Eighty percent of success is showing up.doc

Youre never too old to become younger.Mae West Write something, even if its just a suicide note.Gore Vidal. I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombes singing until somebody told me that it wasnt a joke.Spike Milligan Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty. Robert Frost. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If theyre okay, then its you. Rita Mae Brown. I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics.Woody Allen Television is to news what bumper stickers are to philosophy.Richard Nixon I didnt know he was dead; I thought he was British.Woody Allen If youve got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow.John Wayne. All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. Youd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men. Isaac Asimov. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.Don Marquis The main difference for the history of the world if I had been shot rather than Kennedy is that Onassis probably wouldnt have married Mrs Khrushchev.Nikita Khrushchev. Oh no, the dead have risen and theyre voting Republican.Lisa Simpson I was the kid next doors imaginary friend.Emo Philips Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal.TS Eliot. I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.Emo Philips I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.Dwight D. Eisenhower Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning.George W Bush There are now more TVs in British households than there are people - which is a bit of a worry.Prince Charles Submitted by Anonymous Youll never be as good as I think I am. Adding manpower to a late software project makes it laterF. Brooks, The Mythical Man-Month. Dont stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.George Burns This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.Dorothy Parker. Well get along fine as soon as you realize Im God. A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.Groucho Marx I like my beer coldmy TV loudand my homosexuals flaming.Homer Simpson If youre sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign. George W Bush Just remember, once youre over the hill you begin to pick up speed. Charles Schulz. Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life. Robert Southey. A language that doesnt have everything is actually easier to program in than some that doDennis M. Ritchie Submitted by Travis Robinson If women run the world men must be the track A friend doesnt go on a diet because you are fat.Erma Bombeck When women go wrong, men go right after them.Mae West Money wont buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.Bill Vaughan It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon playing golf. Henry Aaron. I have never been hurt by what I have not said.Calvin Coolidge If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.Mark Twain Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. Bill Cosby. Id rather have Lockheed deliver the mail than ride around in a plane built by the post office. The Americans will always do the right thing . . . After theyve exhausted all the alternatives.Winston Churchill You just pick up a chord, go twang, and youre got music.Sid Vicious I have a love interest in every one of my films - a gun.Arnold Schwarzenegger There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.Henry A. Kissinger If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably havent understood the seriousness of the situation.David Brent A mans only as old as the woman he feels.Groucho Marx Monica Seles: Id hate to be next door to her on her wedding night. Peter Ustinov. For your information, I would like to ask a question.Samuel Goldwyn She got her good looks from her father. Hes a plastic surgeon.Groucho Marx Corruption is natures way of restoring our faith in democracy. Peter Ustinov. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.Rita Rudner I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.Howard Nemerov The most hazardous part of our expedition to Africa was crossing Piccadilly Circus.Joseph Thomson. What if nothing exists and were all in somebodys dream? Or whats worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?Woody Allen The only difference between doctors and lawyers is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you, too.Anton Chekhov Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and Im not sure about the universe.Albert Einstein Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.P. J. ORourke I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.Joan Rivers The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, youve got it made.Groucho Marx The biggest no-talent I ever worked with. Paul Cohen on Buddy Holly It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as ones hat keeps blowing off.Woody Allen All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. Thats his.Oscar Wilde Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards.Robert Heinlein Give me chastity and continence, but not yet!Saint Augustine The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. Johnny Carson. I have nothing to declare except my genius.Oscar Wilde Submitted by Jason Wahby There are two things that are infinite in this world. The universe and human stupidity, Im not really sure about the earth. They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy; foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.Mark Twain I dont want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.Woody Allen There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want men.George Burns Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.Dick Brandon Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability. George Bernard Shaw Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?Mae West Women take clothing much more seriously than men. Ive never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, Im so embarrassed; get me out of here. Theres another man wearing a black tuxedo. Rita Rudner It is very easy to endure the difficulties of ones enemies. It is the successes of ones friends that are hard to bear.Oscar Wilde Men forget everything; women remember everything. Thats why men need instant replays in sports. Theyve already forgotten what happened.Rita Rudner Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire PR officers.Daniel J. Boorstin. Perfect numbers like perfect men are very rare.Ren Descartes Boxing is a lot of white men watching two black men beat each other up. Muhammad Ali. Money couldnt buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.Spike Milligan A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.Josh Billings I have no interest in sailing around the world. Not that there is any lack of requests for me to do so.Edward Heath. Its not the people who are in prison worry me. Its the people who arent.Arthur Gore When I die Im going to leave my body to science fiction. Steven Wright Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.Benjamin Franklin My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife youll be happy; if not, youll become a philosopher.Socrates. 驾驶证考试网 /km4/ks/ 科目四模拟考试c1If youve heard this story before, dont stop me, because Id like to hear it again.Groucho Marx Most of the time I dont have much fun. The rest of the time I dont have any fun at all.Woody Allen Death or plumbing?Eddie Izzard When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and Im labeled senile.George Burns I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. Woody Allen I thought Id beg