读后续写个人成长类-戴上耳机听到一个全新的世界讲义 高考英语作文复习专项

续写题目Itwasthefirstdayofournewgrade.Everyoneintheclassroomwaschattinghappily,excitedtoseeeachotheragainafterthelongholidays.Whenthedoorslidopen,allofusstoppedtalkingandturnedtolook.IncameourteacherMs.Sullivan,followedbyanordinary-lookingboy,“Thisboy’snameisRafael.”Ms.Sullivanannounced.“He’satransferstudent（转校生),andhe’sgoingtobeinourclassstartingfromtoday.Makesureallofyouwelcomehimwarmly.”Theclassclapped.ButIdidn'twanttohaveasecondlookatthenewcomer,forhehadnooutstandingqualitiesconsideringhissmallfigureandcasualT-shirt.“Oh,Iforgottomentiononething.”MsSullivanspokeup.“Rafaelactuallyhashearingproblems.Normallyhewouldhavehearingaidson,buthisoldoneshavejustbeenbroken.Hisdoctorsuggestedthathestayathomeuntilhegothisnewones.However,Rafaelinsistedonattendinghisfirstdayofschool.Soifyouwanttocommunicatewithhim,youhavetowriteitonapieceofpaper.”Thissinglespeechsentthewholeclassupintoanuproar(嘈杂).Somestudentslookedateachotherwithexpressionsofsurprise.Othersvoicedcriesofconcernoutofpity.MsSullivancalmedeveryonedown.“I’dlikesomeonetopersonallyhelphimoutthroughouttheday.DoIhaveanyvolunteers?”“Howcanadisabledpersonbeintelligent?”Ithoughttomyself.Irefusedtoraisemyhand,expectingsomeoneelsewould.Butnobodydidorsaidanything.Deadsilencespreadacrosstheclassroom.ItwasbytotalbadluckthatmyeyeshappenedtomeetMs.Sullivan's.“Howaboutyou,James?”Sheaskedme.“IsitokayforyoutotakecareofRafaeljustfortoday?”Itisdifficulttorefusearequestbysomeone,especiallyifthatpersonisateacher.Isighedandnoddedslightly.Ms.SullivangesturedforRafaeltositbesidemeandthenaskedustoshareourholidaystorieswiththeclass.Paragraph1:Immediately,theclassbecameexcited.

Paragraph2:ThenRafaelroseandwalkedontotheplatform.

续写尝试Paragraph1:Immediately,theclassbecameexcited.

Soon,thefirststudentbeganhistaleonthepodium.Everyonebecametransfixed,oralmosteveryonebutRafael.Infact,leaningforward,hewastryingveryhardtocatchwhatthestudentwasonaboutyetinsteadofsharingourlaughter,therewasonlyfrustrationflashingpastinhiseyes.Isighedandbeganwriting.Seeingmynotescoming,theexpressiononhisfacesoftenedandthenturnedintoanunmistakablegrin.Ifelthappy.Aftermoreexchanges,Ms.SullivangesturedforRafaeltoshare.Whenheturnedtome,Inodded,clenchingmyfistsunderthetable.

Paragraph2:ThenRafaelroseandwalkedontotheplatform.

Oureyesfollowedhimlikespotlights.Afterlookingoutsidethewindowsasifcollectinghisthoughts,hebrokethesilence,“MyfamilyrelocatedhereinthesummersoIhadspentmyholidayspackingandsayinggoodbyes,whichwasfunofcourse.”Wechuckled.Travellingalong,webecamefullyenthralledinhisemotionaljourney.Whenhefinishedwith“Likeputtingontheaidsandhearinganewworld,I’msoexcitedtojoinyouandstartafresh.”,therewasn’tthunderousapplausebutwavesofpaperrosehighintheair,reading“HiRafael.Welcometothefamily.”2.精批作文Immediately,theclassbecameexcited.

Everyonerose

(区分raise和rise，前者及物为举起，后者不及物为升起)

theirhand,hopingtosharetheirholidaystorieswithus.asmyclassmatessharetheirstories,Rafaelnudgedme,askingifIcanwritesomeinterestingcontentonthepaper.Iwasupsetduetothebadluckatthatmoment.Insteadofreplyingtohim,Itookthepaper,pretendedtowritesomething.Aftereveryonewhorosethehand

（此处既然分出了过去动作的先后顺序，那么在之前发生的就有必要采用过去完成式）sharedthestory,theclassroomwasindeadsilenceagain.“HowaboutyouJames?”Istoodinembarrassment.Ididn’tconsiderthequestionjustthen.

（尽可能不要同主语的句子连用，将其变成简化句，或者处理成人物互动，叙事视角切换）ThenRafaelroseandwalkedinto(拼写错误onto)theplatform.

Hesharedhisstorywithusatfirst.Tomysurprise,then

(then不能被用作连词连接两个完整的句子，需要在此处断开)

hesaid,“todayismyfirstdayatschool.Iwasappreciatedtomeetallofyou,especiallymyclassmates.

(allofyou和classmates如果不重合的话，就只能是把Ms.Sullivan单独区分开了，如此发言是否不妥。此外，根据后文可知，此处作者应该想说James，为什么不直呼其名？或者称他为deskmate？)

Tohelpmeunderstandotherstories,heevenlostthechancetosharehisown.

(他有机会，只是被Rafael占据了。我明白作者想处理成挺身而出，但是两者之间没有任何的交流暗示出文中主角“我”对Rafael的做法表示感激).”

Myfaceblurredintored.

(blur是模糊的意思，一般只用来说视线模糊了)

Theclassroomwasfilledwithclaps.Itotallyregratedtothought

（regrettodo，用原形）

Rafaelasbefore.Afterhewalkeddowntheplatform,hestretchedhishand,hopingtobeafriendwithme.Ihuggedhimtightly,asthesunshinecastinginto

(再次区分onto和into，应该改成onthedesk,intomyheart)

ourdesksandmyheart

(结尾的环境描写缺乏预兆，或者和原文的呼应。在逻辑上缺乏铺垫时，环境描写就很难衬托出主角的情感，让最后一句也就落到了空处。)3.综合评价1.

人物塑造上作者需要时刻铭记真善美智，确保剧情中出现的每个人物，都能给读者传递正能量，起码绝对不能引起读者的反感。在第一段，作者就故意忽略Rafael，甚至还假装写字的行为，让读者立刻就对主角产生的负面印象。作者需要明白，读后续写就是为了考察作者的思维品质，而作者笔下的每个人物自然都会被考官认为是作者本人思维品质的体现，尤其是第一人称的主角，更是这样。本文中，虽然作者让主角在最后进行了反省，但在读者脑海中的伤害已经造成，挽回的并不足够。记住，木偶的舞蹈反映的是提线者的技巧。2.

故事中所有的要素应该都围绕着一个核心进行。这篇故事而言，就是体现出

Rafael的个人品质和达成融入到班集体的这个目的。但是在第二段作者讲述故事的时候，却没有分享和假期学习生活有关的经历，而是聚焦于刚刚发生的事情，首先陈述的内容是虽然有atfirst

和then做引导，但实质上是有些跑题的。其次，这个故事和holidays没有丝毫关系，也没有解答原文中的疑惑，“为什么Rafael要坚持来上学”。最后，这个故事也不符合第一段的事实，明明第一段作者的主角只是假装在写东西，为什么Rafael要为他说谎呢？这让读者困惑。又或者作者应该写一句话解释“听到他为我遮盖自己的不足，我…”，但此处没有解释。3.

环境描写不能死搬硬套。我非常理解作者积累了一些环境描写的句子后想要用进去的渴望。但是，环境描写必须得以景衬情，恰到好处。它需要和谐地融入到文本当中，给人一种理所应当的感觉，或者有的时候“意料之外，情理之中”，但是不能让读者感到突兀，奇怪。发生在这篇文章结尾处的阳光，就属于后者。它在原文中和作者的续写中都没有出现过，导致突然就投射进来，变得让人出戏。如果作者想用环境描写结尾，就要特别注意与原文的呼应，或者与作者续写部分的呼应，然后让环境在最后起到升华主