孔雀东南飞--英语搞笑短剧剧本

焦仲卿johnny(j for short)刘兰芝lunch(l for short)焦母johnnys mother(jm for short)刘母lunchs mother(lm for short)太守之子mayors son(ms for short)强盗burglars(a b and c)prologue 序幕(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)j:everybody says that im hen pecked, but in fact,im a strong tiger,(小声)while my wife is wusong.译：人人都说我怕老婆，实际上我是老虎，（小声）我妻子是武松。(指着上台处的门大声道)im not afraid of you!译：我才不怕你呢！(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, im afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighborhood. she is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i do not care. i only want her to be tenderer than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!译：谁怕谁啊！在邻里中，我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些，但是她却不懂温柔！有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊！(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)my god! who can help me?(下)译：我的天！谁来救救我啊？act1 第一幕(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)jm(拄拐棍上):i can!(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you?l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):im here! whats up ，mum?jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, whats up?jm:since you married my son you have behaved so badly. you have been so rude, so brusque,so lazyl:butjm:never interrupt me!l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny, i have been working hard all day long, cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken andjm: but all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh, you want a grandson, dont you?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son. im leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)act2(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)l: mum, im back!lm: you are back?why? what happened?l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest motherin-law.lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted on marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly, stupid and poor, but you did not listen to me. look at yourselfl: but, mumlm: never interrupt me!l: mum, im not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? And ill marry whomever you want me to.lm(大喜): nice girl! just now, i met the mayors son in the market. he said, “if your daughter havent been married, i really really want to marry her!” now you are free again, i ll go and tell him.(下)l(惊愕): what? the mayors son? the most famous playboy in the neighborhood? (手中的锅铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)act3(j睡眼惺忪上)j(边走边道): lunch! lunch! where are my socks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty! (突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh, im so hungry! but theres no breakfast!(捡起地上的围裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! Now she has gone. i have to cook for my mother and myself.jm(上): wheres my breakfast? wheres lunch? hasnt she got up yet?j: mum, cant you remember? lunch has gone!jm(沉吟片刻): well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is useless. lunch is a nice girl, go and take her back!j(立正敬礼): yes madam!act4(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)a: hey you! stop and listen to us!the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)b: and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)c: if you want to go by this street-(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)ab&c: give us all your money!j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough?(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)a: what bad luck! this guy is broken!b: if we cannot rob any money today, we will have nothing to eat tonight!c: i heard that the mayors son is going to marry miss liu lanzhi next month. we can go and rob the wedding!a&b: good idea!j(惊讶): what? what? lunch is going to get married? its impossible!ab&c: why? a pretty girl and a rich man, what a good couple!j: but lunch is my wife! we havent got divorced yet!(突然有了主意) ive got an idea! you are going to rob the wedding, dont you? ill go with you. you take the money and i take the bride.b: have you got any experience?j: no. but ive got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书1，000，000)act5(转眼已到了婚礼之期ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)(j和三强盗跃至台中)abc&j: hey you! stop and listen to us!a: the road is built by me!b: and i planted one tree.c: if you want to go by this street-j: give us all your money!(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)l(惊喜万分): johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后