英汉双语笑话.doc

Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctors consulting-room.Doctor, he said, you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago.Good heavens, man! said the doctor. Why have you waited so long? Why dont you come to me on the day you swallowed it?To tell you the truth, Doctor, the poor man replied, I didnt need the money so badly then.中文翻译：一个看起来很难受的穷人走进大夫的诊室。大夫！他说，帮帮我！一个月前我吞了一分硬币！天哪，大夫说，早干嘛去了？你当时怎么不来看？实话告诉您吧，大夫，穷人说，我当时还不缺钱！英语老师问一个学生，“How are you是什么意思”学生想how是怎么，you是你，于是回答“怎么是你？”老师生气又问另一个同学：“How old are you ?是什么意思？”这个同学想了想说：“怎么老是你。”Two BirdsTeacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.Teacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.两只鸟老师：这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老师：请说说看。学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。英语小笑话（19）我可以回家了Now i can go homeOne day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first questionIll permit him or her to go home earlier” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard daubedHe was very angry and asked，“Who did it？Please stand up! ” “It s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Goodbye，Sir! ”我可以回家了一天，放学以后，老师对他的学生们说：“明天上午，如果你们当中的任何一个同学能回答我的第一个问题，我就准许他或她最先回家。”第二天，老师走进教室时发现黑板已被乱涂，他非常生气地问：“谁涂的？请站起来。”鲍勃说：“先生，是我，现在我可以回家了，再见。”Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.Look, said the elder brother. How nice these paintings are!Yes, said the younger, but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, Obviously he was painting the pictures.兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”哥哥想了一会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”趣味双语: 班花趣味汉语: 班花班里公开选举班花。小丽是个才女，但是相貌平平。她大胆地走上讲台，发表自己的竞选演说：“各位兄弟姐妹，虽然我长相一般，但是我希望大家投我一票。几年以后，在座的姐妹们结婚了，可以骄傲地对你们先生说我上大学的时候，比我们的班花还漂亮。”There was an election contest for Class Beauty. Xiao Li was a talented girl, but quite plain-looking. She walked to the speakers platform with courage and delivered her election speech, Dear classmates, although I am an ordinary-looking girl, I hope all of you can vote for me. After a few years, when girls in our class get married, you can speak to your husbands proudly, When I was in college, I am prettier than the Class Beauty.结果小丽的演说打动了所有人，她以全票当选“班花”。As a result, her speech won everyone over. She was elected as Class Beauty unanimously.the lowest gradeProfessor, I did the best I could on this test. I really dont think I deserve a zero.Neither do I. But thats the lowest grade Im allowed to give.最低分学生：“教授先生，我这次考试已经竭尽全力了。我真的觉得我不应该得零蛋。”老师：“我也是。但是这已经是我能给的最低分了！”Real PlayWhen I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theaters current production and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television.逼真的戏剧我在北达科他州立大学教戏剧入门课时，要求学生们去看学校剧团当时的演出，并写一篇评论。看了一场极为精彩的演出后，一名学生写道：“这部戏剧是如此逼真，以致于我认为我自己是坐在家里的沙发上，从电视上看到的。”英语笑话（一） 老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。” 小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？ 小明说：你没听老师说去你个头啊！ 英语笑话（二） 某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu，外宾曰：我TM还是方片七呢！ 英语笑话（三） 江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道：Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful. 翻译照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。 翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文：Where? Where? 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底：Everywhere, everywhere. 翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文：You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see. 英语笑话（四） 话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：I AM后羿！ B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：I AM丘比特！ 轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：I.I.I.AM.SORRY. 英语笑话（五） 某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry. 老外应道：I am sorry too. 某人听后又道：I am sorry three. 老外不解，问：What are you sorry for? 某人无奈，道：I am sorry five. 英语笑话（六） 一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOKOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”又有一辆经过，他又说： “oh，NISSAN！Mad