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Concedingapoint IagreethatDVDplayersareveryexpensive buttheycangiveyoualotoffun YouarerightthatDVDplayersareveryexpensive buttheycanbringyouendlessamusement IadmitthatDVDplayersareveryexpensive buttheycangiveyoualotoffun Concedingapoint IconcedethatDVDplayersareveryexpensive buttheycangiveyoualotoffun IgrantthatDVDplayersareveryexpensive buttheycanbringyoualotoffun Borrowing WhydoyouthinkAlicerefusedtoloanherDVDplayertoEllen PersonalexplanationsSituationalexplanationsCulturalexplanations Somelikelyinterpretations PersonalAlicedoesn tliketoloanthingsout andiswillingtosay no evenifitannoysfriends Alicedoesn tfeelthatsheknowsEllenwellenoughtolendhersomethingsoexpensive Somelikelyinterpretations SituationalTheDVDplayerisexpensiveandeasytobreak soAlicewouldn twanttolenditouttoanybody Somelikelyinterpretations CulturalWesternersarelesslikelytoasktoborrowexpensivethings soAlicefeelsthisisn tareasonablerequest SheisannoyedatEllenforevenaskingsuchathing andassumesEllenhasnorighttobeoffended Somelikelyinterpretations CulturalWesternersarelesslikelytoasktoborrowexpensivethings soAlicefeelsthisisn tareasonablerequest Shefeelsbadaboutrefusing andisconcernedthatEllenmaybeoffended Somelikelyinterpretations CulturalWesternersdon tnecessarilyfeelthatfriendshipobligatesthemtoloanexpensivethingstoeachother SoeventhoughAliceconsidersEllenafriend shedoesn tfeelobligatedtoloanEllenherDVDplayer Whenpossible oftenausefulstrategyfordealingwithpuzzlinginterculturalencountersistoaskforeignerswhytheydid saidwhattheydid Culturenotes AmericansandborrowingAmericansdonotbelievethatfriendship evenclosefriendship necessarilygivesfriendstherighttoasktoborrowthings Astheoldsaying neveraborroweroralenderbe suggests manyAmericansareinprinciplereluctanttoborroworlend ThisreflectsthestrongAmericanemphasisonselfsufficiency theideathatpeopleshouldtakecareofthemselvesratherthanrelyingonothers MostAmericanswillloanoutsmallinexpensivethingsquiteeasily butmanywillbemorereluctanttoloanexpensive rare oreasilydamageditems Culturenotes AmericansandObligationComparedtomanycultures Americanshavearelativelyrestrictedsenseoftheobligationsinvolvedinfriendship Inotherwords beingfriendswithanAmericandoesnotnecessarilygiveapersontherighttoaskthatAmericanforhelp NotethatthisdoesnotmeanthatAmericansdonothelpotherpeople infact Americansareveryoftenwillingtohelpothers completestrangersaswellasfriends However Americansgenerallyviewthiswillingnesstoassistasvoluntary notasanobligationoffriendship Exceptions Rulesvs relationshipsinChineseculture InChina relationshipsbetweenpeople 人情 tendstotakeprecedenceoverrules Face ToChinese protectinganotherperson sfaceismoreimportantthanone sbeliefoftruthorcorrectness one sownimage ortheriskofbeingmisjudgedbyothersas uncritical or partial Exceptions Twokindsofface 脸 isassociatedmorewith personalintegrityandthemorecharacterofaperson 面子 ismorerelatedtopublicimage Itisnotentangledwithissuesofmoralcharacterandpersonalintegrity Dealingwithconflict Collectivistsandpreservationofharmony Collectivistswanttheirin groupstobemonolithicandhomogeneous witheveryonethinking feeling andactinginthesameway theythinkthatinsuchgroups therewillbeharmony Theyfeelmorecomfortablethanindividualistsinthepresenceoflike mindedothers Individualistsemphasizeharmonylessandoftenthinkthatanargumentclearstheair Dealingwithconflict Honestyvs tact collectivistsoftenfindthemselvesinadilemmawhentheyhavetocommunicateanunpleasantmessage Althoughtheyvaluehonesty theyvalueevenmorekeepingrelationships Iftellingthetruthmeansdamagingarelationship theywouldrathertellawhitelie Lyingisanacceptablebehaviorincollectivistcultures especiallyifitsavesfaceorbenefitstheingroup Incontrast individualistsseelyingasbreakingthecontract andsincecontractsareveryimportant thisisaseriousoffense Dealingwithconflict Americandirectness Whenfacedwithaproblem Americansliketogettoitssource Thismeansfacingthefacts meetingtheproblemheedon puttingthecardsonthetable andgettinginformation straightfromthehorse smouth Consistentwiththesetendencies itisalsodesirabletofacepeopledirectly toconfrontthem Confrontationisnotnecessarilyrancorous butitdoesinvolvereportingone sfeelingshonestly expectingreciprocalhonesty anddealingwiththepersoninvolvedintheproblem Dealingwithconflict Americandirectness Thereisalso however astrongneedtopreserve surfacecordiality Incommunication Americans especiallywhitemiddle class tendnottoexpressstrongemotions Americansalsoabidebyastrongconventiontopreservesurfacecordialityinsocialinteractions Kindwordsandpleasantsmilesarenaturalandexpected sharpopinionsandcriticalpositionsinface to faceencountersareavoidedforfearofdisruptingsocialconviviality Dealingwithconflict Americanviewsofconflict AttherootoftheAmericanconfrontationstyleistheconceptthatadversariescancompeteagainsteachotherandatthesametimecooperateundertherulesforinterperson
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