九年级英语中考写作之学生作文讲评课件.ppt

学生作文分析 好段落的三个标准 段落的统一性 围绕一个中心段落的完整性 有主题句 有发展句 发展句均要围绕着主体展开 写出的文章才会显得内容丰富 段落的连贯性 形连 使用过渡词过渡句 意连 内容上的连贯 优秀作文赏析 作文题目 目前所有的学校都在开展各种各样的体育活动 你们每天是如何开展体育活动的 通过参与这样的活动你有何感受或变化 又有何想法 提示词语 alltheschools haveallkindsof sportactivities takeexercise playfootball gorunning becomehealthier 提示 本文写作应分为三层 开篇点题 引入话题 重点应放在 你们每天是如何开展体育活动的 谈谈自己建议 本文采用三段式比较好 即 开头段 中间段 结尾段 采用一段式容易写偏题 example 1asweallknow manyschoolsarecarryingouttheplanforstudentstodomoreexercise andnow alltheschoolshaveallkindsofsportactivitiesforstudents asforourschool thingsareevenbetter wehavevariouskindsofsportsactivitiesafterschooleveryday suchasbasketball football runningandsoon hundredsofstudentscometothefield someenjoygoingrunning andothersloveplayingfootball andbasketballloverscrowdedthebasketballfield sometimestherearesomanystudentsthatyouseenothingbutstudentsexercisingontheplayground besides theteachersarebusy too theyarenotfarawayfromthefieldtoensurethattherearenoaccidents youknow safetyfirst asforme i masportsfanandithinkit snecessaryforstudentstodosomeexerciseeveryday inthisway wecannotonlypassthep e exams butalsokeephealthy thankstothesportsactivities ihavebecomehealthierthanbefore allinall there snothingbetterthandoingsportseveryday example 2doyouhaveenoughtimeforsportsactivitieseveryday now it snotabigproblem foralltheschoolsencouragestudentstotakeexerciseatschool talkingaboutsportactivitieseveryday it sreallycolorful everymorning wehavetogorunninginordertogetbettergradesinp e atfirst itseemsdifficultformostofus butnowweareusedtorunningforsuchalongtime andsometimesweenjoyit andwhenwehavep eclasses runningisalsoanimportantpartofit afterrunning theteachersometimesasksustoplaybasketball whichisinteresting besides someofmyfriendsoftenplaytennistogetherintheafternoon intheiropinion it sagoodwaytohelpthemkeepfitandbecomehealthier it sreallyworththetime asthesayinggoes allworkandnoplaymakejackadullboy frommypointofview ourlifeisfilledwithlearningnow sowhynotdosomethingdifferent playingsportssurelymakesyouanewperson andhelpsyoutobuildupastrongbodyaswell sowhatareyouwaitingfor justjoinusandtakeexerciseeveryday 以上两篇作文的特点 审题准确 到位 内容要点齐全 中心明确且层次清楚 语言流畅 通顺 句式多样 内容丰富 详略得当 整篇文章写的收放自如 无多余废话 更值得一提的是 文章用词丰富 灵活而简练 都是常用词 更显出作者的语言功底 其它作文分析 infact alltheschoolsarestartingallkindsofsportsactivities inourschool teachersaskustotakeexerciseeveryday wehavetogorunningtogetherafterschool butsomelikeplayingbasketball otherslikereadingbooksintheclassroom thepeteacherisstrictwithusbecausesomehaterunningandtheyusuallystay butmostlyofuscanfinishrunningbecauseweknowteacherswantustobecomehealthierandpasstheexams too whentheclassisover iamveryhappysothaticandomybest 与主题无关 没有从正面反映出学生们如何开展体育活动 没有扣住谈 你的变化或感受 又有何想法 无用词语 审题不清 思维混乱 dosportsareveryimportantinourlifesoalltheschoolsdosportthenbefore wealwaysdosomesportsinthemorningeverydayandafterthatwehavepesowecandomanystorpseveryday ithinksportcanmakemestrongandkeepmyhealthsoifellmorestrongthenbefore iwanttodomoresportthennow ifyouwanttodosportswaydon tenjoyus 基本能看出作者想表达的意思 有基本层次 语言功底过于薄弱 语法错误严重 inmyshcool wehaveallkinksofsportsactivities inthemorning wedomorningexerciseeveryday butit snottoomuchtokeepourhealthy iaminterestedinplayingbadmindonandiusuallyplayitwithmyclassmateafterschool ithinkit sgoodforourhealth andmakemestrong toplaybadindonit scanmakemehappyandtakemeeasy ilikeit iwillkeepitinthefuture 问题 1审题偏差 重点应着重写 你们每天是如何开展体育活动的 此句可以被视为第二层 我的感受或变化 多余句 没话找话 作用 增加语法错误 羽毛球 badminton应选自己会的词汇写 尽量减少语言错误 inourschool thereareallkindsofsportactivities andinfact alltheschoolsaremakingsutdentstakeexercisenow soourteacherasksustotakepartintheexercise too inotherwords ourschoolletusdosomeexerciseintheafternoon suchasplayfootball gorunningandsoon ialwaysjointhesportactivitiesbecauseinthisway i mbecominghealthierandhealthier ithinkiwillgetmorestrongerinthefuture 分析 此文的最大问题是该重点写的部分没有展开 开头过于罗嗦 inotherwords一句没有必要 老师让学生参加体育活动是一句简单明了的句子 还用的着解释吗 有凑字数之嫌 3 红色字体为语法错误 学生作文分析二 原题 还有两周就要参加体育测试了 可是李华这时却感冒了 发烧 喉咙痛 他心里很着急 请你以书面形式给他提些建议 不少于60词 开头结尾已给出 不计入 dearlihua i msorrytohearthatyou renotfeelingwell ihopeyoufeelbettersoonbestwishes lizsmith 提示 这是一篇写回信 提建议的文章 常用提建议的句型有 youshould could shouldn tdo you dbetterdo notdo whydon tyou notdo how whataboutdoing ifiwereyou iwould wouldn tdo it sagoodideatodo 建议的内容提示 gotoseethedoctortakesomemedicineasyouaretoldliedownandhavearesthavesomelightfood likevegetablesdrinkmorewater havesomechickensoupwhichwillmakeyoufeelbetterlistentomusicandrelaxyourselfstopexercisingfortwoorthreedays 鼓励性的话语 keepcheerful behappy needn tworryaboutthepeexam it sjustapieceofcakeithinkyoucangetoverit nevergiveup you llbebettersoon 此类作文中学生们的普遍问题 一类是提建议的常用句型没有背下来 写作时句型单调 语法错误严重 或无法摆脱母语干扰 另一类是会背几个句型 但提不出什么建议来 属于无话可说型 第三种情况是能写出几条建议 由于没有支撑句作后续 作文显得空洞无物 dearlihua i msorrytohearthatyou renotfeelingwell don tworry youwillfeelbettersoon you dbettermeetthedoctorwithyourparents andhavesomemedicine ifyouilltrouble mysuggestishaveaniceresteverynight asforhomework ifyoufeelingtrouble youcannotdoyourhomeworkandtomorrowyoutellyourteacheryouareill atlastyoumustpayattentiontoyouclothes youshouldwearsomewarmclothes 此文的问题是 没有扣住 要参加体育测试 生病 心情焦急 来提建议 即 文不对题语言功底较弱 语法错误严重 icangiveyousomeadvices first youshouldstayinhome and havearest don tforgettoeatmedicine iknowyouverynaughty butheathyisthefirst second don tworryabout wecanhelpyouhavesportseveryday andwecantellteacherhelpyou don tworryaboutwehavealotofideahelpyou atlast ihopeyouassoonaspossibleheathygood 此文的问题 无法用正确的英语表达观点 语法错误严重 无法摆脱母语干扰 汉语式思维的句子较多 祈使句的使用过多 语气过于生硬 ithinkifyoucanyoushouldbettergotothehospital becausethedoctorscangiveyoumorehelpthanme andifyouwanttogotothehospital youalsocanrestintheyourroomandcalldoctorup beforhearrivedyoucandrinkacupofjuice juicecanmakeyouhappyandforgetyourproblems t