英语幽默小故事.doc

1、New Discovery A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator. Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, I shouldhave brought my wife! 新发现 一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。 乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!”hillbillyn. 乡下人，乡巴佬.pudgyadj.矮胖的，矮而粗的 drawlvt, vi慢吞吞地说；拉长语调地说2、Always Thirsty I had an operation, said a man to his friend, and the doctor left a sponge in me. Thats terrible! said the friend. Got any pain? No, but I am always thirsty! 总感到口渴 一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。” “真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗？” “不疼，可是我总感到口渴。”He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: Thats too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。 I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, What happened? A kid bit me, replied Ivan. Would you recognize him if you saw him again? asked his mother. Id know him any where, said Ivan. I have his ear in my pocket. 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday? I gave it to a poor old woman, he answered. Youre a good boy, said the mother proudly. Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman? She is the one who sells the candy. 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, Whats the meaning of the word Drunk, dad? Well, my son, his father replied, look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk. But, dad, the boy said, theres only ONE policeman! 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，醉字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guests plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese? In the rat-trap, sir, replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。 英语小笑话 上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的 一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了. A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: God, what is a million dollars to you? and God says: A penny, then the man says: God, what is a million years to you? and God says: a second, then the man says: God, can I have a penny? and God says In a second 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?上帝回答:一便士.男子又问:且话偻蚰昴?上帝说:一秒钟.最后男子请求道:上帝,我能得到一便士吗?上帝回答:过一秒钟. 1,Two birls Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老师：请说说看。 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。 2. The Fish Net Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann? A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl. 鱼网 你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？ 老师发问道。 把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。 小女孩回答道。 3. The New Teacher George comes from school on the first of September. George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother. I didnt like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too. 新老师 9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。 乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？ 妈妈问。 妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。 4. A physics Examination Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls? Nicks answer: Because our eyes are before ears. 一次物理考试 在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。 这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？ 尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。 Jims History Examination Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination? Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasnt his fault. They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born. 吉姆的历史考试 舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？ 母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个 可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。 Magic change神奇变化 Gaga is a little duck. He is small, dirty and ugly. His friends dont like to play with him. One day, Gaga walked behind his friends quietly(静悄悄地).But his friends did not want him. Gaga was very sad and ran to the river and cried loudly(大声地)。 Just then, a big beautiful bird heard(听见)him crying and flew down(飞下来，落下来). She said, “Please dont cry. Tell me, what do you want? I can help you.” Gaga told the truth(真相). The beautiful bird said, “OK, I can help you to become