中心思想和主题句.doc

在50 分钟内写出300字左右的作文。具体要求如下： Some people see education simply as going to schools or colleges, or as a means to secure good jobs; most people view education as a lifelong process. In your opinion, how important is education to a modern adult person? Write a composition of about 300 words on the following topic: Education as a Lifelong Process. 文章切题性 论点明确性 说理透彻性 篇章连贯性文章切题性 作文任务涉及两个核心概念：终身教育和现代成人。 两个概念之间的关系是：终身教育对现代成年人的重要性。 （1）对抽象概念的加工不深； （2）对概念之间关系的判断有误。 “Education, as a common thing, is taking place all the time at all places. Schools, teachers, books are not necessarily indispensable in education. People receive information and learn things by diverse means.”把终身教育泛化成教育，全文讨论的是教育的重要性，而不是终身教育的重要性。好像抓住了终身教育这个概念，但理解缺乏深度，只是依据字面意思强调从生至死都要学习， “Education is endless, but life is limited, so education is a lifelong process” 。作文中对现代成年人的理解也各不一样。有人把现代成年人泛化成社会人，英文表达时用 everyone，all people, each person，例如 “In a word, education does a lot of good to children as well as modern adult persons. For everybody, it is a lifelong process which should be persisted in.”终身教育与现代成人这两个概念之间的关系理解有偏差。没有按照作文的要求论述现代成人接受终身教育的重要性，而是阐述人、从生到死该学习什么。例如： “Briefly, education can be divided into three major processes in ones life. In the primary process, especially in ones studying period, a person must study from the basic and simple home education to the systematical school and college studiesThe second process for people is to establish career”论点明确性 “No one has the exact knowledge of the feelings of meeting death until his life really comes to its end, and this is the very thing he learns at the end of a learning process-life.”这里作者好像要论述生命的意义，与终身教育的主题并不沾边。 中心论点与分论点是否明确取决于作者在立意过程中思考问题的清晰度。首先论点要符合命题要求。也就是说，审题准确是论点明确的必要条件，但不是充分条件，因为即使切题，论点也不一定清楚、明了。本次作文是命题作文，命题者已对中心论题作了规定，因此作者不需要在多种观点中进行选择之后，再表明自己的立场。1. Education is a lifelong process. It can give people another kind of knowledge, which is different from those skills mentioned above. This kind of knowledge can make people bright and become mature 2. Education can be done in many ways, and maybe you can understand something by sheer chance 3. Education is a lifelong process. Perhaps many things cant be understood until a person has been an old man 存在问题是： 3个论点含混不清，同时第1个论点与第3个论点重复，缺少概括性。 First, to make a living is the most important thing for human beings. 2. Second, education is not only useful for us to make a living but also an essential process for us to develop ourselves. 第1点好像要说明接受教育是为了生存；第2点说明教育不仅为了生存，还为了发展自己。 遗憾的是这两点谈的是教育而不是终身教育。1. Many people find life dull and not so interesting as they have expectedWhy is that? They leave the fertile land of education too long, and thus their minds turn vacant for not contacting the great spirits 2. Moreover, to study can ensure one that he is in pace with others, while not lags behind the day. 3. The purification of the mind cannot be bought by money but only derived from reading and thinking. 第1点似乎想说明教育能够使人们的生活充实、有情趣。 第2点比第1点与作文题贴近，但意思不明了。 第3点强调纯洁的心灵来源于阅读、思考，而不是金钱所能买到。 问题是：上述3点都没有直接与文章主题挂钩。 说理透彻性作文中提出的论点要想有说服力还需要作者的严密推理和恰当实例。In a word, if making money is a lifelong process, whyeducation isnt a lifelong process, after all, it can help you make money, isnt it? 逻辑推理错误。 If there were no education in the world, there would be no people in the world. Because education teaches us the common sense of the world. 逻辑推理错Fourth, increasing demand on the quality of education renders school educationonly preparation for a lifelong self-education. Einstein once said that school education is just the things one can remember after graduation. So the things mentioned here are methods of approaching personal ideas and the practical ability to solve problems. 逻辑推理混乱For some reasons people may quit school at early ages. However they can actually find that the chances of getting educated lie in their whole life. For instance, many people who have physical disadvantages, like Zhang Haidi, keep seeking knowledge perseverently and make greater achievement than normal people. 举例不当。前面说的是早年退学，后面举例说的是残疾人张海迪。 篇章连贯性 篇章连贯性指一篇作文结构完整、中心突出、层次分明。要达到这个要求，作者在谋篇布局时，必须紧扣中心思想，将材料有机地组织在一起，使中心论点与分论之间，分论点与分论点之间保持很高的逻辑性。中心论点是： “As a lifelong process, education is of prime significance to a modern people because only with continuous education can people keep pace with this fast developing society and succeed in the fierce competition nowadays.”标准篇章主题句第1个分论点是： “First, in this “Information Age”, during which new knowledge and skills are booming out every day, education is the only access to preventing people from lagging behind this highly civilized world.” 第2个分论点是： “Second, education avails people the greater opportunity to succeed in the fierce competition of this modern society.”很清楚，这2个分论点不仅有形式上的衔接手段first, second, 还有内在的逻辑关系。这两个论点强调的都是接受终身教育是现代成人的生存需要。从生存和精神需要两个方面阐述，这样视角就更加广阔。第1个论点是“Education prepares one various skills for todays world which changes very fast.” 第2个论点是“Education throughout ones life not only secures ones good job, but makes ones life full” 。 论点1.One of the reasons is that as the development of oursociety and world, more and more new knowledge has been coming out 论点2.The other reason is: Even in a short period of time, knowledge is endless 论点3.Then, what can we be educated? Of course, first at school, primary schools, middle schools, universities, we can learn a lot there 1. 概括性不够。 第1点与第2点涉及同一主题：知识，可归为同一论点。 2. 逻辑性不强。 第3个论点与前两个论点缺乏逻辑联系。 论点1.Education is a process. Take English for instance, we start from the most fundamental element A, B, C 论点2. Education is a lifelong process, from the time you were born, until your life come to an end. You are learning all the time; learning all kinds of things 1. 这两个论点都没有准确理解终身教育的含义。 2. 概括性不够。这两个论点有重叠，第1个论点可以包括在第2个论点中。 When American president Bush gave a speech at Tsinghua University, he said if people receive more education, they tend to commit less crime. Education is inevitable for social harmony. As to people themselves, education is also necessary for them to fit the modern society. Todays world asks for people who have knowledge concerning more than one field. The limited school years are of course too short for people to get to know what they dont know. That is why people say learning is endless. For some reasons people may quit school at early ages. However they can actually find that the chances of getting educated lie in their whole life. For instance, many people who have physical disadvantages, like Zhang Haidi, keeps seeking knowledge perseveringly and make greater achievement than normal people. Surprisingly, we can find that many old people are even more eager to learn than young students. In many big cities, universities for old people have been established. Old people do not easily give up their desire to learn philosophy, arts, and so on. 本文有3段，开头有两句话，结尾有两句话。这里摘录的是中间一段。 论点走题 第1个论点好像是论述和谐社会必需教育，但视角又从个人转移到社会。2. 主题模糊 第2个论点好像说明教育对个人生存很重要，但基本思想不能贯彻始终，东拉西扯。 文章切