’sgoneby.Shehadbeenlistening,too.“Gotosleep.Yourdadwillbehomesoon.MaybeforThanksgiving.”Timedraggingby,itfinallycamethedaybeforeThanksgiving.Iwenttosleepwiththesoundoftrainwheelsinmyhead,whispering,“Maybetomorrow,maybetomorrow.”Earlythenextmorning,thesmellofcoffeewokeme.Iranintothekitchen.Therehewas!Dadliftedmeontohisshouldersandpretendedtostaggerfrommyweight.“How’smyboy?You’vegottensobigthatIcanbarelyliftyouupanymore.”Heputmedown,andIstaredatthetwosacksonthetable.OnesaidFLOUR—Iknewthatword.Itriedreadingtheother:S-U-G-A-R.Dadwhistledadmiringlyandwinkedatme.MomandIhadbeenpracticingmylettersmostdays.IcouldseethatMomwaspleasedwithme.“I’mgoingtobakeapieforyourdad’shomecomingdinner.Jimmy,bringmethatjarofapplejamfromtheshelfinthecellar.”Momsmiledatme.注意:1.续写词数应为150左右:2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。Hearingthis,Itookthestepstwoatatimetothecellar.___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________“Nevermind,boy,accidentshappen,”Dadsaidandwipedmytears.___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________【参考范文】Possibleversion1:Hearingthis,Itookthestepstwoatatimetothecellar.ThenextsecondIwasinfrontoftheshelf.Istoodontiptoeandtookdownthejarcarefully.IcouldhearDadandMomlaughingupstairsandMom’shandsslappingthedough.Wantingtojointhem,Ihurriedupthesteps,andmyfootcaughtonthemiddleone.Iputoutmyhandtosteadymyself,butItumbleddown.Thejarslippedthroughmyfingersandsmashedonthefloor.Thejamwe’dbeensavingandsavingfleweverywhere.Wrong-footed,IburstintotearsandheardDad’sfootstepscloserandcloser.“Nevermind,boy,accidentshappen,”Dadsaidandwipedmytears.ThesewordsseemedtohavemagicandgraduallyIsettleddown.Throughtheshirt,IcouldsmellthedustofthetrainandthecityaswellasthatofDad’s.HowIwishedIhadn’thurried.“NexttimeIwillbemorecareful,”Ithoughttomyself.Havingswiftlydealtwiththemess,DadliftedmeontohisshoulderandwentbacktoMom.“Nowoutofthekitchen,youtwo,”Momsaid,“I'mgoingtobakemymama’ssugarpie,withoutapplejam!”IfollowedDadoutandhelpedhimfixthatoldcreakinggateuntilMacalledusinforThanksgivingdinner.Possibleversion2:Hearingthis,Itookthestepstwoatatimetothecellar.“Noproblem.”Ijumpedattherequestandrusheddownstairs.Thejarjuststoodquietlyontheshelf,butitseemedabithigh.Iclimbedupthechairnearbyandextendedmyarmsaslongaspossible.WhenIjustgraspedthejar,Ilostmybalanceandfelldown.Icouldn’thelpcrying.Whatmademesadwasnotthepainbutthejam—nowscatteredeverywhere.TherecameDad’sfootstepsandMom’svoice,“Areyouhurt?”Ishookmyheadslightly.Shehelpedmeupandaskedmetogoupstairs.Withheavyfootsteps,Imovedslowlyandtearswelledupinmyeyes.“Nevermind,boy,accidentshappen,”Dadsaidandwipedmytears.“ButIruinedyourhomecomingdinner.”SorrowoverwhelmedmeandIkeptsobbing.“No,myson,”Dadsmiledgently,“Myhomecomingdinnerisnotaboutpies,butaboutyouandMom.”Hearingthis,Istoppedsobbing,“Butwhatcanweeattonight?”“Howaboutanapplepiewithoutapplejam?”Momcameupstairsandcutin.DadandIexchangedaglanceandnodded.Afterawhile,Ifoundmyselfsittinginthechair,butthistime,IsatinthemiddlebetweenDadandMom.(Wecangowithoutapplejam.Whynotmakeapiewithapplejam?)(…butthistime,IsatwithDadontheleftandMomontheright.)Possibleversion3:Hearingthis,Itookthestepstwoatatimetothecellar.“Yes!Madam.”Isaluted,actingasifIwereasolider.Irandownstairsasfastasmylegscouldcarryme.Afterawhile,Ijumpedupstairswiththejarinbothhands,hummingajoyfultune.ButafterIhandedthejartoMom,thingswentcrazy.Momwasbusyslappingthedoughandaskedmetopassherthesugar.Insteadofscoopingabowlofit,Iheldthesackup.Justatthatverymoment,thesugarsackslippedawayandallthesugarendeduponthemudfloor.RealizingIspoiledDad’shomecomingdinner,Iburstintotears.“Nevermind,boy,accidentshappen,”Dadsaidandwipedmytears.“Imeanttohelp,”Iwhimpered,“but...Ishouldhavescoopedsomeofit...”Dadsquatteddownandbrushedthehairoutofmyeyes.“Nexttimeitwilljustbefine.”IlookedintoDad’seyesandnodded.DadliftedmeontohisshoulderandturnedtoMom,“Dear,canwemakeasugar-freeapplepie?”Mom,whohadbeenwatchinguslovingly,replied“Ofcourse!”andbegantoworkonit.OnthatThanksgivingevening,besidethewoodentablesatthreeofus,ImyselfbetweenMomandDad.Thoughsugar-free,theapplepietastedsweeterthaneverbefore.【写作分析】本篇书面表达是读后续写。所给文章为记叙文,以苹果酱和苹果派为线索。作者家的厨房中有一张木桌和三把椅子,分别是爸爸的妈妈的和作者的。爸爸出门务工,每当地窖中的最后一瓶苹果酱被放到桌上,等待被做成苹果派的时候,就是爸爸回家的时候。作者和妈妈每个晚上都在等爸爸回家。感恩节的时候爸爸终于回家了,妈妈要给爸爸做苹果派,并让作者去把地窖的苹果酱拿出来。【写作步骤】1.段落续写第一段首句内容为“听到这话,我一两步走到地窖”。可知,第一段可描写作者听了母亲话后去地窖拿苹果酱的经历。第二点首句内容为“没关系,孩子,意外总会发生的,”爸爸说着擦干了我的眼泪。可知,第二段可能描写作者在拿苹果酱时发生了意外后,爸爸妈妈给作者的安慰。2.续写线索:急匆匆拿果酱——摔了一跤——爸爸安慰——妈妈接着做水果派3.词汇激活:行为类:①形容加快步伐/步伐很快:takethestepstwoatatime/hurryupthesteps②突然…起来:burstintotears/burstintolaughter情感类平静下来:settledown/calmdown【写作亮点】[高分句型1]HowIwishedIhadn’thurried.(用虚拟语气表达后悔,惋惜的情绪)[高分句型2]Havingswiftlydealtwiththemess,DadliftedmeontohisshoulderandwentbacktoMom.(分词短语作状语,可模仿性高)[高分句型3]IfollowedDadoutandhelpedhimfixthatoldcreakinggateuntilMacalledusinforThanksgivingdinner.(until引导的时间状语从句)5.阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。ItwasanArtlesson.Rachelsatatthedeskwatchingherclassmatesbusypreparingthewaterjarsandpaints.SheunderstoodwhyMrs.WestonaskedhertositdownandgotLisatofetcheverythingforher.ItwasalwaysadisasterwhenRacheltriedtodoArt!Rachelsighedandreachedouttodipherbrushinsomeblackpaintand—oh,no!Sheknockedoverthejar.Thewaterspreadacrossthedeskanddrownedthepaper.LisacalledMrs.WestontoseewhatRachelhaddone.Rachelwentredintheface.Shejumpedtoherfeettogetacloth.Herchairfelloverbackwards.SheturnedroundandherpaintbrushcaughtLisaacrosstheface,givingherablackmoustache.Lisawassosurprisedthatshefellbackagainstawirebookstand.Itcamecrashingdownandthebookswentalloverthefloor.Howclumsy(笨拙的)!Rachelthoughtasshewenthomeonthebus.Thebusstoppedoutsideherhouse.Shejumpedupandherelbow(肘部)knockedawoman’shatrightoverhereyes.Oh,no!Rachelsaidsorry,gotoffandranindoors.Mumwasn’tintheki
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