第三讲　写顺承-开头、结尾与原文圆合好

第三讲写顺承——开头、结尾与原文圆合好记叙文的写作讲究“起承转合”，读后续写的两段在整篇文章架构中承担着“转”与“合”的功能，续写的开头和结尾要与原文做好顺承，写出来的文章才能“天衣无缝”，融洽度高。如何写好续写两段的段首和段尾，是本讲重点指导的内容。一、如何写好第一段的段首、段尾和第二段的段首俗话说：“Wellbegunishalfdone！”(好的开头是成功的一半)。可见，写好续写部分段首开头是多么的重要。那么如何写出靓丽的开头呢？我们可以从写作涉及的内容和语法手段来具体设计故事的段首开端。(一)写作内容——两关注，解决“写什么”的问题1．关注段首三点段首三点指的是与段首句相关的三个点，即紧接两段段首句之后的两个点和第一段结尾的一个点。点①：位于续写第一段段首，流畅衔接原文和第一段段首语；点②：位于续写第一段段尾，流畅衔接第二段段首语；点③：位于续写第二段段首，续写衔接第二段段首语。通过关注这三点可以保证整体故事的连贯性。第一点要限定情节走向，同时为下文的展开留出足够的写作空间；第二点要达成两段之间的衔接，过渡不能突兀；第三点不仅要衔接第二段开头语，也要开始收束情节，为结尾作铺垫。在创作过程中，要培养衔接意识，关注原文的隐藏信息。[典例]

(2022·浙江6月高考改编)阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。Ineededtodosomethinginmycommunity(社区)inordertocompletethecommunityservicehoursrequiredtograduatefromhighschool.Someofmyfriendshadsigneduptospendtimeatasoupkitchen,soIdid,too.Itseemedlikeagoodthingtodo.Ithoughtthatwewouldjustbepassingoutdinnerstothoseinneed,butIfoundoutwewouldbedoingeverythingfrompreparingtoservingthedinner.Webeganpreparingthefood,frommixingsaladdressingtoseparatingfrozenmeat.Muchstillneededtobedonebeforedinnerwasserved,butalreadyoutsidethebuildingmanyhomelesspeopleweregathering.Itwasn'tuntilacoupleofhourslaterthatweopenedthedoorsandbeganservingdinner.Asthelineofpeoplecametowardme,Igotalittlescared.I'dcomefacetofacewiththehomeless:HowshouldIact?Howwouldtheytreatme?Wouldtheyhatemeforhavingmorethantheydid?Whilesomeofthepeoplelookedveryfriendly,someofthemlookedsodangerous.Ididn'thavetoomuchtimetoworryaboutit.Iwasassigned(分配)toservethesaladwiththeladynexttome.ShesmiledatmeandsaidifIneededhelp,she'dberightthere,whichIfoundquitecomforting.Ihadneverseensomanypeoplewantingfood.Theywereofallagesandnationalities.Mostofthemworeclothesthatweretornanddirty.Somelookedliketheyhadtotallygivenuponlife,whileothersseemedtobemakingthebestofthesituation,smilingandjoking.Somewerebetteroffthanothers,buttheyallneededagoodmealandawarmplacetoeat.Itsaddenedmetothinkofhowmanypeopletherewerewhodidn'thaveaplacetocallhomeandtheonlyfoodtheygotcamefromasoupkitchen.注意：1.续写词数应为150左右；2．请按如下格式作答。As

they

came

in

my

direction,I

put

on

my

brightest

and

happiest

smile.

I

was

so

happy

that

I

had

earned

my

service

hours

in

this

way.

技法演示①续写第一段的第一句话要与原文的最后一句话“Itsaddenedmetothinkofhowmanypeople...camefromasoupkitchen.”和第一段所给的段首语“Astheycameinmydirection,Iputonmybrightestandhappiestsmile.”流畅衔接。由此可推断出第一段我们要写的第一句话的内容一定是以上两句话的目的与动机。那么第一段续写部分的开头就可以这么写：IwantedtomakethemknowthatIwasreallyanxioustohelpthem.②第一段的段尾要与第二段所给的段首句“IwassohappythatIhadearnedmyservicehoursinthisway.”流畅衔接。由此可以推断出第一段的段尾应该写与“myservicehoursinthisway”相关的内容。我们可以这样结束第一段：Fortunately,thehelpfulladycametoassistme,whotooksomeloadsoffmyshoulder.Withherassistance,Ifinishedmyservingtimesmoothly.③第二段要续写的第一句话要与第二段所给的段首句“IwassohappythatIhadearnedmyservicehoursinthisway.”流畅衔接，因此第二段续写的第一句话应该与“myservicehoursinthisway”衔接顺承。我们可以这样开始第二段的续写部分：Thisexperiencemademerealizethattherearesomanypeopleinthisworldwhoneedourhelp.Italsomademerealizethat...2．关注故事背景与人物动作描写在开头时，适度的环境、场所描写，可以渲染气氛、烘托人物，给人物的出场造势；同样，运用一连串的行为动词对人物动作加以描写，可以让人物活灵活现、动感十足，人物特征跃然笔端。所以，对背景和动作的细节描写也是常见的一类开头方式，我们可以品悟以下示例。[示例1]

We

drove

through

several

states

and

saw

lots

of

great

sights

along

the

way.Ilookedoutofthecarwindow,windingrivers,loftymountains,sunnybeachesanddeepvalleysholdingmeentirelyintheirfascination.(用“视觉＋环境描写＋拟人”的写作手法，成功地使读者有身临其境之感)[示例2]

(2022·新高考Ⅰ卷)Heloweredhisheadandrubbedhishands./HelookedbackatmeandIrespondedwithabrightsmile./Iclenchedmyfistandwavedathim./Hisbodystillrockedfromsidetoside,withhisnameandnumbertagonhisbackflyingupanddownliketheflagofpermanentperseverance.(通过行为动作描绘出生动的场景，引人入胜)(二)语法手段——三巧用，解决“怎样写”的问题1．巧用形容词/副词(短语)①(2022·新高考Ⅰ卷)Davidtookthefirststep,slowlybutfirmly.(副词的使用把前面的动作“tookthefirststep”描写得更加细致和生动)②(2020·浙江7月高考)Afewminuteslater,thebearheadedbacktoourcamp.Thebearroaredatus,ourfrightenedmouthswideopen.(时间副词短语＋动作描写，通过动静结合设置悬念)③Immediately,anabsolutedarknessruledtheforest.(时间副词的衔接＋环境描写，烘托了在森林里迷路的紧张气氛)④Curioustoknowwhatwasinside,hetiptoedintothedarkcave.(形容词短语表明他进洞穴的原因)⑤Exhaustedandhungry,Iwonderedifwecouldfindourwayback.(情绪形容词＋从句的形式，很好地体现了面临的困境)2．巧用分词(短语)①(2023·新高考Ⅰ卷)Gigglinginstantlywithabroadsmilespreadingonhisface,hetoldmethathewasproudofmywonderfulperformance.(刻画了老师的欣慰与仁爱)②(2022·新高考Ⅰ卷)Heburiedhisheadinhishands,sobbing.(渲染了这个残疾学生的失落与沮丧)③(2021·新高考Ⅰ卷)Seeingthemessinthekitchen,heimmediatelyunderstoodwhathadhappened,buthewasn'tupset.(使表达具有动态画面感)④(2020·新高考全国卷Ⅰ)Witheverythingready，Bernardstartedoutonhisnewbusiness.Feelingshy,Bernarddidn'tdaretopeddle(卖)hispopcorn.(简洁、直白地体现了Bernard的心态)⑤(2020·浙江1月高考)Afewweekslater,theboyarrivedhomefromuniversity.Hurryinghome,hecouldn'twaittoseehisoldfriendPoppy.(简洁地描写出这个小男孩迫不及待的心情)3．巧用高级句式或特殊句式①(2023·浙江1月高考)Asmycarnearedit,mythoughtsdriftedbacktothemomentwhenIrescuedthehummingbirdfromthespider'sweb.(as引导的时间状语从句以及when引导的定语从句)②(2021·新高考Ⅰ卷)Onelookandheknewwhattheywereupto.(what引导的宾语从句)③(2021·浙江1月高考)Iwasstuckforfiveorsixminutesthoughitfeltmuchlonger.Mybrothercameupwithanideathathecouldcutthepumpkinwithaknife.(that引导的同位语从句)④(2021·浙江6月高考)Really,mydad'struckoftenbrokedownontheway,whichmadehimintrouble.(which引导的非限制性定语从句)⑤(2021·浙江1月高考)ThatvideowaspostedthedaybeforeHalloween.Itwasmybrotherwhodidthatforamusement.(强调句型)二、如何写好第二段的段尾在读后续写中，与开头一样，文章的结尾也同样重要。结尾句是全文的收笔处，精彩的结尾能够起到点睛的作用，给读者留下深刻印象，亦能唤起读者的思考与共鸣，增强文章的感染力。在满足故事剧情的基本要求的前提下，可以灵活运用多种方式进行结尾，对故事主题进行深化，使人物情感得到升华。熟练掌握一些结尾方法并针对故事特征进行恰当的运用，可以使文章的结尾更加出彩。常见的结尾方式有：(一)画面定格式结尾画面定格式结尾把环境描写与人物动作和情感描写相结合，描景状物，营造画面感，寓情于景，让读者体味不言情而情无限的感觉。1．人物动作的画面定格①(2023·浙江1月高考)Atthatmoment,happinessandthefeelingofbeingmovedmingled,wellingupintomyheart,tearsrollingdownmycheeks.那一刻，幸福和感动的感觉交织在一起，涌上我的心头，泪水顺着我的脸颊滚落下来。②(2021·新高考Ⅰ卷)Motherbitintoasandwichandsaiditwasthebestoneshehadevertasted.Jeffimmediatelywantedtohaveabite,too.Jennacaughtherfather'seyesandtheywinkedateachothersecretly.母亲咬了一口三明治，说这是她吃过的最好的三明治。杰夫立刻也想吃一口。珍娜捕捉到父亲的目光，他们偷偷地相互眨眼。③(2020·新高考全国卷Ⅰ)Thebasketgrewheavierwithcoins,foods,andothernecessities,whileBernard'sstepsbecamelighterwithjoyandrelief.篮子里装满了硬币、食物和其他必需品，变得越来越重，而伯纳德的步子因喜悦和宽慰而变得更轻了。④Slowly,sheplacedherarmwithaffectionaroundhermother'sshouldersandgentlyguidedherbackintothecrowd.慢慢地，她深情地搂住母亲的肩膀，轻轻地引导她回到人群中。2．特殊寓意的写景画面①Theskywasabillionpureeyesoflightandthegrassgreenunderfoot,itwasasifnightanddayhadbecomeonebeautifulmoment.Dawnhadcome.天空像是十亿只纯净的眼睛拼接在一起，脚下是青草，仿佛黑夜和白昼已成为一个美丽的时刻。黎明已经来临。(黎明到来的画面)②ThecrystalandceruleanwaterwasgentleasIwadedthroughit,thesunsetlikeorangepaintonabluecanvas.当我涉过水晶般天蓝色的轻柔的水时，日落就像蓝色画布上的橙色颜料。(日落时的美好画面)③Themoonundersiegebystarsseemedtolightenthenight,bringingforthstarsthatshoneandhungintheblackness.Theneverendingblacknessconsumedeverything.被群星围绕的月亮似乎照亮了黑夜，带来了在黑暗中闪耀和悬挂着的群星。无尽的黑暗吞噬了一切。(描写夜空的画面)④Lookingup,IsawthesunshinebrighterthanIeverknewbefore.抬起头，我看到太阳比我以前所知道的还要明亮。(特殊寓意)(二)对话式结尾对话式结尾指文章以对话结束，有时伴有相应的动作收尾，有时意味深长，曲虽终，但余音绕梁，值得回味，留有空间让读者思考与感悟。

①Deeplytouched,Dadheldtheflowerstightly,andimmediatelygatheredusintohisarms,saying,“Youaremybestflowers！”爸爸深受感动，把花紧紧地握在手里，并立刻把我们抱在怀里，说：“你们是我最美的花！”②(2022·新高考Ⅰ卷)IrantowardsDavidandgavehimabearhug,saying“Youmadeit！”excitedly.Hiseyestwinkledwithdelight,saying,“Thankyou.Itwasyouwhomademerealizethatjustbemyself,andIcanbethemasterofmydestiny.”我跑向大卫，给了他一个熊抱，

兴奋地说“你成功了！”。

他的眼睛闪烁着喜悦的光芒，说：“谢谢你。是你让我意识到只要做我自己，我就能成为自己命运的主人。”③(2021·新高考Ⅰ卷)Atthismoment,theirfatherjoinedthemandsaidtohiswife,“Eliza,Ienvyyou.”Jennacomfortedherfathercheerfully,“Noworries,Dad.Mumhasherbreakfasttoday,andyou'llhaveyourdinnerwhenFather'sDaycomes.”这时，他们的父亲加入进来，对他的妻子说：“伊丽莎，我羡慕你。”珍娜愉快地安慰父亲：“别担心，爸爸。妈妈今天吃上早餐，父亲节来的时候，你将会吃上晚餐。”④(2020·新高考全国卷Ⅰ)Hearingthegoodnews,Mrs.Meredithsaidtoherchildren,“Done!Thetwentieth.NextI'llhelpourneighbourJennymakehandicrafts.”听到这个好消息，梅雷迪斯太太对她的孩子们说：“好了！已经帮助了二十个人。接下来我将帮助邻居珍妮做手工艺品。”(三)情感升华式结尾在读后续写的结尾部分，可以采用情感升华式结尾，激发读者思考，让读者产生情感上的共鸣。通常我们可以通过表达人生感悟、生活真谛、生活哲理、人生观或价值观来达到结尾部分的情感升华。

①(2023·浙江1月高考)Solidbridgescanbebuiltbetweenspecies.物种之间可以架起坚实的桥梁。(借用人生感悟升华主题)②(2023·新高考Ⅰ卷)Throughthisunforgettableandremarkableevent,iteventuallydawnedonmethatnothingisdifficultwithawillingheart.通过这个难忘而非凡的事件，我终于明白了，有志者，事竟成。(借用名言警句来升华主题)③(2022·新高考Ⅰ卷)Everyoneislikeaflower,somehavingfragrance,butsomenot.Aslongasyoubloom,therewillbebeesandbutterflies.每个人都像一朵花，有的散发着芬芳，有的没有。你若盛开，蜂蝶自来。(哲理式升华)④Inmyopinion,moneycan'ttaketheplaceofeverything,suchasyourlife,yourtimeandyourhappiness.在我看来，金钱不能取代一切，比如你的生活、你的时间和你的幸福。(表达自己的价值观)(四)留白式结尾结尾留白是在结尾处给读者留下想象的空间，一般是开放式结局，让读者自己去想象最后的结局。①“Wouldyoubeinterestedinjoiningmeinabitetoeat？”Iasked.“I'dloveto，”shereplied,hereyessparklinglikediamonds.And，thiswasthebeginningoftheendtomymonthsofheartbreakfollowingBetsy'sdeath.“你有兴趣和我一起吃点东西吗？”我问道。“我很乐意去，”她回答，她的眼睛像钻石一样闪闪发光。这是我结束贝特西死后几个月的心碎的开始。②Heunwrappedthewhitetissuepaper，buttohissurprise，therewasnohardrockcandyinside.Instead，intohisfingersfellashinywhitepearlworththousandsofdollars.他打开白色的包装纸，但令他惊讶的是，里面没有硬糖果。相反，一颗价值数千美元的闪亮的白色珍珠落进了他的手指里。③NeverhadIexpectedthatmyactscouldmakesuchadifferencetohim.Alampislightedandmyheartiswarmedaswell.我从未想过我的行为会对他产生如此大的影响。一盏灯亮了，我的心也温暖了。(五)首尾呼应式结尾首尾呼应是指开头和结尾互相接应，使结构更加完整和严谨，使含义更加深刻、情感更加强烈、主题更加突出，从而加深读者印象，引起读者共鸣，增强表达效果。

①开头：Itwassummer,andmydadwantedtotreatmetoavacationlikeneverbefore.HedecidedtotakemeonatriptotheWildWest.结尾：NeverhadIhadsuchathrillingyetdangerousvacationbefore.ThespecialtriptotheWildWestwasdeeplyengravedinmymind.②开头：Ihadaninterestingchildhood.Itwasfilledwithsurprisesandamusements,allbecauseofmymother—loving,sweet,yetabsent-mindedandforgetful.OnestrangefamilytripwetookwhenIwaseleventellsalotabouther.结尾：DespiteMom'sbeingabsent-mindedandforgetful,shewasstillakindandniceMom.③开头：AfunnythinghappenedtoArthurwhenhewasonthewaytoworkoneday.结尾：Whatafunnyday!Arthurcouldn'tstoplaughingwheneverhelookedbackonthisfunnyexperience.(六)自然式结尾自然式结尾是顺着文中所叙述之事的自然发展，以它的必然结果做结尾。这样的结尾虽然简洁明了、朴实无华，但令人回味无穷，给读者留有思考的空间。

①(2023·浙江1月高考)Ifeltasurgeofreliefandaweatthesightofthissoundandgratefulcreature,andIknewthatIwouldalwayscherishthememorieswesharedasIclimbedintomycaranddroveaway.看到这个安然无恙、心怀感激的生物，我感到一阵宽慰和敬畏。当我钻进车里离开时，我知道我会永远珍惜我们共同拥有的记忆。②(2022·新高考Ⅰ卷)Heeventuallyreachedthefinishinglinewithtoothysmileinhisface,althoughwithtoilandsweataswell.虽然付出了辛劳和汗水，但他最终到达终点线，脸上洋溢着露齿微笑。③(2022·浙江1月高考)Moreimportantly,Iearnedmyteammate'srecognitionandwehavebecomegoodfriendssincethen.更重要的是，我赢得了队友的认可，从那时起我们就成了好朋友。④(2021·浙江1月高考)ItturnedoutthatpeoplelikedandforwardeditcrazilyontheInternet,onlytomakemeanInternetcelebrity.结果证明，人们喜欢它，并在互联网上疯狂转发，让我成为一个网络名人。⑤(2020·新高考全国卷Ⅰ)HeneverforgetsMrs.Meredith'shelp.Heandhisfamilyhavelivedahappylifeeversince.他从未忘记梅雷迪斯夫人的帮助。从那以后，他和家人过着幸福的生活。(2020·新高考全国卷Ⅰ)阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。TheMeredithfamilylivedinasmallcommunity.Astheeconomywasindecline,somepeopleinthetownhadlosttheirjobs.Manyoftheirfamilieswerestrugglingtomakeendsmeet.Peopleweretryingtohelpeachothermeetthechallenges.Mrs.Meredithwasamostkindandthoughtfulwoman.Shespentagreatdealoftimevisitingthepoor.Sheknewtheyhadproblems,andtheyneededallkindsofhelp.Whenshehadtime,shewouldbringfoodandmedicinetothem.Onemorningshetoldherchildrenaboutafamilyshehadvisitedthedaybefore.Therewasamansickinbed,hiswife,whotookcareofhimandcouldnotgoouttowork,andtheirlittleboy.Thelittleboy—hisnamewasBernard—hadinterestedherverymuch.“Iwishyoucouldseehim，”shesaidtoherownchildren,John,Harry,andClara.“Heissuchahelptohismother.Hewantsverymuchtoearnsomemoney,butIdon'tseewhathecando.”Aftertheirmotherlefttheroom,thechildrensatthinkingaboutBernard.“Iwishwecouldhelphimtoearnmoney，”saidClara.“Hisfamilyissufferingsomuch.”“SodoI，”saidHarry.“Wereallyshoulddosomethingtoassistthem.”Forsomemoments,Johnsaidnothing,but,suddenly,hesprangtohisfeetandcried,“Ihaveagreatidea!Ihaveasolutionthatwecanallhelpaccomplish(完成)．”Theotherchildrenalsojumpedupallattention.WhenJohnhadanidea,itwassuretobeagoodone.“Itellyouwhatwecando，”saidJohn.“YouknowthatbigboxofcornUncleJohnsentu