广东省深圳市宝安区高考英语二轮复习 书面表达学生观摩选编（4）.doc

书面表达学生观摩选编（4）第一节（15分） 假设你是红星中学高二(1)班的学生李华，下个月英国saint gorge high school的交换学生要来你校学习。学校招募接待家庭。请你根据以下信息，提出申请并说明理由。 1. 家里住宿条件好； 2. 英语听说能力强； 3. 了解英国人的文化习俗。注意：1. 词数不少于50； 2. 可适当增加细节，以使行文连贯； 3. 开头和结尾已给出，不计入总词数。dear sir or madam, yours,li hua第一节 应用类作文（15分）一、评分原则： 1. 本题总分为15分，按4个档次给分。 2. 评分时，先根据文章的内容和语言质量初步确定其档次，然后以该档次的要求来衡量，确定或调整档次，最后给分。 3. 评分时应考虑：内容是否完整，条理是否清楚，交际是否得体，语言是否规范。 4. 拼写、标点符号或书写影响内容表达时，应视其影响程度予以考虑。英、美拼写及词汇用法均可接受。 5. 词数少于50，从总分中减去1分。二、各档次给分范围和要求：第一档完全完成了试题规定的任务。内容完整，条理清楚；交际得体，表达时充分考虑到交际对象的需求；体现出较强的语言运用能力。完全达到了预期的写作目的。13分15分第二档基本完成了试题规定的任务。内容、条理和交际等方面基本符合要求；运用的语法和词汇基本满足任务要求；语法或用词方面有一些错误，但不影响理解。基本达到了预期的写作目的。9分12分第三档未恰当完成试题规定的任务。所用词汇有限，语法或用词方面的错误影响了对所写内容的理解，未能清楚地传达信息。4分8分第四档未完成试题规定的任务。写了少量相关信息；语法或用词方面错误较多，严重影响了对写作内容的理解。1分3分0分未传达任何信息；所写内容与要求无关。三、possible versionspossible version 1dear sir or madam, i would like to host a student from saint george high school. my house is big enough to give him a room to live in. also, i am good at english listening and speaking. i have studied a lot about british culture and customs. i can create a welcoming atmosphere for him. i would be very happy, if you give me this opportunity. thank you! yours, li hua (65 words)possible version 2dear sir or madam, i feel very excited to know that the exchange students from saint gorge high school will come and study at our school. i would like to be a host family. the reasons are as follows: first, my home is big with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. this makes it possible for me to provide the exchange student with good living accommodations. moreover, i have a good command of english and i am good at listening and speaking. i would be able to communicate with the student easily. in addition, i have a good understanding of british customs and culture, allowing us to have a lot to talk about. because of the above mentioned reasons i am applying to be a host family. i sincerely hope i will be granted this great opportunity. thank you very much! yours, li hua (136 words)基础写作1-2题型探究 探究点一难句的表达下面我们来谈论一下基础写作的解题方法。基础写作的难点是难句的表达。每一道题目的中文内容都有一些与英文表达稍有差异甚至大相径庭的表达形式。【举例说明】假设你是李华， 请根据你校美化校园的规划， 用英语给你在美国的笔友peter写一封信， 介绍该规划。信的主要内容如下：【写作要求】1应包含所给出的全部信息， 开头和结尾已经给出，但不计入总句数；2必须使用5个句子组成连贯的短文。dear peter，i would like to tell you that our school has worked out a new program. .welcome to our school if you have any chance.yours，li hua【学生样本】dear peter，i would like to tell you that our school has worked out a new program.in order to make our school beautiful and clean the air, we plan to have more trees in our school now.in order to get good places to study and live, we have many plans.first, we plan to build a botanical garden and let students visit and use.second, we plan to build up a small garden for people to rest and study.at last, we plan to build some statues of famous people to effect students and teachers.welcome to our school if you have any chance.yours，li hua【评论点拨】 我们来看看学生的样本有什么地方可以改进：第句：“in order to make our school beautiful and clean the air ”比较生硬， to make our school beautiful应该改为to make our school more beautiful；“we plan to have more trees in our school now”中的have改为plant会好些。第句：没有涉及表格内的内容， 是个废句， 而且还霸占了后面的信息的位置。第句：“first, we plan to build a botanical garden and let students visit and use.”中的画线部分没有表达出“供同学们参观、实践”的意思。第句：“second, we plan to build up a small garden for people to rest and study.”中应删掉up, study后应该加上in。不过改为“second, we plan to build a small garden in which we can take a rest and do some reading.”会好些。第句：“at last, we plan to build some statues of famous people to effect students and teachers.”中的effect应该改为encourage。另外，这篇文章的主语全部都是we, 虽然可以最大限度地减少英语表达方面的错误， 但是比较单调， 可能影响高分。不过， 我们只要变换句式， 例如改为被动语态等， 就可以达到很好的效果。【参考范文】dear peter，i would like to tell you that our school has worked out a new program.the purposes of the program are to make our school more beautiful, to make the air cleaner and fresher, and to turn our school into a better place for us to study and live in. according to the program, we will plant different kinds of trees, flowers and grass in and around our school.a botanical garden will be built for us to visit and practice in. besides, we are to build a small garden in which we can do some reading and take a rest. whats more, some statues of famous people will be set up to encourage us to work harder. welcome to our school if you have any chance.yours，li hua【注】 由于主语灵活变动， 使文章读起来摆脱了呆板， 行文有了生气。 探究点二句子的质量我们经常说某个句子地道， 就是因为这个句子体现了英语民族的思维方式。在基础写作中，要经常使用这种地道的句子。【举例说明】比较以下句子：1clinton had wanted to collect a heavy tax on the middle class.修改后：a heavy tax on the middle class was clintons idea. 2the people who listen to the radio have a habit of getting up early, but those who watch tv usually go to bed late.修改后：radio listeners are early birds, but tv viewers are usually night owls.3after the american farmers used the industrial methods into agriculture, they made great progress in agriculture.修改后： the use of industrial methods was the reason for americas great progress in agriculture. 【评论点拨】第1句首先呈现信息的焦点“向中产阶级征收重税”， 然后才说“这是克林顿想干的事情”。句子的was就是“曾经”的意思。第2句运用构词法与修辞手法。the people who listen to the radio被复合词radio listeners所代替， those who watch tv被复合词tv viewers所代替， 干脆利落。have a habit of getting up early读起来有点呆板， 使用修辞手法把早起的人比喻为early birds, 又把晚睡的人比喻为night owls, 这样读起来就会饶有趣味。 第3句运用名词化的技术。所谓名词化， 就是把英文的动词改为