The Wisdom of Showing Concerns towards others in How to Win Friends and Influence People 《人性的弱点》英语论文.doc

the wisdom of showing concerns towards others in how to win friends and influence people abstractsince the publication of his first book how to win friends and influence people in 1936, dale carnegie has touched millions of readers and his classic works continues to impact lives to this day. it can be seen clearly that carnegie fully expresses some skills in handling people, making people to like us by showing concerns towards others. it provides some hints for modern individuals in their development of rapport and communication skills.key words：communication skills , carnegie , others ,concerns1. introductiondale carnegie (1888-1955) was a pioneer of the self-improvement genre. the book how to win friends and influence people is the classic book about rapport and communication skills. well interpersonal relationship will minimize the effort required to have work completed. there is no doubt that developing the rapport with others is a crucial part of our daily life and it will benefit us in various aspects. there is a perfect combination of vivid examples and concise words in carnegies suggestion of communication skills. among these communication skills, many are relevant to showing concerns to others. the value of showing concerns towards others is worthy of exploring. 2. the wisdom of showing concerns to othersshowing concerns to others plays a crucial role in learning how to make people like you and win people over to your way of thinking. 2.1 make people like you almost everyone desires to be welcomed everywhere. however, it is very difficult for one to make it come true when he spares no efforts in getting other people interested in him. in carnegies view, “you can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you” (carnegie59) psychologically, human being are self-centered by nature. so becoming genuinely interested in others will fulfill this kind of needs of other persons. the happiness and sense of fulfillment derived from it is obviously clear. paying more attention to others not only helps us to win friends, but also to some aspect helps the receivers. to assume that when we are frustrated and lonely, a warmth and tenderness from others will somewhat be comforting.carnegie also emphasizes the importance of being a good listener. he suggests us to encourage others to talk about them. as we all know, an interesting conversationalist can always draw our attention. carnegie holds the view that “if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener.”(carnegie94)sometimes a good listener is equal to an interesting conversationalist. we all dislike those who talk only of themselves or like to interrupt others conversation. in contrast, we are willing to make friends with those who can always be attentive and sympathetic listeners. as the readers digest once said: “many persons call a doctor when all they want is an audience,”it is not uncommon that what we all want when we are in trouble is merely a friendly, sympathetic listener to whom we could unburden ourselves.2.2 win people over to your way of thinkingone of carnegies advice on win people over to you way of thinking is “show respect for the other persons opinion, never say, you are wrong. ” (carnegie127) not even the most distinguished person can be right all the time. as to common people, we cant be sure of being right even 55 percent of the time. in this situation, why should we tell other people they are wrong? by telling others they are wrong, we have struck a direct blow at their intelligence, judgment, pride and self-respect. that will make them want to strike back. but it will never alter their opinions, for we have hurt their feelings. “the little word “my” is the most important one in human affair, and properly to reckon with it is the beginning of wisdom.”(carnegie120) we should liberate ourselves from the self-concerned thinking pattern. showing more respect to others opinion and taking their feeling into consideration will win more agreement than argument.whats more, we should “try honestly to see things from the other persons point of view.” (carnegie163)seeing things through another persons eyes may ease tensions when interpersonal problems become overwhelming. one of my friends once complained to me about her roommates. on her birthday, her roommates sent her a green tea cake which is always the last choice of her. she thought that they intentionally made her awkward. however, i think neither my friend nor her roommates have stood in others place to think question. her roommates just chose the flavor of cake according to their own. and accidently got the unsuitable one. if my friend had seen this through her roommates eyes, she would not care about this trivial thing. for the sake of winning people to think in our way, we can by no means lose sight of their view. 3. conclusionto sum up, showing concerns to others is