英语幽默笑话

1、英语幽默笑话Two Pieces of CakeTom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?Mom: Certainly - take this piece and cut it two!两块蛋糕汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗？妈妈：当然可以拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧！Where's the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings."Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these

2、 paintings are!""Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父亲在哪？兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多

3、漂亮呀！”“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”哥哥想了一会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”Money and friendsA: Which do you find more important, money or friends?B: Friends, of course.A: Why?B: I can always borrow money from friends.钱和朋友甲：你认为钱和朋友哪一个更重要？乙：当然是朋友。甲：为什么？乙：我总可以从朋友那儿借到钱。 A Good BoyLittle Robert asked his

4、 mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?""I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered."You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?""She is t

5、he one who sells the candy." 好孩子小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”“她是个卖糖果的。”Two BirdsTeacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.T

6、eacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.两只鸟老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老师：请说说看。学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。One or TwoCustomer: Waiter, I've only got one piece of meat in my dish.Waiter:Just a moment, sir and I'll

7、 cut it in two.一还是二顾客：服务员，我盘子里怎么只有一块肉？服务员：先生，请稍候，我去把它切成两块。Big hands Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?Student: Big hands.大手老师：如果我左手上有7个桔子，右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么？学生：大手。Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pu

8、pils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom."What kind of bird?" my sister asked."I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child."Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her ."Well,

9、ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "Notes:(1) inform v.告诉 (2) nest n.窝；巢 (3) description n.描述(4) encourage v.鼓励 (5) resemble v. 相似；类似 鸟窝与头发我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。” Son and DadSon: "Da

10、d, you are available to you on Friday afternoon?"Dad: "What ah?"Son: "mini-school parents have to open the forum!"Dad: "What is micro-parents forum?"Son: "It's only a class, you and I participate in!" 儿子与爸爸儿子：“爸爸，星期五下午您有空吗？”爸爸：“什么事啊？”儿子：“学校要开微型家长座谈会！”爸爸：“什么叫微型家长座谈会？”儿子：“就是只有班主任，你和我参加！”Roast Pig A gentleman was invited for dinner. When he hurried there and sat down, he was happy to see a roast pig in front of his seat:"Not bad, I am next to the pig." But then he noticed the angry fat lady sitting next to him. He faked a smile an