重庆高三下学期二诊英语考试试卷读后续写课件

Connor的流水装置

——陌生人的善意

考察：帮助后的情感反应、故事结局及感悟MysonConnorisautistic(患自闭症的),andhelovestowatchflowingwater.Inthewarmermonths,helikestohavethepipegoing让水管一直开着inthebackyardforhoursatatime.Nottomentioncreatingallthatmud到处是泥inoursmallyard.

Step1ReadfortheplotandemotionlineBeginningPara.1:Connorlovedflowingwaterbutwasteditandmademud.I:worried,helplessConnor:simplyhappyOnenightIbrainstormedasetup构思了一套（水循环）装置:twosmallbuckets(水桶)connectedbyagutter(水槽),witharound-trippump环形水泵thattakesthewaterfromthelowerbucketandfeeds输送；供给itbackintothetopone,creatingacontinuousstream持续的水流withoutwastingwater.

Step1ReadfortheplotandemotionlineRisingAction1Para.2:IbrainstormedawatersetuptosavewaterandsatisfyConnor.I:thoughtfulIdecidedtotakeatriptoahomeimprovementstore家居建材店tolookatmaterialsintheguttersectionandgetsomeideasastohowtomakeitwork.Plus,Iwantedtoprice问价pumps,asIknewthatwouldbethebiggestpartoftheinvestment.WhileIwasstandinginfrontofthegutters,anemployeenamedGlenapproachedandofferedhelp.IexplainedtheprojectandmentionedConnorandhisfascinationwith痴迷flowingwater,aswellastheeffectonourwaterbill水费账单.Soon,hebroughtovertwomoreemployees,JesseandJeff.Tomyamazement,togethertheystayedwithmeandhelpedmefigureouttheentiresetup.Jeffwentandgotmorepieces,andwelaidout摆出

arelayof一套buckets,pipes,connectors接头,andaround-trippump.

RisingAction2Para.3-5:Iwenttoahomeimprovementstoretobuymaterialsandconsultideas→storeemployeesGlen,JesseandJeffhelpedmedesignthesetup.I:grateful,hopefulIstartedtoworrywhetherI'drememberalltheconnectionstotellmyhusbandRogeraboutlater.SoIsaidthatmaybeI'dbuytheconnectionsbutleavethepump,whichwasn'tquiteinthebudget在预算中,forlater.Wetalkedamomentofpricesforacoupleof几个

theitems,andthensuddenlytheysaidthey'dseeaboutgettingmeoutoftherewitheverything.Ilookedatthem.“Whatdoyoumean?”Iasked."We'llgiveittoyou.Forfree."ClimaxPara.6-9:duetotightbudgetandpoormemory,andIdecidedtobuyitlater→theemployeesdecidedtogivemeallmaterialsforfreeI:worried,hesitant→shocked(下文可知)BeginningRisingAction1RisingAction2ClimaxPara.1:Connorlovedflowingwaterbutwasteditandmademud.I:worried,helplessConnor:simplyhappyPara.2:IbrainstormedawatersetuptosavewaterandsatisfyConnor.I:thoughtfulPara.3-5:Iwenttoahomeimprovementstoretobuymaterialsandconsultideas→storeemployeesGlen,JesseandJeffhelpedmedesignthesetup.I:grateful,hopefulFallingAction?Ending?续写P1-P2:Whatwasmyreaction?mental（心理）,facial（神态）,physical（动作）orverbal（语言）responses?Whatwastheemployees’responsetomyreaction?DidIhaveanyotheremotionsbesidesshock?Whatwastheendingofthestory?Wasthewatersetupfinallyinstalled?withwhom?WhatwasConnor’sreactionwhenhesawit?Whatdoestheauthorwanttoconvey?续写三原则：(1)Action→Response(2)Conflict→Solution(3)Negative→PositivePara.6-9:duetotightbudgetandpoormemory,Idecidedtobuyitlater→theemployeesdecidedtogivemeallthematerialsforfree.I:worried,hesitant→shockedStep2BrainstormthenextplotandemotionlineIstaredatthem,unabletobelievewhatIhadjustheard.

WhenIdrovehomewiththesupplies,Ifeltsomethingdifferent.

Step3Determinethetransitionsentencesandplots点拨：2.supplies就是前文免费得到的装置材料；3.feltsomethingdifferent是我得到善意后的心理变化（从焦虑、犹豫到温暖充满希望）；4.水循环装置是否在店里安装好搬回家？否，原文伏笔helpedmefigureouttheentiresetup.Jeffwentandgotmorepieces,andwelaidout

arelayofbuckets...暗示摆出来并非真正组装，且装置需固定在后院，无法整体搬运；5.水循环装置的安装谁来完成？前文给出的伏笔：“IstartedtoworrywhetherI'drememberalltheconnectionstotellmyhusbandRogeraboutlater.”担心自己记不住连接顺序，没法回去告诉丈夫Roger。这暗示了丈夫Roger会在后续参与安装过程。另外是否是几个员工帮我安装呢？否，员工已经在店里摆零件、教方法，如果帮忙安装，就和教的动作自相矛盾，且提示句drovehomewithsupplies没有提示员工一起回家。点拨：1.P1场景在建材店P2回到家；衔接句1：震惊询问为什么衔接句2：员工装车，感谢道别店员微笑给出理由，我难以置信且充满感激衔接句3：我的心理变化:担忧到感到温暖/感动/希望/宽慰衔接句4：告诉丈夫并一起安装;Connor的喜悦

感悟升华：善举温暖全家点评：优点：感恩主题明确，细节鲜活；缺点：衔接句一未解释上一句难以置信，无进一步情绪支撑；衔接句三没解释哪里不同了；字数不太够。lendingMistakesinstep3点评：优点：语言语法功底扎实，情感细腻，画面感文学性强；缺点：安装任务在第一段完成，与第二段提示句相矛盾，逻辑断裂。点评：优点：语言质感佳，文学性拉满；情感细腻，层层递进，结合环境描写，把善良带来的温馨温暖描写的很有氛围感；缺点：衔接句三未进一步解释；故事线无结尾，不了了之，如果可以在情感描写和升华的同时推动故事情节发展就更好。thickenedwithasoft,foggyhazecastblazepurpleandpink紫粉交织

asifcravingtosetfiretothecloudsonthehorizon.仿佛要把天边的云朵都点燃点评：优点：情节完整，逻辑连贯；细节生动；缺点：对第二段提示句的somethingdifferent做了解释，但不够准确。Nervousness点评：优点：范文水准，功底扎实，亮点满满；过渡自然，无割裂感。缺点：应补上结局，让情节完美闭环；拼写表达小错误。couldn’thelpburstingintodeliveredStep4Betteryourwriting情绪

→神态、动作、语言、心理（微点P12）Iwasshocked.→dumbfounded惊呆的eyeswidened/jawdroppedheartskippedabeat/Iforgottobreathefroze/stoodstill/couldn’tmovereeledbackward/tookastepback/tookmeabackwordsfailedme/Icouldn’tbelievemyears（微点P67）Ithankedthem.Iwasgrateful.eyessoft/lipstremblingvoicecracked/voicebarelyaboveabreath/Iwhispered/murmuredNowordscouldeverrepaytheirkindness（微点P67）Ifeltwarm/moved.Awarmcurrentspreadfrommychesttomyfingertips.eyesglistened/blinkedbacktears.Myheartswelledwithagratitudetoobigforwords.Alumproseinmythroat.withaweightliftedoffmyheartAwaveofwarmthwashedoverme,softandunexpected.（微点P2）happycheekswasflushedwithexcitementeyes/faceslitupasurgeofecstasysweepingthroughhim.Tip：高级写法：用神态、动作语言、心理暗示情绪,避免简单情绪描写。感想感悟升华句1.具体到抽象：Itwasnotjust[文中事物]thatmattered，butthereminderthat[感悟]重要的不只是装置本身，而是它提醒我：即使在平凡的时刻，小小的奇迹(miracle)也会发生——而且它们可能来自最意想不到的地方。Itwasnotjustthesetupthatmattered,butthereminderthateveninordinarymoments,smallmiraclescouldhappen—andtheycouldcomefromthemostunexpectedplaces.2.比喻：Thislittle[文中事物]wasalsoa[比喻]of[主题]

我注意到Connor的脸上洋溢着喜悦，知道这一小股水流，也是一股意外而来的善意之流。（使用非谓语）InoticedConnor'sfacelightup，knowingthislittlestreamofwaterwasalsoastreamofunexpectedhumankindness.3.对偶结构：水流淌过水槽(gutter)；善意流淌在我心中。Waterflowedthroughthegutter;kindnessflowedthroughmyheart.Istaredatthem,unabletobelievewhatIhadjustheard.Mymindraced,tryingtomakesenseoftheirgenerosity.“Why?"Iasked,disbelieving."It'swhatwedo,”Glenadded,”Becauseyouhaveanautisticson,andwewanttohelpyouout."Glensmiledwarmly,whileJesseandJeffnodded.Thesewerecompletestrangers,yettheyhadgoneoutoftheirwaytohelpmeandmyson,withoutexpectinganythinginreturn.Iwasdumbfounded.Icouldfeelmychesttighteningwithamixofdisbeliefandgratitude.Withthemanager'spermission,JesseandJefft